My veins have been slowing , just a chill down my spine. My heart threatening to burst at the slightest move. I was caught between me, trying to get you. Where was understanding hiding? I was mistaken to hold my breath in response to empty sighs. Here was you, perceiving I as an us when there was no one denying. That we were two who swore to be one. I have chosen forever, or maybe I'm done.

Free flow, a style i'm having trouble understanding. My thoughts a faster pace than it can even begin to fill me in on? My mind is the speed of light yet I can't fathom the concept? My perception is what proves reality, yet here I am chasing ghost and making up excuses. I've lost track so many times the light years of my nerves have aged. My spirit is uplifted, but I find myself separate. This might just all be senseless, but to me I'm making more sense than any man. I am my reality, so it doesn't matter if i'm accepted.

He felt alive, moved by his own depression. The sadness that allowed him a check and balance. He made amends with his past long ago under the condition it pop up every once in a while to say hello. He told it to take it slow and let the feeling truly sink into his thoughts and the pain it brought dressed as those he cherished. When all else failed, he couldn't help but smile. Smile at the sadness that would never leave his side. Ironically, the thought of sadness made the sadness die.

My thoughts are scattered, heart is still shattered from the first time. Who am I to dump all of my problems on others, to spread my disease of turmoil. Is that what you meant to say? I'm in love with the human way and how we decay day after day until death is just an aftereffect that's as welcome as the rest, I need rest and all I have left is this wasted breath. feelings, or the perception of what I feel, I cant share the part of me I feel is real. for my real feelings are fake feelings feeling jealous that I felt and was I melting? were my words controlling my own hell? and if I can break out, then even I wont tell. I'm bleeding, we're dying. send help.

My mind has been misplaced, sent off in space without the concept of time. I'll find a piece of mind and rewind my memories. You and me? Was there ever such a thing? What seems like a lifetime ago where one of us would know what the other was....thinking. Here's that time again, where friends cant stay friends and I make my routine amends for being a human being who hasn't yet seen the light of his righteous path. Let me indulge in what I believe to be my better half. death a release its the sinners i now see come to see me home. All alone on my deathbed, realized man held god for higher standards. The one way street known as the afterlife. the strife passed to me at that moment. Here I am stuck in a fabrication of my own guilty thoughts where man and moral hold no weight. I have arrived at heavens pearly white gates created from my own hate. Misinformed, the usual. Believed so many lies i'm considered institutional, I'm a mess, more so scattered, yet i'm flattered that your heart pitter-patters to the thought of us. My trust..issues have issued marshal law. it's not that I don't like you, it's that we stand no chance at all. It's better to have loved and lost they say...but I would rather not love at all.

Where did I leave my sanity? On those lonely nights where I replayed our shared lives and all the times you told me forever was the goal? Where I gave my all body and soul? Could a man be considered in possession of a sound mind if spending his time with disaster in the form of mankind, or "woman"kind. Your lies ring loud and cloud what judgment I have left. Falling upon deft ears were my pleas and beckoning. My whole case deafening to those within earshot. So here's my shot at (in which i assumed was my one and only) at happiness. I digress, looks like I know where my mind went. It got the hell out leaving my miserable *** behind.

I'm on a roll listening to those that know my memories, sing to me the sweet sense of remembering all in which I hold close to the very structure that is me. The tape, see-through lies that held me together,( some kind of bond). I was no better then you in the eyes of the beholder, and behold he has looked away. What can I say when all I've said so far is sorry and I'll try my very best, no less for my future. Look my way and get my chest beating again. I opened up on dark days and said all I could say about why I was a mess, the yelling and the strain, never seeing family again when visited by death. I confided in those who embraced my weirdness. I fell harder then a boy my age should, robbed by the notion of what could come. I was too smart for my own good, and fabricated what I wanted, the truth taunting me in a way I dare not describe for sake of my sanity. It truly was you, and never me. Here's to my deteriorating humanity.

Rolling thunder in the distance, I have contracted quite the sickness where the symptoms were breathing air and living far too long. Side effects may include sleepless nights and wishing you were dead yet still being too scared to pull PULL JUMP. It wasn't enough but still i'm caught wishing. So ill wish on a shooting star and learn just how far the human mind can wander, farther and farther into a void I have created. I am misshapen. Deformed to the extreme where I end up talking to someone in my head who isn't me. How can I see a clear future when I can't see the voices inside my head.

Eleven miles to my deathbed, but no distance to the one inside my head. With no means to measure but a lifetime, How far can we stretch our human life?

Here is to the deceivers, death to all non believers! These miracles nothing more than smoke and mirrors. My fears have all aligned the planets of my spiritual life colliding within the fabric of time, no time for space. I'm cramped up enough as it is.

This is it. Where all bets are off and winner take all (though there's never enough). We've raised the stakes and laid waste to all former claims. What use is new when I still haven't learned of old.

Back to the same old me, the very being to splinter. Had I seen it coming I could have stocked up on happy feelings for my emotional winter. That single glimmer of my true north all behind me the irony too much to tackle straight on. I ranted on and on and on, feelings clinging to me expecting release and finding the very bottles they were meant to be stored. Nothing more of me to give, I wept silently. Holding shame, accepting blame, all thought within my brain had managed to shoot from my head. A chain had broken, All hope was dead.  Slugging now through halted gears and slowed micro-thoughts. breaking apart every mistake as if looking for a cure. Nothing prospered, mark the end.