The man who walks on water
Understands gravity's pull
The murky liquid ripples and hangs
On the feet of the bravest of sailors
His courage fails him
The lightness of being
Takes on the weight of the world
If not for the outstretched hand of example
He would sink to Leviathan

The prophet is six minutes late
I was really looking forward to his analysis
Of the characters on "Lost"
Six minutes is unusual for him
The prophet is usually early
I thought he was excited to see the program
Not realizing what he'd missed in it's network run
Not one to give his money to Netflix or iTunes or Amazon or blah blah blah
He's never heard of the Dharma Initiative

Ah...the prophet has arrived
I knew I shouldn't give up hope

Gently nudge or better shove
Push me into tomorrow
From blissful blessed Nirvana
Empty head and hollow
Sound bubble drone flight
Bent bludgeoned never loved
Bend time till tomorrow
From restful dreaded medication
Full of shine and shallow
Waiting for the whipcrack stripmine
Vaudeville blue light favorite
Poke the carcass with a stick
Cut from cloth of felt
From the hearts of the Feltmen
Trapped in Gormenghast
Or doomed Hagedorn
Seasons change our sole entertaining
Reasons vain our Souls rearranging
Feather duster birds take flight
In deep forests of the night
Flee from the Tyger's malicious eye
Have a slice of this delicious pie.

I've allowed these sounds space
To find a home in between my ears
Metal Machine
Music of the Spheres
Bass digging deep, rattling intestines
Unfamiliar sounds to boggle the mind
Calm the beast and soothe the breast
No catgut drawn across string
Or human muscle powering the beat
Electricity, electronic alchemy
Like lightning streaking across the night sky
Left to right, blink and you'll miss it
Sonic ice, freezing sheen, dripping into sharp daggers
They fall and impale
This is the sound they make
When cold first hits the brain

I was once crucified
This dead man you see
Lost between the moment that IS
and newly born eternity
Dead and under water
Drowned to die that I might be
Born again
Into the body
Seated where I am
I wish I'd never witnessed
My father's nakedness
That my serpent-led curiosities
Had never brought me to the occult
For even the basics of how God works
Will drive a man mad
A curse to a certain mindset
Mine, apparently
As my flesh sits catatonic
A gift given and taken away
Leaving me to feel the loss
Of so much more
This is a ****** world
Full of ****** up annoying people
Ya gotta stick to your guns
And the ones that you love
Because some people just don't grow up
And some people just give out
And some want to stab you in the back
It's best to be already dead
A new creature undying

I was high, oh my, higher than a bird
flies on the breeze, gliding that fast track
to the sun

Anchored by a hunka heavy bass guitar
jumpin' up and down singin' chunky words
look around, those my friends strappin' guitars and drum sticks
call us Behemoth, heavy and hairy and loud
call us Godzilla spittin' radioactive beams
but we been up here for four hours
anybody listening?
I got secrets of the universe stashed
in the second chorus of Dazed and Confused
People, you missin' out

Whose that spittin' at the table at the stage?
she keep tryin' to catcha my eye
she done caught my attention
gal knows I'm only playing two more songs
I telepathically dedicate the last one to her
I'm sending signals and suggestions till my knuckles are blue

Hot **** the girl done understand
I got her right where I want her
feelin' bored I'm needing a lot more so I say
"condition, baby, who is that lady
hanging on to you all of the night?
You think she's down for some animal action
with me and you in the hotel tonight?
cause I don't feel like a natural man
that's not what I want to be
I'm tired of settling for one, how 'bout you?
when I can get me two, two and one makes three

She introduced me to her own best friend
I smoked a bowl of some bud
they weren't looking too bad before
but that herb had 'em lookin' REAL good!

