Dragging on like the steps of a tired man,
Heading home after a long day at work.
The clock arms seem paralyzed in position.
Always the same when a full rotation,
And maybe more should be gone by.

A pit full of guilty criminals
Caught in a trap sprung by the law
Does not come close to doing justice
To the nervous tension clutching my stomach

I know what must be done
Once I am set free from my captor
- This enlightening prison of the state -
And hopefully I will not dawdle
Or have to be dragged by my ear.
No mother, I don't think that will be needed.

Like an infant, time crawls near.
Like a bull rider due to ride next, I grow more anxious.
But as a seasoned boxer, I will roll with the punches,
And in weathering the storm of emotions,
I can accomplish the task at hand.

I awake to a new day having survived yet another long, lonely night.
I look out my window and see the fall sunlight already falling down,
Covering everything in a false warmth before the heat of the day arrives.
The ground is still wet from a little rain the night before,
Telling that it's only so long before winter makes it's way to the coast,
But for now, the remnants of summer linger behind reminding
Us of the good times we had laying in the sun with our toes in the sand.

So I awake to another day knowing that the sun still wants to shine bright,
And that the sun still wants to shine down upon me,
That I might rise to the day with the sun and seize
The best possible out there for me.

Where is this Muse, this Lady Love,
Who insists that we need more time?

But how much more time can I really spend
Sitting around and waiting by her side as life
Goes right on by as I bide the seconds of mine?

What more can she ask for that I haven't given?

What more could she ask for that I wouldn't give?

The more I see her, the more disaster it becomes.
It's become time for me to get past her,
Time to leave her gone and away,
Time for me to live in the Love and Laughter -
To get away from this torture and pain.

The time's come for my turn at love,
And time's gone by for living this lie.

I can feel the words and emotions building up inside again.
I can feel the pressure and desire to speak them spilling over the edge.
I look at you, I dance with you, and I  finally feel whole.
I want to say these words but I don't know how,
So many words to say in so many different ways,
But when I break it down, there's really only one meaning -
Made up entirely of words I have an inability to say.

I, I, I. Me, me, me.
Maybe the key is to talk about you,
Get away from my self-absorption and
Take a moment to think about you.
I pray then that the words will come.

Where have our days gone,
And what have our manners become?
If our parents could only see,
Would they even recognize their daughter or son,
Would they believe that this is what we've done,
That this is what's become of their world?

Something once so clean and beautiful,
We have beaten and burnt, reduced it to
This cynical, self-centered place we see.

Even in my short days alive I'm in shock and disbelief
At all the changes and atrocity of the commons.
Who are these people and what have they done with humanity?
Has kindness for the sake that its right up and gone,
And how have we let hate become this much of a pandemic?

This has gone on too long.
We must find the vaccine to this malaise.
Despite it being right inside,
We each must bring it out in ourselves,
But once we do I find it to be quite infectious.

We only need to give it time to breathe,
Then I can spread a little love from you to me.

toughness -
the drive, grit, and determination
that I have to find
will be necessary in days to come

goals -
have been written on paper
will make me shoot for the stars
though I may fall short

friends -
will support me in my endeavors
and fuel my drive
but some may doubt

family -
happy that I have found myself
glad to help me on my way
though mom is not happy with all the time spent

coach -
the man with the plan
which I will follow
though who knows where it will lead

the combination -
of it all creates a strong brew
from which I will partake
giving me the toughness to see it through

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Now why couldn't I just come out and tell when I had the chance?

There once was a ***** from Garden Grove.
I wanted to see how she rode,
But when she straddled high
Her boyfriend came by,
And all she could say was "Oh my".

The last time I got to see you,
And the last time I got to hold you, dear,
Neither of us could have predicted
The sour mess the future held in store.

Burnt up like life cut short.
Only a feeble, sick exhaustion left
After that inebriated interplay on the phone.
Though I had left, now I was gone.

The fault is mine,
And the love is gone,
But please remember me
From the times we held near.

I know you're moving on
To bigger and better places,
To new beginnings and new people
With new minds and new faces.
Dr. Seuss famously once said,
"Oh the places you will go",
And oh that I do know.

It's a big, frightening, scary,
Beautiful, wondrous, exciting world out there
With all its bright sights and lights
And sounds resounding in the air.
Definitely be wary but
No need to be overly worried.
We've all got to make the jump
At some time or at some certain point,
And every one of us has to make it
Each in our own individual way.

So don't be afraid
That you could be doing it wrong,
It's not worth the worry because
Really
               Life Isn't That Long.

Get on board and go with the flow,
Or pick your direction and go
And see where the beating of your drum takes you.
The beauty in the journey is that you never truly know
Where those winds and whims will blow you.

