We're beginning down that road, take two.
We had a start, so it's not that new.
Our game is the same, and so is the goal.
Personnel and personality, in time we will see,
In the end its inevitably
Our sound to which we are bound.

But here's to the new.
Here's to seeing what we can do,
So let's give it a shot, and we'll sure **** give it heel.
We set out to claim our fortune.
Let's see what fate has to spell.

Once upon a time
It wasn't so long ago
I was sad
I was a wreck
I was a mess I confess
Love had me lost
And I had lost my way
Until the day My life stumbled across you
And I very nearly walked on by
But something made you stick
Made me decide to pull back
And into my life you came
And that's where I want you to stay

I won't be cliche
It wasn't love at first sight
But you've grown on me
In my arms you fit so tight
My lips to yours
God it feels so right
Come away with me
And I confess my love tonight

When I see you
I want to breathe you
I want to be everything and more with you
You're the best in me
Can I be the best in you
And you're the reason why
I see the beauty in every day

I was breaking up with you
In my head
- tearing my soul from yours –
And I didn’t know why?
You had always been amazing to me
All of my life.
But I felt the need
To get out and be free,
To live the life I thought was expected of me.
At times you were crushing me,
So I decided
               Just Let Me Be
And I drove to your house

I sat on your bed.
I had the nerve to wake you,
7am on a sunny day,
After a long night of the fraternity
- drinking and carousing with who-cares-what sorority –
In order to break the news.
And there you sat,
First angry, then shocked,
Then trembling
As the words, you lacked.

I was sober.
You were crying.
After long,
At last,
We had said all our words,
And I stood up and went out the door.

I walked around the corner and down the front steps,
And that’s where my resolve collapsed.

I dropped to the curb
Having been stabbed in the back;
Not by you, but me,
As I tried to keep my supposed path,
But to you, I could not turn my back.
So I sat there and watched
The world blur
As my tears dropped to the curb,
Eventually working up the nerve to give you a ring.

Thank god you picked up.
And I confessed to you
I had no idea what I was doing,
That I needed you for all the world.
So you came out and met
Me on that wet
Curb,
Picked me up and went inside.
Our lives not yet to divide.

I find it almost funny
How hard it is to make the right decision.
You can have convinced yourself
That you are going to do the wrong thing and yet,
When time finally comes to act,
As you set your feet to march off in the wrong direction,
An unending stream pulls against you towards what's right
And the more effort and want you put into resisting the flow,
Only turns the stream into a roaring river,
Irresistible as it throws you at the right choice.

Though by far the funniest part about the whole thing is:
Once you give in and just go with the flow,
Making that right decision in the end
Turns out to be the best by days and years,
And this opinion is only made stronger
Due to how hard your subconscious mind body and soul
Opposed your initial decision to make the other choice,
And by the dividends you are being paid
Now that you went through with what is proper.

If I decide to court you, Young Lady,
I would gift wrap my heart in your hands.

When we'd meet,
With a kiss!
I would sum up all of the words
I had wanted to say
to you
While our hearts were away.


When I decide to court you, Young Lady,
I will gift wrap my heart in your hands.

And with a kiss!
I will sum up all of the words
I will have wanted to say
While our hearts were away.


As I decide to court you, Young Lady,
I gift wrap my heart in your hands.

And when we meet,
With This Kiss,
I sum up all of the words
I have wanted to say
While my heart was away.


As I court you now, Young Lady,
Will you in return,
Gift wrap your heart in my hands?

And in return of The Kiss,
Sum up all of the words
That needed to be said
That our hearts kept locked inside our heads.


As you allow me to court you now, My Lady,
We gift wrap our Heart in our hands.

And we kiss,
Heedless of the words,
Needless as they have become,
That we thought needed to be said,
While I was away.

The winds blow and tree branches wave enraged,
The sky is one gray cloudy mass
While the rain streams down, all is wet.
Outside is bright with the drear ethereal light
Contrasting the interior shock of fluorescent,
Divided by tired panels of rain-streaked glass.

And there you sit.

All ivory-skinned facing the poaching storm,
Ensconced in the library chair you make a throne,
Collectedly attending your papers in front,
Careless of the outside weather as
The rich falls of your hair -
                              A few reckless strands daring
                              To fall as they may.

