Insecurity,
It's what drives my world around.
Insecurity is writing a poem about a girl
Who you thought was meant to be, then
Turn around and find out
She thought you were meant to be a joke.
Insecurity is the twisting in the depths of my stomach,
Wondering whether you are mine
Or if chasing clouds would be a better use of my time?

Can't you just love me for me?
Love me for my bad jokes,
Love me for my sloppy clothing,
Love me for the slob lifestyle I live?
And for always having a shoulder to cry on,
Two ears ready to listen to your problems,
And an insatiable urge to see the bright side of even the worst problems?
To get you smiling and back on your feet.

And when times are at their worst -
And things look to only get worse -
I will be there with a smile,
Just glad to have you near me,
Because that's all that really matters
To me.

toughness -
the drive, grit, and determination
that I have to find
will be necessary in days to come

goals -
have been written on paper
will make me shoot for the stars
though I may fall short

friends -
will support me in my endeavors
and fuel my drive
but some may doubt

family -
happy that I have found myself
glad to help me on my way
though mom is not happy with all the time spent

coach -
the man with the plan
which I will follow
though who knows where it will lead

the combination -
of it all creates a strong brew
from which I will partake
giving me the toughness to see it through

Honey, my pretty little girl,
My Heart. My World. My Soul.
For all we have been through
I can't help but be in love with you.
I am honored to know that you value me so much,
And that just by being me
Can have such an impact on you.
As tough as it will be having to be away from you
For as long as it takes up north,
I know it will do amazing things for you
And for who you are to become.
Indeed, all it will do is make us stronger
As I feel the longing pull at me
More and more with each second
You are away.
I miss ever little facet
Of your being.
Being away from you
Only makes me value you
That much more.
You are my happiness,
And no one brings it out in me
Nearly the way you do.
You are my world and
Every intricacy in it.
In short,
You are my life.
Dearest little girl,
I love you
With every fiber of
This beautiful mind
Beautiful heart
And beautiful soul I have been blessed to possess.

Let me begin this with an apology.
An apology for the way I have been acting lately.
I do not know what I was hoping to achieve,
But I know it created nothing of what I want.

Let me begin this with an apology.
An apology that I know cannot ever encompass
Anything near what it ever rightfully should,
But for you I will still try none-the-less.

I don't ever want to lose you.
For over the last two years you have been my best friend.
Through the good and the bad, it has been us unto the end,
And to hear you say otherwise has turned my world on end.

Regardless of the fact that you might be moving on,
I can only ever be happy for you, and
I told you I would always be here for you, always.
And I do my best to keep my promises and my word.

I don't ever want to lose you.
I know that I may lose bits and pieces as we live and grow,
I don't ever want to lose you,
Your friendship I value over all others, that I know.

You are a part of me, something which you've made clear to me.
For better or worse that's the way it's going to be.
It's simply a fact from which there is no escaping,
And you know what? That's fine with me.

You are my sun. High in my sky.
When I think of you, it brightens my life.
I know I haven't been acting the way these words say.
For that, I hope you might accept my sincerest apology.

You and I were best of friends, something which we said would stay.
I lost sight of that, I strayed from the path.
If you're willing to give it a try, it's something I'd like to get back,
Because I value your friendship and I'd like it there in the end.

Let me end this with an apology.
An apology for my immaturity, the worst of me.
For all we've been through you deserve more.
If you give me the chance, I'll make it up to you with every word.

You are my sun.
You are part of me.
You were my best friend.
Hurting you is something I cannot forgive.

And if you cannot either,
I will understand.
I'm sorry.
This is my apology.

I am stuck up
Late again
Sleep evading me
And my thoughts
Surrounding you
I feel you drifting
Farther from me
The distance pulling
Your fibers of Love
From me

But I, like the fool,
Am still stuck up
On a wish
On you
Every moment
Every thought
All on you

I
Just might be a ******
Konstantine, you are what I want
Love is burning in
Me for you
Nowhere is it going but to you
Only for you
Please
Quit dragging around
Release and
Slow down
Tell me you love me

And
Believe that I
Cant help but be sorry
Doing all that I do
Even when you dont want any of it
Forget me if you will
Go away and I will disappear
High and away, making your life clean and clear

Why is it always when I'm at work
When things are happy, fun - we're talking -
But when the work day nears done,
Your sweet voice goes silent
And not a word is spoken
Until its due time for
Your wide dream account to open.

