Like a warm coat on a deep winter day,
You kept me warm,
    Tickled my skin,
And made me smile.

There’s a reason I chose you,
        I’m so glad I didn’t forget it.

Call me Lucky.
It is my name.
It's how I see, breathe,
My life is full of it,
I can trust myself,
     The world.
It always resolves the storms around me,
It calms the waters of life,
It stops the bleeding,
      And while I'm healing in the recovery ward,
          It will even give me a sweet for my courage.
I am Lucky. I fear nothing,
     Because I know that I am made of steel,

I cannot repeat a pain as great I've felt.
     *So why fear.

“It’s okay,
You’re safe,
           Finally.”*
Thank god. I was beginning to worry.

When I am dead,
It's only because I lived.

If I had it my way,
You’d be the topic of the day.

Your light would be omnipresent,
Kinda like heaven.

*** is not sleep.
But I fear for me, it is.

My mind is backwards, my dreams are haunting,
My eyes hurt, my future daunting.

I’m scared, because for the first time,
              In many nights.
*I have no one.

My mind torn in two,
    Brown and Blue.
The eyes,
    Their sights.

Which do I crave more,
    How should I war?

The moonlight violet,
Refusing to bloom,
For any stimulus,
Will not open,
For even the softest eyes,
To view its glory,
In the softest light.
At the softest hour,
Through the softest voice,
Hear the softest word,
“Eternal.”

-April 26th 2013

I want to SCREAM!
I want to never be seen...

But I saw you,
And YOU SAW ME!

I keep feeling like you used me,
You lied to me and your love,
And one truth was more than the other,

Take your apologies,
                   They are the weight of paper
                                                                                                            *To me.

If I could do it all again,

I would still die by her,
But I would live and love you.

I really want us to work out,
I want to see you,
I really want to see you out,

I want to show you something;
To see why I love you,
There’s something great about loving,

    Your brown hair, brown eyes,
    Your gorgeous smile, gorgeous eyes,
    
You’re new to me, *but not really.

“Jesus Christ that’s a pretty face,”*

You read my mind.

I can feel my heart beating,
I can feel it in my legs,
I can see my lungs breathing.

I know why I’m still alive,
I know why I’m still here,
I know why I bother to try.

I see the hidden lines,
I see the secrets they hold,
I know they are no lie.

*I know why I care for you.

A taste of my own medicine,
Incites a spasm,
Convulsion,
Remembrance,

The pill was sudden,
Hard to swallow,
And it stung the whole way down,

My antidote became my venom,
And an old color was spilled,
A scar torn open,

No regrets.

-May 24th 2013

“I want to build a life you,”* she told me,
“I want to wake up to your face.”

“Home is with you,” I confided,
*“No matter what place.”

Tonight,
“Goodnight” followed with love.
     In my head at least.

I once thought it must be difficult going insane.

*But I’m here.

You say those words,
And I listen,
I wonder so many,
    If they are for me,
    If they are recent,
    If they are true.

And for some reason,
Contrary to my vows,
     *I trust you.

I can’t sleep,
When I crave company.
I can’t eat,
When I crave warmth.
I can’t see,
When I crave you.

The dust of an afternoon nap crusts my eye,
It sprinkles down on my life and drags,
Slow and grudging, my legs can barely move,
To sink into coma, catatonic as a mountain,
Would be my dream come true, watching.
Waiting.

-March 2013

I remember three things the most.

Of the first, her eyes,
Of the second, her hair,
Of the third, her smile.

Let’s see what’s next.

I know you said it was over,
I know I said I agreed,
I know you walked away,
I was content,
For the time being

But for some reason,
It is you I keep seeing,

I can’t shake this feeling.

My soul must be willess, it hurts so great,
All thoughts dedicated to an angel,
Beautiful skin, her smile to lift all weight,
Our meet, unexpected, great change befell,
Cherub, your world disguise fools all but me,
I know of those feathers beneath your veil,
You, mi amor, cause my being such glee,
But my soul will be lost if I fail,
I will spiral into a land of pain,
Graveyard, abyss, helpless without escape,
Only one light could save me, life so mundane,
Your smile, your voice, your touch, are my escape,
But now I am trapped here, this endless drift.
Every day worse than the last, no gift.
-February 2013

Sometimes I just stop,
I dream of those frostbite eyes,
And sigh a deep sigh.

It went by in blinks,
You were there, here, and then gone,
Just like that I lost.

I dreamt of your face,
Your raven hair, your snow skin,
Dreamcatcher broken.