It was on like a *** of neckbones
we was making movies
feeling groovy, feelin' frisky, feelin' high
feelin' fine, feelin' fine, feelin' fine
we crawled together like a funky new animal
swapping each other's sweat
just when I thought I couldn't take it no more
the two on 'em swore they wasn't half finished yet
I gave 'em one more hour then I hadda shut it down
though I appreciated the party goon' down

They was gettin' dressed and puttin' their shoes on
the first turned 'round to me
she was the prettiest of the two
so I listened to what she thought we should do
"let's do this again maybe tomorrow morning "
I admit that sounded like a capital idea
"you guys rock and you deserve to live the life"
I most surely could not argue with that

Went to her crib next morning
ready for a repeat performance
but she opened the door with a sad face
"baby," she said,"my oldman's gettin' outta prison today
he'll be here anytime "
I could read in her face
not even enough time to knock off a quickie
in fact she looked frightened
as if he might walk in the door any minute
I wondered if he knew what a free spirit his wife was
this was the first time I was aware she had been married

I turned and walked to my car
perhaps no groovy lovin' but at least I wasn't riddled with bullet holes
I will live to rock another day
but I don't harbor any illusions
I'll ever kink as supremely
as I did when I had those two beauties
and those two beauties sho nuff had me

In that moment
I forgot
This is all illusion
Everything became too real
So solid to sense and feel
These entrances became a necessity
To touch and taste, to smell, to see
To hear the winds of infinity
That blow from deep inside of me
I felt as if I'd fallen
Back into the dull routine
Back into the same old scene
From out of a peaceful dream
Into another long day
Nightfall seemed so far away
I dream of sleep
Big and deep
Eternity
I follow the mantra
My heart is open to truth
For a moment I forgot
Peace reminded me

wasn't strong enough
got tangled up
could not contain
a brutal future
doesn't get better

and i have hurled my fair share of scorn
at the weak strategies of women and men
inherently flawed by turning blind eyes
or simple willful ignorance
a poisonous bliss
bliss nonetheless
something more than this

not strong enough
to do what needs to be done
still nothing new
under the sun

If you hadn't...what?
Been afraid?
Your work was cut out for you
How many told you to walk out on me?
Did your father finally convince you?
Who told you I was faking?
Who convinced you it wasn't real?
Tell me so I can hold him or her accountable
Thus clearing your innocent name
...but If there was nobody else
Planting words and ideas in your brain
You must have thought of it yourself
Forget till death do we part
I really believed love would keep that promise
But you got stuck between sickness and health
Had fear consumed all your love even then?
I empathize but I blame you
You could have stuck around at least long enough to watch for improvement, offering encouragement
I know it was frightening to you. It was scaring the hell out of me
But I was strong enough to hold you
Had you only been there to hold
When did you stop loving me?
I was a lost cause in that day

...or is it too late?
Who set you on this path to hell?
The same ones telling you "turn around"
Weren't they saying there's no turning back?
They'd have you believe it's much easier
Getting used to the idea of being ******
But you've seen the world from a different point of view
The truth is a misunderstood paradox
Being as far from the Eternal as you can possibly be
You swing the spiral to become closer than you ever were
Where the reality of I
Is neither blessed nor condemned
Caught in the short circuit
Where acceptance and rejection
Elicit the same response
Joy and sorrow
Indistinguishable

I won't delete this one
I promise
To do my best
My love's sleeping in the other room
No baseless arguments
This King size bed hurts her back
And my snoring doesn't help
She can't tolerate the music I have to
Listen to in order to fall asleep.
It keeps my mind from wandering off
Gives the Ambien a chance to hit the pineal bullseye
I miss her, though.
There is much to be said for the pleasures of simply being with a loved one
Listening to the rhythm of her breathing
Watch her body rise and fall
Scoot over an hug on her, hold her in your arms
Those times we're losing
And I'm not sure how much we're getting back
It seems a lot to sacrifice even if it is for health benefits
For in those times I'm reminded
How dear you are and how much
I love you

Instead I command this room alone
I wriggle my way into pajamas of darkness
I try not to think about the future
It offers no guarantees that it will even come
Frightens me to not know
And I think of friends I'm not talking to
I assess the reasons for my non-communication
Some, I feel, are legitimate and real
But I wonder if they're even aware
Of what they are
Of why I can't see them
I'm convinced they could care less
But what do I know?