All the while, trees continue to shake,
The winds to blow and the rains to drop,
But all you have to spare is
a quick glance,
Then its back to work.

Day by day life goes by
Getting better and better all the time
No place I'd rather be
Awesome friends and great family
A great room, sick roommate
Where else could I want to be but here?
Good history, Great present, Unlimited future possibilities
The world is mine for the taking
And I'm doing it day by day

what you do to me

and what you make me feel

shows it plain to me

I dont want to live a day without you

for a day without you

is a day without rain

a day without shine

a day without food

and a day without water

a day without you

is not really a day at all

for a day without love

isnt worth living at all

Beautiful brown eyes
The kind you fall into
The ones you get lost in
And realize you never want to escape from

Those dark lashes
Pulling you in
Luring closer to the eyes
Until nothing else exists

Eyes crowned by
Jet brows
Exquisite curve here
Complimentary arch there

Light, but deceivingly dark
Your skin's warm glow
Freckles
Abound.

Down an elegant nose
Dividing perfect from perfection

And here is that smile
That brightens my day
Effortlessly
Two beautiful rows
Beaming white sunshine
Back into my world

Inbetween
A subtle pink dart
That playful tongue

Silk
Soft
Lips
Slicked in Blistex

All framed
In ***** blond hair
I love it tousled.

Konfusion
Yes, I spelled it with a K
I like it
But that doesn't solve
How I should deal with it

The more we progress
The more silly games you seem to play
Kan it be
Spelled with a K, that I like it?
How then do I deal with this?

Everything she is
Kould it be
One spelled with a K
One that's not
I like, and I like it.

Torn by two
K it is
And K is not
Can it be I love
And Kan it be I'm not

I've met you twice,
It feels like I've been waiting my whole life.
I never knew what it was before,
But I now realize that I'm starved.
My life is empty of you,
Of you and your presence,
I hunger for your voice, your actions.

Now that I know, I can think of nothing else.
Its there in my sight, so obviously right.
How did I ever miss it before?
Its about time I let you know.

Hey there boy, where do you think you're going boy?
What do you think you're doing boy, what indeed?
I see you there, I see what's on your mind.
It isn't going to happen, you're not going to make it,
No way, not a chance boy, not going to happen.
Try, try, as hard as you like,
Just know that I'm here
The moment you realize you never had a chance.

this is The Way I Loved You
through your Blackout (Acoustic)
as My Paper Heart,
This Broken Heart,
has been Since I've Been Loving You,
Tim McGraw.
Being Your Walls
has shown me I need to Wake Up.
like The Man Who Can't Be Moved,
I've realized this isn't love, No It Isn't.
I was Love Drunk,
I've been through The Suffering,
and I always thought I'd be there When Your Heart Stops Beating.
you are Cute Without The "E",
something deep inside of me, because I will Always Love you.
I am consoled to know that I am Irreplaceable.
Goodbye
******,
Whatsername, does it matter?
you're a Flake
155.
you'll be in Somebody Else's Arms
even though you said you were Just Friends,
but I know you're thinking of me, because  I always gave you the Best of Me.
I am Everything You Want
and now that I'm gone, I hope that Gives You Hell.
in you I've seen all The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows,
even your Halo,
but you Should've Said No.
Forget December, I want it no more.
I want it to be Like We Used To.
I was so Naive, dealing with you.
it felt like I spent A Decade Under The Influence,
as things came Crashing down
onto the Wet Sand.
so help me understand, comprehend, Tell Me Why?
my Konstantine.

Up on this cliff, with all of the greenery and sand,
With these seashells and the scrub, the shrubs,
The full moon timidly pries through the roiling clouds above my head.
The storm is fighting, but losing hope.
I watch the winds and rain racing over the water
In the pale, breaking moonlight.
Those white, streaking ruffles spreading across the dark
Make me think of wild, gold wheat in a field of deep green.
The moist, salted-rain sea air almost has a hint of grain to it.
I wait for the harvest, and know its coming soon -
Just like the end of this storm - not much beyond the horizon.
I can feel the changes already, smell them in the air,
And with dawn coming, there's a feeling of hope and Love.
The breaking of the storm and the repair of a heart,
Readying myself for Tomorrow's new start.

