i guess i think it's funny
that he told me he didn't like some pictures of us together
because it always looked like i was pushing him away
and in the end,
that's what i did.

i can't stop thinking about
how lucky i am
to get to hold your hand
for now

******* *****, taking *****,
having to **** but just wanting to kiss
daydreaming of ******* and ******* and you
this world is gross and beautiful

i am in a mood where i want to feel alive
because it's hard to feel a point
when i am staring at the bottom of a top bunk by myself in a basement
(i know nothing about me anymore)
(this boy i can't stop thinking about is trying to figure me out
and i'm afraid it's too easy
because i am nothing)

You are magic and I am the stuffed bunny ******* pull out of hats, making the audience assume it's alive
I am the girl guys pretend to cut in half, I am the props and the dummies
I am the illusion
But you are magic

you never told me the truth you never told me that i was toxic to the touch you never said that every time you ran your hand through my hair it tangled your mind up until all you could think was static
the kind of static that hums,
you could call it beautiful,
but only if you're ******* crazy
--
i think i'd like plants on my bedstand because then when i'm sleeping, maybe my mind will travel into the flowers maybe my thoughts will grow into something worth writing down

your ******* ******* hips
i'll never sleep
because thinking of you
keeps me licking my lips

you
make
me
  c
    r
a
    z
y

and the way you say my name
makes my heart

                                 stop

and

d
r
o
p

and

r            l  
       o           l

maybe you were only saying those things because it was the middle of the night
and the moon made you delirious
but can i say them back in the middle of the day
when the sun makes me high?

I WANT YOU ALL THE TIME.
I THINK OF YOU CONSTANTLY.
I CAN'T GET YOU OFF MY MIND.
this is new and scary and I don't want to stop thinking of you
but I am afraid sometimes that
you want me to get you out of my head
I worry too much and sometimes I shake
or tap my foot
or scratch my arms until they bleed
and sometimes you hold me
and it's all I ******* think about until I see you again