I can feel a tsunami coming, it's on the horizon, begging to be set free
The dam is breaking; the desire to tear
And when I let it loose, let the demons run free,
Im going to drown in the blood pooling like a waterfall from my wrist

When I see the tide is high I will gently allow the water to break
I will stop the red pulse of shimmering lipgloss only when the floor cannot breathe from the sea of red, glazed over like a sheet
Let the salt from the red drip onto the floorboard like the baptism of a young child
Only there is no water and this is not a game suited for children

Some call it selfish, destructive
My doctor tells me I have a borderline personality
But me, the hazards from this game entice me as a lamp does a fly
I'm aware of the light, been close to it too many times
But never has the beast in me dared to touch

Someone pulls me back to darkness and intertwined shaking hands
Of yours they make me feel safe and less abused
We stitch the walls, we close the blinds
This isn't over yet; laceration comes too easily to ignore
But for this moment, glowing eyelids, I pray dear God, don't take me yet
His grip loosens, but I know, soon I'll be back for more

there are so many different ways to say pure;
the essence of purity is a dreadful beast
lithium glazed eyes-she speaks  
"you are not clean."
sin is not something she knows of and she never weeps red
so her judgement is pure. she is not aware of the fire.  
the fire that blazes below. below her belt. below the ground.

he spots her. she sits on the white.  
clarity flows from her veins. her mouth curves fall with grace.  
and they speak.

the devil.  
an angel.
they speak.

the heat is in her skin now; she can feel the pulsing
hiding her desire
her eyes betray her.  
this is the line. the line where heaven meets hell.
they touch; a spark
pulls her in close
her beating heart is between her thighs

and it must be true. that the devil is a fallen angel.
because the recession of this angels purity was abandoned when she saw him.

I was 17 the day you frantically tried to stop the blood flow and give me yours. Wearing a coat of grief and guilt you thought to yourself, Did I let her do this? Was this my fault? And how did I not see this coming?

Over and over I was trying to tell you this is not your fault, and I am so sorry that you are weeping, but I was unconscious and your screaming would have masked any poor words I could have attempted to mutter.

And at 1:32 in the morning I watched you grip my lifeless body, praying that the ambulance arrives in time, but they were just lonely words and I had already met God, and the way he looked at me, with the same hunger in his eyes a distraught ****** would convey. And he called to me! He cooed, “Please, please, come baby.” Chanting the unforgivable words that once robbed me of a childhood.

And he has attempted the seven deadly sins-succeeded with five  Lust, sloth, gluttony, greed and wrath. Yet has he been envious for what would be the reason? He is GOD, mighty and royal. And nor has he been filled with pride because his shame is to bone-although it doesn’t show. This is not the god I have been taught to love. He is not mighty. He does not pay for his sins and he cannot be forgiven, for who is he begging to? Filthy and judgmental  He wants me to know judgement day is upon us and only he who has obeyed the false instructions shall be accepted  And he wants me to know: I will not be one of the many.

Feeling *****, I go way down low. There i met the devil; soul crushing and obscene. Obscene as one can be. Someone who truly deserves agony, someone who deserves to burn. I say hello. He shakes his tail and crawls to me. He sniffs. He knows who I’ve met and he knows that I’ve left. I cringe under his abusive eyes. He strikes me-I strike back. I shall not be demeaned underneath this man who shows even god to be angelic. Humor proves to be his second language and his enjoyment comes from the blood of others; the smell of their fear; and their flesh stripped wounds satisfy his obvious lust. There I lie, stripped of my skin and red covered limbs. I allow myself to rise and he allows me to leave. His fun is over-what’s the use of a bag of bones?

Crawling back out i realize; our holy heaven and our flaming hell are only two different versions of evil.

What seems like a decade and what possibly could be-I crawl back to the house my soul no longer lives in. And at 1:34 in the morning I see my mother once again-she has a gun in her palm. Shaking. Crying. We both beg. I cannot stop her. She cannot hear me. Blood. Splattered walls. Two drenched bodies.

Can it be so easily explained? How can you so easily forgive?
The black spreads like a wild fire and I scream out of lust
Or maybe out of fear-they entangle too much
Out of forever is hard to explain-the downpour of sin
We flooded this place
The men will sure moan, but the women shan’t complain
It heats their compassion; their secret will rise past skin
  
For the desire has built-and quickly we touch

This encounter has shown me how not to live life
We burn the remains and hollow the brain
Forgive and forget, we can never explain
But the passion has built and we sin once again

God sees all, he knows what’s been done
Father reads fast, with anger and fury

You’ve committed abomination, you will surely be put to death.
Blood is upon you.
Look up, look up, look up! Pray, you *****!  

Father, *******! We won’t pray again!
It’s love and it’s true, how dare we say amen!  

But, oh, we've pushed much too far
Past the point of breaking
Nooses on necks, we've been punished
Hand against hand

like the clown said to the boy-i’ll show you how to float
of euphoria-we’ll wear the coat

and we will. i’ll caress your lips and cary you high
you’ll be looking down at the stars; not up; the emptiness will terrify

we will swim through the clarity
and dance in the serenity

we’ve probably got an addiction
because the highs unsafe; causing the tempermental fear of friction

i promise you one thing. we will never come down.
keep snorting untill you feel the crown

the crown of heaven, the call to angels. i pray we’ll never fall
but we will, we will, we will. never forget how it feels to withdrawl

promises broken and dead cells cover the mind
we’ve fell, we’ve fell so far. it’s hard to leave something like this behind

it lingers-destroys us-suicidal thoughts arrive
can we feel it? i don't think we're going to survive

My mother thinks the boy on our street tried to **** our dog.
She claims to have seen him do it too-“he was going to run it over!”
I try to explain to my mother that he is not that kind of evil.
He would never hurt a fly.

All he allows himself to hurt are girls-young girls-most have the same blood
****** and **** are words that make him cringe; he’s afraid somebody knows
Afraid that she told. Afraid his mom will find out what a monster he is.

I feel sorry for him, I really do. Having to hide his lust.
Having to suppress the fact he ***** all these girls.
It must ******* ****.
I can’t say i understand because I’m not made of dirt and sin.
I don’t know what it’s like to force *** onto so many beautiful young girls.
Put them in order; I won’t be the first.
I’ll be after his sister.
After his sisters friend.
Three more of his cousins and there my name will lie.
It’s a gut wrenching scenario ill never say more about,
Except that he’s more perverse than his daddy was.

Sun will scream mercy
And the fire spreads quickly
Blood will drip from skies