Honey, my pretty little girl,
My Heart. My World. My Soul.
For all we have been through
I can't help but be in love with you.
I am honored to know that you value me so much,
And that just by being me
Can have such an impact on you.
As tough as it will be having to be away from you
For as long as it takes up north,
I know it will do amazing things for you
And for who you are to become.
Indeed, all it will do is make us stronger
As I feel the longing pull at me
More and more with each second
You are away.
I miss ever little facet
Of your being.
Being away from you
Only makes me value you
That much more.
You are my happiness,
And no one brings it out in me
Nearly the way you do.
You are my world and
Every intricacy in it.
In short,
You are my life.
Dearest little girl,
I love you
With every fiber of
This beautiful mind
Beautiful heart
And beautiful soul I have been blessed to possess.

I feel your strings still attached to me,
Those I once imagined cut and withdrawn,
The ones now drawing taught again.
What once was slack begins to cut circulation.
I had broken free and away from your lines
- Now it turns into a trick of the mind.
Tightness around the wrists, ankles bound.
Marionette strings go up as I dance your song.
The only thing missing is you, Phedre, to my Joscelin.
Oh, how at times I hate you,
But life cannot go on without you.

And so my days pass, muddled in indecision - my always vice,
To stand at the crossroads and choose, choose again.
It's at this apex that I'm pulled back:
As hard as I resist, my thoughts are uplifted,
As hard as I fight, my eyes follow the path,
And it's upon you that they come to rest.

God knows what you see, what emotion writ on my face,
But I see perfect serenity, true beauty.
I see the face of the only one with whom I ever want to be.

You said you were tired and the spark was gone.
You said we were done.
I did my best to talk you out of it.
I did my best to tell you the best was yet to come.
But you still said no,
That you'd lost your ability to see the sun,
Said we'd had a good run and had our fun
But there's nothing more left to come.

So you went to take your time away
And I went for my time alone.
You said we shouldn't talk,
That we shouldn't see each other for a while,
So I ran and ran away from you,
And now I've run as far as I could -
Away from me, away from you,
Away from anything that reminds me of we,
Though most of all from everything I've become.

And through it all, all of this running,
All of this hiding and hopes of not thinking,
I still always think of you,
And find that more than anything,
I miss you
And I hope you've been doing well,
Because I've only ever wanted to see you happy
Even if it means not having you with me.

The grass is so green
Right here where we walk
And the sky above is the blue
About which only we can talk
The playful hills roll
And the dipping valleys sprawl
The long trees in the wind blow
And the birds in the air call
Here in this blanket we lay as lovers
And we do it all
Someday in the future we will look back
And think how foolish and reckless we were

It's happening all over again.
I could barely bear it last.
Thank god it happened earlier down the path.

Why do I ever let my heart get involved?
Every target it sets,
Every little spark,
It puts out before they start.

Such sabotage is hard to hold,
When the guilty one,
Is that sabotaged soul.

I've done it again.
There is no doubt left in mind.
A short wait - a brief time -
And the verdict will be returned.
Left alone for time unknown,
Is what is sure to be read down.

Big brown eggs
That most beautiful shape
**** Magnum
Its who you are
Its what absorbs me
All of me into you
Nothing else matters
But me with you
Seen through
Those earthy orbs
Porcelain domes of the land
Making me continent
And a martian planet
Inside and of them
And outside and apart
I love you none-the-less
I love you all the same
Let me kiss your eyes
And watch them fall asleep

I feel them, smell them,
The winds of change are blowing.

The tide, the sea air,
They reverse their course and are flowing.

Things between us are growing, changing, evolving,
For better or worse is not yet for our knowing.

In time we will see
Whether you were ever truly in love with me.

Look at me
And try and understand
That I'm not just saying googbye,
I can't ******* stand you.

Get out of my life.
Get out.
And I don't even care if you say goodbye.
Just go.
Get away from me.

The lies and falsities
**** me, every time,
In a way you know
But never see.

I hate you.
I hate your hypocrisy.
Everything,
Down to the way you
                                            ****** Me.

