I try to figure out
And puzzle through
Though it never quite works as planned.

The simple appearance,
Such breath-taking exterior...
I never could have imagined
The incomprehensible mire underneath

The effort given towards untangling
Is absorbed and breeds new snares.
Hours of though, and more of lost sleep
Gains no ground in deciphering the code.

Its been said,
"They're all the same."
But from my eyes and experience,
Snowflakes are easily more alike,
And all finger prints
One and the same.

With their mention,
My mind merges onto an endless roundabout.
And if ever it manages escape,
I am left with more questions
Than Socrates himself.

With persistence enough to even bother them,
I reach into their depths,
Like a probe from outer space,
If only to become more comfortable
In those foreign surroundings.
New, enlightening information is hard to come by.

They are a perplexing breed.
Unlike, and more wonderful, than an I will ever know.
Most would give up,
But just trying to understand is fun enough for me.

One thing women try to cover up,
And they do a better job than I manage,
- That I know for fact -
Is that however confusing the seem to me,
I am just as mystifying,
And just as, if not more,
Frustrating to them.

This forced separation from you is not half a week old
Though I feel the weight of it bearing down, suffocating my soul
At first I felt nothing and thought it an easy road to follow
But after that first day, that burden has dragged my soul in a downward spiral
If I an to survive this trying time apart
Without being driven twice times insane
I must find a fitting substitute for you
One well enough along to quench my thirst for you
However, as best you may hope,
Not well enough off to permanently quench you from mind heart and soul
If I could bring myself to go check and see
A doctor's perfect bill of health I would receive
But if Love had anything to say on the subject
I just might find myself en route to the Intensive Care Unit
For all I'm worth, and how you care for me
Please play it smart and right
And for us both, possibly pray to God
That your maker cuts time short, gives you a respite
If it would help settle your case
I would get down on my knees to plead clemency
For with it granted on you, same would be done for me

I see the storm.
That darker patch of grey on the horizon ruffling the waters,
Darker than all of the rest.
It is slowly moving my way,
Towards shore.

It will get here by evening.
At the moment it is calm.
The air is hardly moving
And the waters are flat.

Yes, the token ripples move
As the surges come through,
But otherwise it's peaceful.

Cool winter air breathes.
The sands are dimpled from
Last night's rain,
Undisturbed other than a
Lonely pair of footprints.

A single sailboat marks the harbor entrance.

The storm will get here by evening.
But  for the moment
I will enjoy the peace and clam.

One storm has passed.
The other is yet to come.
But at the moment
All is peace.
All is calm.

Today could be my homecoming
As I fly away from home
Fly so high away
On my way back to you

My heart and mind have finally set
And - by miracle and miracle again - agree
That its you who I want for me

My little baby
Who fills my heart and soul
To the brim with all my thoughts
Of passion for you
Whether you
Or past the time we grow old

To see your face this weekend
Your hand
To give my heart a hand to hold
And your lips to kiss
Will keep my fire for you full

The way you move
Turns the knife
In my
Gut

The words you speak
Destroy my trust
In a
Look

But now I have become
Wise to your words

And I won't be falling
For any of this again

The hypocrisy of your actions
Won't infect me within
And I won't continue this trend

None of this will
Bring me down

But I will laugh
As I watch you burn in Hell

Day by day life goes by
Getting better and better all the time
No place I'd rather be
Awesome friends and great family
A great room, sick roommate
Where else could I want to be but here?
Good history, Great present, Unlimited future possibilities
The world is mine for the taking
And I'm doing it day by day

Now that things are truly on the level -
That what I think of you,
And likewise, you of me -
Is clear in the open,
Swaying in the steady breeze of change,
Raised to the sky by the connection of lips,
Has drawn you ever more often
Into the train of my thoughts.

As if that was necessary,
Considering that before all of this
Not a beat of my heart
Passed without you on my mind.

The distance between us
That previously caused me grief and longing,
Now conjures a quiet and melancholy behavior
From one normally more rambunctious
Than the most playful puppy.

I still have fun and can be happy,
But nothing can compare
To that unparalleled exhilaration
Of standing near to you, holding you tight,
Wishing the world would hold still,
Even if only for a moment
To prolong that maelstrom of emotions in my head.

And the only thought that seems to creep into my head is -
          I miss you.
And if I had my way,
I'd keep you within arms reach forever.

