Smile when sad,
Cry when mad,
Hit when happy,
Laugh at what we cant have,
Destroy our homes,
Rebuild our enemies,
Hurt our friends,
And **** ourselves,
What a strange world we live in,
Leave the ones we love,
Praise the ones we hate,
**** the innocent,
Hurt the savable,
Save the pain,
**** the joy,
Free the killers,
What a strange world we live in

Flinching at the angry screams wondering if I should intervene
No one is as happy as they claim to be
And its starting to worry me
But what if I'm wrong jumping to wild conclusions
Creating problems where they don't need to be
Making things worse so I'll just leave it be

There is a weight on my shoulders
It lays there crushing me
Taking my breath
Stealing my strength
I fight it and sometimes I win
I fight it and sometimes I lose
I fight it but it no matter if I win no matter if I lose
It stays there crushing me
Forcing me to think and worry
It only makes the weight that much heavier
Thoughts of the future
Thoughts of my little broken family
Thoughts of failure drown me
Choking me
Thoughts of escape so easy
Seem more like failure than of freedom
I ignore it and smile and nod
I laugh and grin
I pretend the weight isn’t there
But I can’t ignore it for long
The weight just keeps growing
Heavier and Heavier
Stealing my breath
Taking my strength
Crushing me

Wait for me
Why? I've never understood why people would ask that... I mean if they really love you why must you physically tell them to wait for you? Had you not told them would they have left? And if they did then what was the point? Did they really love you at all... But what if you do tell them and you don't come back... Then what? You have just trapped them in a promise that will hurt them to keep, it will give them false hope that maybe you will come back if they wait a little longer just another day you will be back just wait a little longer till the years have gone by and they still lay in a cold lonely bed big enough for two still waiting so why? Why ask them to stay? Goodbye is to permanent and saying don't wait for me isn't an option because you do want them to stay then what do you say when you are on you're way what do you say?

When did I lower my standards?
When did I go from tall, dark and handsome to taller than me and doesn't get high everyday?
When did I go from he needs to be able to keep up with my conversations, with my obsessions
To I'm dumbing myself down for him?
When did I go from I will take ******* from no man to maybe he didn't mean it or he was just kidding?
When did I lower my standards?
When did I go from he must be at least my age
To he doesn't look his age?
When was I broken?
Was it desperation?
Was it jealousy?
That my friends had met their lovers yet I was still here waiting alone and cold
When was it?
When did I lose hope?
When did I give?
When did I lower my standards?

Where do I go when I'm done I can't go home it's not an option

where do I go when I have completed my goals if I make and am successful where do I go?!?

What do I do i have only planned so far and the rest terrifies me

The emptiness and what if I don't succed

what if I fail how to show my face to my family

expecations so high of me because I'm the only one left not married or pregnant

what do I do where do I go

how will I live with the stress and pressure there already cracks in my walls

The doubt and guilt the horror if I do not succed

And what will happen if I do?

Who can I trust in my confusing family

If i succeed I will be disliked because I did

I went further then they did

Succeded where they failed and

and if I don't the joy that I failed that I am not better than them

The pity that I did not make it

What do I do?!

Where will I go

I roll my eyes and purse my lips
I bite my tongue and clench my fist
I fight the urge to argue back
Stand still and take it
Don't make it worse
Don't answer don't look away
Nothing I say will save the day
So stand still stand strong
Keep quiet keep calm

I am carrying her world on my shoulders
I am taking care of her and her and her alone
and worrying that I am not doing enough
Worrying that I will not be able to catch her when she falls
Or show her the path
Or carry her when she is hurt
I know I have to let her go let her learn but I can’t
I know it is my fault that she hasn't learned from her mistakes
I know that she doesn't understand that she must stand on her own
One day I will not be there
And that thought alone sends me into a panic
It breaks me at times and I beg her to understand
I beg her to stand on her own
but she will not listen
And the terror grips me in its tight choking grasp
I NEED her to be strong
I NEED her to be able to fight
I NEED her to stand without me
But she is in a cage of my own making
And even if I leave the cage unlocked and the door wide open
She will not leave
She will not fly
She refuses to stand
because I have taught her
That I will catcher her when she falls
Carry her when she is hurt
I will show her the way
But what if I am not there?
What if I am not there?
Who will carry her world if I can not?