If I could, I would take this all back
Never did I expect to get so off track
If only I could fix what I've broken
I know it's over but I'm still hoping:
That I get one more chance to see you
If I only I could still be with you

The times have gone by so fast
I though about how long this would last
When I should have been enjoying you
Thinking if I was the right boy for you
Now I pace thinking of what I should've done
You gave me a lot of love, but I gave you none

At times I wish you and I never met
But you were what I never could get:
A woman that can understand my complex soul
I used your passion against you to reach my goals
And I blame my insecurities for what I had to be
But more importantly, for losing you, I blame ME.

When the raindrops fell on my head
tensions were eased
Confusion now becomes clear
I understand why I'm here

Embrace nature and every breath
you don't know when it will be your last
Live unafraid of who you are
Take off that **** mask

I want to help people
Because people help me
I'm taking off the blindfold
You no longer have control of me

One last thing I need to say
is that you are still under God
Even though your slicker than a fox
You can't keep me trapped in this box

I don’t often dive into your insecurities
Hell, you and I both know the last time
I did it turned out pretty horrible
For both of us
But I don’t understand when you do that thing
You know, when you argue over compliments
My love, it may not appear to you
But it appears to me and the rest of us
That you are the most amazing person…*

Forgive me while I play reminisce
It’s just these days are often boring
And I need something to spice mine up,
Even if it’s a painful memory
Like the time we asked each other
“What’s the bravest thing you’ve done today?”
My response was so bland:
“I spoke my mind.”
Yours still haunts me to this day:
“I got out of bed…”

It's hard when you don't know what to do.
Facing the crossroads, the old and the new,
and don't know which path to choose.

When your whole life has been a lie,
and you don't understand why.
After all, aren't we just living to die?

When you neglect the wise thoughts,
grasping hold of everything you brought.
Still lingering, is the temptation you fought.

Or when you realize that its been a full day,
and you're stagnant thinking of which way.
Right in front of you, the true answers lay.

But it's even harder when you know what to do,
and for some odd reason you don't believe its true.
Achieving nothing because you're too afraid to choose.

If you told me that the life I live now
is what I would become, three years ago,
when I graduated high school...............

I sit and contemplate
arguing with fate,
debating about how
I ended up in this place...

How I failed out of school
Worked to raise the stakes
How I triumphed, and learned
from so many mistakes.

I realize now,
God has a plan for me.
When I was down,
my Mom would say this to me.

The book of Jeremiah,
gets me higher than them drugs
What fuels this euphoria
is my mom showing me love.

And that's all I need
to get me by
But when I'm alone
I turn to getting high.

I'm living to support
habits of addiction
I guess my life
is a contradiction

Yet scattered thoughts,
race through my head
Reminding me to keep on
because I'm alive, not dead.

As I look back on the past year
I realize my mistakes
are blessings in disguise
Falling from the skies
like the leaves off of trees
to be buried by Winter's snow
and in the Spring
to regrow
making my brilliance shine
when it becomses Summer time
and when its Fall
again
the leaves will fall again
creating new blessings from above
for future mistakes to come.

The knowledge we have
and the courage we contain
is an illusion-
a more accurate title
would be counterfeit wisdom.

Often times I find myself
Desperate for company
Even when it's an inconvenience

The revolving door perhaps?
Keep my mind off of this
Let's go to the bar
Maybe catch a flick?
Hell, even sit down and watch TV

But when I return
It always gives me bliss
Oh loneliness,
How you taste so good

When a lie is whispered
it does more damage then intended
Our feelings get hurt
But the whole time we were only protected

The truth is too much
and I wish it wasn't that way
But I'll never forget
the things I learned on that day

From this point on
life is going to be tough
And I cannot quit
when things get rough

That would be easy
and life is the opposite of that
But I really wish
it was the opposite of **THAT

A cruel monster drooling on it’s victims
It hollers in his cranium
Begging for attention
A child, maybe a teenager
Crying, desperately for help
Confused, repeating the same questions
Over and over again
Friends laughing at him
One or two genuinely concerned
The nurse reminds him where he is
Suddenly he’s aware of a phone in his hand
It feels lighter than a pen
“Mom? I’m okay.”
The rest of the conversation is blurry
Stumbling to a mirror
A lump can be seen on the right side of his head
Mount Everest
One moment he was playing in the fog
The next: black
What happened in those lost moments?
How did he get into that room?
Who helped him?
Who stood by laughing?
None of that matters
He's okay, he’s safe
Astonished, but safe
Unaware that years later
He would inflict this same effect
Willingly though
Calling it a cure
Self-medicated
Blackout
Something that once horrified him
Would become a safety net
The horror would return though
Memories are supposed to be clear
Not vague,
But then again,
They are monsters
And monsters are not friends