Hey baby doll,
Does it even matter to you?
To keep plans at all?
To follows your words up right?
Does anything matter at all?
Except where the next party calls?
Except who pours the next drink?
Who lines the next shot?
Is that life to you?
Is that all you got?
For if it is, I'm gone.
I can't deal, can't hang with your ****.
I leave, and hope you head for a fall.
To make you realize
Who truly matters at all.
For you look like a rose,
But the smell you put off
Is a combustion of diesel and alcohol.
String me along some more if you please,
And I will make you see
That life ain't nothing without me.
You got nothing without me.
Go have another drink,
And when you finally come crawling back,
I throw you a fist full of dollars.
Tell you to have another on me.
Go ahead baby.
It's free.
Now watch me leave.
I ain't going to stand for anymore immaturity.
If it isn't me, let me be.
I will take my heart and go.
Be free away from the tortures
You rain down upon me.
You're not that good.
You're nothing near great.
You're not worth my time.
You ain't worth a fight,
And here I stage my flight.
Breathe a fresh breath.
So clean away from you
And the filth of your life
That pretends to want me.
But no matter how I knock,
I'm not let in.
I'm held on the step,
And the significant limbo,
The balance on that step,
Does precarious flips
Upon my stomach.
And now I lose my nerve.
I've lost my nerve.
One last knock to see if the door handle turns,
And I turn
To take my leave
Of you,
And all that brings you down
Because it's bringing me down,
And I ain't going down with your ship
And all of your *******.
If I'm not even invited
To come in and sit.
It's down to you.
The time
Has lost my patience.
It's gone from my mind.
I want it no more.
I begin to abhor
Every moment I've wasted on you.
And there is little to no
That you can or will do
To bring me back
- to change my mind -
Because once the heart has gone black,
It don't go back.
It won't go back.
It's over and gone.
You set it in stone,
Written above your grave
As it looks down upon you,
And all that we had known.
And now I have gone.
Such immaturity,
The childish ways.
Leave them in high school,
Middle school preferred.
You're in college now
Headed for the world,
And you decide to act like a school girl.
What did you hope to gain from that?
Because I won't go back,
You turned my heart black.
That's the fact,
And there's no way back.
What did I mean,
Some strange sort of inbetween?
Inbetween what?
Another two guys, from up and down the block?
No baby, that ain't me.
I'm looking for the kind of girl
Who loves me for me -
Not for my money,
Will laugh because I'm funny,
Love me whether I'm fat or skinny -
Because I will be me.
And I need you to be you,
Not some dressed up China doll.
But as I said,
You're headed for a fall,
And I couldn't care less at all.
Have fun in your Hell.
I'm headed for my Heaven.
Anywhere that has no you is where I want to live in,
I can really dig in,
Kick my feet up
And watch, as the world
Beats you up,
Because I'm done.
I'm gone.
I can't wait anymore
For you to grow up,
So this is goodbye
Baby,
So long
Baby,
To what was Love
Baby,
To what now is lost
Baby,
goodbye.

Hey Baby Doll, does it even matter to you
To keep plans at all, to follow your words up right?
Does anything matter at all; except where the next party calls?
Who pours the next drink, who lines the next shot?
Is that life to you, is that all you've got?
For if it is, I'm gone, I can't deal, can't hang with your ****.
I leave, and hope you head for a fall
To make you realize who truly matters at all.
For you look like a rose, but the smell you put off is a combustion of diesel and alcohol.

String me along some more if you please,
And I will make you see that life is nothing without me.
You've got nothing without me.
Go have another drink, and when you finally come crawling back,
I'll throw you a fist full of dollars, tell you to have another on me.
Go ahead baby - its free - now watch me leave.
I'm not going to stand for any more immaturity.
If it isn't me, let me be, I will take my heart and go.
Be free away from the tortures you rain down upon me.

You're not that good, you're nothing near great.
You're not worth my time, you're not worth a fight - so here I stage my flight.
Breathe a fresh breath, so clean away from you
And the filth of your life that pretends to want me.

No matter how I knock, I'm not let it, I'm held on your step,
And that significant limbo, the balance on that step,
Does precarious flips upon my stomach.
And now I lose my nerve, I've lost my nerve.
One last knock to see if the door handle turns,
And I turn to take my leave of you and all that brings you down,
Because its bringing me down and I'm not going down with your ship and all of your *******
If I'm not even invited to come in and sit.

The time has lost my patience - its gone from my mind.
I want it no more and I begin to abhor every moment I've wasted on you,
And there is little to no that you can or will do to bring me back - to change my mind -
Because once the heart has gone black, it doesn't go back, it won't go back.
Its over and gone, you've set it in stone,
Written above your grave as it looks down on you and all that we had known.

And now I have gone.
Such immaturity - the childish ways -  leave them in high school, middle school preferred.
You're in college now, headed for the world, and you decided to act like a school girl.
What did you hope to gain from that?
Because I won't go back, you've turned my heart black.
That's the fact, and there's no way back.

What did I mean, some strange sort of in between?
In between what, another two guys from up and down the block?
No baby, that isn't me.
I'm looking for the kind of girl who loves me for me -
Not for my money, will laugh because I'm funny, love me whether I'm fat or skinny -
Because I will be me, and I need you to be you, not some dressed up China doll.
But as I said, you're headed for a fall, and I couldn't care less at all.