Where does that put me,
Where does this leave me,
When the time comes,
You're never there?

How come you feel such a compelling need
To taunt and tease me
With your presence,
And then deny me?

So if that's your silly little game, girl,
Go and let me be.

I'm so over and done with you.
Done with all you've put me through,
And all the grief I've born for you.
It is past time for moving on.

Another scar to bear
And another pain inside.
Nothing for you to see,
It's hidden behind my eyes,
But I do hurt, and myself I revile,
After these long months of living as a friend.

Victory, Victory, Victoria
So this is what's become of us.
Another scar,
Something my words did not intend,
Neither of us safe from their path.
We both played our part precise,
We, the engineers of our own demise.

You, with waiting to play your cards,
Unfortunately you played it too close, you played too far.
How long is a guy supposed to wait
Before he wises up,
Before he realizes he will not catch the bait?
You tell a guy just want to be friends, twice,
And you know what, he thinks he gets the point.
You built your walls up too high
To try and prevent a painful ending,
And instead we never got to start.

Victory, Victory, Victoria
So this is what's become of us.
Another scar,
Something my words did not intend,
With neither of us safe from their path.
We both played our parts precise,
We, the engineers of our own demise.

It seems as if I paint it all your fault
But we both played our parts.
I waited patient and tried to be
The best friend and what I thought you needed,
And when you mentioned your friend
Thought I was an "interest"ing guy,
I walked into it with my head held high
And both eyes staring open wide,
Refusing to let myself see
What you really did mean.

Victory, in honesty, I could only wait so long, hating to be alone,
And Victory, in honesty, I never thought I'd be singing this song,
Victoria, as things wound and rewrapped themselves
So quickly after I picked out a new course.

And to you again, how long do you
Expect a guy to sit tight and wait?
It's a lonely life to watch a girl live life
Until she finds she is ready to date.
And as for the poems you quoted at me,
Only one was written about the new "she".
If only you'd taken the time to see what
The upload date would surely tell you,
A different story on who the subject
Of that second poem was,
Of who I wrote that other poem for -
Or maybe you prefer now not to know
So neither of us has more reason to hurt
Beyond the fact that
I never showed you that poem.

So Victory, Victory, Victoria
This is what's to become of us.
Yet another scar to bear,
Something from my words I never did intend,
With neither of us safe from their path.
We, the players, acting our parts precise,
We, the engineers, the designers of our own demise.

You are my ******,
The ever-nagging drug addiction
That keeps tugging at my strings
No matter the rehab I have done upon my soul,
Regardless how bad I know you are for me -
But you were worse.

You could never be my Heroine,
The one who saves me from my worst,
To be the last, the only, by my side,
To hold my hand and be my strength when I fail,
Telling me, no matter what the stars say,
Everything is going to be fine -
But you could never be that.

You are my ******,
That which I will always desire
- no matter how long I have been clean of you -
But I now know its not the love affair I thought it once was,
I bear the emotional scars like needle marks,
Those I used to hide, I now wear open and honest, telling what you did,
And somehow,
You were always worse.

A pelican glides by
Making a long, lazy slice through the air.
The look of an ungainly and awkward bird
But a more graceful glide and flight
You will not find.

Catching the updraft right off the surface
And that pelican rides along
With barely a movement.
It is effortless.
Inches from the blue-grey waters.

It pulls up and lands on a rock outcrop
To watch as a lonely boat cuts
The water of the harbor
Heading out to sea.

Five knots in the entrance channel.
Soon it will gear up and find cruising speed
En route to who knows where
In this weather.

I hope they get there before
Those rains on the horizon arrive.
Because alone at sea in a boat
Is no way to ride out a storm.

Misty, sea-gray eyes
framed in wet-sand blond hair.
Brightly lit orbs
with a secretive, seductive shadow
surrounded by gold-streaked waves falling,
first left, then right.
Hidden in those eyes
are unknown thoughts and emotions
that - down your nose
and across those lips -
escape every now and again
through that flash of a smile.
Sarcastic, happy, rye,
I am enticed by
all of your wiles -
whether you mean them or not,
whether you see it or not -
I wish to learn the reason
your eyes smile.

