Sometimes I feel like the only soul in a room full of ghosts
All floating around looking for a host
And I'm just standing there
Alone and waiting for something magical to happen
Like if I click my heels 3 times I'll somehow find where I belong
Or typing my name into a search engine will figure out who I am
Because honestly I feel like a foreigner
Constantly having my eyes glued to a map like I've never seen this place before
I stumble around and search for a greater meaning
Because what I'm feeling right now doesn't seem to satisfy me
My need to breathe something other than air is mesmerizing
Life to me isn't about sitting behind a desk because that doesn't teach me who I am
I was taught to believe that feeling like a stranger was ok
As long as its what's normal
And I stand in what feels like quick sand
I reach for a hand
But no one seems to see me
They all want me to be this great and all powerful thing
But I can't even figure out what's right from what's easy
And you expect me to enter the real world when all I've learned is what's in a textbook
Trigonometry won't help me solve the real problems in my life
But that's okay
Because getting A's is what really matters
I'll tell you what matters
Feeling like I belong somewhere when my whole life has been conformity
Social normity
And normity isn't even a word
But it somehow makes sense
I don't want to feel like the only soul in a room full of ghosts
I want to express my feelings that matter the most

I'm going to have a break down
Right now
In the clouds
My heart is broken
I've spoken enough
This is too rough
I see you with him
And I just want to quit
You don't see that it kills me
When you hold him
And we're just friends
Growing pains
Keeping me awake
And if my heartbreak is pain
Well then its definitely growing
But I can't show how I'm feeling
I just have to keep bleeding
On the inside
My insides are depleting
You give everything meaning
And I'm seeing clearly now
I don't need to be found
I'm safe right where I am
I can stand on my own two feet
I'm no longer deep in heartbreak
This heartbreak helped me right this today
I can see you smile
And not feel pain
And I won't make that mistake
Of feeling love
When I know it will go to waste
I need to give my heart a break
So my heart won't break
I need space
From everybody
I need to take a step back
Forget what I don't have
She may be perfect to my eyes
But I am used to them telling me lies

I don't know if I'm ready
My mind has never been steady
These weights are too heavy
But I'm afraid to set them down
I've found
That you can never be prepared
No matter how long you've been breathing
The air is always surprising when you feel like dying
It overtakes your whole being
Relieving all the wounds that were left behind
Every sign of giving up
Becomes a distant memory
You wish to capture those feelings
Store it away until you desperately need it
Can you believe it
Can you see how small you are when you stand outside
We are all trying to find where we fit in
Like the worlds biggest jigsaw puzzle
You can't try and make the pieces fit
No matter how hard you try to conform them
You can hit then a thousand times but it will never work
Just let them be where they are supposed to be
The world is not about controlling everybody
The world is about harmony
We are all just tiny specks in one giant universe
So why make others feel anymore small then we already are
I hate when people try to change who they are
I look at the stars and see that they are happy being what they were meant to be
And look at the leaves
Never satisfied
Always changing
And how can you be happy if you are always changing
I ask myself who I am
But then rephrase the question
Who do I want to be
But those answers are never easy
So why do people always try to give their input
I long for a mute button
You can't clip a birds wings and then ask why it isn't flying
You can't make me hide who I am but still expect me to succeed
You can't clip my wings

I'm about ready to collapse
I can't go on
My days are full of pain
And my nights are nothing but me laying awake
Thinking about everything I'm losing
I'm bruising real easily
Probably because I'm weakening
I'm reevaluating my actions
My passion
If I don't succeed
I'll be locked away in self pity
Fall to my knees
Wave the white flag and retreat
You won't hear from me
I'm trying to be strong
But not for long
I'm standing as tall as I possibly can
****
Don't take everything that I am
Since you've left
I feel stuck in lost depth
I don't know where my head is
I've lost my mind
Can't keep track of time
I wish I could of said goodbye
You are being put in the ground tomorrow
That will be the beginning of my real sorrow
I'm afraid that if I sleep
I'll see you
I don't know if I can handle seeing you
I can't seem to move on
Its only been a couple of days
And I can't keep up
My head says to get over it
My heart says that's enough
I can't take much more of this
Stress is overflowing
I'm lost in an abyss
Everyone is trying to help
But they don't see that I'm sinking

You take my breath away
You sweep my feet out from under me
You catch me by surprise
When I look in your eyes
And I see
That you believe in me
Want me to succeed
You freeze all of the pain that is hibernating in my heart
You melt me down until you see nothing but emotion
Give me potion
That shows my weaknesses
Forcing me to turn them into strengths
And fate has brought you to me
Just keep smiling and I promise you'll never lose me
You know exactly what to say to bring me out of my dark place
And that's not easy
Ask anybody who knows me
You make my pain subside
And I realize
That I'm alive when you are near me
But you don't even see past the wall that's called friendship
You have all these dudes talking to you
But I'll treat you like a princess
I want to defend your honor
Harbor all the feelings I have
And write so they can make sense
Because honestly you've taken my sense of direction
My moral compass leads directly to you
Throw that thing in the garbage and I'll still go directly to you
You see you might not see that I believe in you and me
And if there is a you and me
I swear to love you unconditionally
You have my head spinning
And in my dizziness I only see you
You are the bright light that brings me out of the fog
You are my North Star
I look at you
And I'm home

I hope you know
That the sun might set
And darkness may fall
But your smile shines brighter then anything I have ever seen
I hope you know
That when I see you in the halls
I don't just smile
I glow
Because I know
My life just became much more beautiful
I hope you know
That when you are sad
I physically hurt along side of you
I would take all of that pain right off of you
I hope you know
That being your friend
Is all I need
I couldn't ask for anything better
I hope you know
That I will always accept you
Your past does not scare me
It will never define you
I hope you know
That when dudes mistreat you
I want to kick their ***
They don't know your past
They will never understand
I hope you know
That when you can't fall asleep
I'll stay up with you
Even if that means falling asleep in class
Its worth it
I hope you know
That I would make a fool out of myself
If it meant you would laugh
I might look like an idiot
But I got to hear your laugh
I hope you know
That when you feel like giving up
I will be there to hold your hand
I will take your struggle and make it mine
You are one of a kind

When I look back and think about my closet
Dark
Small
Prison
I think of all my fears cramped in one small space
Just waiting to break free and be released
I think of all the hateful words said
All the looks
All the whispers
Thinking that my closet was my safe haven
Only to realize that my closet was slowly killing any hope of being myself
Realizing that if I stayed in there
I would be setting an example
That being real is too scary
That being 100% is not worth it
But stepping out showed freedom
Freedom to think how I wanted
Freedom to dress how I wanted
Freedom to hold her hand
Freedom to say "I love this girl"
My closet was the scariest place
Somewhere that told me to stay
Stepping out meant being vulnerable
Closets aren't about vulnerability
They are about restrictions
Alienation
My closet was my biggest enemy
My hater
A total threat
My actions speak louder than my closets scariest images in my head
Don't think that your closet is there to help you
Protect you
Break free
And be who you want to be