In the meantime
I have to be satisfied with small chunks of time
Days, hours, minutes, even seconds
These are increments I have faith
I can navigate
I can do it on my own in the blanket of darkness
As long as I can tell she still loves me in there
Real love that honors vows
Love that is defined by those vows
So what if her back hurts and the other bed makes it better
There's your reason
As long as she knows
I'm a creature of short time
That I have reasons for avoiding people
And that they are usually pretty good ones if you stop to think about it

I guess I'm not a very likable person
I tend to be condescending without even realizing it
You really have to try to earn my consideration
You gotta prove you have half a brain
Because I'm convinced most people are idiots
Even if I'm right
I'm still kind of an ******* for thinking that way
It's not as if I'm Stephen Hawking

The man kept saying "My nerves are shot"
He kept repeating, "My nerves are shot, my nerves are shot"
His nerves were shot, they were frazzled
His nerves were ******* electrical hazzards
And I was the ******* who shot them to ****

He broke his fist, put a hole in the wall
The man was ******, he knocked a hole in the wall
Fell to his knees, he was broken
Said a lot of things, left a lot more things unspoken
And I was the ******* who put him back together

For days and days
Seemed that it would never end
How could he make up for the days
He stopped trying to pretend
That he loved me

The man is saying "I don't remember"
He keeps repeating, "I don't remember, I don't remember"
He has forgotten all of the little details
A mental block on the memories that would **** him
And I'm the ******* who wants him to remember

we shall name shadows
give weight to ghosts
enshrine our egos
throw down a gauntlet
take up a mantle
we shall sing colors
with tongues of fire
we will spit nonsense
and call it...

Look at this pile of *******
Spilled from a poisoned mine
A plundered treasure chest
With nothing left worth taking
I couldn't give it away
A cruel moment
Opens my eyes to it's worth
Fit for fire
Last dream down
It's time to wake up now
My legacy embarrasses me
Time to recoil
From the god that made me
This way
Without blame
No bitter words thrown
Apathy
Perhaps a trace of resentment
A sense of loss
Something that might have been
Time to accept truth
Hold it in like rising bile
Step out for a lucid moment
Look see the naive self-pity
Pleas
Demands for attention not deserved or earned
Slave to the ego
Wanting only to feed it
Until it's fat
Still shoving it in
Even as these words are spewing out
Expecting, in vain, to be heard
By a world
Unapologetic
Crushing my back

The Monkees' "Headquarters"
   Is one of the greatest
      Most under-rated pop/rock
                                                  records
                Of
                         all
                                      time
Just learning to play their instruments
Slowly but surely crawling out from under
                                        Don Kirshner's thumb
The sound wasn't as confident or solid
As seminal recent offerings by the Beatles
           The template...    The mold....
Yet there were several pearls in those oysters
Pure raw ragged pop perfection
To give Lennon, Macca, Harrison and Starkey
      A serious run for their money                                  
            even Brian Wilson sweatin' jeaulosy
"You Told Me" solid out the gates.
"Forget That Girl" Breakin' hearts.
"You Just May Be The One" offering encouragement
"Shades of Grey" and Early Morning Blues and Greys" reminding us we're but fragile hearts
"Sunny Girlfriend " a standard to be achieved
"Band 6" and "Zilch" for comic relief
And don't forget the bands take on flower power
"For Petes Sake"
If you couldn't get all that
Get it good in your soul
There must have been something
                                                wrong
                                                      with
                                                           you

One end of the rope is tied
Snugly 'round my ankle
So tight, so taut the pull

Of the other end of the rope
Secured to heavy stone
Dragged down the mute atmosphere

Of water caressing me
Of pressure surrounding me
Of acceptance, the liquid's deliverance

I wrapped the rope 'round my ankle
Made sure the knot wouldn't slip
Tumbled into gravity's strong embrace

I measured the size of the anchor
Sufficient to carry me down
And the rope long enough to confound me

Out of my hands and into the deep blue sea
Out of time and into eternity
Out of control, depression's destiny

You don't have to talk to me, babe
No, you don't have to talk
I won't say a single word
There's nothing more I could say that you haven't
Heard it all before
What was it like before?
What was it like before the horsemen
Rode that final mile
What was it like to rustle cows all day
Drink up the saloon all night
Girl you betcha heard me right