On October the 15th
she gave birth to me
A man with good morals
is what she trained me to be
She showed me the meaning
between right and wrong
In return for that
I wrote a tribute, this song
Most importantly
am I greatful for her love?
Her passion, her concerns?
No, all of the above
She's my hero, role model
and my idol
She would cheer me up with prayers
and verses from the bible
As corny as I thought that was
I now admit
That they stuck with me forever
those words I won't forget
I've been truely blessed
to have her as my mother
She kept me warm when life was cold
She was my cover
In her I have something
a lot of people are missing
That's a parent that truly cares
and is always there to listen
She keeps me on track
when I lose my focus
She inspires me to rap
She's the reason i wrote this
And now as I open
the doors of my life
Some have been exposed
some were kept shut tight
Like the week I turned ten
my mama went blind
I wish I could go back
but I know I can't rewind
I can't fast foward, I can't pause
I remain on play
For now we'll have to
remember those days
Before being laid off
she worked three years without sight
If you triple that
that's nines years she showed me the light.
And showed me the way
to live my life right
So every single day
I continue to fight
I continue to write
and continue to pray
saying: "God, give her back her sight one day."
Until then I'll try to envision
what she visions
And do what she always does
remain optimistic
Realistically
this might sound bad
But it was good, through it I learned
to grow up so fast
She did work in this time too
She learned to play guitar
She wrote a book, ran a marathon
She's a superstar
She preaches now
and teaches me so much
I can't deny the struggle
Going through it was tough
I used to cry when I was young
Saying, "God I've had enough."
Everytime I gave up
She lifted me up
I'm going to change the world one day
Really make her proud
I'm a "Mama's Boy!"
Not ashamed to say it loud
There's some irony
about my mommy dearest
Even though she's blind
to me she sees the clearest
She sees the good in people
and understands the bad
She's so real and so pure
her struggle makes me sad
But like I said, be positive
like the blood type
When she sees again we'll rejoice
and get up hype
Her love I'll recycle
I'll make it everlasting
Treat it like a song
headphones on with it blasting
I'm going to have a wife
and love her the way she loved me
When we have kids
I'll raise them the way she raised me
She taught me about love
She taught me about life
She taught me how to grow
and how to treat people right
She told me not to quit
but when I'm wrong to admit
She taught me about women
said, "Jimmy simply listen."
She said, "Just cause you dropped out
doesn't mean you can't learn.
The soul is a fire
and it will always burn."
She taught me everything
and forever I'll vow
I couldn't have done this alone
Mom, you showed me how.

Resolution has this tendency
To pick at it's victims
With brutal honesty
And at the time
We scream and beg
"Please, not now!"
It's so fascinating
How the truth works
It really is what
We do not want
But always what
We desperately need

I've never felt this cold
Shivering and shaking
Breaking
I'm normally not like this
But tonight, I figure why not?
Now there's a light
Suddenly I'm not so cold
No, I'm really warm
I'm burning hot
This doesn't feel good
In fact this isn't good
I'm scared
And I just want to
Wake up

On this day, 16 years ago, you passed away.
I understand what you mean when you say,

"Life Goes On!"

So even when I'm fed up,
I'll remember,

"Keep ya head up."

I'll keep going,
because I know,
in my mind,

"Heaven Ain't
Hard 2 Find."

Something up above,
is blessing us with,

"Unconditional Love"

I've fronted for
too many years,
for I too have shed

"So Many Tears"

You taught humanity
about humility,
and mankind,
to be kind...

"How Long Will They Mourn Me?"

Well I don't know,
but I'm certain
we will celebrate
you forever!

R.I.P.

Ever since I was a child I made each day count
Always staying busy, wondering what I will amount to
But as I grew older, the pressure jumped on my shoulders
I then realized this warm world was getting colder
Because of this I now know how this world works
It's no good to complain when things seem to get worse
Pro-active is what I'll be, and I'll never stop see
I can't sit here and wait for success to come to me
That would be like trying to stay dry with no umbrella in the rain
But I can still see why this thing called life makes people insane
They get deranged and mangled when their **** get's twisted
It's a shame because I've seen talent go to waste from kids that are gifted
I have to admit though, we all encounter distractions
That deceive us because they're gilded and encumbered in attraction
But satisfaction it can taste so good
Whether you reside in the suburbs or in the hood
It's time to make a switch and turn on that light
Instead of getting left, it's time to get it right

The shards of glass
    seem to be all I see
on the floor.

