I'll keep praying for you,
even though you don't want me to.
Just because its in your nature to quit,
doesn't mean its in mine.

You say, "we're only put here to die."
There is nothing I can say back
because deep down this thought
always occurs in my mind...

I never thought that this is what it would be
Mom, I know your proud but if only you could see
What your little boy looks likes like at twenty
Memories stick, and I know you've got plenty
So this one is for you, dad, Katie, and I
Although it didn't work we gave it a try
And after all the times we felt like there was no luck
I can see that we had it perfect now that I'm grown up

"Constantly criticizing,
annoying agitation,
ignorant imbecile..."*

I hate thinking this way but you give me no choice.
If I don't speak with love, then what is my voice?
I try to motivate and inspire, but you cause friction.
My thoughts and actions are becoming a contradiction.

"Considerate carer,
admirable artist,
intelligent idol."

I love that I say this to you, because it makes you think.
Yet I wonder, "Will any of this message actually sink?"
Maybe its because my poor conviction and dry emotion.
No... it has to be more serious... its my lack of devotion.

Sometimes your man passes away
Sometimes your man leaves you
Whatever the case may be
your children still need you

Its not an easy situation to handle
Its not an easy situation to face alone
Yet you and your children
can work together to make a home

You may wonder, "Why me God?"
You may wonder, "Bring me a lover.."
It may seem like a curse, but
its a miracle to be a single mother

Whether it be money,
drugs, ***, or power
we all have addictions
we face every second,
minute, and hour.
The truth of these
addictions is this:
We must be brave
and admit, that
its possible to quit!

On this day, 16 years ago, you passed away.
I understand what you mean when you say,

"Life Goes On!"

So even when I'm fed up,
I'll remember,

"Keep ya head up."

I'll keep going,
because I know,
in my mind,

"Heaven Ain't
Hard 2 Find."

Something up above,
is blessing us with,

"Unconditional Love"

I've fronted for
too many years,
for I too have shed

"So Many Tears"

You taught humanity
about humility,
and mankind,
to be kind...

"How Long Will They Mourn Me?"

Well I don't know,
but I'm certain
we will celebrate
you forever!

R.I.P.

I died a little only to come back stronger
Now my heart beats faster and longer
I'll live for today, and ignore tomorrow
Live with serenity instead of sorrow

The most glorious feeling of this return
is that fact that I no longer feel this burn
The burn of emotions that I used to hide
I let them flow naturally with each stride

Poetry very well might have saved my life
It replaced all the drugs, violence, and strife
Keeping me focused and on the right track
Hello Poetry, I'm pleased to say, "I'm back!"

We want to reach the top
The top of the mountain
And when we get there
We sip from the fountain

We will sit at the top
Sit for quite a while
Reminiscing and wishing
We can go back to the wild

We will think at the top
Think deeply and pretend
That we can stay here
But we have to descend

We will change at the top
Change, but good change
Acknowledging God's plan
To scale the entire range

You never felt mutual,
but I don't really care.
I don't know if that's true,
so my judgement is unfair...

When I wanted to see you,
you cut me off. Why?
Is it because you see
that I'm soft,
and gentle,
but more of a man,
than you've ever seen?
Or maybe you can't
comprehend what's
in between?

When I read my poem
about my mom, I looked around
at everybody in the classroom,
and your head was down.

That showed me
you're weak to emotion
and have been sheltered.
My goal was clear:
I knew I wanted
to help her.

Expose you to this world,
and show you love,
I suppose you're
like a dove
Peaceful, and pure
with style,
But innocent too so
this could take a while...

Me being impatient,
won't get to you quicker
But the longer it takes,
only makes me sicker.

Then came this
irking feeling
when I thought
of something:

What if me
meeting you
ended as "we"
being nothing.

I hope that's not true,
so I'll just end with this.
It's a pleasure to know you,
and also to write this.

Love, Jimmy

I sit and contemplate
arguing with fate,
debating about how
I ended up in this place...

How I failed out of school
Worked to raise the stakes
How I triumphed, and learned
from so many mistakes.

I realize now,
God has a plan for me.
When I was down,
my Mom would say this to me.