Drowned my ears with words,
My paper with fragile strokes,
And my eyes with loss.

Your laugh was rapture,
A world away from this earth,
Comfort in the clouds.

Your arm is bloodless,
Your smile is showing and bright,
For this, I’m content.

‘I miss you’ is weak,
I feel much more than just that,
I starve for your warmth.

Love’s progressive chords,
A curve in the beat, ******,
All advance halted.

Your name is beauty,
‘Katriana’ my tongue sings,
Your face to match name.

-March 2013

I know this sweet scent,
It comes from your timber hair,
This euphoria.

Two wings on her back,
Shredded by a devil,
Healing in safety.

Love is a harsh word,
It causes so much hatred,
Unbalanced feelings.

I once compared knights,
Walking among the armor,
Wings crushed by my fear.

This freedom so great,
Weightless as the air we breathe,
Never a soul like you.

A soul like that boy,
Impossible to amend,
He has no mind still.

A ghost parading,
Traversing with no good thoughts,
Only a black fire.

My levity; you,
A cherub, my shield,
I love you, Angel.

Right here, on this ground,
A war unseen, a retreat,
An open defense.

Unguarded, weakened,
I lay in this angel’s arms,
My only support.                                -Marshall Hiatt, February 2013

Like a scarecrow he stands there,
His legs bow backwards,
Only a tad,
And he ponders what the air would taste like,
If we could all sing the song of rising suns,
But in the corner of his bloodshot eyes,
One bead of blue forms,
And it ran down his cheek,
Onto his arm and off it,
To land on his black jeans,
Whose threads were so tight his feet felt fuzzy,
But he did not care,
This was the pair,
She kissed him with.

The salty ocean air bit his ears.
He went inside.
And slept.

*It’s just not fair.

La vie going through my feet is uncanny.

Cry me a river,
Build a bridge,
Tie a cinder block to your legs,
Throw it off that bridge,
And drown in your sorrow.

Yesterday,
On the patio of that coffee joint,
I saw a girl with your timber hair,
I stopped,
    I stared,
        I studied.
But it was not you,
    Thank God.

My friends saw me staring,
Two knew why.
One asked,
    “What is the story of you two?”
I told him,
    I traced back,
        I tightened up.
I cursed a lot,
    I gave the truth of it all.

We have a long story.
I wonder if it’s as long for you.

Shocking how alluring the French can be,
It seems like with each thought I think of that wonderful face of yours,
It gets slightly harder to breathe,
And it’s slightly easier to begin to see what I’m going for,

Lying here it seems like with every hour I think of what may,
The air is slightly thinner than before,
My heart beats, giant smiles and my soul flares say,
That this is something strong, though I don’t know for sure.

You say you’ve never been in love,
Let me tell you, it’s a lot of fun,
And even when it’s said and done,
That smile is hard to get rid of,

And I don’t know where this is going,
But I know a side of me is showing,
When we talk I stop loathing,
Cause there’s something to you I want you to show me.

Do you ever wonder what will happen to the webs in life
If you start tearing down the walls.
Do you ever sit and stare at the happenings and wonder
What it’s all for.

Do you ever wonder why we dream,
When all we dream is seeing.
Do you ever sit and think,
If you stand for a whole lot more.

Well you see sometimes in the dead of night,
I start to see what it all stands for.

Every drop we add to life,
Shakes the pond in every way,
Everything we ever do,
Can change the light of day,

And every time you ever think,
About the way it all goes,
Your thoughts can do a whole lot more,
Than you may ever know,

Cause the spider may spin her web,
And you may not like the sign,
But if it’s really meant to be,
It will not be a lie,

Cause in the end we have walked our line,
Down the path we just believe,
And if you ever look so far back,
You may be able to see,

That your whole life is anything but,
It will never be nothing,
All choices you have ever made,
All mean one great thing.

I still dream of that first love,
    That perfect composition of black and white and blue eyes to freeze the sun.
I still dream of the second confusion,
    That flowing figure who had too much fun with life even though she cut.
I still dream of that third promise,
    Those two eyes of lightning storms and a smile to quiet the loudest gun.

Three strikes,
     the third was the charm,
          but the lock on my charm bracelet fell off,
               the luck ran out.

"My sanity is being tested,
Locked up in this room.
My mind casually races across itself,
Drawing lines over the words she said.
My willpower is breaking slowly,
The vows I made for her dissolve.
And I’m not sure how much I can take,
Without collapsing completely.