I burn within the confines of my own personal hell.
I built up the walls and I created the rules,
Each and every torture is one of my own creation,
Hand-picked and prepped for maximum potency,
And after so long and becoming so familiar with all that I've made here,
I've become too comfortable to leave,
Too complacent to venture out and see
What the world might hold in store,
Afraid that it could well be everything I need,
Afraid it will render this extravagant prison of mine useless to me.

Holding in this
Ocean that are my emotions -
Without you my shore
To crash and break upon,
To loose this passion,
And to satisfy my yearning
For you my Love -

Is the tide
Not being able to rise
And fall,
As my hips to yours -
Our breathing in sync
With that within yours and my breast,
Hot and fast -
And I am spent
As I break at last.

Why is it always when I'm at work
When things are happy, fun - we're talking -
But when the work day nears done,
Your sweet voice goes silent
And not a word is spoken
Until its due time for
Your wide dream account to open.

Where does that put me,
Where does this leave me,
When the time comes,
You're never there?

How come you feel such a compelling need
To taunt and tease me
With your presence,
And then deny me?

So if that's your silly little game, girl,
Go and let me be.

I'm so over and done with you.
Done with all you've put me through,
And all the grief I've born for you.
It is past time for moving on.

Open your mind and open your eyes
And maybe you will see what you are missing.

Expand you thoughts and watch
Your horizons stretch beyond thought to imagination,
Giving you access to everything you want.

But you could never encompass those thoughts
Because they weren't the typical, normal wants.

Open your door, opportunity is on the step.
Let it in and watch it ignite your world,
Burning away the drear and monotony,
And that's where you will find me.

Deep inside of this inferno transformation
There is no time for you to get complacent.
You're on the edge of your metamorphosis,
This evolution revolution waged inside.

Let it out into the air.

Find what you want,
Embrace that thought,
Think hard enough and I'll appear,
Showing you the lack of reason
To fear the instilled conformity.

Drilling deep to your core to clear
The debris and degrading thoughts,
Again and again to prevent you getting lost,
And in time you will see

Me.

I woke up in the morning and said
Today is going to be my day
That was different than the day before.
Before, each day was yours.
I got up for you. I lived for you.
For You.

But I got up today and said
Today is going to be my day
That's different than the day before.
It's not yours. Its not hers.
It's mine. Do you hear?
For Me.

I got up and said
Today is going to be my day
That's different than it was the day before.
I'm not waking up to live for anyone else.
This isn't anything to deal with you.
It has nothing to do with her.
It's all mine, do you hear?
Mine.
For Me.

I got up and said
Today is going to be my day
That's different than the day before,
But do you know what?
It won't be different than tomorrow,
Or the day after that, or even the one after that, or ever.
Those are mine, do you hear?
Not yours, not hers. Mine.
They are for me,
And the always will be
Because I got up and said
*Today is going to be my day

I dream of the day that you comeback and join me...
Then I wake up and know that can't be true.
Even miracles can't bring you back again,
And the weight of achieving our dream now rests on my.
So despite how bad things get and how the might sputter,
I keep pushing ever forward because that is what we knew.
This was our brainchild before it went astray,
So to stay true to your memory, this is the path I follow,
And whatever ups and downs it may bring,
This is what I have to do, I have to do for you.
I can't let this go like so many other things in my life,
Because if I let this go, then so do I let you.
I can't give you that sort of disrespect.
I have your memory and I will honor it.

You may not be here to push forward with me, but
I will dedicate my gift in the pursuit of our music,
And if that ends up as naught, I give my drive and perseverance,
My stubbornness and ability to overcome the world inside,
To push and power through to see our dream come true.

So though you may not be here and working towards our goal,
You are a major driving force behind the momentum,
Burnt into every fiber and deep in the ink,
Embedded in every stitch and every step in the act
As I walk the road to see this dream come through.

All you ever did was take, take, take,
And I can't take it anymore.

Whether during our time when we were only friends
Or when we were dating,
All it ever was, ever, was taking from me:
My time, my energy, my hobbies, friends and family, even my poetry.

Slowly, little bit by little increment,
You took everything from me,
And now, so soon after I rediscover my passion for dance,
Make it into the last bastion of my resistance,
You go and steal that away too.

You were too young and we were both too immature,
I should have known.