I sit here, it's late at night.
I know I should be asleep but I have a need - I am compelled to write.
I spent all day being hungover, avoidng homework and being useless
So it's necessary for me to burn the midnight oil
In order to create something fruitful out of this lost day.

I also need to push forward now and
Guide the pen across the page
To maintain and foster the habit,
To help it grow and develop,
So that in the end I am a better writer.

There are times when I'm not feeling the words and I fumble awkwardly,
Or that I am too busy to be bothered to pause for a scribble,
But my goal is to make this time of writing and therapy
A daily habit.

If I am honest in my wish to be the crafter of words I envision,
I first must show the drive and determination, the dedication.
For the novice, words will forever remain words,
Only the truly gifted ever form sentences.

To write - that flow of words is therapeutic beyond all belief.
To write - the psychological rehabilitation and relief does for me amazing things.
This ability to write - it feels so natural and right.
The words, when written by hand, simply roll across the paper,
Falling from my brain out through my hand seemingly with no end.
It is extraordinary, the physical release that comes with the act of writing.
When I write there is such a lifting of tension, a weight no longer resting on my shoulders,
It always astounds me.

When I pick up the pen after a hiatus
This in rush of positive feeling is constantly surprising,
Each and everytime.
It makes me question why - each and everytime -
Why I ever put the pen down?

You are always busy
My time is filled with nothingness
Does this contribute to your at ease
And my longing to see your shining form
That nags at my soul as flies to a horse
You have no urgency to hold me with your eyes again
Which makes my pain that much more obvious

On the phone with you constantly, texting not talking
It eases the tearing at my soul, but only to a certain degree
Like taking Advil for a pain requiring Vikodin
The time spent there holds me well enough, though the lips of silence
Speak untold words of doubt and remorse, and of hope
Thoughts of you pushing me away
Of you with another man
Me wishing I had done things a little better
Wondering if you are the one for me
Wondering if our time is near to an end

Desperation mounts
At most 5 days in
I've started my search to find you
Though you are the best at this hide-and-seek
Not completely last, though I have no direct clues
Micaela Smith
She is my only link to what could be you

I feel a deep-seeded guilt
For how I pine for you
And though I suspect at what you feel
And have seen hints of what you think
I have no grounded proof that you hold love for me

And still I trust that my instincts are right
That I have a firm grasp on yours
And what I know to be yours on mine
So here I wait
For word of you to return
Or for my mind to draw me to madness
In which my search for you begins anew
And so here I wait
For either or to come
And all I can do now
Is let my mind whirl around you

There once was a ***** from Garden Grove.
I wanted to see how she rode,
But when she straddled high
Her boyfriend came by,
And all she could say was "Oh my".

What am I doing with my life?
At this moment in time,
That is a very legitimate question


I myself, rarely if ever know.
I tell myself that I am going to college
So that I can get an English degree,
And teach English,
Until I am able to get a permanent position in lifeguards.

I mean, honestly,
Who goes to college for that?
And is that even the truth?

All I've done recently,
Is drink myself stupid
And make an *** of myself,
With women and the world.

The moment I had feared
Has finally come and gone
And with it
You have gone
Out of my life
And that's what had me scared most

Now here I sit and wait
Eyes sit perched
On some later date
In the hopes that
You truly meant it,
That nothing could separate our fates

For one my concerns
Is that if for good
You've left and gone
Whether or not
My dying heart
Will return

You're the only one I'm feeling
It's my heart you're stealing
When you come around
My heart is homeward bound
As we go to navigate
All our demons we eradicate
And that will be our tune
We're up at dawn and at noon
Sound the horn
I'm feeling reborn
You're the one I elect
You're mine to *protect

I let it go.
No one else to blame.
I took my sweet time,
And time slipped on by.

Too early. Too unknown.
Too awkward. Too set up.
For that fairytale moment,
That never came 'round.
I waited, and now I frown.
Drown

I cling to you, Life.
I should let you go.
Either I smother you.
And then you smother me.
And here I lay dying.

I would say "poor soul".
I should say "pathetic soul".
Always grasping most,
At that which most wants away.

I'll let you go.
Please,
Go and be free.
I can't take anymore.
I can feel you won't say more.
We don't need more.
Feet on the floor.
I know my way to the door.

Even in the dark.

