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Jamie Horridge Oct 2013
I'm the kind of girl that doesn't put down the sun visor while driving, even though the sun is clearly in my eyes
I'd rather be blinded by the sun than ever miss out on a section of what's been painted over the mountains around me... for me, some days I think.

I think my visions so bad from staring at the sun
It's something I can't help, I swear to you, I've tried
And I don't see how it's an easy task for anyone
To look away from the sun and tell your monsters to hide


If I wrote all the things that I've thought behind the wheel,
Maybe I'd be known for telling people how I feel
Mind in motion, not knowing, giving thought only to the lines on the road
How could the words that I utter be
from anywhere but the truest parts of me?

If I told you I wrote this while sleeping
would it fill it with more meaning?
Would you give it a thought
and think maybe I'm not
as crazy as you think

If I'm sounding pretentious,
allow me to mention,
I haven't slept in three days
And in addition,
I should also mention,
I just do this,
and not to get paid

What do I get
out of throwing a fit
and throwing words on a page
out of rage?
To tell you how I feel
attempting to be real
but how I feel
and what I'm saying
are still not
the same

         I'm a fake
         I'm a fake
         I'm a fake

Do you understand anything I say?

"But you're great!
        You're great!
        You're great!"

Do you even understand anything I say?
Jumped around a bit more with the style of this. No something I normally like to do, but it works for this one and makes perfect sense to me.
Jamie Horridge Jan 2014
I want to kiss the scars on your face.
Not because I want to heal them,
I see that they have already had enough time to heal on their own.
I want to kiss them in hopes that you will learn to give them love like I wish to.
I want to kiss them so that you never regret them.
I want to kiss them so that every morning that you wake up and find them in the mirror again,
you can't help but love them...even if only a little.
I want to teach you to love the parts of you that you find hard to...because I find it easy.
I will teach you how to love yourself.
And if my love is the only reason you love those parts of yourself...the ones you thought you never could,
I will make sure to never stop loving them...so that you will never stop loving them, either.
Jamie Horridge Aug 2013
A writer isn't a writer without something to write about
I've got nothing to write about
I've been breaking my bones trying to figure it out
A word, a phrase
It all feels delayed
My fingers used to write
Something beautiful to type
They used to just move
And that is just what they should do
What is wrong with me?
Why is this so hard?
I'm running,
and running
Getting no where far
I'm running,
and running
Getting no where
I'm writing
and I'm writing
Still no where
How can this be so hard?
Jamie Horridge Jan 2014
I will never know if you float around
I will never know
If ghostly feet I cannot see still sit below your seat
While you are gone, I will never know
If there's a day you will return home
A different life, perhaps
One without loss of any kind to block the mind and clog the spine
Ache the hearts of loved ones near and far
A different life
One in which my father never rests in a jar
As ashes of his past that we cannot bring to life with time
With time, they say we will heal
With time, I say... This will only become more real.
This. Cannot. Be real.
Jamie Horridge Jul 2013
I love the smell of a burning cigarette,
but hate the stale smell on my clothes.
I love that I can’t forget,
but hate that inside me you grow.
I love the sun as it sets,
but hate when it decides to go.
I love that ignorance can be bliss,
but hate that I’ll never know.
Jamie Horridge Jun 2018
Dissociation is a friend of mine
She wears a leather jacket and tells me when to run and hide
She puts up glass walls between me and everything else
She doesn’t trust anyone, she hardly trusts herself
The glass walls can only be seen by me
Which explains why people find it hard to understand
That I can’t feel much of anything, even with my own two hands
I can touch you, I can even *******
But I can’t guarantee we’ll ever be close
Because the girl who wears the leather jacket, tells me she loves me most
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
Like my own little puzzle,
I finally figured you out
Oh, I wanted you then
But I'm craving you now
I think I want you
And you're so close to me
Oh, I want you
So come closer, baby
I'll frame you
And hang you up high
I'll laminate you
And when people ask why
I'll tell them you are the only puzzle
I could ever figure out
Jamie Horridge Aug 2013
All I can write about lately is writing or thinking and it's kind of ironic because they go hand in hand... so I've been feeling like I've been holding onto the same set of hands for too long in fear that they're the only hands that have ever opened up in my direction. At least recently. Or maybe they're the softest, or the most comforting. Maybe they're the hands of the man that I love. Either way, I don't think I ever want to let go of these hands, and I think that's okay. I think it's okay to find a home and coin it your own. Why wouldn't it be?
Jamie Horridge Oct 2013
Your craziness calms my stress,
And your smile makes my stomach flutter.
I will always give you my best,
Even if we’re not meant for one another.

