I am in class again, and like the good student I am,
The paper comes out and I begin to write.
Let's write those notes, write that response question,
Remember that fact, jot down that caption.
But no, that's not the use I make of my paper.

Instead, I write about that girl to the right,
My neighbor's neighbor, she's the new flavor.

The drone goes on from that lady in the front.
I sit in the back and try to block out
All that will move my thoughts from her.

Not the wisest use of time, but its the one I prefer.
I have to use it wisely and see her when I can,
Because when the weekend comes, for days on end,
Out of my life she's gone, and all I've got is written in poem.

Why did you have to go?
Why does it feel like you ran away?
Ran away and left me here
Stranded in this place called life?
I think of you and of that day,
The one where you left this world,
And I think of all the things I never got to say -
The pinnacle of which was "goodbye".

We miss you by day
And as we drink by night.
So here's to you, Andrew,
For the first time tonight,
In honor - Live Ever, Die Never.
Here's to 594, Hi Hi Hi!

Did you have to go so soon?
Did you have to make such a quick escape?
Escape ladder up and left me
Feeling painfully alert and alive.
I think of you and the aftermath of those days
Where you had left this world behind,
And of all of what I never got to say -
One of which was "goodbye".

We've missed you by day
And as we drink by night.
So here's to you, Andrew,
For the second time tonight,
In your honor - Live Ever, Die Never.
Here's to 594, Hi Hi Hi!

I know you were taken too soon
On that bright Spring day,
After which I tried my best to run away,
Tried any escape to forget you were no longer alive.
I think of you and all of the great days
We shared before you left this world behind,
And I forget all the things I never got to say -
The least of which was "goodbye"... I'll see you again someday.

We miss you during our days
And as we celebrate your memory by night,
So here's to you, Andrew, my friend, my brother,
For the third time on this bright, clear night.
In your honor - Live Ever, your spirit will Die Never.
Here's to you, 594, Hi Hi Hi!

We will always miss you during our days
And even more so as we celebrate each and every night,
So here's to you, Andrew, my best friend, my brother,
For the fourth and final time on this best of nights.
In your honor - Live Ever, through us your spirit will Die Never.
Here's to you, 594, Hi Hi Hi!

It's Christmas time of the year again,
All I can think of is you.
There's all of this festive cheer in the air, and
All I can manage is a lesser feeling of blue.
Life without you really isn't anything -
Not that it was ever cracked up to be.

With all of this goodwill and love around,
I am bound with my thoughts on you,
Wishing that I could spend these days with you -
That I could hold you close these cold nights through.

None of which is meant to be,
So I will hold you in my thoughts
And send out a prayer in holiday cheer,
Wishing you a Merry Christmas,
And hoping that you and your family are well.

I can't help how I feel
I can't help what you create in me
You make the best in me
Come out and shine for you
And though you may say you've never done anything
Its everything that you do
That makes me love you
Want to be with you
Sit and stare at the sun
And watch it go down
Til it comes up again
On us two
Baby, its you
And thats all I know
You are the happiness in my life

Hey there, Young One,
You've got me upside down.
I look around
To find that all has changed,
And that how it used to be
Is all gone and blown away.

I look over your way
And you blush and hide your eyes.
That's just fine
If you're shy.

I look over your way
To see the way I look upon your face,
And you look back my way
As I smile and wave, touched by your grace.

My heart has been tied to yours
So tightly it wouldn't budge if I wanted it to.
I'm tugged this way and that in your wake
As I hop, skip, and jump and dance with you
Across the obstacles of everyday,
Praying that I'm suited to your tastes.

3AM
Time slips by so slowly
My mind works at turtle-pace
I am a waste and helpless to boot

The moon in the sky lies to me
Smiling as ever - the man on it is sad
Agreeing with my mood
Though he is unable to show it on the surface

Mellow-dramatic is more than adequate
For this recent state I've been stuck in
I don't try to help myself
I can't help myself
And all you do is make it worse on me

The few steps I take away
Are on allowance by you
And when all are used up
I come running back
As if a servant called to task by master

I want you to know
That is not who I am
I am my own person
I am my own being
Leave me to my own devices
And we can do what we do
Hold on one moment, you are calling

This is Southern California - the land of surf, sand and sun -
But since things went south between you and me
All of that has been replaced by the rainy and grey.
This weather system that rolled in has been
Hanging around like the memories of you.

You said I meant a lot to you,
But the way you pushed me away and let me go
Despite admitting you still had feelings for me
Has got me confused and I'm reaching season lows.