Hey Baby Doll, does it even matter to you
To keep plans at all, to follow your words up right?
Does anything matter at all; except where the next party calls?
Who pours the next drink, who lines the next shot?
Is that life to you, is that all you've got?
For if it is, I'm gone, I can't deal, can't hang with your ****.
I leave, and hope you head for a fall
To make you realize who truly matters at all.
For you look like a rose, but the smell you put off is a combustion of diesel and alcohol.

String me along some more if you please,
And I will make you see that life is nothing without me.
You've got nothing without me.
Go have another drink, and when you finally come crawling back,
I'll throw you a fist full of dollars, tell you to have another on me.
Go ahead baby - its free - now watch me leave.
I'm not going to stand for any more immaturity.
If it isn't me, let me be, I will take my heart and go.
Be free away from the tortures you rain down upon me.

You're not that good, you're nothing near great.
You're not worth my time, you're not worth a fight - so here I stage my flight.
Breathe a fresh breath, so clean away from you
And the filth of your life that pretends to want me.

No matter how I knock, I'm not let it, I'm held on your step,
And that significant limbo, the balance on that step,
Does precarious flips upon my stomach.
And now I lose my nerve, I've lost my nerve.
One last knock to see if the door handle turns,
And I turn to take my leave of you and all that brings you down,
Because its bringing me down and I'm not going down with your ship and all of your *******
If I'm not even invited to come in and sit.

The time has lost my patience - its gone from my mind.
I want it no more and I begin to abhor every moment I've wasted on you,
And there is little to no that you can or will do to bring me back - to change my mind -
Because once the heart has gone black, it doesn't go back, it won't go back.
Its over and gone, you've set it in stone,
Written above your grave as it looks down on you and all that we had known.

And now I have gone.
Such immaturity - the childish ways -  leave them in high school, middle school preferred.
You're in college now, headed for the world, and you decided to act like a school girl.
What did you hope to gain from that?
Because I won't go back, you've turned my heart black.
That's the fact, and there's no way back.

What did I mean, some strange sort of in between?
In between what, another two guys from up and down the block?
No baby, that isn't me.
I'm looking for the kind of girl who loves me for me -
Not for my money, will laugh because I'm funny, love me whether I'm fat or skinny -
Because I will be me, and I need you to be you, not some dressed up China doll.
But as I said, you're headed for a fall, and I couldn't care less at all.

Have fun in you're Hell, I'm headed for my Heaven.
Anywhere that has no you is where I want to live in, I can really dig in,
Kick my feet up and watch as the world beats you up,
Because I'm done, I'm gone, I can't wait anymore for you to grow up.
So this is goodbye, Baby, so long, Baby, to what was love, Baby, to what is now lost, Baby, goodbye.

I've had to harden my soul, my heart, and my mind,
Against you and all
The people I know
To keep you from hurting me again.

I can't feel anymore and it tears me to pieces,
But these ends become necessities
To keep you from infecting me.
So let me go, let me be happy, please.

I could love and I could be
Anything anyone could ever want,
And now I can't be anything to anyone
For fear of letting one like you in.

Leave me alone
And let me recover my love
So that I don't do in turn what was done to me,
Because the last thing I ever want
Is to be you.

I find it almost funny
How hard it is to make the right decision.
You can have convinced yourself
That you are going to do the wrong thing and yet,
When time finally comes to act,
As you set your feet to march off in the wrong direction,
An unending stream pulls against you towards what's right
And the more effort and want you put into resisting the flow,
Only turns the stream into a roaring river,
Irresistible as it throws you at the right choice.

Though by far the funniest part about the whole thing is:
Once you give in and just go with the flow,
Making that right decision in the end
Turns out to be the best by days and years,
And this opinion is only made stronger
Due to how hard your subconscious mind body and soul
Opposed your initial decision to make the other choice,
And by the dividends you are being paid
Now that you went through with what is proper.

Its been more than a month
From that first moment
That my life finally seemed to start
I can't help but think of you
Every waking moment I possess
And even during sleep
Though dreams are flighty and less predictable

I still find it hard to believe
That I feel the power of the heart
So strongly connected to you
Having only seen you three times
Including that very first night

As of now, you are the beating on my heart
And now with the connection gone for a month
We will be tested more than the distance alone
Hold strong and I will do my best as well
To make it double as far as we are now
Without the constant contact we have had thus far
Be strong my Love, for my heart beats not without you
How long can I live without the motion of my Heart

I think of you and in rushes the longing,
But I know I shouldn't have you - I can't have you.
I would only treat you all wrong again,
So I plan for my fall.
I plan to fight the urge through
And in the fire, be born again.