I gave you everything I had in faith,
Hoping to help you make life right,
But instead, those greedy, little emotional fingers you never knew you had
Went and took everything in sight,

Leaving me lost with nothing which to call mine.

patient and quiet
i hear the wind
                                                         and so it begins again
                                                         about you
i think to myself
how proud
                                                         that you are out on your own
                                                         living in this strange place called world
somewhere out there
high above is a shooting star
                                                         standing strong and alone
                                                         not a big girl, but a young, beautiful woman
i am transitioning
into greatness
                                                         that no one ever thought you'd be
                                                         with one exception - me.

Misty, sea-gray eyes
framed in wet-sand blond hair.
Brightly lit orbs
with a secretive, seductive shadow
surrounded by gold-streaked waves falling,
first left, then right.
Hidden in those eyes
are unknown thoughts and emotions
that - down your nose
and across those lips -
escape every now and again
through that flash of a smile.
Sarcastic, happy, rye,
I am enticed by
all of your wiles -
whether you mean them or not,
whether you see it or not -
I wish to learn the reason
your eyes smile.

So here it is
Here it is finally
Someone not trying to **** me over
That confirms you ******.
****** me over.
I can't believe that I loved nor cared
For you and your pathetic existence.
Good die
Have fun in the next ******* life

You feel the tip slowly pierce through the skin,
Cutting, driving, striving deeper within
As if that written dagger seeks my soul,
Further in as that ****** knife takes its toll.
To the brink of my heart your edge does go;
My fate is sealed though it has yet to show.
With an agonizing turn of the blade,
I have been dealt the fatal blow.

You stand and watch as to my knees I drop,
Not sure whether I am feeling surprise
Or if relief wells from inside this shock.
My last gaze locked upon your flawless face
          - those endless brown eyes, so full of malice -
                    As you give one final turn of the knife.

My heart
My star
My baby
In my car
My circle
My square
To me it doesn't matter
What you, or where,
You are
For love holds
No judgment or
Prejudices
It only sees what
You mean to me

I speak
And I see
And I feel
And I know
But most of all
I know
It makes me
The being who I be
And that makes me
Me
And it prevents you and me
It prevents we
From being me
It keeps me original
As original as that first sin
As Adam and Eve
Conceiving
Just what it means
To be as human being
As you and me, My Lady
And if as God decreed
That Love is blasphemy
Then strike me down
And set me free
For in this awful life
I don't want to be

Hawaii,
Just the name sounds magical,
Oahu.
Oh, wahoo!
But the swell was dying down,
Not as big as days prior.
Still good enough for me.

The undulating earth,
Not fire, water.
Slow rollers
With surprising speed.
Cresting, foamy peaks
Avalanching into those clear bowl-like valleys below.

Temporary hollowness
Racing to devour the escape
As the sleek slide rides
On until the chase is up.

Barrel after barrel
For time out of mind that day
Was spent in the surf.
Great day in those crystal waters
Riding the waves of the earth.

The mind drifts,
Away and away,
To that far away place
Where my Heart stays.
It resides with you
In that place I long to be.

Here in class we chit and chat:
We gabble in Spanish,
We scribble in writing,
We yammer in literature,
And we run for sport,
But no matter the distraction
My Heart escapes.

To thoughts of you
It goes to wait.

The Wild Man is calling and I've seen the Wild Man signs
I thought time had been stalling
But now I see the truth forced through
I had bee free falling in time
Watching days and weeks go by
Now I see that I'm going to have to do this bailing
With my own two hands one bucket at a time
But what on this Earth is worth easy
Let me tell you that nothing comes free
So let's get to this bailing
And in time we will see this pond empty
Leaving me standing ankle deep in muck and happy
Side by side with my Iron John
Because I know that he has been calling
And all of the signs and signals have been clear
But I believe the problem has been I haven't been looking
Or maybe I just haven't been ready
I flipped that first page and believe me something changed
My time is now for my Wild Man journey
Because he has been calling
He has been shouting out my name
And in the time it's taken me to grab my bucket
I have been stalling
But now time has come
And these waters remain empty
As Iron John has been seized and caged
Over years of time I gradually realize the loss of my golden ball
The one so long ago stolen
But now I stand alone in front of his cage
Feet squared firm as I hold the key
I can see the hungry look in his eyes
For all the years he has desired to be freed
Let us take these steps together he says
And join this world alive
Not lacking in energy and passion as some
But well and truly alive as can be
To be thriving and swelling and breathing so deep
To free Iron John of his iron bar skies
And for us to begin our journeys
To leave all of this world behind
Perhaps to return one day
As all will have seen the boy that left
A man returning, his head held high

I am powerless over the effects of you.
Drown my soul, and I wouldn't raise a hand against it.
How I miss you so,
And it hasn't even been one full day.
What did you do with the once ******* I used to be?