I saw you smile today,
And I smiled at the way,
I wanted to kiss your smile.
Wanted to make your time with me,
Worth all the while.

I’m the steamin’ end of Summer,
You’re the fall that came to cool me down.
There’s a tornado comin’ my way.
Baby, can you turn it around?

Just like the seasons,
We’re side to side for some strange reason.
To balance each other out.
Ain’t that what this crave is all about?

To find someone who’s weirdness reflects yours,
What more could we ask for?
This was also written awhile ago for someone I can still call my friend.
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
I knocked down the walls that hold me steady,
opened the gate and let you in.
Now I'm not so sure either of us are ready,
Or if we've made it possible for one side to win.
Is this a game of warfare?
With only heartbreak intended.
I'm running scared
The sides aren't fair
Now that you know my heart was never mended.
Is this a game of knowledge?
With only one side strong enough to hold up.
You know
I've never been to college,
But when it comes to smarts
I've got one up.
But baby, I'm not in it to defeat you.
If you would open up
You could start to see.
Everything I wrote has always been true.
And if anyone seeks defeat, it's you against me.
Don't twist my words, I'm in this to win.
Though my method of destruction is not to destroy you.
In your heart is where I long to be
But my god, there's no way through
I knocked down my walls,
why can't you?
Jamie Horridge Nov 2013
I know you didn't mean for this to happen
and your heart would break if you could have seen my reaction
when I found you on the floor, blue as I've ever seen a person before
It doesn't make sense to me, how could it be?
That I was laying in bed, just trying to get more sleep
While you were laying on the floor
Getting much more than sleep...
It only took one look for me to know you were gone
but I pounded on your heart and told myself to be strong
I told myself you would wake up and ask me what was wrong
"What happened? Baby girl, why you so sad?
I just bumped my head, look... it's not that bad"
But that's not how it happened, and I lost my dad
That's not how it happened
My daddy didn't come back

But I remember every Friday night, our movie night.
I remember going to that diner with you and getting chocolate milk out of a frozen mug with a side of the best curly fries I'll ever eat.
I remember when you used to tuck me in at night I used to never move until I fell asleep... and if I had to *** in the middle of the night, I squeezed my way out perfectly just so I could come back into the spot you tucked me in.
I used to always want to sleep with you in your bed... remember, daddy?
**To me, you're not dead.
Not really a poem.... just my thoughts right now. Need to get them out
Jamie Horridge Jul 2013
You can tell

She’s a dreamer

She’s ready to run

You can smell

Her favorite creamer

Though she only uses one

She moves like something

He’s never seen

She speaks like everything

Is absolutely nothing

He’s seen

So many monsters

But she’s the only beautiful one

He has dreams

Of love

She only has dreams

To run

Oh,

But she’s his only one
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
I've been watching someone paint all morning
He started with orange and pink
Now I see shades of blue and light green
Since I woke up, he's been painting
On the largest canvas I've ever seen

A wonderful artist,
Though sometimes sloppy, still highly unique
He wants to show everyone
He's an artist without a secret to keep

He's been painting since I was little
And long before then, too  
I know the pattern of his brush strokes
Look up now and then, and so could you

I don't know the painters of the sky
But they paint all day and I never ask why
It's beautiful, so why should I?
They're beautiful, who are these guys?