Things weren't perfect, that I do know,
But I had hoped having this winter break respite
Might allow us the time we needed to make the turn around,
To make things all right.

Now I sit and think of you.
I hope that winter's been treating you great.
I hope you've caught up on sleep
And aren't losing it up at night thinking of me.

It comes in every color, size, and shape.
It doesn't matter who it's for or who it's from.
There are no boundaries, no taxes on.
Wherever it decides to take root it will hold on.
It's no choice of yours, and definitely not of mine.
I've felt the tug before as it pulls on my mind,
And no matter how I resist or try to hide or deny,
It always surfaces, becoming twice as strong.
No race, no creeds, no, it cannot be collared.
By and far the best when given freely,
One to another, given in hugs and kisses.
Love to each other is the remedy for our troubles
As we begin to see each as sister and brother,
No matter his faith or her skin color.
And if she's got that many piercings,
Or if he's got that many tattoos,
Or if I believe in certain ideas and beliefs,
It makes us unique and that much closer.
Difference isn't a divide, but the bridge
That enables us to love one another.
As long as we give it the chance to grow,
It will foster itself in out hearts
And its words will speak from our souls.

How do you tell a 19 year old boy that he is in Love?
More importantly, how does he tell himself?
At this point in life, that admonition is more life self-incrimination,
Than the natural steps for a smitten heart.

For so long the lone wold has roamed the range,
And now that one has been found that feels the same,
The instinct to go run and hide away
Must be corralled and eliminated from the brain,
With proper manners, class, and tact instilled in its place.

Though he feels so strongly, and always sees her face,
And with thoughts of her never far from reach
- Hovering on the edge of consciousness for easy access -
The ripping sound is his being being torn apart, heart and mind at odds with each other.
This self-perpetuating war in those maturing from boys into men,
These internal struggles time and again testing their carriers' mental fortitude.

Eventually will he just give up?
Or does he tend to fold and give in to the strain?
Could he possibly soldier on, keeping shredded thoughts to himself?
I sure would like to get a hint if you know,
T'would save me a lot of trouble, time, pain, and sorrow.

Words, words, words,
That's all they be,
And words, words, words,
That's all they see,
But those words, words, words,
Combined with the voice within me
Means so much more than you can see.

I speak and call to you
And everything comes from me,
But hard as I try to reach you,
I can't help as I'm falling free,
Spinning, diving, out of control.
The world divides around me
And I am left drowning.

Please God, oh please,
Don't desert on me.

I went down to the crossroads
Now we will see if I change
That's only the second time I've been
And the first time went up in flames
Just like the last trip
Things seem alright
I had a great evening
I enjoyed it to the last

I came back from the crossroads
All empty and cold deep inside
Longing for my next ride down
It might not even be anything yet
But I already feel those miles pulling
Exaggerating that figment of loss

I look at the crossroads
Wishing to go back very soon
I hope I can visit tomorrow
Though even that is a wait too long
I must go back
That's my one undying dream
A need, and urge - that urge - grabs at me

Last time I felt like this
I didn't go back to the 'roads
For some odd reason
I just let it go
Something I still regret to this day
From the time I went down the the crossroads

When I thought this class would never get better
You     glanced yourself into my life.
Minutes in, and the monotony had already begun to wear,
The clock arms paralyzed with my stare.

The Charlie Brown speeches coming from the front,
This created confusion,
Dissipates when I see you look my way.
And for that brief moment,
Everything in life seems all right.

Then it's back to the grating of class,
The drone of the drone at the head of the mass,
- At least for the time being -
Until I chance another glance in your direction,
Or you unknowingly glance in mine.

All of the words I can say don't mean anything to you,
And all of the words I can write are illegible to you.
All that I see is how I am lost to you.
Maybe what I write and say combined into song
Can make you see just what you mean to me.

My darling little bug baby,
Why can't you just see
That you are beyond everything
And the stars above to me?

Thoughts of you don't leave me free.
All of my words are falling uselessly.
All of my lines are brushing off of you meaninglessly.
All I can hope is that my song can impart upon you
Everything that
I can ever hope that
You learn,
And you see,
And that I wish you knew about me, because
Without that,
And without those,
I don't think you'd ever see
That you're everything to me
In the world,
And my life,
And my time on this earth.
The globe
In my sky,
Above my mind,
In my eyes,
It's all I can see,
I can hear,
I can taste.
It's you in my face,
In my thoughts,
It's around you that I'm wrought.
I'm distraught.
It's by you who
I've been taught.
No other thoughts
Cross my mind
As I pine
Over you.

