if you gently take my hand
and lead me
into the ocean of your love

don’t be surprised if,
when you leave me there to drown in your piercing silence,

i destroy myself,
fighting to get back to shore.

-Jenny Jen Cat

Dear daddy,
Where have you been?
You've left a hole in my heart
that will never mend.
Dear daddy,
Where did you go?
I haven't seen you in so long,
and oh, I miss you so.
Dear daddy,
When will you return?
All this time you've been gone,
it makes my heart burn.
Dear daddy,
Take me away from here.
Out of all I'm scared of,
never leaving is my biggest fear.
Dear daddy,
I can forget the past.
But now I'm warning you,
you better come get me fast.
Dear daddy,
I don't know where you are.
But my heart is telling me
that you aren't very far.
Dear daddy,
It's been over five years.
And even though you haven't come,
I'm still waiting here...

Pictures of the past year
Slowly flood my mind
Pictures of the memories
Of things we left behind.
I've learned so much through growing up
That I didn't know before
I've learned that love can hurt you
But leave you coming back for more.
I've learned that you'll lose people
You thought you'd always know
And sometimes you should hide your feelings
Instead of letting them show.
If you don't expect things
You never get let down
I've learned that you can scream inside
Without making a sound.
I've learned pictures don't replace memories
You'll still wish you were there
And the one who said they always would
May suddenly just not care.
Among all of the bad things
I've learned that there's good too
And at every story's end
Is the start of something new.
So here's to all our yesterdays
And whatever tomorrow brings
Here's to all you've done for me
For giving me my wings.
You've changed my life in countless ways
You taught me how to fly
Now I'll do something for you
I'll turn and say goodbye.
I wish you luck in finding
Everything you're looking for
You're the strongest person I've ever met
My friend, my love and so much more.
I was blessed to have you in my life
Even if only for a while
Promise me that no matter what
You're always going to smile.
Know no matter what you do
You're always in my heart
That I'm only a phone call away
No matter how far we are apart.
Maybe someday we'll find each other
And start this love again
If not know I'll always love you
No matter how this ends.
Now it's time for us to smile
There's no reason to be sad
I'll always be grateful for you
You were the best I ever had.

Look, I just want to move you.
Woo you.
Shake you loose but never lose you.
I want to
Savor the glazed reverent silence
Of your gasping, ungrasped breath.
Sip it down till there's nothing left
Yet still explain all the rest.
See, it's time I unearth some gold.
Nothing here sold.
Just given freely to slurp up,
served up cold.
But I dare not go it alone.
Not when there's so many heplping hands
Beyond my own.
So I first court Eloquence.
She's an easy mark to find,
volubly masticating volumes
while leisurely lathering her tanned,
Leather skin.
Dolloping her monocle-bodied features
In librarian sin.
She says...
"My dear boy.
Berate them NOT
with your false start,
lethargic oddities.
Your penchant,
Melancholic falsities.
You must but grunt through the trudgery
Of your muddy misgivings,
And birth only accessible
Pertinent notions.
Neither precarious nor
Incongruous to the truth!
Robby.
You must simply relinquish your
Intrepid, frenzied paucities!
So I dismiss the diss.
Since
her big scary words are kinda lost to me.
Evidently, though,
I must need a Joe Blow.
An Everyman.
A Streetcorner Clairvoyant.
I turn to
(drum roll)
Raunchiness.
His beer belly **** and **** jokes
And dollar store aftershave suggest
A pleasing 'pull-my-finger' charm
that just might turn the trick.
He licks his lips,
And chides through a buck-tooth,
Spit shine smile.
Sheeeooot, boy,
That there one's easy.
All you gotsta do is
Go down deep
And speak from your gut.
Tell em how you feel..
How you REALLY feel.
Tell em..
shoot, tell em they rub you just right,
You might well feel as ***** as
Your gas gauge after a good pump.
As ***** as a McD's wrapper
Corner-pinch-discarded like
A used diaper hammock.
Yeah! You tell em your as ******
As a receptacle
For used diaper hammocks!
Hells yeah.
Girls will eat that **** up!
And say you're as gay as rainbow gold
As straight as an arrow-head.
As misled as finding your folks are still *** fiends
or as contradictory as ***** like me!
Boy, you are as con-fused as the
Lumpy, stumpy, pimply dimpled teen who finds out
Santa Claus IS real!
And he's hanging out loose
In every single Hustler Magazine!
Now hear me boy.
If they still don't care,
Or they see that you're scared,
Just say you feel as guilty as midnight dials
From parents of Girls-Gone-Wild,
sneering,
"Well shoot, sugar plum.
You sure ain't been feeling
Real secure in awhile."
And as he loosely labels me
As awkward as **** thermometers,
As misunderstood as **** plugs,
I give Raunchiness a dismissive shrug,
And return to the mystery
Of what I've missed from me,
Whatever still may be
My own poetic style.

if forever was the word you used,
where are we now?

if forever was how much you loved me,
where are you now?

with that girl,
embracing her love,
that is until you find the real her...
the one who doesnt love YOU,
the one who will drop you off at the nearest exit,

forever didnt turn out so long.

Reaching up
It clawed into my skin
Scrambling it’s way up into my mind
It scars my bones
It soils my blood
Carrying the reek of decay

I haven’t seen you in awhile,
Dark friend,
I thought I’d lost you along the way…
But lurking, waiting,
You slipped my defenses.

How long this time?
Till I escape your fetid breath,
Warm and moist in my neck.
How long till I let go,
And give in to your corrupt seduction?