I don't know the painter of the moon
But the sun always sleeps
So I'll watch him paint soon
And I don't know the painter of the stars
But when the paints still wet
I know he can't be far

I know a lot of artists
But not one who paints the sky
I imagine they're good people
That like to paint for you and I
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
I wonder if I will ever wake up
with emotions not effected by the weather
I wonder if this **** I call life
will ever get any better
I do nothing to change it
But I still wonder

I wonder how long I've been falling

It's like watching myself sleep
Knowing I'm having
One of those falling dreams
I can't wake myself up
I just keep falling
And falling

*I wonder how long I've been falling
                  And falling
Jamie Horridge Jul 2013
Hours and hours that you’ve been away.
They pass while you stay.
Darling, they feel like days.  

These feelings won’t dissipate.
I love you for no reason.
I hate the cold weather,
But I can’t eliminate seasons.

Push me away, as far as you can.
I don’t want to love an unlovable man.

Don’t understand why I love you.
******, I wish I didn’t, too.
I brush my teeth and lay down for bed,
And, baby, it’s you again.

Push me away, as far as you can.
I don’t want to love an unlovable man.
Push me away.
You know I can't stay.
Push me away.
Push me.
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
I read the words that I've wrote down
Again and again
Until they lose their original sound
In my ****** up head
And I've been talking to myself again

No you haven't... I'm not you, we're friends......

I'm not enough even for myself
And I suppress that thought
Until I'm someone else

I think you have a personality disorder...

You're so ******* me
Would you please lighten up?

I'm only telling the truth, you're just not tough.

I'm trying to write
You've said enough

It's 2 o'clock and you just woke up...

I can't count how many times I've told you to shut up

Priorities...routines?
You seem to forget this stuff.


SHUT UP
SHUT UP


I won't pity you anymore.

I don't want you to

I don't even know you anymore.

I don't want you to.
Jamie Horridge Oct 2013
I have so much on my mind tonight. So many words that I know would not come out right.
Jamie Horridge Jan 2014
You move me,
In a way I cannot understand
You touch me,
With something other than hands

Is this perfect timing, or did someone time this perfectly?

Don't get me wrong, I'm scared for my life
This could go every way but right... and it might
But you move me in a way that I do not understand...and I want to
I want to know what it is you do
I want to know how you do it, and if I'm the only one you do it to

For now, I'm running scared
But I'm running circles around you
Jamie Horridge Jan 2014
How would you feel if I told you I like your mind?
I enjoy your spoken thoughts 'cause they're similar to mine
And what would you say if I asked to hear more?
Tell me what goes on in there when you shut the door
What does your mind search for while you search for sleep?
What do you envision in the moments you hardly speak?
Do you question these things, or is it just me?

Ask your neighbor, a stranger...
What it is that makes them move
Not down the hall, across the street, or into another room
Ask them what it is that really makes them move
What touches them so close they're not sure what to do?
Have you ever been rubbed raw, brother?
And who was it that rubbed you?
And what did they have to say?
Why did you let it slip in and change your thoughts for the day?

Ask yourself the same thing
What really grinds your gears?
How often do you change your thoughts?
Every week, month, or year?
How many minutes in a day do you spend thinking to yourself?
How many times can you recollect asking for help?
Do you carry confidence with you to the places that you go?
These are the things in our minds that most never know
We settle for small talk, for some reason, like that's all there is
For that reason, I'd prefer not to talk to an adult over a kid
They'll tell you anything and that's how it should be
Let's open our minds and let others see

What is it about a person that draws you in?
What about being human makes it easier to sin?
What's the first thing you noticed when you opened your eyes today?
I've been thinking a lot, and I think that's okay...