I knew you weren't no saint, from the
First day I saw you I knew
Courting trouble ain't a winnin' game
Sometimes it feels the victor is the one who loses too
What does it all mean?
What do you need from me tonight?
Now has come the time
You better tell me why I shouldn't cut you off
Like I should have a long, long time ago
Tell me do you love me so?
Courtin' trouble ain't a way I know
Courtin' trouble ain't the way to go
Courtin' trouble and nobody throws in their hand with the winning card
So where you goin', Cat?
Where are you going?
Cat said I ain't going nowhere,
I'm staying right here with you
From sunrise till nightfall
I be with you throughout it all
I said Cat you're a dreamer, baby
But this is one of those dreams that just don't come true
You got no choice but to take it, baby, embrace it as the truth
One day you will look back
Laugh and recoil at scenes of your brutal youth
Laugh and enjoy the bitter irony
Of following a muse a man made spirit
Who can explain these things?
What are the feelings we share
And to what extent do we truly share anything?

Did you get the part about the horsemen?
It was one of the most painfully obvious placements of symbolism I've ever read
Just as the last sentence was the most painfully inept viz. grammatically butchered and la di da dee da
We want you to sing along
You remember that Carpenters song, "Sing"?
Hokey, corny song then, only made more hokey and more corny with the passage of years since the time it first made the rounds on the AM radio and the streaming realities of the music industry's eventual ******* by Spotify.
But that song..."Sing"
You remember that, I know you do
Let's sing that chorus
Here we go, everybody ready?
Ok, 1, 2, 3, 4
'la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
Don't worry that it's not good enough
For anyone else to hear, just sing
Sing a song'

I asked you to not say a word
And you were chivalrous enough to grant that request
I appreciate your silence
As I also hope you have appreciated my own utter cavernous silence
Without a single word spoken between us
This was without question the most quiet dinner I've ever spent
With anyone
Else
But
You

When the new Messiah comes,
Clothed in the white vestments of an atomic bomb
I could stare into his sad, loving eyes
I could think of all the reasons he should turn away
Yet he stands, stock still as stone
Without ears I didn't need to hear
It was easy enough reading his lips
Without eyes I cannot see the blood drips
Wretched crimson, exceedingly hot and sticky
To the touch
Not momentous everything congealed in an Akashic
Clusterfck
Trump thought he was a lot tougher than his weakness betrayed
But all we can do is walk
Grown men and women bawling like babies losing their brothers and sisters
Yes all we can do is walk
Deeper and deeper into quicksand.
When they sink there's no hope
This is a Trumperfck
He gives the command to russel our carcasses
To the slaughterhouse for a most disturbing celebration
Of conservative right-wing superiority

To be continued if at all possible when the new Messiah comes along

When the sun goes down
So the night sky can boast
An infinitude of stars
All the day can ask
For the hours it has given
Is that we close our eyes
And Be

When the moon turns the tides
It's reflection in still water
Assures the sun is on the other side
Always shining
Never failing
To warm with it's rays
To Be

When you think of those who love you
Of those whom you believe
Of what they expect of you
Of what from  you they need
Those precious ones demand nothing
It's more than enough, you'll see, just
To Be

I take no comfort in knowing
I've won this time
It was just another game
I rolled the dice not knowing
What the bones would show
Bound by rules to abide
I entered into this commitment
Numb and naive
With experience to recommend, not strategy
With no celebration of victory
Still I hold out hope for the next
A prayer for luck and fate
Not for the win
But the pleasure of the challenge

Some unfashionable fear
Repels me from the blinding light of
The moment
Knowing full well that to bask in that glow
Brings the only peace I'm destined to know
My flesh sinning against the Spirit in the conviction
That it isn't enough
Grasping ahold of all I've come to hate
With one hand
With the other all I thought I loved
All that is before me
All that is within me
It all belongs to the moment
Even as I belong to the moment
Though my stubborn will won't admit it

shouting
shouting into a void
waiting for an echo
that never comes
it's okay
i had nothing to say anyway