Have fun in you're Hell, I'm headed for my Heaven.
Anywhere that has no you is where I want to live in, I can really dig in,
Kick my feet up and watch as the world beats you up,
Because I'm done, I'm gone, I can't wait anymore for you to grow up.
So this is goodbye, Baby, so long, Baby, to what was love, Baby, to what is now lost, Baby, goodbye.

I begin my day,
It's the same in each and every way.
I begin my day,
It's the same as I see you in every single thing.
From the moment my lashes flutter open,
You're there in every single movement.
I feel you in the space between every heartbeat,
Feel you squeezing into every exhalation,
And it's this repetition threatening to drive me insane.
If we weren't meant to be together,
If we weren't meant to die together,
If it's not 'til death do us part,
Then why are you so inseparable from my life?

I search and I scream, I roar and I dream,
No matter where the search leads me I come up empty.
I want you or to be rid of you.
I can't live in all of this in between.
Love me or leave me,
But being in my life without me is torture unnecessary.

When you find yourself burning to the ground,
Burning down, down, down,
You look around to see nothing but flames -
Flames and smoke thick enough to choke.
You've just got to believe that you'll make it through,
There's just no other way.
Otherwise you allow your demons to rise,
And the only thing those ***** devils ever do
Is cut and claw up your back,
Try to lay low your pride and soul.
So stand tall and stride ahead,
There's never a reason to check behind.
Steel your eyes against the smokey haze
And be strong against the towering flames.
If you keep your head low
And carefully breathe you won't choke.
If you stay true and believe with everything you've got,
You'll come out un-singed in the end.

Dear Girl,
          11 months gone
And you thought we could digress
Along that path
And return to that time
When we were just friends?
          All you did
And all you meant to me,
You destroyed with a few damning words,
But I had to go digging
To find the proof.
          Its better this way,
In the end, you know?
Now you can be a happy girl,
And I can try and recover
Whatever is left of these last 11 months.
          I want to recover
Whatever is left of my trust
Towards all the other people in this world,
Or are they all liars lying in wait
To spit deceit at the few
Of the good heart and mind,
The same way you spit
On my love for you?
          All I can ask
Of you and your twisted life
Is how you could say
"I Love You"
To me?
Wait.


Don't answer that,
I don't want to hear
Anymore lies.
No more words
From your mouth,
Because all they do
Is infect my life
With the poison of your
Blackened Soul.
          So you go your way,
And I'll go mine,
And maybe one day
- As it always does,
And you'll be the first to agree with me here -
Karma will come back to haunt
You
For your actions here.
          No regrets
And no reservations
On your part
- Girls never have them.

But I Do.
          I'm sorry I ever met you.
          I regret every moment I've wasted on you,
          To help you and build you,
          To try and steer you right,
          When here in the end,
          All you've done is wrong me.

Maybe that's too strong though,
As I have learned a valuable lesson
That I never would have
Without a ***** like you.

Another scar to bear
And another pain inside.
Nothing for you to see,
It's hidden behind my eyes,
But I do hurt, and myself I revile,
After these long months of living as a friend.

Victory, Victory, Victoria
So this is what's become of us.
Another scar,
Something my words did not intend,
Neither of us safe from their path.
We both played our part precise,
We, the engineers of our own demise.

You, with waiting to play your cards,
Unfortunately you played it too close, you played too far.
How long is a guy supposed to wait
Before he wises up,
Before he realizes he will not catch the bait?
You tell a guy just want to be friends, twice,
And you know what, he thinks he gets the point.
You built your walls up too high
To try and prevent a painful ending,
And instead we never got to start.

Victory, Victory, Victoria
So this is what's become of us.
Another scar,
Something my words did not intend,
With neither of us safe from their path.
We both played our parts precise,
We, the engineers of our own demise.

It seems as if I paint it all your fault
But we both played our parts.
I waited patient and tried to be
The best friend and what I thought you needed,
And when you mentioned your friend
Thought I was an "interest"ing guy,
I walked into it with my head held high
And both eyes staring open wide,
Refusing to let myself see
What you really did mean.

Victory, in honesty, I could only wait so long, hating to be alone,
And Victory, in honesty, I never thought I'd be singing this song,
Victoria, as things wound and rewrapped themselves
So quickly after I picked out a new course.

And to you again, how long do you
Expect a guy to sit tight and wait?
It's a lonely life to watch a girl live life
Until she finds she is ready to date.
And as for the poems you quoted at me,
Only one was written about the new "she".
If only you'd taken the time to see what
The upload date would surely tell you,
A different story on who the subject
Of that second poem was,
Of who I wrote that other poem for -
Or maybe you prefer now not to know
So neither of us has more reason to hurt
Beyond the fact that
I never showed you that poem.