             I smashed the mirror
      very ****** with my fist,
             but what for?

I'll pick up each piece
     and try not to cry
as I explain.

          My mind exploded
     looking fast into the past
          revealing my pain.

I've lied, stolen,
     cursed, but the worse
was the repetition

       My mind was
healed from the concealed
   acts of reminiscing.


The past two years
     have sped as I fled
from my youth.

                     Now I'm here
                confused and amused
                         at the truth...

It's been a hard time
     coping while hoping
to be at peace.

                     I plan to go
                        far away one day
                            after the last piece.

Less I have to say with criticism
than I do with praise,
for criticism would simply
provoke justification
and resentment.

I never knew solace
Till I heard the ripple-
Paint me your best picture
Sing me your finest tune
Sculpt me the most glorious of statues-
It won't even get close
That page ripple
Swings through
Fills me with color
Chills my bones
Lasts for hours
Turns me into an insomniac
But why would I mind?
****, it spices up the night
Not even a shot of whiskey
Could compare-
No amount of smoke
You see when it's hard to cope
I return here
And since every day
Something inconvenient happens
I'm back here every night
Jesus Christ...
All of this
From a ******* book!

My guts and the stars' guts consists of the same stuff
which means, not only am I in the universe
but the universe is in me.

I ain't no superstar.
Just a twenty year old boy
trying to be a man.

I wonder if I'll get far?
For this is the path I've chosen
to execute my plan.

It's been a weird few years.
I've done a lot of stupid things
that I'll have to answer for.

I've shed so many tears.
My motives were corrupt
and my heart became sore.

But recently I've seen a light.
A rejuvenation has set course
and I have a new attitude.

I've been wrong and I've been right.
I'm only human but I'm finally
on the right path towards gratitude.

Hardly aware of awareness,
he wondered through the City.
Why didn't she answer -he thought.
A taxi splashed water on him,
which only made him more angry.
He rushed into the nearest deli,
Do you have a towel? I'm soaked! he asked.
No, but I have sweatpants
and shirts for sale. I'll lend you some. the owner responded.
Shocked by the man's generosity,
he insisted he buy them.
Where's my wallet?
I must have left my wallet at home. Nevermind.
Before the owner could hand him the clothes,
he was out the door in a flash.

Walking back to his apartment was the only thing left to do,
so he walked, and thought about all the troubles...
She doesn't love me anymore, I'm broke,
I'm unlucky, I can't keep a job, my family is ashamed,
I have no skills, nor talents, I'm a waste of life...
But he was interrupted by a quarrel between two men.
You ******* ***! You stole my wallet. said one.
I did not, you can search me. responded the other.
The first man threw a punch and knocked the other down.
I have to do something!
He ran to the two men and grabbed the assaulter
holding him against the wall, and yelled,
ENOUGH! This man has nothing and you
can't find your wallet, so you assume he has it!?
You probably left it at home, call your wife, kids,
or whomever and see if its there! he roared.
Whatever.. was his blunt response,
and the assaulter walked away...

The other man lay on the ground bleeding and coughing,
so he bent down and consoled him,
You okay man? he asked.
Why did you help me? I'm a waste of life,
and you helped me. You're the only person
in this city who ever gave me a chance:
You. Are. A. Hero. lamented the injured man.
He couldn't respond though. He just shed a tear
for in that moment all his problems went away.
It didn't matter that he was soaking wet,
or that he left his wallet at home,
or that his wife didn't answer,
or that he lost his job.
Nothing mattered,
except that he mattered.

I died a little only to come back stronger
Now my heart beats faster and longer
I'll live for today, and ignore tomorrow
Live with serenity instead of sorrow

The most glorious feeling of this return
is that fact that I no longer feel this burn
The burn of emotions that I used to hide
I let them flow naturally with each stride

Poetry very well might have saved my life
It replaced all the drugs, violence, and strife
Keeping me focused and on the right track
Hello Poetry, I'm pleased to say, "I'm back!"