Estos es mi tentativa
para escribir para tu
Estos son mis palabras
y es asi como me siento
Escribo sin adornos y acentos
porque esto no es mi idioma
pero yo todavia hablo del corazon
con estas palabras en la pagina
Yo no siempre se que las cosas correctas decir
y a veces yo estoy demasiado atemorizado decirle como me siento
Entonces escribo mis sentimientos aqui tan puede saber
Exactamente como me siento
Como me siento de tu.

El corazon se hincha
cada vez veo la cara
y un frio arrastra en los dedos cuando paro de pensar de tu
y todo yo jamas quiero hacer
es es un mejor hombre para tu
para ser el mejor
para ser el unico hombre para tu
y yo no puede ayudar per pensar
como espero que sea el uno destinado para mi

The moon cycle has new found meaning in my life,
As well as the vile use of alcohol to cure my head.
It has been that long since I last laid eyes on you.
That night of lips in the dark.

Before I had used alcohol to facilitate interactions with women.
Now the Devil's drink is abused to ease those times from the mind.
The fire in my heart is fed like a fury in a dry forest.
Like sticks, thoughts of you stoke the flames to inferno.
A four year old tie shoes into less confusing knots
Than the tight *** you leave in my head -
To which only that detestable liquid
Has any soothing effects upon.
The knots loosen, but thoughts still race
Around the track of my mind with dizzying fervor.

The last time I saw the moon this way,
It was the most wonderful sight to meet my eyes.
This time, it makes me sick to my stomach,
Wondering whether I will ever see you again.?
Praying that is not all the progress I am bound to make
- or if I am destined to fall short,
to extract another piece of my cold heart -
Of which I will be reminded each time I glance at the moon.

Now that things are truly on the level -
That what I think of you,
And likewise, you of me -
Is clear in the open,
Swaying in the steady breeze of change,
Raised to the sky by the connection of lips,
Has drawn you ever more often
Into the train of my thoughts.

As if that was necessary,
Considering that before all of this
Not a beat of my heart
Passed without you on my mind.

The distance between us
That previously caused me grief and longing,
Now conjures a quiet and melancholy behavior
From one normally more rambunctious
Than the most playful puppy.

I still have fun and can be happy,
But nothing can compare
To that unparalleled exhilaration
Of standing near to you, holding you tight,
Wishing the world would hold still,
Even if only for a moment
To prolong that maelstrom of emotions in my head.

And the only thought that seems to creep into my head is -
          I miss you.
And if I had my way,
I'd keep you within arms reach forever.

I feel wheels moving
In my brain,
Spinning and rolling,
Never gaining traction
To put thoughts to paper.
Tension is static block
Of frantic attempts at thought.
I try
To no avail.
I can't get moving, no forward motion,
Drawing on emotion and experience,
Yet the page remains empty.

You are always busy
My time is filled with nothingness
Does this contribute to your at ease
And my longing to see your shining form
That nags at my soul as flies to a horse
You have no urgency to hold me with your eyes again
Which makes my pain that much more obvious

On the phone with you constantly, texting not talking
It eases the tearing at my soul, but only to a certain degree
Like taking Advil for a pain requiring Vikodin
The time spent there holds me well enough, though the lips of silence
Speak untold words of doubt and remorse, and of hope
Thoughts of you pushing me away
Of you with another man
Me wishing I had done things a little better
Wondering if you are the one for me
Wondering if our time is near to an end

Believe me when I say
I will not, would not go
Though you should follow
If I leave this mire in the gloom
As sight becomes blurry
To the drone of this sorrowful dirge
We turn to follow the troop
Our form behooves this movement
The words spew from our mouth
Hollow though true, as if the buyer knew
Lacking fury in our mood
We wallow in the trove
To the tune of our own drum

We are right on the verge,
We are on the cusp,
The dividing line between
What is you and I,
And what is us.
Our omnipotent energy,
Guided by power divine,
Stays our hand
As we are rolling
And preparing for some
Rocking of our own.
A devilish brew
Some few can handle,
And when we are done,
It's a new genre
Made up from our heart
And what is soulful.

It will be nice once I find some time,
To really sit down and write,
As the summer begins to unwind
And I start to get free time on my weekends,

I can't wait just to throw on my headphones
And to space out and write.
I need this in the end all be all
To be alright.

It will be excellent to get away,
To block out everyone and everything
But those words and emotions
That are locked in my mind -

To commune that with music,
And within that harmony,
I can speak my soul out onto the page.

