As I gazed at the celestial sky, I came across a star.
It was bright and brilliant yet unattainable.
My power was limited,
my hunger insatiable.

I thought if I stared long enough,
my limits would be surpassed.
But I was wrong.
Desire demanded action. And without it, forever it would last.

I searched within myself to find the answer.
It remained hidden from detection,
so I searched you instead.
Your eyes were flawless gems and untarnished was your complexion.

Those gems reflected the heavens.
And had captured what I desired.
I was complete.
Nothing more was required.

I had managed to attain the unattainable.

A visit was due.
It had been a while since our last one.
I buttoned up my coat,
for winter had come.

The walk was short,
my father at the lead.
He held the bouquet and cake
and he moved with speed.

We came together to celebrate,
Each of us bringing something to the feast.
It was her day.
Yet he sat in his seat, uncaring at the least.

I had to be civil,
so I walked on in,
and shook his hand,
I wished him well, though I think I lied. Was it a sin?

No, then I realised I meant it.
Not for him, but for her,
to ease her worries and cares,
because I cared for her, she was my grandmother.

The room was full.
We were together as planned.
The fire blazed.
Cake in our hands.

Her favourite show came on,
but he called for a change as his attention drifted.
It was her day, I thought,
and she deserved to do what she wanted, to do something different.

It was getting late,
and he wanted to go and rest.
But as she helped him up, he produced something,
A necklace of silver, pure and brilliant, and whispered, ''You're the best''.

Then as he exited the room,
I wished him well once again.
He nodded.
I nodded back with love this time, not disdain.


I realised then they were from a different age,
An age of hidden emotion,
but it was theirs,
and they loved each other through the quiet and the unwanted commotion.

It's been three weeks,
I'm an antidepressant away from being okay with this,
I'm just numbing the pain,
I'm tired of feeling this way,
The worst part is, you just don't understand,
You think I'm being dramatic,
But that didn't keep me from wanting to jump in front of a train,
It's whatever though,
I just want to go,
And you'll never know until I'm gone,
That you actually gave a ****.

The day was young and bright when we first met,
She had stared at me,
appraising.
Her eyes had set.

I was an alien,
an invader.
She had to search my eyes,
to check that I, too, was ****-sapiens.

I thought she was done,
for she accepted me then.
But I was wrong.
She peeled at my layers like I was an onion,

discovering who I was. I hadn't known what I was concealing.
My life was a charade
till, like a lioness,
she had begun ripping, revealing.

I was no longer an alien,
She had heard my tale, both the sorrow and joy, and I hers.
Yet she searched my eyes again
and discovered that I, too, am ****-sapiens.

I remember the Big Red Man,
Oh, I remember him well,
The house was filled with holly and pine,
That fragrance, that smell.

I had to get clean
And dressed for bed.
"Go to sleep, love,
or he won't come,'' my father had said.

His was the ultimate voice of authority,
but I couldn't obey.
During those nights,
I would hear a bump, and not a word I would say.

The Big Red Man had arrived,
I knew.
My eyes were shut.
The boards creaked beneath his shoe.

I wanted to yell, to call out to him.
But I knew I couldn't, for, during those nights, he was the law.
Then when he was gone, I would be so full of excitement,
I had to clench my jaw.

Presents galore,
My family would wake.
We'd play with our presents,
then after church and dinner, tuck into cake.

I remember  one time,
after the holidays,
these girls brought in his glasses,
I was amazed and jealous, for I could only gaze.

Though, now, I laugh at those times,
An age ago.
That Big Red Man,
How I miss him so.