I knock on a door dark as Mohogany . The heavy brass knocker doesn't thunder but taps lightly. I anticipated a forebodeing when this moment came. On the doorstep of eternity I wait for my opening. As suddenly as I drew my last breath, the last barrier fades away and light overwhelms me. As my soul surrender I think to myself, this isn't so bad after all.

I am not sure what is wrong, but I feel that she is somehow different. Perhaps I am paranoid, but I feel that something is going on. She smiles differently these days, she seems to glow with a new light. It didn't come over night, but it is beginning to worry me. She plays with her hair as she did when she first met me. She giggles like a teenage girl, when she is on a phone call but not with me. I fear that I may come in and she will just be gone. Perhaps I worry too much, but subtle changes have been happening for too long.

I walk on egg shells everytime I go out. My nerves are frayed like a split wire. I feel like I am drowning in a river of sweat as I walk down the street. I keep my jacket and hood tight around me. The light of day burns me like a searing iron. Eyes are everywhere and everyone, at least what my paranoia is telling me. I try to walk quickly so we not to draw attention to myself. Getting back inside is all that matters to me. My veins burn and my heart races as I crave the sustenance that calms me. Into my building and up the stairs, the light bulbs flicker and the back ground noises buzz in my head. I struggle to get my key into the lock of the door. The pain grows like a wave inside me, I am living on a kniefs edge and I am about to fall off.

I go into my mind to escape the bland world around me. I fade in to the crawl space of my inner self. Falling into nooks and crannies of the deepest reaches of my soul, I look in the shadows to find secrets that I have kept even from myself. The demons that I do not want to face. The unholy pleasures that I dare not imagine. In these moments I lose my inhibitions and put out the light that exist in the soul. I swim in the ink black sea of what I dare not become. The version of myself that longs for the dark places where I no longer care what I have done.

I watch people rise above me. I see them unscathed by life's worries. As I walk on a straight road, I look ahead and not behind. While others receive acclaim and adoration, I am often unnoticed. What others will not see, I know all to well. At the end of our journey, death awaits us all. Some will be caught by it unaware, but I will embrace my fate with eyes open wide. For I have already won the victory.

I stopped living in other people's reality. I went outside of what was expected of me. I began to explore what could possibly be. Into nature and the super natural, I began to look at what others did not want to see. The further I went the wider my eyes were opened. Then one day while I was walking reality disappeared before me. I saw the pristine world covered in morning mist. I felt drawn towards the illusion and I almost stepped through. Then I was caught with a reluctant fear. I knew with a certainty that if I walked through I would not be coming back. So I reached out for just a moment and touched the window. I felt the ripple of reality like electricity against my finger. Then as if it was a curtain, the rift pulled back together , then faded away. Some how I felt emptier than I had before. For I knew that I had been offered a chance to have what I was looking for, but I was too reluctant to go through the door.

King's rise and fall, tyrants plunder and ****. Nation's make war and have peace. History is filled with those who think they have the divine right to rule . In truth there are those who take and those who create. Those who take hate freedom and want to enslave those who create. In the end of it all, we are no better or worse, because death comes to us all.