The Way I Loved You
Blackout (Acoustic)
My Paper Heart
This Broken Heart
Since I've been Loving You
Tim McGraw
Being Your Walls
Wake Up
The Man Who Can't Be Moved
No It Isn't
Love Drunk
The Suffering
When Your Heart Stops Beating
Cute Without The "E"
Always Love
Irreplaceable
Goodbye
******
Whatsername
Flake
155
Somebody Else's Arms
Just Friends
Everything You Want
Gives You Hell
The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows
Halo
Should've Said No
Forget December
Like We Used To
Naive
A Decade Under The Influence
Crashing
Wet Sand
Tell Me Why
Konstantine

Why must you constantly torment my brain?
Peace, please.
If you must, might I have some refrain?
Restrain yourself and allow me a moment
Without the thoughts of you
Assailing my brain.

Do you even know what love is?
For you use that blade well,
twisting and driving,
pulling and wrenching,
and softly lulling me to sleep.
Or am I mistaken,
And sleep is to be the death of me?

The beautiful respite I so desire,
It won't be found in sleep.
I recently discovered that fact.
Why else am I driven to these ends, at 3 in the morning?

Death. Death.
Death.
You don't seem so friendly,
And as a cruel twist of fate
- For those hopeless enough to choose your cold embrace -
I foresee the attack on your soul,
Worsening to the point you rise again.

Let me begin this with an apology.
An apology for the way I have been acting lately.
I do not know what I was hoping to achieve,
But I know it created nothing of what I want.

Let me begin this with an apology.
An apology that I know cannot ever encompass
Anything near what it ever rightfully should,
But for you I will still try none-the-less.

I don't ever want to lose you.
For over the last two years you have been my best friend.
Through the good and the bad, it has been us unto the end,
And to hear you say otherwise has turned my world on end.

Regardless of the fact that you might be moving on,
I can only ever be happy for you, and
I told you I would always be here for you, always.
And I do my best to keep my promises and my word.

I don't ever want to lose you.
I know that I may lose bits and pieces as we live and grow,
I don't ever want to lose you,
Your friendship I value over all others, that I know.

You are a part of me, something which you've made clear to me.
For better or worse that's the way it's going to be.
It's simply a fact from which there is no escaping,
And you know what? That's fine with me.

You are my sun. High in my sky.
When I think of you, it brightens my life.
I know I haven't been acting the way these words say.
For that, I hope you might accept my sincerest apology.

You and I were best of friends, something which we said would stay.
I lost sight of that, I strayed from the path.
If you're willing to give it a try, it's something I'd like to get back,
Because I value your friendship and I'd like it there in the end.

Let me end this with an apology.
An apology for my immaturity, the worst of me.
For all we've been through you deserve more.
If you give me the chance, I'll make it up to you with every word.

You are my sun.
You are part of me.
You were my best friend.
Hurting you is something I cannot forgive.

And if you cannot either,
I will understand.
I'm sorry.
This is my apology.

She was in my dreams again,
Her face there around every corner I went.
No matter how I tried to escape,
There she was each and every time,
In each and every place.

Regardless to how far I am removed
From that brief bit of time with her,
I find my old feelings
Rising unwanted to the surface,
A sickness I am unable to hold back.

I just avoided her in dream,
And now I am fleeing the scene,
Only to find her standing right in my way
As these scenarios and symptoms repeat,
Heave, heave, and heave again.

The last few nights of sleep have not been nearly as restful as hoped they could be
Seeing as those strange dreams linking you and me have been a recurring theme.
No, it hasn't been a repeat of that first odd dream where I
Sought to avoid you - something I am unable to do despite my best efforts.

No, of late it has been one where I am sitting at a bar and through the door walk in
A number of men who I've encountered in my life, some I've known well, and
One by one as they come in, they come up and sit down or stand next to me.
Clearly they are talking to me and trying to impart words of wisdom
Won by hard years of growth and experience gained by walking through this world,
Words by which they hope to save me untold years of toil, of pain, frustration, and yet,
When I wake each time, I only have the vaguest impression, no recollection
Of any of those poignant words which those men might have said.
And that surreal feel of the need to discern meaning from these meetings
Comes as I realize that one of the men coming to talk to me in the bar, in my dream,
Was your father.