Sometimes your man passes away
Sometimes your man leaves you
Whatever the case may be
your children still need you

Its not an easy situation to handle
Its not an easy situation to face alone
Yet you and your children
can work together to make a home

You may wonder, "Why me God?"
You may wonder, "Bring me a lover.."
It may seem like a curse, but
its a miracle to be a single mother

You walk
around
your head
held high
and then
all the
sudden
came a
guy
You smirk
and mutter
under your breath
"***"
he pulled
out a gun
you went
from under
the sun
to being
placed into a
bag...

You think
your life
is rough
until
one day
you meet
a guy
that's tough
on the
exterior
but feels
inferior
because
he lives
in the alley
while your
from
the valley
although
your dad
and mom
are split
both are
caring
this man
you met
doesn't
know his
parents...

You are
on top
of the
world when
your car
breaks down
and you
get lost
in a
bad town
your scared
of all
the sounds
you look
around
and judge
all the
people
you see
you say
to one
"why do
you give
me that
*****
look sir?"
he says
back to
you "be-
cause you
look scurred"
you lock
your doors
and wait
for help
nothing
happens
for hours
asleep
you fell...

I walked
to class
for a
year and
a half
wishing
I could
take it
all back
Regrets
for all
the dumb
choices
i made
all the
debts I
still have
not paid.
I get
high or
drunk all
the time
and i
only
feel good
when i
write rhymes
Can I
deny
sorrow
and this
feeling
of pain
or give
a try
conquer
this shame
Looks like
I am
a sad
lonely
cold man
who once
again
will be
victim
of the
cruel act
of the
reali-
ty SMACK!

He says, "I'm not asking for much"
She gives him butterflies with every touch
He notes her on the way her eyes glow
She says "There's things you don't know"
He doesn't force her to explain
She enjoys this through her pain

He tells his friends about this girl,
"She's the most beautiful in this world"
He ignores their laughs and remarks,
"At least I think with my heart"
His friends laugh again and say this,
"Yo man lemme know after you hit"

She cries at night because she truly cares
Her sister shows concern so she shares
"There's a guy and I'm actually interested"
(She's never had relationships with time invested)
Her sister hugs her and they both cry
She stays up all night as hours go by

He continues to pursue his infatuation
She accepts forcing a sad situation
He takes his time to spite his friends
She knew exactly when it would end
The night came when he used the word "love"
She prayed that night to the Lord above...

"Dear Father,
Why did I ever experience this pain
When I didn't even know his name
I still can remember my mouth taped
The night in the alley when I was *****
My faith and hope are only beginning to fade
He won't love me when he finds out I have AIDS"           

The next day he and she decide to meet
On a particular and familiar street
She tells him everything and he looks surprised
Smiling he says, "Remember, when I said I loved your eyes"
She cries because this wasn't what was planned
He gives her something little by holding her hand.

My Dear True Love,

Though I haven't been in many relationships,
I know you are out there. I can hear your cries
and your laughter. I can see your smile and
your frown. You see and hear mine too. We
haven't met yet but I'm anticipating the day
our eyes will connect and love will fill both of
our lives. My Dear True Love, I write this letter
to let you know I love you so much, and though
we haven't met yet, I'm still waiting. Waiting for
the day we can finally be together.

Love,
Your James

The lamp post with the shoes around it
that's what I want to write about
The one approximately forty yards northeast
from the view at the start of my driveway
Located in the middle of the end of the culdesac
It's funny because thare are three shoes:
My left Converse All-Star,
Cole's right Nike,
and the third one i cannot make out
In fact I can't recall who threw them up there
All I remember was feeling pride
in not only my community,
but in it's history
Tenby Court is where I'm from
I lived their for eighteen years
We call it the TBC
I look at the shoes now
and I get that same feeling
But now the only difference is
there's another feeling
accompanying the pride
It's one I haven't felt in a while:
Nostalgia

I try to avoid looking in
the rear view mirrors of life
Simply because I know I cannot
go back to that place.

Sure, there were bad times
that I can tell you about.
Times where I didn't even
recognize my own face.

Throughout my youth
I was a humble child
Yet still a human; I had my share
of triumphs and mistakes.

A puzzled world fueled me
to pick up every piece I found.
I collected so many but
important pieces were misplaced.

(I'm sorry because I'm doing
what I'm trying to stop right now
but I have to in order
for you to believe it.)

Anyway, I walked away
for a day to live in the now
and what I found
was the last piece I needed...

GRATITUDE

Something about the feeling
of letting my brain rest
from running on this treadmill
of past, present, and future

showed me a powerful thing
that I never saw before
and that is a vision
of a new earth.