Today I worked
and for eight hours
I served fiends
cups of caffeine

I made food for
six hundred
All were absurd
and didn't say a word

Smoked too many
cigarettes because
I was confused seeing
convenience abused

After work I went home
Very tired I fell asleep
Dreams of work were in my head
I woke up and did it again...

I sit and contemplate
arguing with fate,
debating about how
I ended up in this place...

How I failed out of school
Worked to raise the stakes
How I triumphed, and learned
from so many mistakes.

I realize now,
God has a plan for me.
When I was down,
my Mom would say this to me.

The book of Jeremiah,
gets me higher than them drugs
What fuels this euphoria
is my mom showing me love.

And that's all I need
to get me by
But when I'm alone
I turn to getting high.

I'm living to support
habits of addiction
I guess my life
is a contradiction

Yet scattered thoughts,
race through my head
Reminding me to keep on
because I'm alive, not dead.

When the raindrops fell on my head
tensions were eased
Confusion now becomes clear
I understand why I'm here

Embrace nature and every breath
you don't know when it will be your last
Live unafraid of who you are
Take off that **** mask

I want to help people
Because people help me
I'm taking off the blindfold
You no longer have control of me

One last thing I need to say
is that you are still under God
Even though your slicker than a fox
You can't keep me trapped in this box

I died a little only to come back stronger
Now my heart beats faster and longer
I'll live for today, and ignore tomorrow
Live with serenity instead of sorrow

The most glorious feeling of this return
is that fact that I no longer feel this burn
The burn of emotions that I used to hide
I let them flow naturally with each stride

Poetry very well might have saved my life
It replaced all the drugs, violence, and strife
Keeping me focused and on the right track
Hello Poetry, I'm pleased to say, "I'm back!"

A wise woman told me,
"Let your sun shine."
And so I did.
But one day I saw a switch.
I flicked it down, spun around,
and all I saw was darkness.

A few weeks went by.
I had assimilated to the dark,
and I felt a cold chill in my heart.
I went back to the switch
But before I flicked it back
I thought to myself
"Do you wanna go back?"

All the sudden I heard
the woman's voice
And she said to me,
"You have the choice
to brighten your days
with your beautiful,
sparkling sun rays.
My son, it's your life,
But I know you know
what's right."

I smiled and flicked the switch up,
and the sun was so warm.
I never want to see that switch again.

I've never felt this cold
Shivering and shaking
Breaking
I'm normally not like this
But tonight, I figure why not?
Now there's a light
Suddenly I'm not so cold
No, I'm really warm
I'm burning hot
This doesn't feel good
In fact this isn't good
I'm scared
And I just want to
Wake up

Sing to me of the times
When we were younger
When the garden still thrived
And the sun still shined

You never made it out
I guess it was your choice
When I caught that plane
Is when it all changed

I never met your kids
Did they reach their dreams?
Do you still think of me?
Are you what you wanted to be?

I rode past the garden today
Watered it with my tears
It reminded me I'm alive
And then I saw the sun shine

Cigarette and **** smoke
clog my brain
Emotions and self-doubt
give me pain
I feel like I'm nothing  
with nothing to do
But all of this changes
when I'm with you

I work full time and get paid
so I don't need school
I hold my head down at work
because I feel like a fool
I come home hungry and exhausted
and don't know what to do
When all this happens
I think about you.

I feel confused and lost
who will find me?
I'm searching for people
who can remind me
That everybody on Earth struggles
searching for something new
I knew that I found it
when i met you.

I ****** up, and I hate this feeling
that I seem to get
I wasted my time and got left
with regret
I'm lonely, depressed, angry
and have no one to turn to
I lost myself and others
because of you.

If I could, I would take this all back
Never did I expect to get so off track
If only I could fix what I've broken
I know it's over but I'm still hoping:
That I get one more chance to see you
If I only I could still be with you

The times have gone by so fast
I though about how long this would last
When I should have been enjoying you
Thinking if I was the right boy for you
Now I pace thinking of what I should've done
You gave me a lot of love, but I gave you none

At times I wish you and I never met
But you were what I never could get:
A woman that can understand my complex soul
I used your passion against you to reach my goals
And I blame my insecurities for what I had to be
But more importantly, for losing you, I blame ME.

I don’t often dive into your insecurities
Hell, you and I both know the last time
I did it turned out pretty horrible
For both of us
But I don’t understand when you do that thing
You know, when you argue over compliments
My love, it may not appear to you
But it appears to me and the rest of us
That you are the most amazing person…*

Forgive me while I play reminisce
It’s just these days are often boring
And I need something to spice mine up,
Even if it’s a painful memory
Like the time we asked each other
“What’s the bravest thing you’ve done today?”
My response was so bland:
“I spoke my mind.”
Yours still haunts me to this day:
“I got out of bed…”

****
Everything/
Anything
Real

Often times I find myself
Desperate for company
Even when it's an inconvenience

The revolving door perhaps?
Keep my mind off of this
Let's go to the bar
Maybe catch a flick?
Hell, even sit down and watch TV

But when I return
It always gives me bliss
Oh loneliness,
How you taste so good

If you looked into my eyes
You wouldn’t have asked any questions
It’s clear my soul is dying…

Yet you decided to play the game
You rolled the dice
A lucky thirteen appeared

We laughed and continued on our way
I had no clue how it happened
You didn’t bother to question

God is a curious complex
Sometimes I wonder:
Did she send you to me
Or me to you?

What difference does it make?

The end was the harder part
When you decided to quit
That finished it for me

My soul kissed the end of the barrel
I waltzed with Mr. Death, himself

When I arrived here
I saw a crow doing the heel-toe!

I never knew solace
Till I heard the ripple-
Paint me your best picture
Sing me your finest tune
Sculpt me the most glorious of statues-
It won't even get close
That page ripple
Swings through
Fills me with color
Chills my bones
Lasts for hours
Turns me into an insomniac
But why would I mind?
****, it spices up the night
Not even a shot of whiskey
Could compare-
No amount of smoke
You see when it's hard to cope
I return here
And since every day
Something inconvenient happens
I'm back here every night
Jesus Christ...
All of this
From a ******* book!

A cruel monster drooling on it’s victims
It hollers in his cranium
Begging for attention
A child, maybe a teenager
Crying, desperately for help
Confused, repeating the same questions
Over and over again
Friends laughing at him
One or two genuinely concerned
The nurse reminds him where he is
Suddenly he’s aware of a phone in his hand
It feels lighter than a pen
“Mom? I’m okay.”
The rest of the conversation is blurry
Stumbling to a mirror
A lump can be seen on the right side of his head
Mount Everest
One moment he was playing in the fog
The next: black
What happened in those lost moments?
How did he get into that room?
Who helped him?
Who stood by laughing?
None of that matters
He's okay, he’s safe
Astonished, but safe
Unaware that years later
He would inflict this same effect
Willingly though
Calling it a cure
Self-medicated
Blackout
Something that once horrified him
Would become a safety net
The horror would return though
Memories are supposed to be clear
Not vague,
But then again,
They are monsters
And monsters are not friends