I want you. To have and to hold

Y our friend has taken you.
And to do with you, god knows.
All I do is fear for all the wrongs in Love.
And I don't even know if you feel the same.
Making me Lovesick  without a doubt.

I want you. To have and to hold. To be my only.

And how do I breach this subject?
How do I find out if you'll laugh and snub it?
A blow like that would be too hard to stomach.
My heart ache is worse enough
To have that be the end of Love.
I am not that strong

Where do I have to go to escape you?
We are done with school so I don't have to see you,
Yet I still see you in the social media.

I've tried to read to clear my mind
But there you are, paralleled in every story.
When I listen to music to quiet my thoughts,
Each song is about how I feel for you.

What do I need to do to be done with you
The way you are clearly done and over me?

I've gone, I've gone away.
I don't like the cold,
A beach boy by nature.
I've gone away, so far from me.
Up into the mountains,
Reaching up for the snow.
And I've gone, I've gone from you,
Left my surfing behind,
To give snowboarding a try.
In hopes that maybe getting this far away,
Up to where the air is clear,
Will help me clear my head of you.

The thing is...
I don't really want it to.

You're out there somewhere
Spending boring nights with boring people,
Annoying nights with worse people -
Out there searching for the man whose right,
A search repeated every night.
I didn't treat you right, I know I didn't.
Then I knew I wasn't the one
- a past tense statement, if you notice -
Life has changed and we have grown:
You, more wary and more closed,
Me, more mature and less self-absorbed.
And so life goes, so the story says,
With our actions - its how we write the script,
and during our time together
It was my actions that I most regret.
Those that brought your insecurities,
The ones that grew strong when you said
"[You] couldn't leave [Me]".
And love you I did, in the end.
I did love you, in my own way,
But when I look back I find it hard to say
Compared to the way I feel about you now.
It's true that you don't realize what you had
Until its lost and gone, moved onto another one,
And if there's one thing I could let you know,
Its that I miss you.
"I miss you."
Like nothing that's ever written in song.
Yes, there's the heartbreak, and yes, the regret,
But its all my fault,
With every word I said to you
That I thought I meant.
I didn't mean it.
But now I mean it,
And how much more so do I mean it
Now that I've lost you, lost you to the world.
I never deserved you, such a sweet angel of a girl.
How did you ever get mixed up with me?
And how did I trap your heart?
Crushing it with reckless passion in clear sight -
Crushing it  in ways I knew,
And crushing it in so many more
That I didn't have a clue.
Crushing in ways that I'd never know
Until it was an experience I'd been through.
Now I know.
And for that reason, it hurts so much more.
The pain of my experience coupled with
The guilt of knowing what you went through, of what you gave
For me.
A price that should be put upon no human being.
I am not worth it.
How could I have put you through that?
It makes you that much more special to me,
And I only wish there was a way I could make it up to you.
Everyday it tears me up inside,
And everyday I feel I should tear away,
Even though all the drops have fallen and dried.
I wish I could still have you here with me.
I wish I could again be the one to make you happy:
To be all to you and more one day,
To be he who sustains your heart, mind, and soul,
To be the fuel and strength for your body -
But none of that selfish talk matters.
I just want you to be happy,
To find a man who loves you, so much more than me.
Someone to take the pain away
So that hopefully you will never hear when I say,
"I miss you."

I'll pray to God,
And I'll pray to Santa Claus -
And to anyone else who has half an ear tuned -
That this Christmas time
I've really only got one thing on my Christmas list,
I've only got one holiday wish,
There's one out there I want,
And that's to be able to spend my Christmas with you.

His name.
I saw it coming.
And I made myself believe otherwise.

What could I expect?
When you let you best do it.
And finally I see through it.

His name.
I saw it on the line.
And I took the time to read between them.