People would look at me strange if I asked these things,
But if they found this on tumblr, it could be life changing...
Don't close your mind to things that seem off the wall,
Let's try something new,
I'm sick of small talk
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
How can I plan my future when most days I feel like I'm dying?
Jamie Horridge Oct 2013
How many times do I have to talk you down from that ledge before I jump off this one?
If you're gonna load that gun again you might as well put two bullets in
One for me and one for you, and I'll even shoot myself so that you don't have to
Not finishing this right now. Can't.
Jamie Horridge Jul 2013
Today I watched you die

I watched the spark go out in your eye

I heard you as you let out a cry

And not once did I bat an eye

I hope your mommy doesn’t mind that I’ve let you go

I pray she understands that I tried to tell you no

I tried to persuade you to go no further

Your thoughts were concrete

You wanted a way out of this life

And you found it in me

You held your wrist up high

You let your pride hang low

Took a knife in the other hand

Starting cutting real slow

Watching as the blood poured to the floor

You looked in the mirror

With eyes that told me you couldn’t take it anymore

Cutting slow, but punturing deep

I could feel the pain as if the blade were being cut into me

And then I fell to the floor

My foggy mind hit a new realizaiton

The reason your pain made me feel such connection

I watched myself die

I stared into the eyes of my own reflection
Jamie Horridge Oct 2013
We spent all summer together.
I slept til noon every day, which now I regret because I realize I could have spent more time with you then I did, but each day I woke up, I woke up to a phonecall with a voicemail to follow it up.
You would say “hey babe, it’s me” because you knew I had your voice memorized.
And even if I hadn’t, I had memorized the pattern we spent our summer following.
You’d call me while I was sleeping and wait til I woke up, and I’d call you before I blinked for the first time that day.
You could never wait for me to get ready, so you’d come and watch me as I picked out my outfit and put on my makeup while you proceeded to tell me each and every day that I never needed it.
But August of that summer, you left.
You went to bootcamp.
I wrote you every single day, multiple times a day.
And you replied when you got the chance, which wasn’t often but understandable.
And even though you are hers now, I keep those 12 letters you wrote me those 10 weeks away from home in a wooden box on top of my dresser because knowing they’re there brings me back to you.
To that summer we were so happy and in love.
That summer you took my heart.
And that same summer you never gave it back.
This is very old, but I just found it and really enjoyed reading it again.
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
You told me you were into me, and I told you I was into poetry
And it's those one liners you pull out of your *** that really get to me
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
You're so lost,
but do you want to be found?
Someone might hear you if you speak louder,
why do you refuse to make a sound?
They've worked their way up some ladder,
but you took the elevator down.
Darling, where are you now?

Can I ask you if you see a light?
Listen to me dear, everything is alright.
I need to know you're gonna be okay.
Do you know the year, the month, or the day?
Darling, please, say something out loud.
I'm starting to get worried and your mom is freaking out.

We just want to see you get help.
But what you feel now,
we've never felt.
We're not quite sure what you need.
But we try, baby doll.
That, you've got to see.

Will you please just give us your hand?
Help us see, we want to understand.
Maybe we should just leave you alone,
but we can't, baby girl.
Please answer your phone.

I think it's time for us to give up.
We've tried everything and we've had enough.
You're just not the daughter we want,
Your sisters so sweet, why are you such a ****?
You are so ****** up in the head,
Why did we have to have the girl that was born dead?
Jamie Horridge Jan 2012
Show me the monster that controls you if you can.
I want to ask him if he really knows you, who you've been.
Who you are is not who you want to be.
I can see it in your eyes when the monster goes to sleep.
He sleeps so silently, and you act as though you're mourning in his absense.
You look so sad but strangely I enjoy your lonesome presence.
Are you scared he won't wake up and you'll be left alone?
Like a soldiers wife who's soldier never had the chance to return home.
I'll be here to love you, like I still do, when he leaves,
and I'll keep reminding you 'til I see a face that believes me.
I miss you and I miss your bright, ***** smile.
I miss the way you laughed like you were just a small child.
I miss the way you smiled back in those days,
Back when the monster had no control of your ways.
The monster in this represents my father's alcohol and drug addiction.
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
I asked you what you thought of,
When someone around you said my name,
Without knowledge of who we are
When it is no one but us in a room
You didn't quite understand,
So I began to explain it again
Just before you said,
"I think of cold hands under my covers
Like ice to my neck while you sleep
Feet, just as cold, wrapped around my toes
Because you never can let go of me"
(He wouldn't let me if I tried)
"I think of a barely angry face
With rosy cheeks, more embarrassed than anything
Because I've mentioned you climaxing"
(Again)
"I think of the ways that I wish I could love you
The way you never have to tell me you love me"
Drunk poems are always love poems,
at least for me.
Jamie Horridge Oct 2013
How do you write with a heart that's not broken?
Surely there are people who know something I don't
Then again, why would you write with one that is?

