Dear Mum,

I write this with a heavy heart, but the blood that runs from my nose tells me that this time won't be like the last. You were always a good mother and in fact you have always been my best friend, I'm sorry that I can't get better and I'm sorry that I never treated you the way you always deserved to be treated because above anyone you have always gone beyond what anyone else has and I never told you how much I love you, I never told you it enough but if there was ever anyone I did love it was always you.

Love Always,
Your Son

Dear Nan,

I'm sorry for all the lies but I'm not okay, and I pray that you can forgive me because I was meant to be there for you and so far I've thought about nothing but myself. I love you dearly and endlessly and you are my best friend too but as the months have gone by I'm finding it harder and harder to discover reasons to fight, I've never met a women with such a beautiful soul, heart and mind and you always said every night before bed 'God bless' and I hope he does.

Love Always,
Your Grandson

Dear Bec,

I wish you were more open about our sibling love, there are times I wish I could of turnt to you and times I wished I could of been a brother that you loved. I miss you dearly but I could never understand if those feelings were the same, I just wanted a sister that I could go out with for the day or sit and have coffee per both our request and talk about better memories than the ones I left behind.

Love Always,
Your Brother

Dear Ben,

You were my closest friend and I know that this will not be the end, you are a smart boy and one of the nicest, kindest people I have had the pleasure to have met and you have always been my shoulder to cry on and I appreciate that. I love you like a brother, you were like family to me and I know that one day your dreams will come true and you can remember the memories we shared and even though I'm gone I won't forget them either, I'll miss you the most out of all my friends.

Love Always,
Your Best Friend

Dear Kyle,

I know I gave you a lot of stick but I've always loved you dearly and always wanted what was best for you, I'm sorry that my life is such a whirlwind but I know you'll persevere without me my dear friend. We shared so many great memories, myself, you and Ben but make sure you look after Ben because that's why we were the best of friends.

Love Always,
Your Best Friend

Dear Laura,

You will always be my second Mum, you've done so much for me through so many difficult times and I'll forever be in your debt. You looked out for me as if I were a son, and I wish there was more I could of done to show my appreciation for that. You're an incredible women and Darren is a lucky guy, even if he can be a bit of a moody **** at times.

Love Always,
Your Favorite Pain in the ***

Dear Nic,

Although you were my cousin you were like a sister to me, I love you dearly and I'll miss you just the same. You are such an amazing person, and such an amazing mother too. Give my love to Lilah because you are both a huge part of my life.

Love Always,
Your Cousin

Dear Grandad,

I didn't tell you enough how much I loved you, you had such a different way of showing emotion but I've learned over the years how to decipher it now and I know you only ever wanted what was best for me and for that I will be forever grateful.

Love Always,
Your Grandson

Dear Georgia,

What I want to say to you is written throughout the many pages of poetry I constructed in your name, I loved you beyond what I thought was capable and I just want to let you know that I've missed you everyday.

Love Always,
Your Ghost

I tell them;
“No I wasn’t born into drugs,
I just didn’t want to see an
unbearable life through my
own eyes.”

And no it doesn’t make sense,
But yesterday I went on a trip
To mars with LSD where I
Gazed upon the world by
Myself but with myself but
Instead of me I was a martian.

And I watched the world burn
Just like I did yesterday and as
The planets faded I snorted a line
Of ******* so I could function in
The present day where I heard
Someone scream but it was just
My imagination
- I think.

Sometimes I need to sleep but
I don’t dream,
I can’t dream,
Because my life is a nightmare
That I can’t escape so I smoke
Some **** to drift off into peace
Where I'm in my zen looking at horoscopes
Where it says that tomorrow will
Be better because I’m in line with
Jupiter but I have yet to visit there - yet.

A life through a looking glass of powder
Dreams, green sleeps and pill popping
Alibis and I must admit as I sit here
Smoking a cigarette that the drugs are
Killing my mind but that I don’t mind
Because for the moment I’ll live a happy life
Until my heart gives in and I’m too high
To realize I’ve died.

I am destruction.
I am the pretty flower that fought
The winter cold and lost.
Waiting on the sun that never came.
I am the destiny of all but nothing,
Foreseeing that I lost myself through
Lying naked, alone and afraid.
But in the loneliness it sparked
Despair as I discovered the concave
That occurred in my brain,
Hidden naked, alone and afraid
But finally we were combined as
Soul mates even though my soul
Was ajar only to the darkness and
In the darkness crept and I couldn’t
Fight it, it consumed me
Devoured my heart and I’m
Sorry I let it in because it is the
Destruction in which it feeds
And I was never hungry.
I lied to myself when I said
I was good, because if even
Lucifer can be portrayed as an
Angel then I must be the anarchy
That stole his mind.
For that I can never change,
I am in the depths of hell which
Structures my heart and I am the
Only demon here with no one to
Challenge but the wide-eyed look
That glares in the mirror of life.

He bared his heart and
soul to you.

- he was practically naked
when you tore it apart.

He lay strangled by wires yet
they help him breathe into the
world that no longer has him
immersed in a lonesome and
broken reality.

For the first time he was surrounded
by family he found himself deep in
slumber so deep that he couldn’t
even see the tears that fell to paint
the picture of his journey as her
stream created a scene of a broken
man caught in a broken body with
a broken family who care not that
he is braking away from the tree.

The room flashing red, green
and yellow as the neon youth
watched over him hoping for
his eyes to burst open into a
watery welcome as the dam
bursts creating an acceptable
need for affection.

And all this happened peering
through the locks of grey that
stood before me strong and
broken with sweat from her
brow running down to rejoice
with the tears that fell from
her eyes as I stared into the
reflection of lost hope as his
heart rate jumped in anticipation
of the unknown.

Eyes clenched to the darkness,
Could you see me?
I saw you through the river of tears,
Emotions called your name
But did you hear me?
I didn’t hear you.
I apologized under every sun and
moon.

I saw the fear.
Did you see the reflection?
I can feel it vibrate through your skin.
Scared of nothing,
Only everything.
I’m scared for you
And me,
Selfish aren’t I.

Clenching your hand in the Sahara
Of the hospital room where it was
A mirage until it faded,
Where did you go?
I’m sorry you had to leave.
Sorry that I held the door,
You never shut it on me.

Sorry we couldn’t fish.
Are you fishing now?
Beside the river you spoke about?
Did you know that within your last
Breath we all drowned in the
Heartbeat of your existence.

You would sit perched in a baggy jumper, wrapped
up in the heartache that my eyes had failed to indulge.
For you were the summer that faded into the winter
cold where I found myself broken, lost, searching
for the pieces you left behind as I tried to rebuild a
broken love lost in the heartbreak that occurred
before its time.

Coping through inhaling the cigarette smoke
then exhaling the life from my existence peering
over to see that your silhouette had burned into
the hallucinations that echo a series of
symphonies telling the tale of how we were
thieves to nothing but one another.