Why must my mind be in my chest?

-M. July 24th 2013"

I can’t imagine,
I can’t imagine humming engines so loud the windows shake,
I can’t imagine those same windows shattering violently,
I can’t imagine a bomb being dropped outside the windows,
    Onto the street which I live.
I can’t imagine how they must have felt,
    Seeing the world they knew so peaceful become their new hell,
I can’t imagine running from home,
    Running from gunfire and engines,
    Dogs and gas masks.
I can’t imagine my world dissolving and becoming nothing but a trail of tears.

Viva tu vida sin tristeza*

Bold statement but I tire.

Goodnight for now soft sleepwalker.

Sleep is for the weak.
But I must be weak.

¡Cinco por ella!

Obviously

If they ask how you are they really do care.

My vow has been taken,
To not speak too much.

My eyes feel like acid,
Last night’s tears still hurt.

The bug bites on my arms are a reminder,
Of the night you said goodbye for now.
The bracelet in my room is a reminder,
Of the day you stopped, turned, and kissed me.
The poems I wrote, the salt in my eyes,
The song in my head and under my nails,
    Reminds me,
Of the time when you were mine.

Rain doesn’t only fall from the sky,
Somehow, it comes out our eyes.

I will be waiting right here,
You know where to find me,
When you’re done with it all
Please come and see me.

So travel the world,
Sing them your songs,
Read them their cards,
Show them what they are not.

Cause it’s a special kind of hell with you gone,
And every day is worse,
And I keep remembering you sing that song,
Cause you said you’d do this,
It was like you knew it all along,
It was like having psychic powers...
    Oh right, you do.

So find a mentor,
Get shown the ropes,
To the secrets of your mind,
Cause I still support you so.

Cause it’s a special kind of hell with you gone,
And every day is worse,
And I keep remembering you sing that song,
Cause you said you’d do this,
It was like you knew it all along,
It was like having psychic powers...

(guitar solo)

I will always
    WAIT FOR YOU
I will always
    KNOW IT’S TRUE
I will always
    KNOW YOU KNEW-

So find some peace,
Find your zen,
Change the world,
Cause it sure can be cold.

The day I start my diet
Is the day she leaves me;
    When I have to eat and drink
    To keep breathing.

The day I start dying
Is the day she leaves me;
    When dying is halted
    To breathe and sleep.

The day I start crying
Is the day she leaves me;
    When she chose her mind
    Above her heart,
    Unlike at the start
    When she chose me above her being.
    And her mind was just seeing
    How easily it is to follow her heart.

There was no preconception of what to do,
It was like the world said “Go ahead,”
The canvas of which to paint was endless,
And the music, it kept playing,
And my feet, they kept moving,
And Earth spun backwards once more,
Time slowed down, I could see blood pump.
I could hear my heartbeat,
I could taste the air,
Pandora’s box was opened wide,
and everything was visible.
My gaze stretched as far as your mind’s eye can see,
And all I could see was you, Rapture.

-May 25th 2013

How much is too much,
How much is not enough,
How close can I get,
Without stealing your breath,
How much can I tell you,
Without being see through,
What do I have to say,
How much do I have to pray,

To be with you for just a day.

-May 26th 2013

Thinking back to the lies you told me,
Your name hurts to even read,


I want to shatter that jar,
I want to see how far,
    This torment will go,


I want to burn out the sun,
I want to set free some,
Of my demons,


Let him die!
Let you die!
LET GO
Drown in the past!
It won’t last!
JUST GO


Replaying that time you used me,
Hurt to the point I couldn’t see,


Do you remember,
I didn’t surrender,
    Never quit,


The things we said,
The words we meant,
    Were nothing,
    To you.

-May 27th 2013

How can I yell, how can I scream
“Don’t forget me,”
When I try so desperately to...
To **** you.

My brain is a corpse,
Completely torn,
Ignore my core,
Open the doors,
Don’t breathe,
Leave me.

Drown in that repetitive sea.
You don’t see,
So bleed.

-May 28th 2013

The inaudible ebb and flow of your ‘sorry’s and ‘goodbye’s,
A mere ringing in my ears.
Speak lines of knowing Pain’s associates,
You are his main elective.
Stop stalking me you meat hungry wolf, stop ranging this land,
No life grows here, nothing can be saved or even forgiven.


Hypocrite,
You mockingbird,
You crow,
You jackal,
You cold blooded husk.


Stop singing,
Those words were meant for angels not harpies.

-May 28th 2013