How fake was that story?
You held it up and sold it.
Only after I bought it did I truly see it.

His name.
Emblazoned on hindsight.
I won't be able to sleep tonight.

Why does the mind race?
The heart has to do with it.
I wish I was over and done with it.

I've got to go get it,
I've got to be the best,
And I've got to convince you that
I am all of these things
Inside of me that you've never seen.

I am this shy boy
Despite my loud and obnoxious facade.
Its all misplaced bravado,
An excess to cover up for how nervous
You really make me feel.

You've seen my loud mouth,
And you've watched my self-centered strut,
But what you've never seen is the inside of me:
The romantically inclined mind,
The thoughtful, caring heart,
And my longing to understand your soul.

So give me the chance to be
Everything I could ever be,
Most importantly, everything you'll ever need,
And it all starts with you
Taking a moment to see all of these things
Inside of me you've never seen.

What you've done to me
Could be described as a catastrophe
And what I've done to you
Makes me feel sickly

And when I think on how things sound
And how they've finally started towards right
They can't help but turn around
And run as if in a fear driven flight

I've done and continue to do all I can do
To be there for you
I've made my feelings lie
Until all I've got again is pain inside

Maybe someday I hope you'll see
What exactly you've done to me

I feel so bad for being so good at what I do
I made the choice to go make sure she was still mine
Pulled her back, gave her another dose to keep her under my spell
Then it was time to head home where
One came to greet me, and another ran to meet me

At first things were ice blue, now they're fire red
First she began to slide away, now tied to the string on my finger
Her and the other two, all stuck in my head
I thought I would delight when I became you
And I do, though my conscience also has some things to say

I want to be you, Something I really pursued
But guilt breeds deep down inside
Please tell me what you would do
Or is that for me to answer now
Seeing as we are the same
Do I pick and play one, or do I pray on all of them
How much can my conscience take
Playing two, then three against each other, waiting for the breakdown
Next thing I know I'll be going straight down, thinking Am I Ok
Should I just ride along and see how things go
Or stick with number one and try to cauterize the wounds

I wish it could all be that easy, you three agreed to please me
Though for good reason it doesn't work that way
So I guess I'll just do it on my own
And do my best to hide each from the other
Down this path I plan to go
And if guilt takes over, or one gets discovered
I guess it'll be too late to apologize now
So let's see where it goes

I sit up at night and find my head up in the clouds.
I take a look around and find you holding court
Even if its only kings and clowns, its everything you've ever wanted,
And there is the crown of diamonds and myrrh
Sitting upon your brow lightly as a newly fallen layer of snow.
As the stars go rushing by my ears and across the sky,
The only thought to cross my mind is the beauty of you in my eye.
We can be kings or pawns a man once said,
But what can that possibly matter when he's long been dead?
Preventing me from asking him what those frosty words meant,
And when the gold mountains rise to meet the starry skies
I make a wish upon you, you shooting star blazing through my life,
Hoping to take you from this group of fading glimpses,
Reinventing you as my lunarary waxing gibbous,
Maybe to one day have you become the sun.
I greet you in the East as you dictate the heartbeat of the day,
But as I lay my head to rest, descending from the clouds,
I find you locked away in my heart.
I will breathe for you another day, another time,
Watching you shooting star across my skies,
Departing from my life as a wish unsaid, a wish untried.
I am left, my head on my pillow, awaiting my comet come round again.

a

lonely figure still at work
toiling on 'til its no longer late
slaving away tirelessly
desk ridden past required hours
to finish what must be done
for the days to come

I'm taking time out
To sit and simply lie down,
Back on the ground watching clouds
Whisper by,
Heads held high
Thinking and wondering aloud -
If you miss me at all?

To write - that flow of words is therapeutic beyond all belief.
To write - the psychological rehabilitation and relief does for me amazing things.
This ability to write - it feels so natural and right.
The words, when written by hand, simply roll across the paper,
Falling from my brain out through my hand seemingly with no end.
It is extraordinary, the physical release that comes with the act of writing.
When I write there is such a lifting of tension, a weight no longer resting on my shoulders,
It always astounds me.

When I pick up the pen after a hiatus
This in rush of positive feeling is constantly surprising,
Each and everytime.
It makes me question why - each and everytime -
Why I ever put the pen down?