The book of Jeremiah,
gets me higher than them drugs
What fuels this euphoria
is my mom showing me love.

And that's all I need
to get me by
But when I'm alone
I turn to getting high.

I'm living to support
habits of addiction
I guess my life
is a contradiction

Yet scattered thoughts,
race through my head
Reminding me to keep on
because I'm alive, not dead.

I'm not a creative soul,
I'm a brainless zombie
with aimless hobbies.
I wonder if I'll ever
make it with this
mind frame..

Can I escape this prison,
this box they've kept me in?
These chains have weighed
me down to oblivion
and I'm so weak now.
Mental pains.

My heart is screaming for freedom
Yearning for a bit of joy
But my head tells me
the money is what I need
Yet another victim that fell
to greed...

Only a few more days
of being held captive
I'm on my last few strides
The Devil trying to take me,
but God said, "he won't,"

*and I sure hope he don't.

I ain't no superstar.
Just a twenty year old boy
trying to be a man.

I wonder if I'll get far?
For this is the path I've chosen
to execute my plan.

It's been a weird few years.
I've done a lot of stupid things
that I'll have to answer for.

I've shed so many tears.
My motives were corrupt
and my heart became sore.

But recently I've seen a light.
A rejuvenation has set course
and I have a new attitude.

I've been wrong and I've been right.
I'm only human but I'm finally
on the right path towards gratitude.

What a marvelous thing mothers are.
Caring and loving unconditionally.
Sheltering a baby for nine months.
Feeling life grow inside of them
and continuing to love that life
even after it leaves her body.

I look at how many mothers have inspired
I look at how many fathers have left
Maybe that's why we call God,
"the Heavenly Father"
A mother works harder than any other
person to care for her child/children.

As a man, I've learned to understand
that love a mother sends us.
I'm so grateful for everything my
mother has done for me
and I realize, that I'll have to respect them
because I'll never feel what it feels like...
to be a mother


*I would be honored to wish all the
mothers a splendid Mother's Day and
may God continue to bless you with his love

The first thing you need to know is this:

DUE TO NON-PAYMENT YOUR
ELECTRIC WILL BE SHUT OFF

Those were the words I read as my
heart sank and my mind launched
into a universe of possibilities.

How long will the lights be out?
How will I shower in the dark?
Should I throw all of my food out?
Let me go to the park...

I rolled a joint, got in my car,
and drove to the park with
my music and my journal.

After the joint I started to think.
I looked up, and found no sun.
There you have it; in just a blink
of an eye, the darkness had begun.

*PART 1 COMING SOON

I try to avoid looking in
the rear view mirrors of life
Simply because I know I cannot
go back to that place.

Sure, there were bad times
that I can tell you about.
Times where I didn't even
recognize my own face.

Throughout my youth
I was a humble child
Yet still a human; I had my share
of triumphs and mistakes.

A puzzled world fueled me
to pick up every piece I found.
I collected so many but
important pieces were misplaced.

(I'm sorry because I'm doing
what I'm trying to stop right now
but I have to in order
for you to believe it.)

Anyway, I walked away
for a day to live in the now
and what I found
was the last piece I needed...

GRATITUDE

Something about the feeling
of letting my brain rest
from running on this treadmill
of past, present, and future

showed me a powerful thing
that I never saw before
and that is a vision
of a new earth.

I see a light flickering in the distance
The struggles that I'm in
make me the one whose priveledged
Single and content
but now and then I gotta vent
about the search that I'm in
are my thoughts
worth a cent?

I know how to deal with life
I know she is more than just a wife.
She's another human being
her own mind, soul and body
Mix of beauty and thrift
with kick like karate.
Emotional kamikaze,
displayed through
her origami

But i want her
and I love her style,
haven't seen something like this
in quite a while
Just had to get this off my chest
A freestyle, but it's my best
And that's all you'll ever get,
never anything less.
She's that light I've been
waiting for,
Hoping that this
day is for
Me and her to meet
and make more
with love.