Dark Beauty
Smile Bright
Black jacket
Black jeans
Tight to curves
Dark as night
Black boots
Beach bunnies wear
Sleek brown hair
Smooth brown skin
A curve here
A curve there
As dark brows arch your face
As dark lashes arch back
From dark brown eyes
Telling hidden thoughts
Masking emotions
Smooth movements
Dark as shadows
That is you
All this darkness
I can't wait
For this night
To see the moon

I think my favorite subject is me.
Simple,
Humble,
Me.
I can think of nothing and no one else more worthy of writing about.

Y es, I know it seems a little narcissistic, and
O f course, some people might take it the wrong way, but
U nder the circumstances, who else would I really want to write about?

This little seahorse necklace
Missing Penelope
Is the symbol of my subservient existence
In your absence
My dearest little baby

Off my neck you will not see
A second, a moment, A Wrinkle In Time
As my pledge to you
Of an undying love
And thoughts towards better days

I am the cover-up
Hiding your wrinkles and disguising the lines
On those who live like you,
And you are the RedBull and ***** on the rocks,
Giving nights on the run and mornings straight from hell,
To those who live like me.

Days crumble like the burning of your bridges
That you had precariously built upon nights
Full from the first sip to the last drops
Before the strange beds you awaken in.
Sleeping and slaving away by day
So that you can reign as Queen upon the Knight.

But, in time you will awake to find
That I am not there by your side,
And as you stumble to the mirror,
Your reflection without me has become something you despise.
So go from guy to disguise and know
You'll never find another as good to you as me.

You Are Fire, and you are the spark to my life, my drive, my desire.
I know I broke things off with you with the possibility of rekindling things in the future,
Only after I'd gone off on my trip this winter and did some serious soul searching,
But now that we've been talking again for a scant few days,
I feel everything coming alight and those old embers threaten to catch fire.

The old layers of baggage and ash finally were allowed the chance
To blow away with the winds of change and the gusts of time,
Letting those old wounds and scars heal, the pain to dull and subside.
But this renewed communication with you comes dangerously soon,
And I fear for you and I about my self control when it comes to how I feel for you.

I still have the impending six weeks abroad coming up this winter,
And the contrasting schedules and the wild lifestyle that's expected over there
Is one of the major reasons I decided that it was for the best to put us to rest,
But these renewed urges so soon will be a test to see if I make it
Until I leave on my trip without rekindling old passions.
The last thing I want to do is compromise on my morals,
Leaving you here with promises
While I head beyond the horizon to unknown experiences.

At this age I don't trust myself that far.

We both need time off and away to grow and develop mentally.
I just hope that you're still here when I get back so I can let you know,
I love you.

Where do I have to go to escape you?
We are done with school so I don't have to see you,
Yet I still see you in the social media.

I've tried to read to clear my mind
But there you are, paralleled in every story.
When I listen to music to quiet my thoughts,
Each song is about how I feel for you.

What do I need to do to be done with you
The way you are clearly done and over me?

I've gone, I've gone away.
I don't like the cold,
A beach boy by nature.
I've gone away, so far from me.
Up into the mountains,
Reaching up for the snow.
And I've gone, I've gone from you,
Left my surfing behind,
To give snowboarding a try.
In hopes that maybe getting this far away,
Up to where the air is clear,
Will help me clear my head of you.

The thing is...
I don't really want it to.

I blink and sit it in motion,
Fluttering down as an angel from the sky.
Its airy and ever so light.

An eyelash fallen to the page,
Contrasting black to the white stage.
Crest of night's shadow
Over the snow-covered hill.
Inverse of the flake fallen down,
From the heights to the hypothetic ground.

If I decide to court you, Young Lady,
I would gift wrap my heart in your hands.

When we'd meet,
With a kiss!
I would sum up all of the words
I had wanted to say
to you
While our hearts were away.


When I decide to court you, Young Lady,
I will gift wrap my heart in your hands.

And with a kiss!
I will sum up all of the words
I will have wanted to say
While our hearts were away.


As I decide to court you, Young Lady,
I gift wrap my heart in your hands.

And when we meet,
With This Kiss,
I sum up all of the words
I have wanted to say
While my heart was away.


As I court you now, Young Lady,
Will you in return,
Gift wrap your heart in my hands?

And in return of The Kiss,
Sum up all of the words
That needed to be said
That our hearts kept locked inside our heads.


As you allow me to court you now, My Lady,
We gift wrap our Heart in our hands.

And we kiss,
Heedless of the words,
Needless as they have become,
That we thought needed to be said,
While I was away.