I should remember the color of your eyes
All the time swimming hypnotized
Lost sight of surface tints and hues
Drowning in the deeper parts of you

Twirled your hair around my index finger
Things you wouldn't think I would remember
Shivering embraces desperate in afterglow
Restless and naive but even so

Sure enough how we had conquered love
Or likely more how love had conquered us
Fingers tracing lifelines, mine yours, yours mine
Telling wondrous stories of all we looked to find

Then the day I watched you fall out of step and down
How I tried to join you when your body hit the ground
How they held me back and swore you'd be okay
Sure enough without my help you got up and walked away

I hear this song and I always think of you
Fragile music we once liked making love to
Invisible reminder of things that used to be
Fuel for the fire of our union's memory

I remember tears
The tumultuous upheaval
An unsuccessful exorcism
The years between
I remember the losing battles
Held down
This is where I have existed
I have loathed this dwelling
All the while fearing no other abode
I remember the fever dreams
The visions of ungodly beings
That settled and nested on my bedposts
That would not be scattered
No seraphim or cherubim to stand guard above the headboard
If not for the open window
All hope would be lost
But vultures flew in and out that orifice
Bringing foul air and maddening noise

This is mine
The overwhelming urge to share
Is a symptom of a condition
Is a desperate plea for affirmation
Unbecoming one as needy and selfish
As I

There was a time
I was the loudest laugher
When the laughter was at my expense
Hunkering down, stealing against depression
With varying degrees of "success"
My sense of self-deprecating humor has suffered

But this is mine
So I can take it with me to the grave
Walk it down the aisle
Put it on my face fall in love with mirrors
Turn up my nose in scorn
At any fool who thinks he can take it from me

When I was a kid
I went through twelve girlfriends a year
And boy did I know how to pick 'en
Buxom beauty's with deep blue eyes
Standing straight and tall to wait on this experienced child
I could make all twelve of them smile
A little money in the bank
Glossy dreams that was our scene
And the man who wasn't smiling was given a personal introduction to the people on the other side of the gate

Shelter me, O Lord
In the impenetrable fortress
Of your Reality
Let not the pregnant clouds of thought
Obscure the brilliant ray of your Light
Shining for all men to see
I shall walk away, O Lord
So I have time after time before
Charmed by angels and demons both
You have always called me back
To celebrate the lessons taken to heart
And to forgive my wandering spirit
I have denied You and disowned You
Questioned the proofs that You gave
My mind is never satisfied
I am so enamored of the seeking
I won't accept the Names You've been given by others
You are the One which defies naming
Too often I forget
You took a Name
And a face and a beating heart and lungs that required
The same air as mine
God With Us
Immanuel
Jesus Christ
The Kingdom of Heaven
Hated and adored
Devoted, dismissed
A name almost as powerful as the God within
Divisive, misappropriated
A sharp double-edged sword, misunderstood
All my seeking has brought me back to You
Even when my mind is convinced You are illusion
My heart burns for You
I listen for Your voice, silence overwhelms
I look for You only to find
That everything else is the illusion
That even my own body and thoughts are part of that illusion
While You are the mind that holds it all in
I do see you...when I close my eyes
I do hear you...when I penetrate through sound
Help me, O Lord
Sort through these disordered thoughts
To find the Cornerstone
The rock of my salvation
And give me wisdom
To cling to it...

Let distance be a blessing
Priceless as any grand discovery
We might have made together
Likely misunderstood
Anyway

Let this be the last dance
Never again fated to gaze
At our father's nakedness
I repent of that first glance
While you stand and stare

You would not stand to see me
Dress my disabilities in wizard's robes
Or craft clay pigeons from my less than honorable traits
To worship and adore from afar
I cannot stand to see you do such things either
As you are

I saw it eating out a hole in a cold stone wall
Feeding on fragments of nothing at all
It's just a mouse from a hole in my mind
It comes around with the whiskey and the wine

I've done days in the detox dives
Staring at the others, feeling half alive
Still can't believe half the things I see
Still convinced it couldn't happen to me

Black bat flew from out of nowhere
Flapping it's wings
These are a few of my favorite things
It sees the mouse
Color blind in the night
And the blood flows darker in black and white

