In times where I knew little,
with you by my side,
the feelings I had for you,
were hidden deep inside.

Now those days bring pain,
knowing your mind strayed,
regret lingers of how-
my cards were awfully played.

You sought a new beginning,
it lead you to my life,
but knowing your past,
is like the cut of a knife.

An overlap of people,
with whom you cared for,
though things have changed,
I want to know more.

You expressed your void,
with the words "I miss you",
now you're only friends,
but will your heart be true?

Is it her smile you need,
or the comfort of her?
My mind is all shaken,
into a darkened blur.

I know you love me now,
and perhaps half back then,
but ask yourself this;
is she only just a friend?

You were both once lovers;
she remains dear to you,
I only need to know that,
those feelings are through.

You're the one who said,
you don't talk as much,
but with a sad face,
it was said as such.

Not knowing your heart,
brings me down each day,
I feel utterly torn,
for feeling this way.

Twelve months have passed,
I remember my wish from last,
This year it is for you,
My one love that is true.

Time has opened my eyes,
I have finally come to realize,
That through thick and thin,
It will always be him.

Along with my gift,
I am hoping for this;
The strength to overcome,
The wrong that was done.

I need a clear heart,
so not to be set apart,
I want my wish to come true,
I want happiness with you.

Such confusion arises
within my black mind,
Tired of people's voices
reasoning is undefined.

I bite the bullet
and sacrifice sanity,
everywhere I go
I use profanity.

Venturing through hell
this planet where we live,
a world of something
where we get what we give.

Seeking my destiny
towards the end,
the way of life
I'll never apprehend.

Twisted and burned
into the dust of ashes,
flesh disintegrating
as my blood splashes.

Living a nightmare
with no easy street,
our eyes have fooled us
we're surrounded by deceit.

What will I do when you've passed and gone,
we won't be on the phone for hours on and on,
I won't be able to call and say grandma I love you,
I'll just sit in the corner crying tears so blue.

What will I do when I need advice,
when I need to cook ham or even rice,
I'll be so lost and the food will be black,
without you cooking skills I lack.

What will I do when I grow up and have kids,
I couldn't explain to them where great grandma is,
They will only know you from the pictures I have,
and the memories I tell them in voice so sad.

What will I do when I need my best friend,
your were always there with your hand to lend,
Life will be so difficult, too much to handle,
but in my window will always be a candle.

I hope this day never comes soon...........

I can't escape these tears,
that shine when they fall.
I can't escape these fears,
in a shadow so tall.

I've cried so long,
only muffles seep out.
I've cried on and on,
full of eternal doubt.

I'll continue to weep,
'til the pain goes away.
I'll continue to cut deep,
'til my veins give way.

My tears are like,
never ending curls.
Precious and white,
tears of pearls.