Just thought that you should know
That I'm done playing your games.
Done splitting my time with you
with Him.
I'm so tired of all you have to tell me.
Yeah, I'll call you when I get home.
Only for you to never get home.
And I sit here alone.
Wondering what's going on.
If you don't want to be with me,
Just Tell Me.
Of course it will hurt,
But not as much as living the lie
That day to day in my life goes by.
So here's to you lovebug.
In honor of all we've been through.
The good times and the bad.
Cheers to you babyboo.
And as the title goes...

Let's get away and put the mind at ease.
Let's relax and focus upon the sweet, salty ocean breeze.
Fold up the newspaper and tuck it away,
De-stress and decompress from all that is everyday.
So let's lean back a little more in this beach chair of ours,
Stretching out a little more to get the sand between our toes,
Tucked in the sand, sticking out and sun-brown like little pieces of drift wood.
The warmth of the sun combined with ocean spray in the wind
Hits perfectly upon our changing from light to dark brown skin.
We've never been one to have an umbrella drink in hand
But our Mexican beer with lime sits next to us sweating in the sand.
So as the day wears on we'll chit and chat, talking about this and that,
Watching the sun slide down we pull lower our beat up old straw hat
To better hide what is an already sun-burnt face
In this, what over the years has become our quiet place.
It's more than true that time goes quickly when having fun,
And we barely remember where and when we had begun.
Regardless, we wonder how it has possibly gone so fast and where it went,
But not a moment would we not consider time well spent.

I woke up in the morning and said
Today is going to be my day
That was different than the day before.
Before, each day was yours.
I got up for you. I lived for you.
For You.

But I got up today and said
Today is going to be my day
That's different than the day before.
It's not yours. Its not hers.
It's mine. Do you hear?
For Me.

I got up and said
Today is going to be my day
That's different than it was the day before.
I'm not waking up to live for anyone else.
This isn't anything to deal with you.
It has nothing to do with her.
It's all mine, do you hear?
Mine.
For Me.

I got up and said
Today is going to be my day
That's different than the day before,
But do you know what?
It won't be different than tomorrow,
Or the day after that, or even the one after that, or ever.
Those are mine, do you hear?
Not yours, not hers. Mine.
They are for me,
And the always will be
Because I got up and said
*Today is going to be my day

The winds blow and tree branches wave enraged,
The sky is one gray cloudy mass
While the rain streams down, all is wet.
Outside is bright with the drear ethereal light
Contrasting the interior shock of fluorescent,
Divided by tired panels of rain-streaked glass.

And there you sit.

All ivory-skinned facing the poaching storm,
Ensconced in the library chair you make a throne,
Collectedly attending your papers in front,
Careless of the outside weather as
The rich falls of your hair -
                              A few reckless strands daring
                              To fall as they may.

All the while, trees continue to shake,
The winds to blow and the rains to drop,
But all you have to spare is
a quick glance,
Then its back to work.

My heart
My star
My baby
In my car
My circle
My square
To me it doesn't matter
What you, or where,
You are
For love holds
No judgment or
Prejudices
It only sees what
You mean to me

I sit up at night and find my head up in the clouds.
I take a look around and find you holding court
Even if its only kings and clowns, its everything you've ever wanted,
And there is the crown of diamonds and myrrh
Sitting upon your brow lightly as a newly fallen layer of snow.
As the stars go rushing by my ears and across the sky,
The only thought to cross my mind is the beauty of you in my eye.
We can be kings or pawns a man once said,
But what can that possibly matter when he's long been dead?
Preventing me from asking him what those frosty words meant,
And when the gold mountains rise to meet the starry skies
I make a wish upon you, you shooting star blazing through my life,
Hoping to take you from this group of fading glimpses,
Reinventing you as my lunarary waxing gibbous,
Maybe to one day have you become the sun.
I greet you in the East as you dictate the heartbeat of the day,
But as I lay my head to rest, descending from the clouds,
I find you locked away in my heart.
I will breathe for you another day, another time,
Watching you shooting star across my skies,
Departing from my life as a wish unsaid, a wish untried.
I am left, my head on my pillow, awaiting my comet come round again.

prints smeared down the wall
but now dried, they look like chocolate sauce
you feel eyes crawling over your body
goosebumps arise on your blood-drained skin
you jump, checking first one side, then the other
you know someone was just around the corner
shadow retreats in front, creeping after behind
as you advance down the cave-like hall with your light
something scratches across the floor in your wake
another thing crashes down as you turn
oh my god it's a...