He is not there in anger, he is anything but imposing, he is merely speaking,
And as stated before I have only the faintest reflection of what he said
Upon awakening.
That he is your father, coupled with these troubling instances of you
Popping up in my life in the most odd and beyond coincidental of circumstances
Leaves me desperate for any glimmer of clarification.
There's some message that's clearly here to see
But to my eyes that slips and escapes me
Unable to fathom the reason that these phantoms of you
Keep haunting me even into my sleep, into my dreams,
When all I want is to be free of you
As you are obviously free of the chains and snares of me.

I've never been one to read too heavily into signs,
But Good God you have been everywhere these last few weeks,
Except where you should be,
Which is out of mind.

To begin I see your face every time I happen to see my best friends Facebook page
(He's the man you're now dating).
There you are, staring and smiling right back at me,
Happy as I could ever have hoped you could be.

Then of course he commented on some post you made so it gets put in my newsfeed.
It's just so strange all the places in which you are appearing.

Before that I had a dream where you had the same habit of appearing
In all those places that you least should be,
And despite my best efforts to evade you,
My luck - which normally runs exceedingly to the good -
Found the propensity for tremendously letting me down,
Rounding every last corner to find you already there.
Regardless how long we've been broken up, you've decided to comeback and haunt my sleep.

Next was an injection of even more instability into the already unsteady,
As my now ex-girlfriend talked to my best friend - yes, again, the man you're now dating -
And upon hearing how well things are going between you two
Realized just how unstable, just how rocky, things were between her and me
(And just so you remember, you two used to be friends before everything,
Back before you and I had started dating).
So now she decides to approach this subject, something to me seemingly out of left field...
A tear-filled, weepy approach, and she had trouble trying to vocally broach the subject,
That is, all up until once I figured out it was you, it made perfect sense on the heels
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                       Of that dream.

To cap off all the unreality of your presence in a life
That is otherwise utterly free of you - or at least that's how it should be -
Came only a short while ago... once again, completely out of the blue.
I was searching on Facebook for my buddy Johnny, though I think he's now going by John,
So I figured
                     John would do.
When the results came up, what the hell, holy crap, this is too bizarre to be truth,
Johnson came up as the first result I might be looking for - yup, that's you -
Someone I'm not even friends with on this social media nightmare,
Strange that it wasn't one of half dozen or so friends named Johnny or John.
No, it was you.

It might be finally time to take this to a psychiatrist, because,
As stated before, this ****'s getting too bizarre to be true.
Leave me in peace and leave my mind alone.
You've gotten your final revenge as the girl who replaced you and I have finally broken.
Things between us are over and I'm single,
While you are happily off at school in a budding relationship.
What must I do to rid myself of you, to be free of you
As you are obviously free of me?

You're most likely asleep and dreaming peacefully at this moment
While I sit here awake under one dim lamp wondering and writing about you,
Wondering if I actually want sleep, hesitant that it might bring no respite,
Rather only more thoughts of you, whereas you are free of me.

I think my favorite subject is me.
Simple,
Humble,
Me.
I can think of nothing and no one else more worthy of writing about.

Y es, I know it seems a little narcissistic, and
O f course, some people might take it the wrong way, but
U nder the circumstances, who else would I really want to write about?

Heaven above, my love
my heart, my world.
My love for you
and its strength for you
has power beyond words
that will never let go.
It will not shrivel and be gone
when the paper has devolved
back to its roots
when time out of mind
has worn it down to none.

The insanity
that seizes me
is fertilized by your past actions
and incubated in my head,
growing and growing
'til it can no longer be contained.
Then I burst out as crazy
to vent all my mind
to build anew
in that space left vacant.

As I feel by turns spurned
and then jealousy in return,
on and off that keeps
the wheels of this evil complex
moving.
That jealous want
to be with you
and to be all to you,
causes my downfall in your eyes.

And I am left with love
as I try to continue to be good
to you and your needs
at such a distance.
I love you
- it feels as my only function -
and its all I ever want to do.

How is it to be
Me, when I cannot write?
When I cannot quite seem
To dream the words to convey...
Onto the page?

What is it to be
A writer who cannot write?
I feel like one in a squeeze
I cannot breathe and turn
To rage.

I think and think and
Turn my brain.
It twists and turns, it rains and storms,
But when with words
Its rent and torn, spent and worn.

The gift is gone.
The inks run dry.
The apple of my mind's eye
Has evaporated away,
And I am left, spinning cliche.