We blend the lines between right and wrong,
After a time we stop knowing
And in that moment we begin living.

I've loved you one time,
Don't let me sweep you off your feet again.
Brace yourself and awaken to the light.
In time these memories will fade,
No longer remembering those days we never made.

I dedicate myself to you and your happiness,
I dedicate my upraising to bring a smile to your eyes,
And I dedicate everything I can be to your peace.

As I wake up every morning, whether or not the sun's in the sky,
And I can sit up and get to my feet, walk outside -
It's more than I deserve in this life,
And it's everything from you that's been taken away.

To be able to go and sit at the piano,
Not knowing one key from an arpeggio, but having the ability to play,
Is what I want you to have from my life.
That maybe, despite what is a hindrance to you,
I can use mine to bring you a delight.

And though I may not be able to bring back what has been taken away,
I can use my faculties to let you forget for a second,
To take you away on the waves of my voice
And raise you up in the sky, hold your head up in the clouds,
Making you light as the air, removing some of your cares,
Helping you forget, if only for a moment, the trials of life,
And it's all worth it to bring your smile to light.

Do you want to know the way to my heart?
Give me a piece of chocolate,
And let me hold your hand.
Look me in the eyes
And tell me that I'm your man.
Love me in the spring time,
And love me in the winter.
Love me in the in between time,
And love me forever,
And forever and for always you'll be mine.
The girl of my heart
And the girl of my mind.
The love of my life,
Oh, baby, sweet apple pie.
So give me a piece of chocolate,
And let me be your man.
Bring me into your life,
And forever I'll hold your hand.

It's happening all over again.
I could barely bear it last.
Thank god it happened earlier down the path.

Why do I ever let my heart get involved?
Every target it sets,
Every little spark,
It puts out before they start.

Such sabotage is hard to hold,
When the guilty one,
Is that sabotaged soul.

I've done it again.
There is no doubt left in mind.
A short wait - a brief time -
And the verdict will be returned.
Left alone for time unknown,
Is what is sure to be read down.

Tonight could not come sooner
Tonight could not come soon enough
Tonight could not be more open
Despite how closed shut it is

Tonight has a lot of potential
Tonight is oh so flat
Tonight will be epic
Despite how bad it will be

Will people show up
What will happen
Who knows for sure
Despite the facts, nothing known

I am ready, here we go
Let us see what lays behind the show

I might hold the key to love,
and that key might be what love is.

Love is always thought to be associated with the heart,
sometimes with the mind,
But I think it might be neither.

Love is actually a distance, or so I might claim,
And it is this distance that has an effect on the soul.
The farther the distance, the more the soul stretches.
Sighing to reduce the pressure on such a precious thing.

The smaller the distance, the more the soul is filled and built up.
Abundant energy and emotions from the fueled flame.

All I do is sigh. I have no energy.
What is wrong with me?

You feel the tip slowly pierce through the skin,
Cutting, driving, striving deeper within
As if that written dagger seeks my soul,
Further in as that ****** knife takes its toll.
To the brink of my heart your edge does go;
My fate is sealed though it has yet to show.
With an agonizing turn of the blade,
I have been dealt the fatal blow.

You stand and watch as to my knees I drop,
Not sure whether I am feeling surprise
Or if relief wells from inside this shock.
My last gaze locked upon your flawless face
          - those endless brown eyes, so full of malice -
                    As you give one final turn of the knife.

What is so wrong with what I've got?
Why do I so badly want to go running back?
So she is holding up her walls.
So she hasn't given it up yet.
Does that even matter?
One of the most awesome girls I have ever met.
Only problem happens to be is
She is fighting another of that elite crowd,
And by virtue of the fact I haven't known
Her as long nor as intimately,
She is losing the battle.
Her smell lingers in my nose.
Her taste hangs on my taste buds.
Her touch makes my shiver caress the air.
I love them both boldly as God loves his children,
And yet I can love neither for not being able to decide.
Where does this sudden weakness stem from?
How come my resolve on this path
Has suddenly dissolved beneath me?
My life had seemed ready to settle out
And ready to settle in.
Now I'm not sure where to begin
Trying to sort out the chaos
That has been born again in my head.
Life and Love turned upside down.
My brain has been spun around
And I can't pick myself off the ground.
I can't believe what I've just done,
but what's done is gone.
Now lets deal with the consequences
As a man, not a boy,
And hope that my heart in
The process does not get destroyed.
Babe, I don't know if you could see this coming.
Baby, I wish you didn't seem like you're waiting.
Babe, what to us is becoming?
Baby, will you take me back in the end?
Babe, let's make our time count for something.
Baby, when does our time get starting?
I love you both dearly for the world,
But in all honesty, I don't know which
Is for me.
I do not want to waylay either of your journies,
But that is all I seem to be doing.
Can nothing come of something?
I know nothing will come of something here.
I'll miss you dearly.
I miss you clearly.
I want you near me.
I love you always.
Believe me.