Is it wrong of me to be and to want to be
Faithful to this girl when we're just starting out?
When we've really yet to begin?

Is it strange? Is there really something so wrong with me?
Have past relationships so scarred me?
Have Pop Culture, media, and trends
Really fought that hard to warp my grasp on reality?
Have they truly convinced me that the way I see
Isn't the way I should be living?
Or is it just blurred vision,
Some social distortion?

I just want to do the right thing, or so I think,
And all I want to do is treat her fair and care
For her the way I believe.
Yet all I see on the TV screen tells me
That - as a male especially - I need to
"Not Put All Of My Eggs In One Basket",
That I SHOULD do this and NOT that
At the same time while I
Talk to this girl and try for that one because...
Because, well... I'm a male,
And that its not right if I'm NOT doing these things,
That there must be something wrong if I'm not, because
If not exactly socially accepted, it seems widely expected.

But that's not me. It's not me.
All it is is social distortion.
I tried it once but it wasn't a fit.
I had too much of a conscience
And I really didn't have the stomach for it.
I left that path feeling ***** and depressed -
Let down for having let my morals down.
I was raised better than that.

All I want to be to this woman is
An upstanding and caring man who
Shows her a never ending flow of loyalty and passion,
Someone she knows will always tell her the truth.
I long to be the one she'll never question except
In rare moments of self-consciousness and doubt,
Caught wondering, "Why does he care for me so much?"
To which I would say -

"Have you ever paused to see
That I adore the ground beneath your feet?
And for all that you don't like being only 5'1" tall,
Let cliche ring, but I find you perfect as you are.
Your nervous little laugh,
The way your cheeks rise,
The shape they make your smile,
And the way that smile reaches and lights
Your brown eyes
When you laugh at something silly I've done."

"It's in the way you hold yourself,
It's in the way you stand,
It's in the way you feel in my arms when we dance.
It's in the way we interact,
The enjoyability when we sit and talk, when we chat.
I could lose myself for days locked in those moments,
Drowning myself in every word you have to say
And in the chance to drink in your eyes.
What you need to hear me say, 'I am a man taken'."

So with all of that said,
Is it so wrong of me to want and to be
Faithful and unstraying from her when
We're just starting out and things have really yet to begin?
Is it really wrong
Or is this just social distortion?

I don't know
What it is to be perfect
And yet in love
I go out and subject others
To that which I don't know
How fair does that seem
To many a good girl
That I pass on by
Because she cannot live
Up to that unreachable bar

I am not perfect
But I constantly look
For this trait in others

Such hypocrisy
And somehow I don't care
It is very repulsing
And I live on, better and better

You only remember the good times when you're all alone late at night.
When you sit there and write by the light of a single lamp
Throwing shadows which creep out of the corners of the room,
Turning the familiar into monsters of this lonely gloom.

You only remember the good times when you're all alone late at night,
Forgetting all of the fights, the hesitations, and all of the insecurity, lack of surety.
These are the witching hours when those ghosts come out,
Always out of sight but never out of mind,
Reminding you of all the good times that you had,
Reminding you how much better it felt having someone there at your side
During those long, lonely moments that the dark of night has in store ahead.

It's in times like these that you must take strength and heart from the good times you had,
Knowing that the relationship built on such poor grounds was driving both of you crazy,
And that despite being alone, being by yourself lying in bed,
Missing the presence and companionship the two of you had,
This break from the insanity is the best thing for the both of you in the end,
And at the very least, in time, you will still be able to call her your friend.

So stay strong my friend,
Don't give into these ghosts,
Don't show weakness and fall back into dead ends.
The pains cuts deep and sweet this late at night,
But with the morning comes new light,
And with the day comes new hope,
Banishing the presence of these nightly ghosts.

I've booked my ticket like a Spring Break trip.
Cancun or Mazatlan, but this trip will be permanent -
An exciting prospect of new adventure,
Regret at what's to be left behind.

The date is circled upon the calendar
And does it ever race to hand.
My last grand adventure to plan,
To take part of before I hit the end.

There will be no more and
What once was will be lost.
I hear the sun shines there
But not in the traditional sense.