So Victory, Victory, Victoria
This is what's to become of us.
Yet another scar to bear,
Something from my words I never did intend,
With neither of us safe from their path.
We, the players, acting our parts precise,
We, the engineers, the designers of our own demise.

I might hold the key to love,
and that key might be what love is.

Love is always thought to be associated with the heart,
sometimes with the mind,
But I think it might be neither.

Love is actually a distance, or so I might claim,
And it is this distance that has an effect on the soul.
The farther the distance, the more the soul stretches.
Sighing to reduce the pressure on such a precious thing.

The smaller the distance, the more the soul is filled and built up.
Abundant energy and emotions from the fueled flame.

All I do is sigh. I have no energy.
What is wrong with me?

The most vile of all poisons
More potent than any snakes venom
Deadlier than all spider's saliva on earth
Worse than any brew procured from any apothecary

This most sweet of all delicacies
Makes men dose themselves 100 times
With the most lethal of all drugs
Leaving only destruction and mayhem in its wake

Though tolerable, and even so far as beneficial, in moderation
Seldom if ever does it stay that way for long
Like a rock rolling downhill
The speed of drinking speeds up til no one can stop it
Causing pain and suffering, not only for the abuser
But anyone near the blast zone

Moderation is the key to all things
And this toxic concoction is certainly no exception
Keep an eye on yourself, and don't be dumb
Don't drink more than from pinky to thumb

For all of my self-proclaimed skill and finesse with the English language,
               For every single English and Lit. course I've taken, every last book I've read, and all of the papers I've written,
               I come to find that I am left at a loss as to the words to say to you on this subject
               Because of me being too bashful, too shy and too nervous, all in a blush when discussing my emotions, and
               I cannot be boisterous, I am unable to boast and roast, to showboat, I am incapable of acting my way through this
               For fear that you will perceive what I say as false emotions and label my words as untrue,
               So, in lieu of that, I will put it straightforward here, without gloss nor glamour nor anymore preamble -

               Would you consider dating a guy like me? Could you see yourself dating me? Would you date me and maybe someday be
               My girlfriend?
               Because I could see myself dating a girl every bit like you,
               And I just wish you knew how much

                         I want to kiss you so
                         That you might know, and more so, feel
                         What I feel for you now
                         Despite all that I cover and hide
                         With this noisy and verbose facade.

                         But, even more than that, I
                         Long to hug you, to hold you in my arms.
                         Such an embrace as you've
                         Never felt before and
                         - if left up to me -
                         The likes of which from another
                         You would never need.

                         I long to hold you in
                         Such a way that
                         You feel eternally safe, and
                         That space between my arms
                         Will ever be synonymous with
                         Safety, comfort, and the protection
                         That you seek out in the good times and
                         When the wide world grows scary and wild
                         And those out there try to bring you down.

               So there you have it, as simple and plain as I can make it - whether to the good or the bad - it's been said, and
               All that I can hope is that you know that I do mean every last word that you have just read.

Alexis,
I don't mean to be sexist,
But I put you up on that pedestal.
It drives me crazy,
I go so wild.

Judgment day comes to you
And I watch you begin to tremble and wilt,
Slowly as you fade to blue,
Though its in this moment in which
That inner strength and fire is built up.

So as one like me steps up
- despite your thought and want to faint -
Your body and build of action and mind
Begin to rise, from inside, unseen strength,
So you rise as we go, step and step by.

One by one they flow and flow on together,
And as long as they go you can tremble and quiver,
For we will glide the wind around the floor,
Blown from form to form with frames so strong.
Its what we have built upon.

At the end of the night
I say this to you with the highest praise,
"The way you dance is like rain from the sky,
Gracefully down, so liquid, so lithe,
Go with confidence and you'll more that survive".

Do you want to know the way to my heart?
Give me a piece of chocolate,
And let me hold your hand.
Look me in the eyes
And tell me that I'm your man.
Love me in the spring time,
And love me in the winter.
Love me in the in between time,
And love me forever,
And forever and for always you'll be mine.
The girl of my heart
And the girl of my mind.
The love of my life,
Oh, baby, sweet apple pie.
So give me a piece of chocolate,
And let me be your man.
Bring me into your life,
And forever I'll hold your hand.

"Mmm",
She said,
"I like whipped cream",

and I said,
"Oh, I bet you do".

I see the storm.
That darker patch of grey on the horizon ruffling the waters,
Darker than all of the rest.
It is slowly moving my way,
Towards shore.

It will get here by evening.
At the moment it is calm.
The air is hardly moving
And the waters are flat.

Yes, the token ripples move
As the surges come through,
But otherwise it's peaceful.

Cool winter air breathes.
The sands are dimpled from
Last night's rain,
Undisturbed other than a
Lonely pair of footprints.

A single sailboat marks the harbor entrance.

The storm will get here by evening.
But  for the moment
I will enjoy the peace and clam.

One storm has passed.
The other is yet to come.
But at the moment
All is peace.
All is calm.