I've spent nights tapped out in a daze
Sleeping with the others, it's all in a haze
This ain't the way it's supposed to be
Still convinced it couldn't happen to me

The hard part is acknowledging
The devil inside
Holding him back is simpler
Than admitting he's there
So I confess
The devil's inside
He's been off to find trouble
Now he's found a place to hide
I have to trust my better angels
To keep him close at bay
Else I know just what he'd do
We'd do exactly what I know we'd do
Would not stop until tears were shed
Hearts broken
No remorse
So I turn on the black metal
And let him dance until he wears himself out
Channel the rage into the noise
Turn it into music
With any luck he'll sleep
For a long, long time
Long enough for me to forget about you
And all the things I want to do

I want to enter into your suffering
Be a part of the controversy
I've felt the wind guide me
Into the fibers of your body
My blunted mind still sharp enough
To recognize the truth
Though I recoil
I feel the pain when you are insulted
I am ashamed when the world lines up
To spit in your face
I want to take that abuse with you
I want to be a martyr for the cause
Together recognizing
The absolute
As one in the journey
To becoming
Returning
Being

(So few realize the power of words
or is it my ability with words that confounds?
I am a talented man
even so a Pretender
I'll bring you over to my side
until you suss it out for yourself
that my side
is the last place you want to be)

Seven short stanzas for you to get lost in
you could breeze through in two minutes
you could get lost in my thoughts, spend half the day
lofty as they are, I laid them out just for you
swinging the bulky mallet of my cynical opinions
I'm sure to thump your cranium at least once or twice
before you find that word that stands a fortress
between what you've read and who you've been
when you'll take your own ****** mallet
and tear it down

What will you find when the veil has been torn?
more sneaky words
misguided snarky sentiments
you're fascinated by my judgment of divinity
though those words are fragile, practically meaningless
you see something much more sinister
the Pretender cannot deal in sincerity
nets for brutal fishermen casting lines to men

The Pretender can't play by the rules
he doesn't have to
he notices the list of "weak" words is almost as long as the list of "strong" words
somehow he isn't bothered
knowing full well that his purpose has been accomplished

The abstraction is bad/cliche
the Pretender should be showing
as opposed to telling
I'm telling you
it's a lost cause

You saw 37 lines with only 5 stanzas
I'm *******

Scared?

It's not so much that you hadn't aged
Or that I didn't notice it
I only wished I'd been there to witness
The changes
How time rearranged the subtle glow
Of your beauty
Replaced with something profound
The marking of experience
Eyes looking for innocence
Seldom finding it anywhere
But your smile was still real
Genuine, authentic
Not a trace of a lie on those lips
A much younger man would not have seen it
A secret
Precious few can keep it
You looked enchanting to me
Never too old we grew together
Cast in a Bogart-Bacall romance
Fated to last but for one evening
One electric night to compensate
For too many years to count
When you pulled me down to receive your kiss
They all shrank into a moment
In which I experienced each and every second
The gloss spread on your lips
A taste I can recall from memory even now
Sweet, a hint of spearmint and alcohol
Such a lucid thought
Brings this old tin man to life

Starlight freckle the open night sky
Some famous classical composer's work is on the radio
It sounds intricate and elaborate
I've heard it before but I can't
Remember his name
A good soundtrack for reckoning
As my Ambien helps usher me off to sleep
Who is gonna remember my name
I haven't even written a symphony
And I know I never will
I'm not half as proud as you think I am
Sitting cross-legged and naked beneath the moon
I love being alone in the cold air and darkness
What do I really know?
You know what they say about opinions
There's just enough truth in every one to make a sale, to seal the deal
I'm no writer, I'm no poet
Don't think for a moment
That I don't know it
But I share these night visions with you
I call it poetry sometimes
For lack of a better word
I of all people know
If I moved a mountain and made you think twice
Or made you think, "aha, yes, that's just the way it is"
It wasn't me except as a channel
For the one who brings on
Such universal agreement
The only absolute
You know it's name
Whether you will speak it or not
Determines many things

