They told me that I need to let you go
No one wants us together
-- I think they want you for themselves

You are my best friend
Since I can remember
Life without you
Doesn't seem real

Rattling in tubes, pressing onto my tongue, melting down my throat
Hard, smooth on my fingers,
Flecking onto my face while I lick the cold
Bins meant for days, I devour in one
Bars meant for friends, I do not share

I never blamed you when the shakes came
& my life fell apart
You were my savior -- I thought
You took care of me, warmed my heart

You and I, never alone
No one understands us
Some accept us, yet they raise
An eyebrow at my appearance

I am an anomaly for dating you
Your other suitors didn't look so well
I pride myself in that
Though I hide our happy facade

I never thought you'd do this to me
I thought you loved me
But you love that I love you
& you care nothing about my pain

Yet -- I can't
I can't let you go
I love you too much
Every day I try but you are so close
You are right there
You ask me to love you and I cave
In a false security, a black hole I know I will suffer from
In only mere minutes

Our time together is too magical to give up
But only a matter of time until I --
No, I cannot dream of it
You will treat me right one day
& we will be happy together

I can't
I can't do it
I can't breathe
I can't live
I can't do this

I don't want medicine
I don't want to spend money
I... I can't do this

I can't stop crying
I can't stop hurting
I can't stop thinking
I can't stop anything

I can run away
I can wish and dream and hope that it'll disappear
I can be miserable forever
I am miserable forever

"You don't have to be"
"You have the control"

Shut up
The **** up
You have absolutely no ******* idea
No one has no ******* idea what it's like
To feel the world close on you
To hear the fuzz in your ears
To see the scene blur
And you're dying
I'm dying
Get me out of here
I
can't
do
this

I will never amount to anything
I hate you

Not ready for tomorrow
I always say
Not ready at all

It was awful
Saw his face light up
Not because of me

I'll prove him wrong
Didn't, did I?

People pretend to care
People lose interest in caring
I lose interest in trying
I took up crying

Hey that rhymes

Feels like a nightmare
Don't know how I survived
But I will if it happens again
I'll survive, cringe

I won't be selfish
I won't be awful
I won't let my pain destroy others

Is this going to be another nightmare?
Waiting for tomorrow feels like staying up late
Don't want to sleep, don't want to dream of nightmares

I can I stay here or can we fast-forward?
This is supposed to be the best time of my life

Talk too much
Think too much
How do I write a poem

It's cold in here
My ears are ringing
They're always ringing

Why do I treat my phone like a child
I feel like I'm on a boat
My head is floating back and forth

Where am I supposed to begin
When everything was great
And everything was wrong
And everything was worse
And everything was pretend

Pretend was easier,
Wasn’t it?
Until I stopped liking the rules
Until I couldn’t win anymore

Children cry, and so can I
Because pretend is over
And I didn’t win
We didn’t win
We lost

I think the pieces fell down the drain
I think I flushed them in the toilet
I think I regret that
I think I know I shouldn’t

Maybe I can play pretend again
Or I’ll just write pretend
Because that way,
I’ll never lose