How long has it been?
A month, six weeks, longer than that?
For the record, let me tell you,
It has not felt half that time,
And yet... it has been years and more.

Generically, distance makes the heart grow fonder,
Which is true enough for me, though,
In that retched state, it leaves me
Also very prone to look and wander.

If my brain were a tree,
You would be its mistletoe;
Making me think of you often and always, and,
Despite my best efforts,
I have been unable to make you budge.

I might consider you a disease on my mind
(But as of this moment in time),
I couldn't care less when you jump into my thoughts
For it always brings memories of:
Your happy face,
Your smiling voice,
Kisses in the dark.

Orange* is the color of the sea
Follow along now come we'll be
Wallow in the mud and now we're strung
Rut and strut, my hips, you're flung
Cut you open and slide in my soul
Snag some lines, take a pull
Lift and strike, bear the bones
Drift alone in the mistake
Mountain up and then we break
Fountain on top, into the *orange

There in the crowd,
Alone and then found.
A sight for eyes to feed upon,
I did not believe
That you were for me.
Our chance sealed with a date,
A chance to see you later.
Though it still may not matter
For the boundaries
That stand between
Both you and me.
And even through it all,
What really might cause our fall,
Is my overbearing mouth.
And my pride, the inability to bow.

I can still see your smiles in my mind.
They're always there just behind when I close my eyes.
God, you're as beautiful there as you ever were.

How I miss falling into those brown eyes,
Getting lost and smiling so much that you had to ask,
What are you smiling at?
What are you smiling for?
To which I'd reply -
Nothing. Just you.

And maybe that's where I went wrong.
You weren't nothing, and it wasn't just you.
You were everything to me
And I was thinking of all that was you,
Each and every little thing that made me love you.

And it was mistakes like that
That caused me to drive you away,
Which forced you to have to walk away.

I was a fool.

I would give anything to have you back,
To have you for a second chance.
But admitting that won't change anything,
And however much I say I miss you
Will not bring you back.

It's not what you want.
I just have to learn to live with that.

I am amazed at how,
On the eve of one year later,
How broken I still am.

You were nothing and
You were no one,
And you were the one, wrong.

Isn't it amazing how,
In a matter of moments,
Things can change best to worst?

It's over a year later and
I still find myself thinking
About her, and not you.

You, you were really nothing,
But she, oh, don't get me started.
She was the one.

Time and again I broke her
And then I broke for you,
And you broke me how I broke her.

Isn't life amazing?
The forces of Physics at work -
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Well you, hah, you were
Most definitely a reaction.
Oh yes, I got mine.

Karma I will name you, yes with a K.
A ***** of unproportionate levels,
Or at least it feels that way when a recipient of you.

In reality, a ***** of even proportions.
You taught me most important lessons
And left me broken inside.

With those lessons in tow
I moved on in life,
Moved on to leave you behind.

Moving on in every way hoping
To find someone like her,
Finding myself unable because of you.

After a year of hell breaking myself
Upon your walls has left me empty,
Bereft of courage, weak in mind, heart, and soul.

I have nothing left to give.
My body is empty.
My courage is spoiled.

So as much as I long to find her again,
I still find you in my life,
Only in a different form, though caustic as ever.

Opportunities come, and opportunities go,
But I sit rooted as ever watching them pass,
In fear of making a move - Because of you.

Afraid that I will never be enough.
Afraid that I can never be enough.
Despite everything I ever gave.

This is what's become of me, are you happy?
Is it enough?
Just move on already, I've got nothing else.

Please, I'm begging you - I've have enough.
I just want to go find a version of her,
To love her and no one else,
To love her like no one else,

And I can't
Because of you.

bzzz bzzz goes the cell phone
               ****
it reads
My reply

Shush, we're not talking
about you. Movie n wine
at home later? Maybe
jacuzzi?

bzzz
               Mmm ill call u love. Im
               tired and cant be out late.
               I have work 8am to 7pm :\
wow, ain't that lame
to which I say

:-\ ok

a few minutes later on
and I text again

I love you. Im sorry for
being sulky. I just miss
you and really just want
to see you.

there it goes again
               I miss you too i love you
               so effing much

:-( only 2 days but its felt
like an eternity

               Agreed
and then poetry
gets the better of me

My love. You leave me an
empty vessel when you
are away. A ship without
sails. The sun without a
sky.

Her reply comes
               Hunny :)
followed up quick
               Im going to make this an
               early night
Ouch that hurts
Caught me off guard
Do I be sad?
Or do I be smooth?

I cant even talk you into a
quick yogurt session? Ill
drive. Just there and back.

my phone rattles back
               Im grumpy tired and
               waking up early lovebaby
shoot quick

And I can put you to bed
w a smile on your face :)

               Be a little more specific
               :)
oh god
and here comes the barage

A back rub, a massage. A
head rub, a hug. A kiss, a
squeeze. Lets just say
that this lil finger went to
market.
And as Ive said, I just
want to see my baby. So I
apologize if Im being
pushy. Ive missed you
more that ever this last
day.