I can talk about how lovely the weather is
How bright the sun is shining through the irresistible colors in the sky
How they remind me of sherbet ice cream in all flavors...

But before I know it, I find myself reminded of my daddy again
And how he used to buy tubs of it and eat it like it would certainly expire tomorrow

I can still see him eating it in the living room
With the tv on, at around 3 AM

I guess I can thank him for my sleeping habits
And my never ending love for sherbet ice cream
Sort of been tip toeing in my mind when writing lately to be sure not to wake up words I am not ready to write. So this isn't my best, but it means so much to me. Missing you, daddy.
Jamie Horridge Oct 2013
No matter how many times I picture you lying there
      Motionless,
                  Lifeless
I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that you are gone,
That in just a couple hours
The ones that follow bed and morning,
you left
And I found your body somewhere without you

But in the small moments that I do,
I am completely
Lost
Angry
Confused
Afraid
Alone
And slowly dying, myself

How could I lose you?
My daddy...

**No.
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
I go through phases of cleaning
And I mean cleaning everything
Your room, my room
The entire city
I could clean and clean
But still feel *****

I'm becoming OCD
Obsessive Compulsively Dicking around
What's gonna happen to me,
When he finally gets out?

It's not like I look in the mirror
and see something I don't want to see
But I can't help but feel just a little *****
Ever since he touched me
When I didn't wanna be
Touched

A three month sentence
For a life long pain
If it wasn't for my strength,
He wouldn't even know my name
He'll never know hers
               or hers
                    or hers
But I made sure he knows mine
I wonder if in just three months
He's had enough time
To remember my name
For the rest of his life
To remember my name
As I unconciously recite his
I wonder if he missed his kid
If he called his mom
Or if she called him

Twelve people sat in the jury that day
And I wonder how many of them
Truly believed that three months
Was enough time
To bring justice
To anyone
I wonder if even one of them
Would change their mind
If they heard what I had to say tonight
If they could hear me
I'd make sure they knew
I spent two years
Believing in a justice system that never came through
That I'll spend the rest of my life
Wondering, trying to be tough
Wishing I could finally get clean enough
And he got *three months
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
You are the clock on the wall in the room, you never fail to mark your presence
You are the air around my body when I move, engulfed in my own fragrance
You are the cool of my recently flipped pillow that fades before I can, again, fall asleep
You are the lines on the carpet as I attempt to walk around in a house that you left me

You are everywhere,
without being anywhere
I can't go anywhere,
You are everywhere

You are the pictures in my basement that I couldn't burn like the rest
You are responsible for half of the words that lay heavy on my chest
and I am responsible for the rest
You are the blue lines settled on this white page at my desk
You are the clock in my room, just like the rest
You never fail to mark your presence
You are not like the rest
I don't miss the rest
I miss you
Not the best thing I've written but this has a special underlined meaning. Not even you will understand.
Jamie Horridge Nov 2013
You don't know her,
and she doesn't know you,
but she'll smile right back,
In hopes that you smile, too

She's got a heart of gold
But she's blind as a bat

So you want to get to know her?
You want to trace your way
Through the roots beneath her feet
But boy, she grows guarded
She's not just any tree

She's got a heart of gold
But she won't give you that

You don't know her,
don't ask her to stay
You're no different
And she will push you away

She's got a heart of gold
But she's strong as nails

There's no saying how close
She'll decide to pull you in
But don't get comfortable
She will shed you like skin

She's got a heart of gold
But she doesn't need a thing

Don't blame her
She doesn't know what she does
She only sees the aftermath
The bruises and the cuts
She will look at them all wide-eyed
"Who would do such a thing?"
She simply cannot fathom
All the pain her love can bring