Say goodbye to the girls -
Tell them I love them -
And don't forget to pass word on to my brother.
Its sad I didn't get to see him again before I climbed aboard.

Worse things have happened and
I'll see him when he decides to visit.
No worries once he takes up permanent residence -
Sorry to ruin the great secret.

So, let's make the wheels turn
With the time that's left on the clock.
The sand in the hour glass is running short.
We've got time for one last game of Pictionary before I depart.

Let's act it up and act it out.
Let our actions resonate in screams and shouts.
So ket's do the best not to waste our time
As those last grains drop by and by.

Our actions speak as words,
And when all clocks finally stop,
Its towards the horizon that I will look,
Thinking of tomorrow as I board that box.

Just know that I will miss you so well.
Mom and Dad, even though I put you through hell,
All I wish is for you to be whole,
And even though I am off on my own,
Know that I leave behind my soul
So I will still be here even after I'm gone.

Up on this cliff, with all of the greenery and sand,
With these seashells and the scrub, the shrubs,
The full moon timidly pries through the roiling clouds above my head.
The storm is fighting, but losing hope.
I watch the winds and rain racing over the water
In the pale, breaking moonlight.
Those white, streaking ruffles spreading across the dark
Make me think of wild, gold wheat in a field of deep green.
The moist, salted-rain sea air almost has a hint of grain to it.
I wait for the harvest, and know its coming soon -
Just like the end of this storm - not much beyond the horizon.
I can feel the changes already, smell them in the air,
And with dawn coming, there's a feeling of hope and Love.
The breaking of the storm and the repair of a heart,
Readying myself for Tomorrow's new start.

The most vile of all poisons
More potent than any snakes venom
Deadlier than all spider's saliva on earth
Worse than any brew procured from any apothecary

This most sweet of all delicacies
Makes men dose themselves 100 times
With the most lethal of all drugs
Leaving only destruction and mayhem in its wake

Though tolerable, and even so far as beneficial, in moderation
Seldom if ever does it stay that way for long
Like a rock rolling downhill
The speed of drinking speeds up til no one can stop it
Causing pain and suffering, not only for the abuser
But anyone near the blast zone

Moderation is the key to all things
And this toxic concoction is certainly no exception
Keep an eye on yourself, and don't be dumb
Don't drink more than from pinky to thumb

Don't look at this as a poem
Because it doesn't hold the depth or breadth
Of passion and emotion contained within a poem.
On the contrary, this is just a series of free-form thoughts
Scribbled onto a page.

To begin, I remember that first time
That I caught sight of you,
And you know as well as I
That it would be a lie if I said I wasn't taken.
But, I've always found that beauty isn't the jewel in the crown,
That it's what's found inside that brings happiness alive.

It all began that second time around,
Your first tower day, mine to be around you,
The first time that I got a breeze of who you are,
And you were a fresh gust of life, an amazing sight,
Even if my guess set you years too young.

As time has moved across this summer,
You've never ceased to inspire wonder in every way,
Watching the depth of your personality bloom the more I knew,
Bringing with it an increased maturity and age,
Changing the view and altering the light
In which I perceived you, this magnetic girl.

Bringing me to the "and now" part, as our days have wound down,
As you're being drawn along towards the door
That leads you out of town, city, and state,
I realize that I've only seen the summary
Compared to all there really is to see of you,
And I hate the thought of what I'm missing out on.

When all is really gone and said and done,
I barely know you.
I've spent hours with you in the tower
Guiding you towards new responsibility,
But that's not fully me or you.
Being tied to this mentor-mentee formality
Has slowed my feet in regards to you.

So as you go off to bigger and better things,
Remember, that if you ever want to get to know me,
That I'd very much enjoy the opportunity to know you better,
Possibly at some point when you come home this winter.

With all that said, know this,
That becoming friends with someone as smart and caring, as compassionate,
- not to mention goofy, silly, funny (read genuine) -
as you,
Is the greatest gift given this summer.

So with this fall, I wish you luck - the best of it,
Though I have my doubts that you'll need it
Seeing as how successful and able you've been
In every walk of life you've met yet.

             With all that,

                            Best Wishes,

                                                       ...

The danger, the thrills, the risk, the chills,
It all combines in wave riding to build
The most euphoric experience around.

