Jamie Horridge

Jamie Horridge Mar 2014

Who are you and why do you have this effect on me?
You walked in the room and I can hardly breath
Do you make me nervous on purpose, or is it just me?
Are you doing this on purpose?
I'm falling so quickly

I don't wanna rush it and call it too soon
But if you were the sun, then I'd be the moon
Your eyes illuminate the streets with the only light I can see
I'm just a deer in your headlights when you look at me

Take me anywhere you want to go
I'd follow you into the dark in places I don't know
Wherever you are is where I want to be
You're everything I want, and all that I can see

If you have a hint of doubt about the things that I have said
Just believe me when I say, you do laps inside my head
If you leave it up to me,
I'd tell you to stick around
You be the tree,
I'll be the roots in the ground
I'll help you grow and try to give you everything you need
Darling, it'd make me happy if you grew old with me

Jamie Horridge Feb 2014

Dear Daddy

Dear daddy,
there's a box full of letters under my bed
I wrote them to you but kept them in my head
For reasons a little more than "left unsaid"
No, I can't communicate with the dead
Paper doesn't reply
And if it could,
It wouldn't compare to the conversations between you and I
You were inspiring and wonderful
Did you know that, daddy?
You were brave so that we were comfortable
In a house with safety that still survives
To me, you've never died
And every time I say that you have,
I feel that I've lied
In my dreams, you're still real
A body I can hug,
A person I can feel
But when I wake up,
you are gone again
And I'm struggling...I am
Because I lost my best friend
We were getting closer, weren't we?
Things were getting better, weren't they?
I know everything happens for a reason,
or at least that's what they say
But I can't find a reason to take a man's life
Though I can find a reason to use this knife...
But I'm stronger than that, and maybe that's why
Good people must go, even the best must die
I might've lost my dad, but I won't lose this fight

Dear daddy, you should know that I'm much stronger now
I'm falling apart but I stand tall somehow
And it hurts every day, and we all still cry
But you had to go, and even though I don't know why
I know that there's a reason behind your leaving
I know that there's a reason I was the one to find you'd stopped breathing
I know there's a reason for October 15th
I know I don't know that reason,
But I'm getting closer, I think.

Please excuse how poorly I've been writing. To say the least, it hurts to write anymore.

Jamie Horridge Feb 2014

I'm not Ready

I don't want it to get easier
I want it to be just as hard as the first day
I want it to hurt this bad forever
I want it to sting like I just found him
It's a twisted way of hanging on
But I can't let go...
If I could, I'd relive the day that he left
So that I'd never have to feel to far away from him
It's a twisted way of holding on
But somehow the intensity of the pain makes me feel closer to him
As if he just left...
And maybe that's because I'm waiting for him to come back
It's so twisted
But I'm still waiting
Just like I waited for him to come back
After the week or so he spent in the hospital
Just like I waited for him to come back
From his hunting trips when I was little
Just like I waited for him to come back
When he went out for dart night at the bar
Just like I waited for him to come back
When he'd drop me off at a friend's house
Because he always came back
He never forgot about me
Now I'm not sure where he went
But I should know that he's not coming back
And in the small moments that I realize that,
I feel forgotten
I feel lonely
My daddy always came back...
Daddy please, don't forget about me...
This pain...in a way, it's what keeps me going
It's a twisted way of hanging on
But I'm not ready to let go.

I miss you.

Jamie Horridge Feb 2014

A Good Day for Death

Today seems like good day for death
Seems like a good day to take my last step, last breath
So why don't you **** me?
Put a gun to my head
It'll make me smile
It'll thrill me
I'm no selfish being,
I can't **** myself
But I've got the gun and it's loaded
All I need is a little help
Ease my pain, but first crank it up
Torture me with the pain I've caused
Until I've had enough
Put me through hell
And then take my life
I promise I'll be alright
It'll make things better
Once I see the light...

Jamie Horridge Jan 2014

What's in my head?

I see dead people walking the streets
They've come back to life and they finally feel free
I see dead people dancing in the streets
They've died once before, but they're more alive than me
I see dead people when I close my eyes
But they're not sad, they're happy
And I just don't get why
I've seen dead people with more life than most
Do we finally start living when we become ghosts?
I've seen dead people dance in the rain
Do we finally see clear when we go insane?

Jamie Horridge Jan 2014

Bad Roommate

Walls I plastered in my skull
Walls all around
No one gets through
And I don't come out
I feel safe here
But loneliness lives with me now
Under a roof I built
To keep loneliness out

Jamie Horridge Jan 2014

Sick of Small Talk

How would you feel if I told you I like your mind?
I enjoy your spoken thoughts 'cause they're similar to mine
And what would you say if I asked to hear more?
Tell me what goes on in there when you shut the door
What does your mind search for while you search for sleep?
What do you envision in the moments you hardly speak?
Do you question these things, or is it just me?

Ask your neighbor, a stranger...
What it is that makes them move
Not down the hall, across the street, or into another room
Ask them what it is that really makes them move
What touches them so close they're not sure what to do?
Have you ever been rubbed raw, brother?
And who was it that rubbed you?
And what did they have to say?
Why did you let it slip in and change your thoughts for the day?

Ask yourself the same thing
What really grinds your gears?
How often do you change your thoughts?
Every week, month, or year?
How many minutes in a day do you spend thinking to yourself?
How many times can you recollect asking for help?
Do you carry confidence with you to the places that you go?
These are the things in our minds that most never know
We settle for small talk, for some reason, like that's all there is
For that reason, I'd prefer not to talk to an adult over a kid
They'll tell you anything and that's how it should be
Let's open our minds and let others see

What is it about a person that draws you in?
What about being human makes it easier to sin?
What's the first thing you noticed when you opened your eyes today?
I've been thinking a lot, and I think that's okay...

People would look at me strange if I asked these things,
But if they found this on tumblr, it could be life changing...
Don't close your mind to things that seem off the wall,
Let's try something new,
I'm sick of small talk