Hold on closely and
               Don't let go
You need to love deeply
               Even if at times
                    You spiral out of control
If you get hurt
               That's better than never
                    Having ever loved at all
If you slip
               I'll be there to catch
                    you when you fall
Don't worry about me
               It wasn't my time
A few days late
               A few dollars short
Life goes on though
               And you've got to make it
                    Everything you can
Have the time
               You've only got one life
Live for the moment
               The memories last forever
                                                                                Regrets live longer
Don't think of me
               Don't
                           shed
                                      a
                                            tear
I'll see you through it all
               and don't you fear
          When                                       all                                      seems lost
               With the world mounting against you
I'll be there
               to help you up
                    to share a smile
                         and set you right
For your ears alone
          This is my promise
          And this is my pledge
Now come into my arms
Where you feel
                    Just Right
So that I can be your protection
Against the night

I'm going back to the crossroads
This being the second time for a first time
And a first time truly participating in this day
Many times in those years gone and gone by
This has been a sad, forlorn day
Or it could have been the fact
That all of this confused me
I did not understand all that they felt
And why they felt and acted in their fashion
But now I have one of my own
I am beginning that learning curve
To understand what it all stands for
Two firsts in one day makes my head spin
And causes my stomach to reel
I am ready for it
I just don't now it yet

I'm going back to the crossroads
Even facing infinite objections from myself
I have to prove to the world that I can go...
No. Change that.
I have to prove it to myself.
I always enjoy a good challenge
But for reasons unbeknown to me
I have fought as valiantly as any gladiator
To avoid any sort of interaction
Such as the one I am about to embark upon
For no one else but me
And maybe for her as well
I head back that way
As I go down to the crossroads

You only remember the good times when you're all alone late at night.
When you sit there and write by the light of a single lamp
Throwing shadows which creep out of the corners of the room,
Turning the familiar into monsters of this lonely gloom.

You only remember the good times when you're all alone late at night,
Forgetting all of the fights, the hesitations, and all of the insecurity, lack of surety.
These are the witching hours when those ghosts come out,
Always out of sight but never out of mind,
Reminding you of all the good times that you had,
Reminding you how much better it felt having someone there at your side
During those long, lonely moments that the dark of night has in store ahead.

It's in times like these that you must take strength and heart from the good times you had,
Knowing that the relationship built on such poor grounds was driving both of you crazy,
And that despite being alone, being by yourself lying in bed,
Missing the presence and companionship the two of you had,
This break from the insanity is the best thing for the both of you in the end,
And at the very least, in time, you will still be able to call her your friend.

So stay strong my friend,
Don't give into these ghosts,
Don't show weakness and fall back into dead ends.
The pains cuts deep and sweet this late at night,
But with the morning comes new light,
And with the day comes new hope,
Banishing the presence of these nightly ghosts.

Good night to good tomorrow.
Stand up straight and bend in sorrow.
When the villain becomes the hero.
Say goodbye to a good tomorrow.

Baby sleep tight.
Believe in a better tomorrow.
The hero of tonight
And the villain of tomorrow.

Love with all your might.
Even if might is not right.
Might for right is a beacon of light,
For which all should follow.

I it isn't this,
Then it's that.
And if it isn't that,
Then what?

Love leads us all in odd directions.
The best you can do is enjoy the journey.

Be silent.
Be still.
Quit your incessant rocketing.
Be free
Go your way.
Lie down, let my head rest.
Be gone.
I want you no more.
My chest is rent and empty.
My head is a stampede of everything that is nothing.
I can't stand it.
I don't want it.
I want it so much I can't have it.
Leave me be.
You have taken so much from me.
It is time for me to have it back.
To be whole again,
As I thought I was with you.
Away with you now.
I mean for you to be gone.
Wipe my soul clean,
and start again free.

This could be
One of the hardest choices
Of my life,
But I have to make you see
That I want to Be
With you,
But that is not a Need.
This is a decision
And not a Necessity
To have you in my life.

So on that note,
I begin to step away.
Your actions speaking with force
In opposition
To all the words your voice has spoken.
I'm tired and overdrawn
Trying to be your one.
Goodbye to you,
My love,
My baby,
And maybe one day you will see
That you want to be with me.

No, no you don't.
Read my poetry and you will see
That I do,
But that can never be again -
Thanks to you.
You have broken me in every way
I knew it could be.
We, we can never be,
But we never were, either.
You were too busy, wrapped up
In your own self-centered world
To see what we
Could be,
Could have been,
And what we will never be.

So no, no you aren't.
No, no you don't.

I, I miss you.
Because I, I really loved you.
And now I don't know why I ever wanted to be with
You.
I'm left wondering why I tried
So hard, and for so long,
On something you let go
Because you needed some ****.

