On a Tuesday afternoon
we are all in one place so
an outing is long over-due.
Let’s go out for drinks, I suggest
and we agree—as long as we can wear whatever.

On a Tuesday night
I pick the girls up, avidly
avoiding the gaze of your window
in a building forced to live above you.

In Geronimo’s on a Tuesday night
I order ‘Red Sun’, she orders ‘Spicy Blood Orange’
& the other orders wine.
Mine is pink—it’s too strong, no more please.
Well you said ‘for drinks’! they complain
as if I’ve betrayed a pact.

She orders another, ‘Appaloosa Sangria’
and she’s so tiny when the waitress looks at my full glass
—Embarrassing.
I hate the sliding bathroom door where I am
alone with my thoughts for 2.7 minutes but
I’m antsy—time to go

In my Audi on a Tuesday night
I want dessert; I want a donut.
Dunkin it is.

In Dunkin Donuts on a Tuesday night
Tiny tells me she wants to cuddle
sometimes. She’s drunk.
I order a chocolate glazed donut to a poor man with Hispanic features
who is working alone
The homeless lady won’t stop talking and we wont stop laughing
in the Dunkin bathroom.
I heard everything, she says as we leave and giggle in terror.

In my Audi on a late Tuesday night
I don’t want to go back to school yet—I have an idea.
Post Road is empty; I’m hyper-aware
of the black Dodge pick-up driving past.
I don’t question if it’s you.
Did you see me?
Of course you saw me, my car is
unavoidable; it’s **** & white.

In The Grape on a late Tuesday night
there is no one I know so I trail
Wine and Tiny trails me.
I know friends of friends, say Hi, hi, hi
You look cute, so do you! Yay! hug Okay bye, bye, bye
Tiny drinks another with Wine and I’m still
sober where I want to be,
making memories without you, ha.
But it’s time to go back to hellhole and these people kinda ****.

In my Audi for the last time on a late Tuesday night
Mahan lot full, duh.
Quick Center lot full, duh.
Bellarmine lot full, ****!
Regis lot—Where’s your car? It’s got to be here . . .
black Dodge pick-up backed in nicely, I wish I could park beside.
What did you do on a Tuesday night?
Regis lot full, are you kidding?
Tiny has motion sickness, she’s quite a drag
I wonder if my friend nearby, with the golf cart, can drive us back
But **** it, we can walk ten minutes in the cold ‘cuz
I’ve got my jacket and gloves.

In McInnes on a late Tuesday night
Wine goes to bed, Tiny calls for a reinforcement
who is waiting at our door.
Questions with an upward inflection fill my bedroom as if she can’t
take care of herself—her support can barely support himself.
I write a long note to you on my computer on my bed because you ****.
I get a Do you mind if Support sleeps over just this once to make sure I’m okay? text
Which means I won’t get sleep due to overweight heavy breathing
Fine, I’m backed into a corner.
& I know that after my third attempt of slumber, I will end up crying
on the couch in the living room. I should have stayed home.

On an early Wednesday morning
I stuff a bag of clothes, my retainer case, and Berner & Holes and
I power-walk to my car in Jogues—7 minutes, probably or less
& drive the 5 minutes home before the tears fall.
There’s a cop parked beside Pine Creek Deli,
I wonder if he wonders why an Audi is up so late.

In [address] on an early Wednesday morning
my dad is in his boxers in the middle of the stairs.
What are you doing? he asks and I snap back because
Isn’t it obvious what someone would be doing at 2:43 am?
My bed is quiet and my mind is loud wondering—
Did you have fun tonight? for the both of us.

Creatures need me to breathe
I can be big in one piece
I can be small in many pieces
I make things better
I become addictive
When I melt, I don't disappear
You can't always see me through the eye
Too much of me can be distasteful
But I'm usually your friend
To blanket a mess you made

What am I?