She's got a heart of gold
But she's blind as a bat
Jamie Horridge Jul 2013
You’ve grown up and out of this small town
I hope you’re loving life with that Texas heart now
You’ve played a role in my life that no one has better played
Met a lot of people, baby girl, but you’re the only one I’m certain will stay
You’ve helped me grow
You’ve seen tears that pride has never let me show
You’ve heard my heart speak
When my neck was too weak
To hold up a head
Filled with words and regrets
A certain glow abruptly left an innocent, pale face of a girl with Captain Morgan for breath
Whose mind traveled time back to a place she still aches to forget
The place of deception
Where an innocent perception had been left
You watched that glow leave
Felt my voice shake as I tried to explain my pain as I grieved
You just listened and began to grieve with me

You stretched your arm out as the fury left your fist
Slowly opened your fingers, instead of your lips
That was the first time someone didn’t tell me not to cry
You felt what I did, and this is how I know why
I’ve been told there are people we are destined to meet
Whose fingerprints will stain our soul even after they leave
I wasn’t told it was possible to share your own soul
But I didn’t need to be
Darling, you made me whole
In finding you, I found me
We're two bodies with one soul
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
You’ve grown up and out of this small town
I hope you’re loving life with that Texas heart now
You’ve played a role in my life that no one has better played
Met a lot of people, baby girl, but you’re the only one I’m certain will stay

You’ve helped me grow
You’ve seen tears that pride has never let me show
You’ve heard my heart speak
When my neck was too weak
To hold up a head
Filled with words and regrets
A certain glow abruptly left
An innocent, pale face of a girl
With Captain Morgan for breath
Whose mind traveled time
Back to a place she still aches to forget
The place of deception
Where an innocent perception
Had been left
You watched that glow leave
Felt my voice shake as I tried to explain my pain as I grieved
You just listened
And began to grieve with me

You stretched your arm out as the fury left your fist
Slowly opened your fingers,
Instead of your lips
That was the first time someone didn’t tell me not to cry
You felt what I did,
And this is how I know why
I’ve been told there are people
We are destined to meet
Whose fingerprints will stain our soul
Even after they leave
I wasn’t told it was possible
To share your own soul
But I didn’t need to be
Darling, you made me whole
In finding you, I found me
We're two bodies with one soul
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
The kind of words that drive themselves into your brain
The kind of words that make you re-analyze everything
I read them over until they drove me insane
Well these words are my contentment with pain,
I've seen so much, and now I feel nothing
I've created dead things from something living
I swear I didn't mean to, though
It's like something bit onto the inside of me
And it won't let go....
We're destroying everything
Including the skin between teeth and bone
I'm destroying everything with words I didn't think I knew
I'm destroying you with my words, too
I'm tired of talking to myself
Jamie Horridge Oct 2013
You are the last dream I had before I woke up, the one that lingers all day
You are the electrician I've been waiting on that never shows up, the one that doesn't do his job anyway

Will I always have to settle for less than you?
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
You're the star in my eye when I lay down at night
To count the ones in the sky
You shine so bright so I'm not sure anyone really understands
How hard it is for me to see sometimes
If you were a cop, you'd tell me I'm not allowed to be here after dusk
And I'd scramble for my keys and leave your arms in a rush
If you were a ballerina you'd dance around the room
Instead of staying inside my head all day like you do
You'd go outside and dance in the rain
And I'd finally be able to think with my brain
Instead of yours
You go to bed before me every night
And I stay up wondering when you will wake up again
Until I fall asleep and dream that you did

I am falling in love with the broken record in my head
But if you're reading this,
I am falling in love with you.
You make me so corny.
I **** at writing when I'm happy.
You make me so happy.
Jamie Horridge Jul 2013
I'm a sucker for a sad face, and my dear, you're awfully ******* depressing
I can't keep my eyes from your body as you're *******
It doesn't seem to upset you
My god, it's like heaven sent you
You fill me up with all that I lack
And I don't want to send you back


