greige skies that spill unto the ground
I missed thee
solemn silence  filling my notions
an unrequited love.
originality, I never recognized your precious glow.
But here in this light now I know,
Now I know.

She loved to watch you dance high and low upon the trees.
Dripping with possibility-- your pure yet peculiar honey.

Like a parched flower floating at sea,
He cringed yet indulged me.
I have not one hope,  one goal but each two or three.
unrealistic, nonsensical, surely naïve.

Still I go forth with pen in hand. head in heart.
pushing and clawing through
This impossibly intolerable, simple world,
all designed by you.

I didn't want to be this way
Nay I loathed those that were

I dreamt in color not pastels
I needed not another

The fear of being held in place
now treading through the sludge.

I cant recognize my own name
just what in the actual ****

I'm not the person I thought Id be
Do great things be carefree

I'm not myself I don't know who that is
Or who is actually me

Do you even love me? What does it mean for you to love me? I am of your flesh. You created me with half of your dna. That doesn’t mean you have to love me though. I can tell you don’t. I don’t expect you to anyway, it’s ok. I’m a fifteen year old with an attitude, and I am kind of a slob. It makes sense why you would chose that man you’ve known for six months now over me. He likely tells better jokes, and he makes you happy. I remind you of obligation, the mouth you have to feed and the never ending list of responsibilities you have to me. Is that why you chose to put a potential relationship in front of my well -being? Do you know what it is like to walk the halls of a new high school every year of high school? I do. Its lonely. Because you had to see where that relationship would take you. I’m really not that good at any one thing. I talk too much, and my grades are average, if not below average. I could see why you wouldn’t believe me when I told you your fourth husband touched me. He told you he didn’t mean to make me uncomfortable. Can you believe that? Uncomfortable. Now I’m promiscuous and have an eating disorder. Anorexia. I barely graduate high school because I stay out passed curfew. I know I’m a handful. A parental nightmare. I think I can see how you wouldn’t love me.

is time to be silent. just still and listen to those words that sing to me memories.
the ones id forgotten about.
the buzz of the electric, like the buzz in my head
looping together , things that shouldnt be touching
strings through my heart and mind like steel thread

You did this! you know, this is me and I am you.
you twisted me like a bow, a pretty little accident,
you pulled me through

For you I wept, for you I made irreversible mistakes,
with little to no receipt,
there was rage and shame ,
little cracks and breaks

like a flower you watered my life
with ***** water, was all you had
so i had not but leaves dripping with fluid,
accepting life trying not to be sad,

I grew into this life form with ideals and dreams
as so i had not just come from a beautiful mess with little means

And here I am writing flaws about you and I my dear
when actually we have conquered, what you placed to subdue  fears.
your plan all along was to mold me to what you lacked
an anti you to which I grew exact.

I have grown with insane dreams,
love of beauty, and life pursuit,
all because you molded me into the brilliant,
Ideal other part of You.

And there i was,
finding myself,
looking back the way i do

Disappointed in myself
not even a thought by you
a second thought is not
so collected

one so sure
one so lost
the latter
from the expected

scattered in a memory
thoughts of us intersept
keeping track of silent weeps
a chain reaction
reluctantly kept

a life is no life
filled with uneven breaks
in places unseen
a silent heartache

mime like movement
from to day basis
a smile
merely substance
filling spaces

passion drained
detached ship
passing shore to shore
no intention to re-grip

laugh! smile!
so easy it would seem

believe! have hope! and just let it be!
we cant show that side not now not me

let go of the hatred and anger for sure,
Id give no less than a bird would
to soar

this cant be your life it consists of no meaning
no dreams to escape in
no future worth leaning

fly away from the known
allow the queen to her thrown
for this is your life
and you paint it your own

sing songs of beginings,
dance a dance with no ending
live the life youve imagined
its your dreams tht are depending.