I'm not sure how to talk to him
Should I just say what's on my mind?
Or keep it hidden?
I just want to open up again
I'm so closed off now
I don't want to put myself out
I don't want to end up disappointed
I don't want it to happen again...
But I hate how I am
I see everything as potential failure
I see where it's all gone
I'm just worried that I've let it all pass me by
That I gave up when I should have fought harder
That I said no when I should have said yes...
I see him
I miss him
Or do I miss that feeling?
Those butterflies
That joy
The moments of pure happiness
I didn't think of my stress
Or complications
Or drama
I saw him as the perfect distraction from all that
He took it all away
Or did he just cover it up?
I'm still questioning it all
And yet I can't deny that I was happy
As ignorant or oblivious as it might have been,
I was happy.
I want it back... those simple things
Nothing in life comes simple?
Everything happens for a reason?
Well, what about my current emotion?
Does it serve a purpose?
Does it have a direction?
Or am I just complaining of things long gone?
Oh.. I just want to hold tight to those feelings
I was happy.
Or was I in love?

Oh - feel that rush
It's different
It's more
It's everything
It's nothing
It's a chance
It's a hope
It's a moment
It's eternity
It's lost
It's here
It's now
It's tomorrow
It's yesterday
It's never
It's passion
It's devotion
It's a risk
It's a gift
It's a joke
It's exhilarating
It's definite
It's impossible
It's darkness
It's fear
It's a curse
It's a blessing
It's too much
It's too far
It's never enough
It's up
It's down
It's a fight
It's a surprise
It's empowering
It's defeat

It's me
It's you
Oh - it's love.

Overcome me please
Just take me over
Because I don't want to think anymore
I don't want to fight anymore
I just want to go
Forward please in this life
In this moment
Don't stop because I ask you to
Don't stop for my fears
I need to keep struggling with them
I need to push through them
Just take me over
Control me
I don't want the insecurities to rule me
I've wasted to much time
I'm losing hope
I'm losing my chance
Don't let me wait
Don't let me hold back
Conquer me
Defeat me
Blast down those useless walls
Promise me
Once
Twice
Forever
You'll be there
You'll fight for me
And with me
And don't let me be scared
Destroy that part of me that hides
That cowers
I don't want to give up anymore
I don't want to lose anything else
Take that option from me
Help me.

So,
show me you're different.
Just show me you're better.
Show me just how special you really are.
All that talk..
it has to be for something.
It had to mean something.
Show me that you are worthwhile.
Show me that I have reason to trust you.
Show me that you have merit.
Because I'm beginning to be disappointed.
All I see are the things you are trying to hide.
How you lie
How you cheat
How you use
All to get just what you want
And parade over the rest
pretending to be someone you aren't.
So,
who are you really?
Are you trust?
Loyalty?
Hope?
Are you scared?
Don't worry about your faults.
I won't judge you for them.
Imperfections make you human,
right?
So why am I so often demoralized because I make mistakes?
Why am such a failure in your eyes?
I'm not any different.
Besides the fact that I stood by you at your worst and yet, I am condemned for doing nothing but protecting you...
Yea... that's doesn't seem fair to me either.
You make the mistakes.
I guard them for you.
And yet, I'm the one that takes the fall.
Brilliant plan.
I never saw it coming.
And, sadly, I still care.
And I still hold hope.
Trust me,
I'm trying to give it up.
Because what the point anymore?
My loyalty stretches deep inside my very soul
and yours just happens to be a surface atrocity.
It's not your fault.
It's mine for thinking that we were aiming for the same goals.
Long term?
My bad.
Next time I'll read the fine print.

There's hardly a moment
When I'm not thinking of you
When I don't sit and wonder how you are
What you've been doing
When I'll get to see you again
I just keep hoping
That tomorrow will be different
And you'll end up in my arms again
But every new day comes
And I'm still alone
Counting my seconds
Counting each minute
And feeling my hope die with every day
I don't know how to hold on
When you're so far away
Is there anyway that you'll just come back to me?
Is there any chance of seeing you again?
It's slipping
Slipping away
The urge to keep fighting
Because as each moment goes by
I'm reminded that I don't have you

Ya know
When I reached out
I didn't expect that you would turn away
It left me speechless
That moment when I realized
That I was on my own
Instead of being held
And comforted
And supported
I was still alone
Abandoned again

It's the distance
The ever-present space
It's uncrossable
Defying me
But day by day I test it's limits
Hoping that in the barrier I feel,
The barrier that I can almost touch,
Has a weakness
So that I can slip in
And find my footing
And run
Run that distance between us
Leap across that boundary that hinders me
And cross into the impossible
The unthinkable
I strain to see what awaits
But it blurs and twists together
An obstacle as formidable as that barrier
And yet still I push
No blacks
No whites
Just a swirling mix of gray
I know not what I face
But I'm driven by determination
I'll find out one day
What is hiding in the shadows