Big brown eggs
That most beautiful shape
**** Magnum
Its who you are
Its what absorbs me
All of me into you
Nothing else matters
But me with you
Seen through
Those earthy orbs
Porcelain domes of the land
Making me continent
And a martian planet
Inside and of them
And outside and apart
I love you none-the-less
I love you all the same
Let me kiss your eyes
And watch them fall asleep

Ah, its that time of year again
My journey back home about ready to begin
A few days left and my mind has already left
To start planning which girls I aim to please
Though this time 'round, a girl 'round here's got me in her squeeze

Problematic this is to me
Do I stay the course and continue the ways of old
Or do I buy in to these new trends
And focus only on what is not what I used to do

Worse, I could try for both
Keep the old - and the new - close to heart
Leave some sappy, love-sick note
About how I'll be true and sad that we're apart
Even though after crossing two rivers en route to home
Rules that all current bets are off

I enjoy the sound of this plan, very much I do
But my conscience is not letting me play this game so easily
For however much I say it does not exist
Twice as much, give or take a little, it bites down into me

I admit I am a shallow, undeserving person
And as such, my best will be given in the time to come
To get some back home
While keeping the current under thumb

I begin my day,
It's the same in each and every way.
I begin my day,
It's the same as I see you in every single thing.
From the moment my lashes flutter open,
You're there in every single movement.
I feel you in the space between every heartbeat,
Feel you squeezing into every exhalation,
And it's this repetition threatening to drive me insane.
If we weren't meant to be together,
If we weren't meant to die together,
If it's not 'til death do us part,
Then why are you so inseparable from my life?

I search and I scream, I roar and I dream,
No matter where the search leads me I come up empty.
I want you or to be rid of you.
I can't live in all of this in between.
Love me or leave me,
But being in my life without me is torture unnecessary.

Life goes on. Lesson learned.
Patience is the key. Yet again, it gets the best of me.
I had you. I loved you.
Then I forced you away.
I should have held you close, kept you tight.
Instead, I tried to rush you through,
And let you out into the night.
It happened so fast, this reversal.
I'm still unsure what happened.
I lost you before I ever had you. Im still reeling.
Lesson learned. Life goes on.
I loved you. I live knowing
What I did to you,
And what you still do to me.

I'll pray to God,
And I'll pray to Santa Claus -
And to anyone else who has half an ear tuned -
That this Christmas time
I've really only got one thing on my Christmas list,
I've only got one holiday wish,
There's one out there I want,
And that's to be able to spend my Christmas with you.

I want it so bad I can taste it,
So much that me teeth ache with it.
I see it each and everyday
And my mind keeps those thoughts on replay.
It's in my hands, they tremble and shake,
It's in my legs, standing on a land of earthquakes.

Life might hold some deeper meaning to you,
That there's a final use for all that school,
But this right here - the music - is it for me.
I can't see past it, there's no other way.
So though I love you, I must say,
Babe, all you do is get in the way,
Distracting and detracting from the final goal.

Something like that I just can't stand for, so
Please - because I asked - move.
You and I, its just not the same groove.
If it's meant to be, we'll get back someday,
But I can't put you through the rejection again.

When I'm following my path this way,
It hurts and breaks me beyond inside.
I feel my walls, my soul, being torn.
Believe my words when I tell you -
It's better this way -
When you've gone yours and I mine.

You'll move on to another who's better,
Someone who will give you what you deserve,
Because, for the time being at least,
I will assuredly give you less,
And God knows you were born for the best.

So, leave me please, but don't forget me.
I'll be back for you someday,
But at the moment, it's just better this way.

Where have our days gone,
And what have our manners become?
If our parents could only see,
Would they even recognize their daughter or son,
Would they believe that this is what we've done,
That this is what's become of their world?

Something once so clean and beautiful,
We have beaten and burnt, reduced it to
This cynical, self-centered place we see.