               Hehe lovebaby *** youre
               adorable

Adorable enough to get
you to agree to a quick
trip to yogurt or
something? Pretty please
w a cherry on top?

               Youre.sweet and tempting
               like.a cherry :) lovebaby
               lets watch the snow fall
               one day

Well then have a lil taste
of the cherry. It promises
to have you home by
11:45 :-)

               Gah golly u make this
               hard
And here it goes
full blown
oh god
oh no

Say yes and it wont be
hard. Say yes and know
you made me the
happiest boy ever. Say
yes and know you get to see
your love. Say yes and
know that my eyes will
twinkle like your own
personal stars tonite. I
miss you :-(

               Jack. I love you
One more desperation push

I love you too baby.
What have you got to
lose? And Im sorry Im
hassling you. I really
really miss you.

and then the minutes drag on
a few and then ten
maybe a few more and

Im sorry, Ill stop. I hope
you have a good nite.
Sleep well love. I miss
you.

and then
there it is
               I love you

I love you too baby. Im
sorry for being crazy.

and time stretches on
the beats grow long
and in reply*
               Ill call u whn im home

Old World Juliette, it is a sad day which has come true.
My skill with the English language failed me
And I said things which no man should ever say to you.

We did come to date for a while like I had wished,
But then it all came crashing down around us
Because of those ill-advised words which I said
In worse-fated moments of desire and despiration.

I wished to be the one, your protection against the world
But all I did was turn and cut you down again.
I claim to be a Modern Day Romeo,
Thinking of us as star-crossed lovers destined to be,

But we, like the original pair of this namesake, are fated to be separated
By the poison I have taken, crafted by my own hand
And put in each arrow of each word to you I had spoken.

Then, in Juliette fashion, I came out of my stupor to find our love dead,
Poisoned by my vial - by the vileness of my own creation,
Stopped before the budding love-lily ever truly started growing.

we pick up the conversation as it goes
as we listen in, it follows

and I love you

through everything we've been through




and she says "i dont know where i would be without you"




thats not the important part

what matters is where we are

and where we can go

anywhere is possible

the sky isnt even the limit

the moon and beyond




and she says "the moon is pretty far out there

i wouldnt want to go alone"




if you wanted to go

Id do everything to help you

Id go with you if you asked

and if I felt you wanted me to go

but could not find the words

I would follow you

catch you when you fall

be to you all

that I can give

because what is life to live

without love?

little did he know
the dangers in her coy words

I've had to harden my soul, my heart, and my mind,
Against you and all
The people I know
To keep you from hurting me again.

I can't feel anymore and it tears me to pieces,
But these ends become necessities
To keep you from infecting me.
So let me go, let me be happy, please.

I could love and I could be
Anything anyone could ever want,
And now I can't be anything to anyone
For fear of letting one like you in.

Leave me alone
And let me recover my love
So that I don't do in turn what was done to me,
Because the last thing I ever want
Is to be you.

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
Those are the words
And that's how I'll be

My heart shall remain yours
In your hands I am free
No matter the circumstances
My love for you is the standard of purity

I love you with my mind and my heart
You are the fuel of my soul
The light of my day
The promise of sun in my night of life

When things chance to go bad
The thought of you makes it all right
I go on today
For the memories of tomorrow

I can honestly say I'd do anything for you
I can honestly say that you fit me right
And if you love me too
I'll make it through the night

Though you may not be ready
I come as I am
Its all or nothing
So this barrage you'll have to withstand

My letters of love
My CD's of hope
The numerous pictures I draw
It can be hard to cope

I dream of stealing you away
But that's not what you want
So with the world I will share you
And give my thoughts and tongue the chomp

If I can have you just a little
I can survive for today
And tomorrow a bit more
I might find a way to continue on

And maybe someday in the future
When a girlfriend you are ready
I'll be so strongly attentive
All you need do is tell me

But for the time being
All that I will ask of thee
Is for a few special moments of time
And your love for me

Endless and drear, the way is made clear.
I have to get out of here.

I don't have a clue what I'm doing
And I'm just wasting time.
A stop-hold on the moment
As I watch life go by.

Your scent permeates the air
To the point I can no longer bear
It as I stomp your grounds,
Harassing the innocent on your behalf.

Another few days, only a few more weeks,
That's the way I make it day-to-day.
A job's a job, and money is money,
A paycheck is better than none, right?

I can stand it no longer,
Watching my days grow shorter,
Making no progress forward,
Living within your bounds is torture.
I feel I can go no further.

I'm done and gone, I leave you behind.
I seize the moment and try to gain back lost time.
I'm living my life and saying goodbye.

I sit down in class,
Not to work,
But to write.

I sit down to write,
Not about the world,
Not about why.

I sit down in class,
Pen and paper in hand.
I sit down in class and
I never want it to end.