There were shells along the break between sand and water
Pink, grey, blue, purple, and white stuck together in the wet sand
I told myself I'd take one before I left
One caught my eye -- purple glass but it was broken
I put it back down and kept walking

Another caught my eye
It reminded me of a blue whale -- dark blue with white on the tip
I held it in my hands, the inside cupped the wet sand
I waited with it in my stretched out arm for the sea to soak up the sand
The water was cold, it was one of the first warm days of late winter

I brought the shell with me up the hill of sand and stared off into the grey sky
The shell in my hand, it had a chip I didn't see before
Maybe it just got there or maybe I refused to notice it
I pressed my thumb onto the thin surface and
Crack
The shell snapped in half

I found it
I took care of it, cleaned it, cradled it
It was broken to begin with and I chose not to notice
Then I wanted to test its fate until it broke in two
And I threw it into the open sand, away from the others

BuzzFeed, Twitter, Facebook, & Hello Poetry
Hockey games, Cross Country stats, & Big Gulps
45 computer screens, 8 light fixtures, Google Earth, & stock board
Squeaking and stomping, should I close the door?
Hard to hear what's under the mustache from back here
Candy, gold fish, green tea, raisins, ****** pretzels,
& I should've brought a Cadbury creme egg
There's a ******* screen in front of my face...
Lots of scrolling, so distracting
That knuckle crack was really loud, oops.
He says be realistic aka don't think you'll get your dream
Oh yes, I will -- I laugh inside
I'm not like you.
My nail biting is loud and it's gotten bad this semester
So bad that teachers think I'm raising my hand to speak
I shake my head, no, rosy cheeks, hot face, let me just eat my nails please.
I don't know what I'd do without my parents because they know everything about surviving...
& Tumblr too
Why are you putting your footprint on a school computer?
I remember when we wanted to live in this area because we loved our families so much -- sacrifice for school systems, families, and safety blankets
The skin on my nose, it burns from tissue overdose
Thank god for Vaseline - feels good on the surface
What's it like to have a student loan?
What the hell are these yellow stains on my sweatshirt -- looks like pollen
My house is for sale
"You tell me life isn't that hard"
"Will you stand above me? Look my way, never love me?"

Static.
I'm losing reception in here
Why is there a nail in my skull
Pound! Pound! Pound!
It's in there pretty deep.

Saran wrap.
Around my heart and it's
Pulling tight, tight, tight
Yeah, the air's getting shallow
It's um, kind of hard to breathe.

Carousel.
Goes round and round, round and round
The pictures moving up and down
Oooh, how pretty, how creepy
Get me off this ride?

I don't want to be here anymore
I don't want to be here anymore
Why am I so weak
It's so fun -- it's so easy
Everyone feel bad for me, now please

Do you still love me?
Uh, why? I'm incessant
I do not stop
I am not safe here

Safe
Saaaay
Fuhhh....ck
Dude I like, can't and I don't even care
This isn't a poem anymore
Let me go

This battle is every day. There is a battle every ******* day. I stopped wearing armor, so the wounds are deeper -- I can't even bare to be out in that field. Once I am, I retreat as quickly as possible and I cry as the soldiers fight in my place, accepting that I cannot help them. So much pain to endure each day. Physical pain. My body is strong, building layers by nightfall that get ripped off the next day. I've been here so long, I forgot what my life was like. My parents, how they cry for me, terrified for the day that will end all. My friends have forgotten me, why would they remember? I left them to fight a war I did not want part of. I wanted peace my entire life. Peace. Is there no end to this madness? Cliche as ****. My eyes are closing, I am weak tonight. I have chosen refuge rather than the field where my colleagues win Purple Hearts and medals of courage. Good for them. They fear nothing, they are the best of us. But we hide. I cannot always lift my sword to the enemy, I cannot.

She is so . . . boring
She sits and stares and reads and eats
She likes simple things
She calls herself a hermit --
To bury the truth of friendless, perhaps?
Empty in her eyes, small lips, pale face
A harmless thing never bothered me so much

She is so . . . empty
She lives through another, who has no life either
Two empty lives do not equal one full
She has no friends, though she counts me as such
Her fairytale is almost through
She wasted the years of finding something
And ended with nothing

She is so . . . loud
And bright, unlike me
Her words make you cringe but she cares
She takes me away from comfort
To a place I've always wanted to be
She's easy to charm, so easy to annoy
It depends on the day

I am so . . . lost
I am waiting for life
This is not where it ends, I know
The beginning is soon --
Almost there, I think
At least I learned to love
I am going to the other side, stay here and watch