I've come back down
And found I still feel the same.
Despite my attempts to get away, to escape,
I've found that nothing inside has changed.

I want it all to be gone
Because it obviously meant nothing to you.
I wish I could give it all away
Because I don't want it if you don't.
I don't want these emotions anymore
Because you got tired and gave it all away.

I left and ran
So far from what was me and you,
And when I came back,
I found that nothing inside had changed,
And I don't know why
But I don't really want it to.

Sometimes life never seems to follow a plan,
At the times you least expect it someone new comes in.
You thought you had it mapped, had figured it out,
Then this someone new starts to pull your attention something more,
And all you can do is scrap those old plans and throw them out,
Beginning again, one step at a time, one foot then the other down on the floor.
Time to readjust and replan just how things should go,
To see how life goes and see if she means anything,
To see if shes meant to be, if its meant to be more.
Lets roll with this just one step at a time,
And find out what you really mean to me.

You tease me
Ever in my head
And very much in my reach
Though unable to grasp
Drawing me in to have some fun
Using fishing lines to see if I bite
But when I move on in
Fancying a piece
You laugh and signal no
Tangling my senses from my nose to my toes
Leaving my brain in shambles
Scrambled eggs are more easily righted
Than this mess you have left

Treat me fair
And believe me, you'll live the life
More than your mind can fix

I gave you a chance
I'll give you just one more
But I can't let this go forever
So I'll try to speak now
Though I may forever hold my peace
But as long as you walk this earth without me
I won't ever find peace

The poison has run its course
And has worked its way out.
Removed itself from my veins
And once again, my brain is mine.
The wound has healed
And the pain has long absented.
Visible on the surface they may not be,
The scars still remain
Long past when you have passed.

I continue to wear those beads of Rosary
As a symbol against your blasphemy
Against that Religion of Love
I had built for you.

May they ward off future evils
- Like a crucifix for a monk -
Against the Church of Heart
That had taken you in as a friend
Where you became so much more;
Through your every sinister'y action
That I could not dream profane.

And now, to all, I close my doors
Be they devout, divine, mundane,
In fear of the failure of my Love
I had built for you.

Little One, my love,
my heart, my world.
My love for you
and its strength for you
has power beyond words
that will never let go.
It will not shrivel and be gone
when the paper has devolved
back to its roots
when time out of mind
has worn it down to none.

The insanity
that seizes me
is fertilized by your past actions
and incubated in my head,
growing and growing
'til it can no longer be contained.
Then I burst out as crazy
to vent all my mind,
to build anew
in that space left vacant.

As I feel by turns spurned
and then jealousy in return,
on and off that keeps
the wheels of this evil complex
moving.
That jealous want
to have you to my own,
to be with you,
and to be all to you, causes my downfall in your eyes.

And I am left with love
as I try to continue to be good
to you and your needs
at such this distance.
I love you
- it feels as my only function -
and its all I ever want to do.
And then you let me go

From a further vantage I sit and look at
The spot on the rocks where we sat
Overlooking the ocean and watched the sunset.

In that same spot for hours we just sat and talked,
And for time we didn't, just enjoying the company.
Then it was sunny and the end of summer.
Now the clouds are in and the rain is coming.
One storm has passed and I can see the next on the horizon coming.

The air and waters are calm for the moment
But there's more to come.
I can see the rains.
They're coming down thick out in those squalls
Yet to come ashore and share their fury.
Give it time and they will arrive.
No need to rush, each in its own time.

But in odd contrast, yet fitting,
I see the sun fighting through the thick clouds.
No blues skies yet but enough gleam to tell
That they will return after
The storm has blown itself out.

Thoughts combine and dis-combine
My brain is all and none
My heart is all for one
And then the love breaks it
All for none
And I wish you had seen
Me all for one
And for all that I
Could have been
All that you and I
Could have been
I miss you
You face in the crowd

Well I woke up in a car
- Those are the lyrics to the song -
And I find myself in that same car,
Racing towards the 91.
We go up a rise and I look over;
The mountains in the distance,
See the fog in the breeze,
The zoo, the fountains, the houses it seems...
Its the city, seeing it through the trees.

Somewhere out there,
Somewhere in the haze,
Is you.
Somewhere in space,
The only place,
Is You.

Well I woke up in a car,
Or at least that's the way it seems to me.
Life through these new eyes
Shines so brightly on me,
Except when it comes to you.
I can't quite find

The words to express my thoughts.
How I adore you.
I am taken by inaction
As I lift my hands
And focus on the fingers.
I watch you slip through
As I write these words for you.

