It stalks you
Slowly...Surely...
Following each footstep
You are the guide
It creeps up
Unnoticed
And ignored
It reaches for you
Stretches it's grip around
Until you are suffocated
You cannot peel away it's hold
You cannot fight away it's presence
It clamps down
Twists itself into you
Molds into your mind
And strangles your beliefs
You're brainwashed by it's appeal
Tainted by it's touch
Haunted by it's memory
Tempted.

Hatred is what burns you
What guides you
It is your passion
What feeds you
Diabolical...
It survives through you
Because it overcame you
And slowly you are destroyed
Devouring each moment
That which you hold dear
Those things you keep close
Are no longer secret to your hatred
It becomes you
It makes you
Your foundation is redefined
And you reevaluate your purpose
Until that purpose is deemed unworthy
Of your current goals
Hatred recreates you
Redirects your mind
What you once believed is shattered
What you once thought
Has died.

I sometimes wish that I could just forget things.
I just want to erase what has happened.
Pretend it never was there.
Forget how I felt.
I want to let it go.
Watch it drift away and feel secure in knowing that it will no longer effect me.
Feel relief watch over me as it slowly disappears.
I want to feel that freedom.
As the burden lifts away from my shoulders, I want to feel light.
As if I'm not missing anything.
As if I really am complete in what I have now.
Completion...a goal too high to achieve.
As long as the memories survive, I will always miss out on something.
As long as the feelings last, I will always feel that pull.
So I long to just forget.
It's so much better than acceptance.
I don't want to accept the inevitable.
I wanted to be different.
I wanted to be important.
So why can nothing distract me?
No matter what, it lingers.
A perfect fist around my heart that pulls.
A delicate mix of heartache and pain...
A defining mark on my existence.
I want to turn blind to this feeling.
It's reach should wrap around thin air instead of me.
Forget.
Let it pass.
Turn away.
But there is no way out.
No distance is too far...or far enough...away

As my tears fall down,
I wonder
How many more will be shed?
How many more can I hold?
They’re endless.
I can’t stem their flow.
Freely they cascade
Gently falling downward
Not seeming to give in.
I’m wounded.
Yet feel ashamed.
For what reason have I to complain?
What reason have I to cry?
So I’ve been hurt
I’ve been broken
I’ve let myself collapse.
It happens.
I just can’t see the end.
I don’t know where it will stop.
And without an end it sight - it’s permanent.
I can’t give up and give in,
But I can’t fight on.
Without anyone to rescue me I’m stuck.
Balanced between my pain and delusions.
Blinded by the tears that escape.
For each one that I corner and hold back,
A thousand more creep out.
And I shame myself by such emotion.
Because I know that I will be seen as weak.
As bothersome.
Because I cannot hold onto myself.

I want to give you up
Just give in
Leave this world behind that your created
Stop what we were
And what we could be
And move on with myself
I don't want to waste my time hoping
Wondering
Struggling with questions I can't answer
So just leave it be
I can't help but wonder where you are
Who you're with
When you'll be back...
So stay away
I don't want another chance
Or the opportunity to give you one
You failed
You've fallen
And I gave in to my grief over and over again
Because of you
Of what you've done
I longed for the chance to be more
To be everything
But now I'm praying it never comes
For to take that chance now
Is to give up what I have worked to achieve
Can I honestly just let it all go now?
Can I turn my back on everything?
I love you
My fallen angel.
But in time it will fade

I hate when you're around
Just a simple text message
Or phone call
I hate it.
I don't know how to hide it very well
And he sees
He knows
I don't want to upset him
But you're a threat
A problem
A nuisance
Something to be eliminated
But what can I do when he wants you around?
But swallow my fears
Push away my doubt
And smile at what I can't control

You ever think that your life can change in just one moment.

No matter what else happens, you know that that one moment held so much significance that you will never be the same again.

It can be tiny. Just a second, but you know in your heart that everything has changed.

You can't escape it.

You can't reject it.

You are just different.

And everything else is to.

It's just scary to think that we are created each moment.

We only have one direction.

We can't turn around.

Once we have decided something, then we carry on that path and each moment after feels like a new beginning.

Because it is.

Every thought unspoken, every breath not taken, every touch not given, every love not shared is one more moment that we can never get back.

We live too many minutes thinking about what we're doing and how it will affect us, that we miss our opportunities.

Can we not just jump?

Dive into the unknown?

Fall into the impossible…

For in only one moment, one second, we can all change.

Exist for those moments.

The ones that challenge you.

Scare you.

Define you.

The moments that make you who you are -

For they come at any time and there is no way to prepare.