How can I say I'm sorry
When I know that you don't care?
Now that I have done you wrong
How can I say these feelings that I share?

I cannot say I love you
Or that I really truly care,
'Cause my words would mean as much to you
As a layer of thin air.

How can I say good-bye
Must I face my worst fear?
Must I lose all of these feelings
That I hold so near?

How can I let go
Of a love that was so true?
How can I forget these feelings
That I still hold for you?

Why can't I say good-bye?
Even when I was wrong
To think that these feelings
Could last forever long?

But I guess it's really over.
I'm left alone and so sad,
Yet I still think of us
And all the times we had.

Maybe in the future
We can sort this all through,
But until then, my dearest love
I'll say one last "I love you."

From start to finish I wonder why
The cuts look good in this messed up lie
The blood that trickles down my arm
People all stare at the girl who self-harms:-

"The emo" they call me
I turn to my name
They act out slicing their wrists
I hang my head in shame
I can't help my feelings
Of being alone
I hide myself for the day
Just longing to go home
I sprawl on my bed
With my razor in hand
And take myself away
To a much better land
I stare in the mirror
And let myself cry
Looking forward to the day
That I finally die

Stains on the mirror.

Scars on the arm fade over time,

Scars on the heart last forever.

--------------------------------- ---

When I started out writing this, I was carefree, innocent, happy.. Now, as I sit inside this dull-lit room

on the cold stone ground, I think about how my life used to be, and how much I long for things to go back

to the way they once were...

---------------------------------- --

As I looked up and glanced over towards the dresser drawer that lay open beside me, I felt a longing to it, a pull that

just wouldn't let go. After what felt like ages, I got up and looked inside...

-------------------------------- ----

It was a simple razor.

----------------------------------- -

Memories came flooding back into me, it was like a tidal wave crashing down on me with full force. Memories that had been repressed for far too long. Memories of anguish, hatred, pain, and even fear.

My hand began to unsteadily reach out towards the dresser drawer. I took a deep breath and wiped the sweat from my eyebrows.

-------------------------------- ----

I knew that I didn't want to head down this road. But I had no choice.

---------------------------------- --

I had already come too far to stop now.

------------------------------------
~His final act upon this earth was a single sentence. One final cry. It was written in his own blood and then smeared all

over the mirror.~

--------------------------------- ---

'It drove me crazy, knowing that we would never be together...'