I am distracted
Can't focus for too long
Without a break for a dream
About nearly anything
Except for school and my work

Sometimes I go
Back home and to the beach
Others I fly up to Oregon
Hanging out with my brother
Enjoying the cold being up Northern

I might even be sitting on the couch
Taking in the beauty of my house
Resting up my body for when I go out
Prepping to be ready for a bout of drinking
Or whatever sort of mischief I get in

After this moment of distance
I am forced back to reality
Sadly, I have to get back to working
Make letter prints
on a page, oh, I'm late, have to sprint!

I let it go.
No one else to blame.
I took my sweet time,
And time slipped on by.

Too early. Too unknown.
Too awkward. Too set up.
For that fairytale moment,
That never came 'round.
I waited, and now I frown.
Drown

I cling to you, Life.
I should let you go.
Either I smother you.
And then you smother me.
And here I lay dying.

I would say "poor soul".
I should say "pathetic soul".
Always grasping most,
At that which most wants away.

I'll let you go.
Please,
Go and be free.
I can't take anymore.
I can feel you won't say more.
We don't need more.
Feet on the floor.
I know my way to the door.

Even in the dark.

I see your name and a wave of disdain
Surges and breaks over my countenance.
I sneer and want to spit the foul taste from my mouth,
Though stumbling across you was pure accident.
No ill-intent, no malice on your part, only the hate burning,
That blackest brimstone smoldering away in my heart.

I thought it was put out - thought the fires extinguished.
I thought the pain of you was gone, but obviously I was wrong.
And as I look through my folio of writing, a thought strikes me,
A fancy which I follow, leading back to you.

I arrive, and not to my surprise,
"You would do that", I seethe inside.
You would still read my poetry and 'like' what I write, but then -
As a bitter little quirk of a smile grazes my face -
What does surprise me, is that other than you,
I am now your only favorite in this artistry.
And worse than anything else,
                                                              th­at hurts me.

Seeing this in the face of all that has been placed between us
Leaves me bare and rent, of everything, even my hate,
Which is revealed only as a stopper on this emotional bottle.
Only sorrow, a sadness that has adhered to my core remains when the course is run.
That last little bit that you never want to sip,
Those last drips you leave on the bar with the tip.

Long after I thought I could cry no more,
The tears return unwanted and unbidden,
Showing the true rebellion within my soul,
Telling me that there is still more hurt in store.
And when all I want to do is yell and scream,
To say anything to make you hurt:
To make you hurt the way I did, do,
To make you hurt how I do for you,
For you to hurt as I crush you heart as you did mine,
For you to need me as I wanted you,

And for me to give it all up, to turn from Love and walk away.

But it can never happen that way, you could never let that happen,
You could never be vulnerable the way I gave myself in trust and faith,
And in the end, that hate is not within me, I do not carry that cruelty.
I am too forgiving a person, but I will not forget.
So I live on, burdened with my pain behind these eyes, stoppered by a thin hate -
My only defense against you in my life.

When you cease to talk to me
I feel empty more than you imagine
My life seems to drain away
I sit and wait for you to call
Or drop me some long awaited text message

Then does my heart rejoice
Trying to slow my return text

Oh, she replied in 15 minutes
That means I have to wait at least 45
Eh, I managed 35, let's do it anyways
And thus we continue our beleaguered talk

I want to be near you
To talk in person
But without a prepaid gas card
That will definitely not happen
Though every weekend just might be possible

I will do my best to be around you
But my lips will invariably stray
Wandering away from you is unquestionable
Though how often is up for debate
I will do my best to make it less than once a week

I'm sorry for quitting you so quickly
I must be the biggest freak
That you have ever met

The horizon's dark with cloud
As I sit here perched,
Watching those tempests roll and thunder,
Lashing their furies on the water.
Ever closer they approach,
Though who am I to reproach their course?
It's well founded and steadfast.

The rains begin to fall, and the winds to call.
My name is heard above the din.
Strangely resonant with your voice,
The one I once loved and knew,
Oh so well, the things I could tell.
And the rains descend, torn from Heaven.

The last rays of sunset obscured
As the dark drives on towards me,
And I let it come and take me, unmoving.
I let it rip and whip and tear.
It roars and rages, thunders and rampages.

And when all is said and done,
Just like you,
When this storm's fury is gone, abated,
I am left standing, the ground beneath my feet - consecrated.