Even in my short days alive I'm in shock and disbelief
At all the changes and atrocity of the commons.
Who are these people and what have they done with humanity?
Has kindness for the sake that its right up and gone,
And how have we let hate become this much of a pandemic?

This has gone on too long.
We must find the vaccine to this malaise.
Despite it being right inside,
We each must bring it out in ourselves,
But once we do I find it to be quite infectious.

We only need to give it time to breathe,
Then I can spread a little love from you to me.

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
Those are the words
And that's how I'll be

My heart shall remain yours
In your hands I am free
No matter the circumstances
My love for you is the standard of purity

I love you with my mind and my heart
You are the fuel of my soul
The light of my day
The promise of sun in my night of life

When things chance to go bad
The thought of you makes it all right
I go on today
For the memories of tomorrow

I can honestly say I'd do anything for you
I can honestly say that you fit me right
And if you love me too
I'll make it through the night

Though you may not be ready
I come as I am
Its all or nothing
So this barrage you'll have to withstand

My letters of love
My CD's of hope
The numerous pictures I draw
It can be hard to cope

I dream of stealing you away
But that's not what you want
So with the world I will share you
And give my thoughts and tongue the chomp

If I can have you just a little
I can survive for today
And tomorrow a bit more
I might find a way to continue on

And maybe someday in the future
When a girlfriend you are ready
I'll be so strongly attentive
All you need do is tell me

But for the time being
All that I will ask of thee
Is for a few special moments of time
And your love for me

The last few nights of sleep have not been nearly as restful as hoped they could be
Seeing as those strange dreams linking you and me have been a recurring theme.
No, it hasn't been a repeat of that first odd dream where I
Sought to avoid you - something I am unable to do despite my best efforts.

No, of late it has been one where I am sitting at a bar and through the door walk in
A number of men who I've encountered in my life, some I've known well, and
One by one as they come in, they come up and sit down or stand next to me.
Clearly they are talking to me and trying to impart words of wisdom
Won by hard years of growth and experience gained by walking through this world,
Words by which they hope to save me untold years of toil, of pain, frustration, and yet,
When I wake each time, I only have the vaguest impression, no recollection
Of any of those poignant words which those men might have said.
And that surreal feel of the need to discern meaning from these meetings
Comes as I realize that one of the men coming to talk to me in the bar, in my dream,
Was your father.

He is not there in anger, he is anything but imposing, he is merely speaking,
And as stated before I have only the faintest reflection of what he said
Upon awakening.
That he is your father, coupled with these troubling instances of you
Popping up in my life in the most odd and beyond coincidental of circumstances
Leaves me desperate for any glimmer of clarification.
There's some message that's clearly here to see
But to my eyes that slips and escapes me
Unable to fathom the reason that these phantoms of you
Keep haunting me even into my sleep, into my dreams,
When all I want is to be free of you
As you are obviously free of the chains and snares of me.

I feel your strings still attached to me,
Those I once imagined cut and withdrawn,
The ones now drawing taught again.
What once was slack begins to cut circulation.
I had broken free and away from your lines
- Now it turns into a trick of the mind.
Tightness around the wrists, ankles bound.
Marionette strings go up as I dance your song.
The only thing missing is you, Phedre, to my Joscelin.
Oh, how at times I hate you,
But life cannot go on without you.

And so my days pass, muddled in indecision - my always vice,
To stand at the crossroads and choose, choose again.
It's at this apex that I'm pulled back:
As hard as I resist, my thoughts are uplifted,
As hard as I fight, my eyes follow the path,
And it's upon you that they come to rest.

God knows what you see, what emotion writ on my face,
But I see perfect serenity, true beauty.
I see the face of the only one with whom I ever want to be.

I awake to a new day having survived yet another long, lonely night.
I look out my window and see the fall sunlight already falling down,
Covering everything in a false warmth before the heat of the day arrives.
The ground is still wet from a little rain the night before,
Telling that it's only so long before winter makes it's way to the coast,
But for now, the remnants of summer linger behind reminding
Us of the good times we had laying in the sun with our toes in the sand.

So I awake to another day knowing that the sun still wants to shine bright,
And that the sun still wants to shine down upon me,
That I might rise to the day with the sun and seize
The best possible out there for me.

Do you remember?
               Do you even remember me?
How can it be
               That thinking of you can hurt?
I've barely met you,
               I all but don't know you.
Why does my mind taunt me?
               Why do you haunt my thoughts and dreams?