Yes, you heard me right,
I never want it to end
As I sit down to write,
Pen in my hand.

Class could go on, on and one
And on forever more
As I hang in those moments,
In a glance, and in a glance one more.

But, at the same time,
Could I
Live in those moments forever?

As glance by glance
You're in my eye,
Burnt into my mind
For when you're gone in time.

As I see,
That as we sit here in class,
You'll never notice me.
No more than you notice
How you tap your toe,
How I glance your way.

Stuck in these moments,
I slave away.
Breaking my heart
Each and everyday.

I need class to end
As soon as can be,
For in these waning moments,
I cannot come to say
Any of the words
To make you look my way.

With a semester already wasted,
Frozen in that moment,
This time becomes more precious.
I'm left with one question,
And that one is,

Can I pick the moment
To gain your attention from
The distractions of class?
Show my class,
And prove to you that
I'm the one.

Tonight could not come sooner
Tonight could not come soon enough
Tonight could not be more open
Despite how closed shut it is

Tonight has a lot of potential
Tonight is oh so flat
Tonight will be epic
Despite how bad it will be

Will people show up
What will happen
Who knows for sure
Despite the facts, nothing known

I am ready, here we go
Let us see what lays behind the show

I look at you and see your wedding day.
I hold your hand and know you always.
The look in your eyes tells me you feel the same.
The warmth of your body and smile brighten my life,
So I squeeze your hand a little tighter.
I glance back from our fingers to your face and life seems right.
This is how its supposed to be.

Seeing your face
For the first time in a month
Causes me grief
But also causes my heart to jump.
Your subtle glow
And brilliant smile,
Love in your shining eyes,
Put me on trial.
Should my heart break?
Or find strength to go on?
I am always here for you
But not being near wears on.
I want to be with you -
where and how doesn't matter -
As long as we are together.

I miss you
And everything you do

The words are not strong enough
To define just what my feelings of
Love and Adoration for you
Cause me to feel when you're gone

Though its only been one whole day
Its far too long
For you to be away
From me and all of my love for you

I've sat here at home
And I've gone out with friends
But when in the end
All I feel is alone

Nothing fills that gap
No one at all
Not until you get back
Will my mind, heart, and soul
Finally be whole
                                 again

Why do you reappear now?
I thought I was done with you?
My heart was finally clear and clean.
You meant nothing to me.

The moment I saw your eyes again,
Everything came back.
My heart, my thoughts,
Everything I ever said,
I want you to know, I meant it.

My life has not been the same.
It will never be the same.
You were more special to me
Than you ever knew,
And more special than you will ever know.
You never will.

I will **** myself
With the effort to bury this deep inside,
Never to let these thoughts see the light of day.
You're happy with things as they lie.
Happy is what I desire for you.

I will survive this.

I wish I could do more
To maybe one day believe
That I could be worthy of you
And to be part of your world

My immaturity has
Stark contrast to your delicately assembled composure
And leaps and bounds if it hopes to imitate
Your endless kindness caring, your simple giving

While I'm off slaying dragons in dreams
And conquering lands from far away
You stay in the here and now
Helping those in need all around

I see everything blossom around
You and I wish I could be everything
That you might ever need in this world
That someone to take care of you

You never ask for a single thing
And you don't know what it is to complain
But deep inside I see your pain
And I wish I could take it away

So as the last thing you expect
I will bring you this diamond ring
And I will get down on one knee and say
My darling will you marry me

And the I will say
Now let me take all of your pain away
And let me be the beauty that shines
Down upon you each and everyday

I want to be your umbrella
So that you can spread your joy
To all those who need it so bad
And I can give you all of mine

And when you come home at night
I can banish all of your cares
And I can light up your heart
Simply when you look at me
Though I will be so much more

So what do you what will you say
When I bring you this diamond ring
And get down on one knee and ask away
My Heart will you marry me

Waiting
For only the brightest of days
His return to dry her cheek
In this surreality did they meet

The whisper of a tear went dry, no eyelid shudder
He thought if anyone else knew this love he might die
One breath caught and then another
Reality rubbed at his shoulder
Temptation was unbelievably believable

Star-crossed you could call it
A fateful phrase not oft spoken
Youths lie, cheat, and steal for this token
Destined for love with bounds unbroken

She falls and is caught in his arms
His decision, Never do her harm
If only her could do better
Her body, light as a feather
He knew
She knows

The whisper of a tear gone dry, no eyelid shudder
He thought if anyone else knew this love he might die
One breath caught and then another
Reality brushed at his shoulder
Temptation was unbelievably believable

So choose and lose yourself wisely
Her eyes gave him no semblance of choice
Ever deeper assured their answer
Causing neither price nor sacrifice
Because their secret was worth keeping
Locked behind the eyes of the girl

The whisper of a tear gone dry, no eyelid shudder
He thought if anyone else knew this love he might die
One breath caught and the another
Reality pulled at his shoulder
Temptation was unbelievably believable

So unbelievably believable

If that is what you call it, then say what you will -
You always have,
But that doesn't make your words any less untrue.

