Surrounded by demons and ghouls on every side
their evil surrounds me
they gnash their teeth and sharpen their claws\
they wreak havoc and despair
but still my halo grows
and from it i can see the tranquility of the innocence
inside of the paradox of despair
inside of the pandoras box of congeniality
surrounded within a maze inside of the conciousness of the unknown which re evaluates

Suffocated.
That's what I am.
I am suffocated.

So many people
and my hands and legs
won't stop shaking.
I can't breathe
but I can't run.

Is this what it feels like?
To be so scared and afraid?
All you want to do is stay at home
forever and ever and ever...

No friends, no one.
Only me, only me...

I think I like it,
the suffocation and darkness
and this loneliness.
What's gonna happen to me?

I think I'm going crazy,
and that's absolutely fine with me.

*(n.d.)

A-N-X-I-E-T-Y
The more you think about it, the worse it gets
But I can't stop thinking about it
Sweat pouring off of me
Hands shaking
Headaches, dizziness
Feeling like every eye is on me
Exhausted after a mere hour in the public eye
Always checking, far too self-aware
A rolling, tossing, turning sea in the pit of my stomach
Nervous babble
Uncontrollable thoughts
Awkward silences
Insecure thoughts
Nervous nervous nervous nervous
Like I want to claw out my own insides just so they'd stop
JUMPING SPINNING CRASHING
around inside of me.
And there's an ever-present twitch in my neck in my eye in my brain
Making me tense, ache, twitch, check, check again
My whole body, tense and taut, ready for fight or
flight flight flight.
Ready for flight!
Oh how I want to run away....
Away from the eyes that connect to brains that connect to thoughts that make judgments that tell others that then make their own judgments and
TEAR MY INSIDES OUT!
I just want it to stop.
The voices, the thoughts, the fears, the sweat, the tightening muscles...
Because I can't live this way for much longer