BEHIND HER HAZEL EYES                    
Somebody once told me that you could fit your life in a shoebox and I laughed at the thought of it.  
I was the youngest of six kids and I was favored by all of my siblings beside Natalie but she is a different story.
I grew up in a abusive home I would come home to see my dad beating my Mom until she couldn’t breath or get up.
I always watched it happen wishing that I did something about it but I was about ten and what could I do. There was a time my mom came home really late. I was asleep on the couch and Natalie was on the other one.
I heard my dad get up and come down stairs; I heard the front door open and close.
Then I heard my sister Melissa yelling at my Dad to leave our mom alone but He wouldn’t. My two sisters Melissa and Felicity were with my mom when she hit the deer and that is what my dad was so mad about. I got up ran to the door and I saw him and my mom. He had my mom up against the car, choking her out. I grabbed a stick and hit him on the back hard enough to make him let go of my mom.
He and I battled for whom had control of the stick he grabbed it out of my hands and pushed me on the ground and it knocked the wind out of me. It hurt but I got used to it over the years. I got up and I saw him looking from my mom to me. He wacked me across the face hard, I tasted blood and spit it out. I looked at him and said “ you are nothing but a coward, taking your anger out on your own children. You’re pathetic and dumb. Do you not see none of us want you here, Get lost I don’t want to see your face anymore”.
He had a hurt look on his face and looked at my mom. She was cowering in a corner.
She just said “You heard her Will just don’t come back”!
From that moment on I turned from an innocent little girl to a young woman who took care of her family and became the protector.  I have been in many struggles on my life path. I had to grown up and learn to face the life that shouldn’t have been put on anyone. I protected my best friend from being rapped. I told her to run and don’t look back and she did what I said. I remember the hands around my throat and getting slammed against the walls and the blood spewing from my nose. I fought hard knowing my life was at stake. I got quite a few punches and what not at the man. He let me go after a while and I ran I found Caddie at the park, waiting for me and she was bawling her eyes out when she look and saw me. She said, “Oh My God I thought you weren’t coming back, Jaylyn and you look like hell got a hold of you”.
I hugged her and started crying she knew she couldn’t ever repay me for what happened but she took me to the bathroom and cleaned up the blood that was smeared on my face. I knew she was thankful for me.
Caddie said to me “Jaylyn, you are a fighter”
When I heard this I thought it was funny at first but as I grew older. The message became clearer. On March 13, 2008 my sisters and I went in to foster care. I was scared and I was close to my mom. I lost her then. But Natalie and I were went to our 1st foster care home together and we were there for six months but the thing was they didn’t like me but they liked Natalie. I was scared and lonely. I wanted to leave cause they treated me like I was nothing and Natalie wanted to go with me and then she had wanted to stay with our first foster parents but to then she didn’t so we left and went in to another foster home and we were there for three years and I hated them and they treated me liked dirt and they did the same with Natalie but Natalie left before I did. They treated me more like crap and I hated them even more to the point to where I started cutting, drinking, and smoking. Anything that would harm my body.  It worked for a while but then it got worst and the drinking got a lot worse. I knew I had lost my way but I finally told my old school counselor. She and my friends became the only one I could trust. Ms. Lopez helped me get out of Bert and Anne’s House. I met this crazy black girl named Tanah and her foster mom.
She was excited to have me come there. I decided her and foster Mom would do.
From the First day I moved in Tanah and I were inseparable and still are a points she and take breaks but you can’t see one of us with out the other. Tanah helped me grow in a lot of ways it’s been six months since we have known each other but it feels like years.
But that is some of my story I don’t want to keep you reading forever
For all my life I knew I was a Fighter and always will be.
I guess you can fit your life in a shoebox if you want to try I say go for it there isn’t anyone trying to stop you from trying.

How long can I keep smiling,
Before somebody sees the cracks
And how long can I keep hoping,
Until my life slips off the tracks?
They say that I’ll be fine,
That I will get through this.
That I need to focus,
On all that I would miss.
If I so chose to take away my pain,
To forever escape this world,
Leave those who love me behind,
And the mystery of my sorrows unfurled.
But when nothing right,
Ever seems to come my way,
It makes wanting to stay here,
Harder every single day.
Confused by the thoughts in my head,
I am not sure what I should do.
Misery has taken over,
No one can help, not even you.
You say you are here for me,
And yet you’re never there.
Why should I breathe any more,
When you don’t really care?
You’ll argue and say you do,
But I know how you really feel.
You regret ever knowing me,
And believe my pain is unreal.
No one knows the real me,
Not even I really know,
Who I truly am,
I’ve sunk too far below.
This self inflicted misery,
Has taken its final toll.
It’s left me bruised and broken,
Trapped without a soul

Made a wrong turn, Once or twice
Dug my way out, Blood and fire
Bad decisions,That's alright Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood Miss "no way, it's all good",
It didn't slow me down Mistaken,
Always second guessing Under estimated,
Look, I'm still around
Pretty, pretty please Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel Like your nothing You're perfect to me.
You're so mean,
When you talk, About yourself,
You are wrong. Change the voices,
In your head Make them like you Instead.
So complicated,
Look happy, You'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred Such a tired game.
It's enough,
I've done all I can think of Chased down all my demons,
I've seen you do the same! :)

Will i ever stop wondering about you
you walked in to my life and turned it upside down
with those Big brown eyes of yours
That smile that can warm my heart up over a thousand watts
But the thing is you notice me but don't say words.
you watch me past you and you just check me out
I catch your eyes on me and others
I just can't stop wondering about you
I like you and another
he treats me Like i am there
he makes sure im okay
he puts his strong hands on me when i doubt myself
I can't help but say im in love with him but i dont't know if he likes me
I used to know but some lady had to come and ruin it for the two of us
I wish i could ask you like i did that once
cause you caught my heart and i don't want to lose you