My beloved stranger of a girl,
               Do you miss me at all?
The way I obviously have a need,
               Have developed an addiction for
                              Everything I saw in you?
Its become a pain inside,
               An ache I can barely hide.

You drive me to distraction,
               The catalyst to this chain reaction,
Not daring to think what might happen
               If I gave into this volatile passion.

Where do you go
                              When you're not on my mind?
And where do you go
                                     When I can't bear the though of being alone?
Where do you go
                              When the lights are gone?
And what have you done
                                           That I'm coming undone?

Ive said all that I can say
That isnt repetitive
I dont know what you want of me
If its to leave your life in peace
And quiet, Ill quit
Id just like to hear
It, so I know Im not mistook

And if its to stay, then let me stay
And if its just as a friend
Then please let me know
Because breaking my heart
Against the rock of your walls
And the defenses you have built
Makes it hurt twice as much

As being told to rid your heart-felt

Its really a mystery to me, who you are
How did we end up getting that far and more
From that brief spot I do remember
I quite thoroughly enjoyed myself
I admit I don't even know your name
Though if you asked about your taste
I'd be singing a completely different story
And if you ever roll back my way
Let's get together and have us a chat
I have no qualms about getting a little nostalgic

You said you were tired and the spark was gone.
You said we were done.
I did my best to talk you out of it.
I did my best to tell you the best was yet to come.
But you still said no,
That you'd lost your ability to see the sun,
Said we'd had a good run and had our fun
But there's nothing more left to come.

So you went to take your time away
And I went for my time alone.
You said we shouldn't talk,
That we shouldn't see each other for a while,
So I ran and ran away from you,
And now I've run as far as I could -
Away from me, away from you,
Away from anything that reminds me of we,
Though most of all from everything I've become.

And through it all, all of this running,
All of this hiding and hopes of not thinking,
I still always think of you,
And find that more than anything,
I miss you
And I hope you've been doing well,
Because I've only ever wanted to see you happy
Even if it means not having you with me.

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Now why couldn't I just come out and tell when I had the chance?

It will be nice once I find some time,
To really sit down and write,
As the summer begins to unwind
And I start to get free time on my weekends,

I can't wait just to throw on my headphones
And to space out and write.
I need this in the end all be all
To be alright.

It will be excellent to get away,
To block out everyone and everything
But those words and emotions
That are locked in my mind -

To commune that with music,
And within that harmony,
I can speak my soul out onto the page.

There you were, out on the dance floor.
I had not laid eyes on you in months.
You've grown, become something magnificent,
A budding young woman.
I can see a glow, a personal awareness,
That was never there before.

You have gained a level of self-confidence.
It radiates off you, and you have no clue.
You are beautiful, self-assured.

And you are happy.
It's everything I could have hoped for you.
You are happy.
He makes you happy.
You are content with life.
I am happy for you. It's true.

You try to initiate a hello, and I say hi.
How are you? I'm doing fine.
Forcing myself to keep you at arms length.
I can't look at you for fear
That you might read the lie.

But I am happy for you.
You deserve nothing less than what you've gained.
You don't need me in your life.

Hey there boy, where do you think you're going boy?
What do you think you're doing boy, what indeed?
I see you there, I see what's on your mind.
It isn't going to happen, you're not going to make it,
No way, not a chance boy, not going to happen.
Try, try, as hard as you like,
Just know that I'm here
The moment you realize you never had a chance.

Where does one begin to describe how you light their life?

One thousand and more intricacies to excite the mind,
Each infinitely more tantalizing than the last.
Quick to laugh with that smooth voice,
Faster to flash a smile across those desirable lips.
Beautiful, mysterious eyes casting warming glances:
All told, creates a face rival of legends.
Aphrodite and Venus both come up short,
Even Troy's Helen has no chance for supremacy,
And that is only the half,
A glorious sense of humor, wanting always to have fun,
Wit like lightning, ever ready sarcasm lying in wait,
Abundant intelligence to make any conversation engaging,
Brought together in this one unbelievable girl.

I didn't think it possible, but she lives and breathes the same as me.

It has happened
quite uncommon.
I've fallen
All too hard.
I slipped
Then fell.
Then jumped into the deep blue ocean.
I do my best to keep you from being taken,
Your best at heart,
I am there
To save you from sinking.
Every time.
For you.
Its me.
I am sacrificing.