I visualize men sweet talking
to a girl that illuminates innocence.
Beauty encumbers her shell though
making me even want to say a few words.
I continue to watch and admire
as a tool approaches her with the typical:
"Hey babe," as he walks behind her to dance.
She lets him too!
I see the look in her eyes.
She's not enjoying it.
Luckily I'm the DJ tonight
so I switch the heavy based rap jam
to something a little more romantic.
The faces all turn to me confused
and I say this,
"What's wrong y'all?
Did we forget about chivalry?"
She smiles and I know it's my time.
I approach her and look into her eyes
and through my dart:
"Excuse me miss, I couldn't help but
notice how your eyes glow so bright
that these strobe lights have a hard time
competing. Would you care to dance?"
She takes my hand and
we walk to the center of the floor.
We are so isolated because
everyone else, "is too cool."
We put on a marvelous show
holding each other and spinning
with our eyes locked into each other
the entire time.

Scattered thoughts flood the page
With rage, I try to torture my victim
The harsh realities I've revealed
Only show what has been concealed
With the hope that it will all change
One day, things will get better
One day, we will shine
One day, we will inspire
and some days I want to die
The words I leave behind are evidence
to a crime against myself
I had to be cleansed
Things needed to be fixed
The pencil is my weapon
And to me it did this...

On October the 15th
she gave birth to me
A man with good morals
is what she trained me to be
She showed me the meaning
between right and wrong
In return for that
I wrote a tribute, this song
Most importantly
am I greatful for her love?
Her passion, her concerns?
No, all of the above
She's my hero, role model
and my idol
She would cheer me up with prayers
and verses from the bible
As corny as I thought that was
I now admit
That they stuck with me forever
those words I won't forget
I've been truely blessed
to have her as my mother
She kept me warm when life was cold
She was my cover
In her I have something
a lot of people are missing
That's a parent that truly cares
and is always there to listen
She keeps me on track
when I lose my focus
She inspires me to rap
She's the reason i wrote this
And now as I open
the doors of my life
Some have been exposed
some were kept shut tight
Like the week I turned ten
my mama went blind
I wish I could go back
but I know I can't rewind
I can't fast foward, I can't pause
I remain on play
For now we'll have to
remember those days
Before being laid off
she worked three years without sight
If you triple that
that's nines years she showed me the light.
And showed me the way
to live my life right
So every single day
I continue to fight
I continue to write
and continue to pray
saying: "God, give her back her sight one day."
Until then I'll try to envision
what she visions
And do what she always does
remain optimistic
Realistically
this might sound bad
But it was good, through it I learned
to grow up so fast
She did work in this time too
She learned to play guitar
She wrote a book, ran a marathon
She's a superstar
She preaches now
and teaches me so much
I can't deny the struggle
Going through it was tough
I used to cry when I was young
Saying, "God I've had enough."
Everytime I gave up
She lifted me up
I'm going to change the world one day
Really make her proud
I'm a "Mama's Boy!"
Not ashamed to say it loud
There's some irony
about my mommy dearest
Even though she's blind
to me she sees the clearest
She sees the good in people
and understands the bad
She's so real and so pure
her struggle makes me sad
But like I said, be positive
like the blood type
When she sees again we'll rejoice
and get up hype
Her love I'll recycle
I'll make it everlasting
Treat it like a song
headphones on with it blasting
I'm going to have a wife
and love her the way she loved me
When we have kids
I'll raise them the way she raised me
She taught me about love
She taught me about life
She taught me how to grow
and how to treat people right
She told me not to quit
but when I'm wrong to admit
She taught me about women
said, "Jimmy simply listen."
She said, "Just cause you dropped out
doesn't mean you can't learn.
The soul is a fire
and it will always burn."
She taught me everything
and forever I'll vow
I couldn't have done this alone
Mom, you showed me how.

The light you shine on me is so warming
that I cling to you.
You can always aid me in circumventing
my insecurities.
I've learned to become something new;
half of a whole.
In time we both will have to go
our seperate ways.
Waiting for days to return what we had,
the things we took.
The bittersweet feelings I'm experiencing
(more bitter than sweet)
Are from realizing that I will have to learn
to be alone again.
But unlike the other times I've had
this is special.
What are we even? I'd like to hear
your answer one day.
I like to call us more than friends
with benefits
We're friends that love each other,
and love well
That means we can be whatever we want
or need to be.