I don't care about your politics
Your choice is your choice
I don't care about your religion
Or if you like girls or boys
Red, pink or yellow
Purple or black
Kiss or **** me, bore or thrill me
Put a knife into my back
I care about the things that make you smile
Never out fashion, always in style
Songs and singers and players
Beethoven, Bach  & Slayer
Worlds of words for your escape
Poetry and basement tapes
I live for the smile that I bring
To your face whenever I sing
That Beatles song, the one I made
Into a lullaby when you were a babe
Yes, life's a long and winding road
You carry that weight, it's a heavy load
But in the end indeed I have found
You can count a lot of blessings when you finally turn around
And that's the smile I'm talking about
No room for disagreement or doubt
No room for religion in paradise
No need to choose sides or ask for advice

*PostScript
God listens to the praises and prayers of His people
But He REALLY loves the sound of laughter

Monica, all I ever had to offer was my love
Someone somewhere someone knew
That wouldn't be enough
You slipped from my existence
With the ringing of the phone
I would not see you again
Something I should have known
I should have seen it coming
From miles down the road
When it finally came to me
I should have seen it go
Monica, your name could stop me
Hopeless in my place
Your elvish smile, your puppet frame
Devoid of tact or grace
Devilish I made you out
The demon you could be
Made me want you all the more
For things I could not see
Dancing close I felt I knew
How empty your world was
That I could be the very thing
To give your life a cause
Monica you laughed at all
My lame *** poetry
Even so I didn't mind as long
As you were beside me
And then there was the kiss
That made me think I could
Do all the things I promised you
The things I said I would
But even as I felt your breath
And held you 'gainst my chest
Something in the way you moved
All my fears addressed
Monica, I should have known
But I wanted you so much
You were as ******* up as I was
Toxic to the touch
I had nothing for you
I only thought I did
Now the years have made it clear
I only thought I did
I never had anything
I only thought I did
I didn't want to give it away
I only thought I did

Who waits for me
At the end of the road
With arms wide open
For me to throw myself into
And disappear?
Whose gift is eternity?
Will I be given the chance to see you
Growing and slowly filling
My field of vision
With the beauty of permanence?
Or will you sneak up from behind
To strike me down with mercy?
Such a blessing to know you'll be there
To take me from the present suffering.
An even greater blessing to forget you altogether.

Life arrived at through circular escalation
Chasing death the whole day through
Place the dot on the outside
Let it burn and settle in the retina
Microscopic from an angle
Clear as day in the sun
Try to catch a worm
But they slide
They glide
Swim
In
I

she told me
"i don't use hashtags"
so i told her "come with me"
and i took her to a church in the fields
where my grandfather served as deacon
i told her "get on the phone
call a priest
i'm going to make you mine"
i never use hashtags
her body turned me on
her mind kept me running
"the priest can't make it until tomorrow"
**** the luck

As the missiles speed to their target
A sense of panic sets in and takes hold
Where are the cameras?
They've captured almost all of me
Now I'd better give them the rest before it's too late
(What are you doing? Put your pants back on)
The weight of fear slams me to the mat
Bathed by a strange rust tinted hue
Desperately screaming incoherent repentance
Held down by strong arms I feel the bee sting my leg
Within seconds I've given up
Paul McCartney lyrics fill my head
As I walk through the gates of heaven
Where absence of time insures I won't remember a thing
When I wake up

Is there anything more boring
On this God forsaken planet
Than sitting through the graduation ceremony of a distant niece you have never, not even once in your life, spoken to?
Her parents are ultra-conservative evangelical Republicans who get all serious when Ted Cruz's name is mentioned
But I only know this via social media lurking
God knows I've done my best to avoid speaking to them as well
But a married man
One who honors his vows
Will do things for his wife that he would normally consider intolerable
It's not a sign of weakness, on the contrary
It makes him a stronger person
But it ****** sure ain't easy
The hours between 6:30-8:30 on this lovely Monday evening when the weather is conducive to a million enjoyable activities
I will be stuck on my ***
In a huge church the school has rented for it's capacity
Praying I don't accidentally pass gas