There was no placeholder until you made yourself one,
I wanted everything that I thought you were,
And then you went and changed.
I fooled myself along trying to believe that you were still you,
But you weren't.
You showed who you were, went back to him and every other guy out there,
So at some point I had to let myself know... and I did.
You weren't the one for me, and come to think of it
- Hindsight is always 20/20, isnt it? -
The fact that you could do any of these things meant that you never were in the first place.
You were the last place I should be, the last person I should be with.

Why did it have to become a war? Why do you want to give a peace offering?
Last I ever knew you never wanted to see or hear from me again -
So leave it be that way.
You had your chance, and you were her for a time,
But you let that fall into the road a long time ago where it gathered dust and fell apart.
Get real, don't get hurt,
Remember, you were the one who left not me.

I
Just might be a ******
Konstantine, you are what I want
Love is burning in
Me for you
Nowhere is it going but to you
Only for you
Please
Quit dragging around
Release and
Slow down
Tell me you love me

And
Believe that I
Cant help but be sorry
Doing all that I do
Even when you dont want any of it
Forget me if you will
Go away and I will disappear
High and away, making your life clean and clear

There you were, out on the dance floor.
I had not laid eyes on you in months.
You've grown, become something magnificent,
A budding young woman.
I can see a glow, a personal awareness,
That was never there before.

You have gained a level of self-confidence.
It radiates off you, and you have no clue.
You are beautiful, self-assured.

And you are happy.
It's everything I could have hoped for you.
You are happy.
He makes you happy.
You are content with life.
I am happy for you. It's true.

You try to initiate a hello, and I say hi.
How are you? I'm doing fine.
Forcing myself to keep you at arms length.
I can't look at you for fear
That you might read the lie.

But I am happy for you.
You deserve nothing less than what you've gained.
You don't need me in your life.

Let's get back into the mood of writing.
Let's get back into writing, just me and you.
Let's write ourselves a story, us two.
And let's give it that happy ending we've always wanted,
Because - between you and me - its what we were made to do.

To answer your simple little question
I honestly just had to go and leave
It felt like the perfect punctuation

Stuck here in this hopeless situation
Constricting 'til my lungs no longer breathe
You make me long to fold to temptation

Everything that you and I had become
Blown hell and away with the monsoon breeze
I walked away leaving devastation

Life without you feels like amputation
But better that than die of your disease
To die of my own self-destruction

I folded and succumbed to my passion
You sat back and laughed at the simple ease
And there you left me burning and crashing

You blinded me with all your distractions
Ignoring any and all of my pleas
But now that my two feet gain some traction
I will be your angel of destruction

Back to the band
Its time to put this to an end
We are no more
Its what I don't need
Don't worry the score
A brief flash again in my life
A brief revival of what used to be
But I force myself to see through
Thoughts of a revival of me and you
Time to return from this mental revery
Time to return to what is important
Time for what's important to me
I'll stop thinking, let my mind go wander
You do your thing, pretend you're younger
I broke you then
No need to allow you to return the favor
Best of luck to you in life
I'll take my dice and run
Roll a chance on someone better understood

So its back to the band
Its back to where I began
Back to where I belong
Now you run along
I'm sure I'll see you in time
After what was has passed us by

Sad, pathetic mess, I'm a wreck.
I've got nothing left, there's nothing left.
Life's a hollow shell and I've gone flat.
Not like that mattered since the wheel fell off.
Colors are gone, even the browns and beige.
All that's left for me is black and white,
And none of that is clear to me.
What I need to see is up on the big screen,
But in this shame, I can't stop looking at my feet.
Tears roll down my nose and obscure them from view,
Dropping to stain the ground in front of me.
Life has lost meaning as I stagnate.
Life is only a dreaming,
Watching me wait and pray for something else.
Pain, regret, and emotion lost in sympathy
As my life is wasting away,
Being crushed inside of me,
Unwilling to see the darker side of me.
My heart is bleeding -
Fingers vice-like -
Each tip labeled with my vice,
Drilling and boring, until as I am,
Nothing's left.

Ah, its that time of year again
My journey back home about ready to begin
A few days left and my mind has already left
To start planning which girls I aim to please
Though this time 'round, a girl 'round here's got me in her squeeze

Problematic this is to me
Do I stay the course and continue the ways of old
Or do I buy in to these new trends
And focus only on what is not what I used to do

Worse, I could try for both
Keep the old - and the new - close to heart
Leave some sappy, love-sick note
About how I'll be true and sad that we're apart
Even though after crossing two rivers en route to home
Rules that all current bets are off

I enjoy the sound of this plan, very much I do
But my conscience is not letting me play this game so easily
For however much I say it does not exist
Twice as much, give or take a little, it bites down into me

I admit I am a shallow, undeserving person
And as such, my best will be given in the time to come
To get some back home
While keeping the current under thumb