*"Can I keep you?"
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
I don't write like I used to and I think it's because I'm starting to hate myself
Jamie Horridge Jul 2013
I'm a plane in the sky
You wanna see me fly
And I try
I've wrecked and I've crashed
And now I'm lost at sea
I tried so hard to please you
That I forgot how to please me
Well when I find the shore,
When I get the chance to try once more
I won't do it for the reasons
I've done it before
I am evening the score
Jamie Horridge Nov 2013
You should know that when I get to rest my mind
I dream of lovely, crazy things, like when I called you mine
I can find our love again, every time that I find rest
Out of all the lovers I've had, I'd say you were the best
I still imagine what it'd be like
To grow old with someone like you
I remember when I truly thought I would
But seasons change and people do, too

Just know I don't regret you
Jamie Horridge Sep 2013
Sometimes when I get high
I imagine I can fly
And I'm not really sure why
But someday I'm gonna try

If I fall,
Tell them it wasn't suicide this time
Jamie Horridge Mar 2014
It hurts to write
and I don't mean my hand
Jamie Horridge Mar 2014
I can still hear you walking,
stomping
Hoping you don't hear me talking,
stopping
realizing I'm talking to myself
cause there is no one else

You know, I used to get sick of the way
I cover everything up with laughter
I got it from you
And I used to wish I never had
It makes it hard to deal with things
Because I don't
I just laugh until it doesn't hurt
And sometimes that's worse

I used to hate how nervous I get
Before leaving the house
Always searching for something else
Always feeling like I'm missing something
It's not that cold,
but what if my car breaks down?

But I miss how smart you were
And how humble you were
When asking how to spell simple words
I **** at spelling, too
I got a lot of bad things from you
Or so I used to think

But now, it's as though all my flaws
Have become pieces of you
Laced through different parts of me
How could I ever hate them now?
I'm still learning to love myself because of you
I'm still growing to love the way you taught me to
I love myself even better now
And it's all because of you
eh
Jamie Horridge Oct 2013
Just because you didn't die when you talked to Death that night,
that doesn't make it better, doesn't fill you with life
Just because you did not really leave,
doesn't mean it meant any less to me...

You died in my dreams that night instead of real life,
but that didn't make it any less real when I woke up.
Jamie Horridge Nov 2013
When I wake up in a room with an open door and a light,
I feel like I'd been read like an open book all night
Jamie Horridge Aug 2013
I know you're angry
And I know you're upset
My dear, you've got life to live
And feelings to forget
You don't understand
You see what "could be"
But I don't need a hand
To cross any street
I don't need a friend
Or another set of feet
One person will be
Here at the end
She'll be dead,
**But it'll be me
Jamie Horridge Oct 2013
Rings of fire instilled around me
Linking together to create my Olympic Death
It must be a thousand degrees where I am
I've never seen so much smoke without my breath

If I had a cigarette, I'd light it on my hand
To emphasize the heat
I'd take a stroll, with a smoke, through the flames
Walking through hell in my bare feet
Jamie Horridge Oct 2013
We are all the same when ripped apart
Just skin and bones and a pumping heart
So what makes you so special?

We all have our share of problems
And we've all got our dreams
Sometimes we're not sure how to solve them
Sometimes it comes so easily

If you took a look at me
What would come to mind?
Do you think that you could see
The demons that swim my spine?

Of course you couldn't
And if you could, you wouldn't try
And that is just the problem
With the world and I

We see what's on the outside
A book, a house, a letter
We don't care about the inside
Until we know it's better

We are all the same when ripped apart
Just skin and bones and a pumping heart
So what makes you so special?
Jamie Horridge Dec 2013
We are all the same when ripped apart
Just skin and bones and a pumping heart
So what makes you so special?

We all have our share of problems
And we've all got our dreams
Sometimes we're not sure how to solve them
Sometimes it comes so easily

If you took a look at me
What would come to mind?
Do you think that you could see
The demons that swim my spine?

Of course you couldn't
And if you could, you wouldn't try
And that is just the problem
With the world and I

We see what's on the outside
A book, a house, a letter
We don't care about the inside
Until we know it's better

We are all the same when ripped apart
Just skin and bones and a pumping heart
So what makes you so special?
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