Which key did I tap
Accidentally
That deleted my poem?
Why could it not be undone?
I watched the words vanish from the screen
And felt my heart sink
Literally felt my stomach tighten
Gone, just like that
No way in hell it's ever coming back
I strained my mind with every line
And the fact it was so long
Meant I liked where it was going
I hoped I could keep it moving even longer
But I hit that **** key
Cursed keyboard, whatever it was
And all my thoughts ashes in flames
A 52 year old man, I felt like crying
Careful not to do that again

Phong hit the ground
Within a second of the sound
Of the gunshot that laid him down
Loosened the grip on his own weapon
At the moment of impact
It fell with a thud
Next to his body in the mud
When his head hit the hard earth
He heard thunder and saw light

The bullet in the North Vietnames man's skull was made in America
Loaded by The Poet earlier that afternoon
Along with the rest of his ammo
In the second after Phong died
Poet lowered his sight
And came to an abrupt and awkward halt
There was no denying the man was hit
Even less to prove the man was dead
The hole in the back of the metal helmet
Was the same size as the hole in the back of the dead man's head

Instinct bred caution even so
As The Poet slowly tread the fifteen yards
Between where he stood and where Phong lay
He crouched down
Rolled him over slowly
Placed his fingers on the corpse's eyelids
(I know you can see me)
Shut them gently
(May the darkness be your savior)

The Poet took the bayonet knife bolstered at his side
Pressing down on Phong's shoulder
He cut an incision between the man's chest muscles
With a gentle sawing he cut through tendons and bone
Until a trough had formed
A six inch baptismal filled with blood
Still almost warm as life
The Poet plunged his left hand deep into the pool
Grabbed hold of Phong's heart and tugged
He caught the resistance of the arteries
And severed them
With the knife in his right hand

Raising the dripping ***** to his nose
The poet inhaled deeply the strange odor
Inspiration teased
Quickly The Poet brought Phong's heart to his mouth
With a huge bite his mouth was full
His brain felt as it would explode
The drama and the dreams of the whole world
He chewed and savored the flavor
He had come to appreciate it during his time in the jungle
As well the firm gelatinous texture
The saltiness of the blood
This was The Poet's reward

With the last swallow he wiped his hands on Phong's shirt
He felt a piece of paper folded in the right pocket
A letter, written in Vietnamese
And though he didn't know the language
Somehow a few sentences made sense

"Confessor
My soul is tormented
I am a liar
My wicked heart has made me do despicable things
Words and actions without regard
Of consequences
Things that would hurt people, if they only knew
If they knew what I have done
They would rise against me and do ******
I would deserve whatever punishment they saw fit
For I am a renegade poet
And I have lost all respect for the art"

As he finished reading the page
The Poet felt nausea in his gut
He dropped the paper
Bent over and vomited
He heaved several times until his stomach was empty
Then he just stood there, hands on knees
Staring at the mess
(I have a message for all mankind)
He forced himself to look at it
Until inspiration left him

He reached for his gun
Stood up and walked to Phong's rifle
Bent to pick it up as well
Strapping it to his side
The Poet walked away
As a gentle breeze blew the confession
Far from Phong's lonesome body

I knew a crazy man once said
"We were born into confusion
Not quite a happy home"
And I thought that was some sage wisdom
But then he said
"Now it's gettin' better
We've found a way to make it better"
And I was reminded of how crazy he was

It ain't gettin' better
This world is nothing but confusion
From the day we're born
Straight on through
Until the day we lay down and die

You can call me crazy for sayin' that
I won't fault you for it
But O, my love, you're bleeding

i.

Wicked elixirs gush forth to the north
the force of the earth pulls like rain drops
down south without doubt into your greedy mouth
your greedy, needy mouth

ii.

I'm the least materialistic person you'll ever meet
but you steal from me
I will cut you off
cut     you    off

iii.

The sad background music
she is crying, inconsolable
does not draw out any more sympathy
silence an echo chamber, effect achieved

iv.

If I were not doing this
my eyes would be closed
merging with a gas planet
collecting alien frequencies

v.

Five
Fold
Path
Diversion