It doesn't matter whether it's ten-foot or two-foot,
Nor whether I'm body surfing, bodyboarding, nor surfing - longboard or short.
Hell, even a stand-up board will do the trick... if you know how to use it.
Whatever you've got to use to gain that thrill
That comes with harnessing Mother Nature, even against her will.

Some might be snobbish and frown upon those
Who happen to ride only upon the foam,
But in actuality it doesn't really matter
So long as you're out there having fun, because in the end,
That's truly the one who wins.

And to tell you the truth, I believe that's me.
Scratch that. I know I am.
When I am out there I know I am having the most fun.
I'm whooping and hollering and exuding the raw exultation of being in the water -
Of being at harmony, of being one with Mother Nature.

That, that is what matters, and
That, that is what I embody.

For all of my self-proclaimed skill and finesse with the English language,
               For every single English and Lit. course I've taken, every last book I've read, and all of the papers I've written,
               I come to find that I am left at a loss as to the words to say to you on this subject
               Because of me being too bashful, too shy and too nervous, all in a blush when discussing my emotions, and
               I cannot be boisterous, I am unable to boast and roast, to showboat, I am incapable of acting my way through this
               For fear that you will perceive what I say as false emotions and label my words as untrue,
               So, in lieu of that, I will put it straightforward here, without gloss nor glamour nor anymore preamble -

               Would you consider dating a guy like me? Could you see yourself dating me? Would you date me and maybe someday be
               My girlfriend?
               Because I could see myself dating a girl every bit like you,
               And I just wish you knew how much

                         I want to kiss you so
                         That you might know, and more so, feel
                         What I feel for you now
                         Despite all that I cover and hide
                         With this noisy and verbose facade.

                         But, even more than that, I
                         Long to hug you, to hold you in my arms.
                         Such an embrace as you've
                         Never felt before and
                         - if left up to me -
                         The likes of which from another
                         You would never need.

                         I long to hold you in
                         Such a way that
                         You feel eternally safe, and
                         That space between my arms
                         Will ever be synonymous with
                         Safety, comfort, and the protection
                         That you seek out in the good times and
                         When the wide world grows scary and wild
                         And those out there try to bring you down.

               So there you have it, as simple and plain as I can make it - whether to the good or the bad - it's been said, and
               All that I can hope is that you know that I do mean every last word that you have just read.

Bland statements such as you are amazing
Don't ever qualify how much of a blessing
I find you to be upon me.

Simply being you makes me do everything I can
To better myself in an effort that maybe
I might one day deserve you and everything you do.

All we did was begin to talk again after a break in communication,
And I already find myself more engaged in school
And giving a more dedicated and focused effort on my papers and homework.

It's not even down to trying to build myself into someone who deserves you
But the possibility by doing everything within my capabilities
To become that someone you deserve in return -
That someone who will love you unreserved
And protect you from everything in this world.

I dream of the day that you comeback and join me...
Then I wake up and know that can't be true.
Even miracles can't bring you back again,
And the weight of achieving our dream now rests on my.
So despite how bad things get and how the might sputter,
I keep pushing ever forward because that is what we knew.
This was our brainchild before it went astray,
So to stay true to your memory, this is the path I follow,
And whatever ups and downs it may bring,
This is what I have to do, I have to do for you.
I can't let this go like so many other things in my life,
Because if I let this go, then so do I let you.
I can't give you that sort of disrespect.
I have your memory and I will honor it.

You may not be here to push forward with me, but
I will dedicate my gift in the pursuit of our music,
And if that ends up as naught, I give my drive and perseverance,
My stubbornness and ability to overcome the world inside,
To push and power through to see our dream come true.

So though you may not be here and working towards our goal,
You are a major driving force behind the momentum,
Burnt into every fiber and deep in the ink,
Embedded in every stitch and every step in the act
As I walk the road to see this dream come through.

Why did you have to go?
Why does it feel like you ran away?
Ran away and left me here
Stranded in this place called life?
I think of you and of that day,
The one where you left this world,
And I think of all the things I never got to say -
The pinnacle of which was "goodbye".

We miss you by day
And as we drink by night.
So here's to you, Andrew,
For the first time tonight,
In honor - Live Ever, Die Never.
Here's to 594, Hi Hi Hi!

Did you have to go so soon?
Did you have to make such a quick escape?
Escape ladder up and left me
Feeling painfully alert and alive.
I think of you and the aftermath of those days
Where you had left this world behind,
And of all of what I never got to say -
One of which was "goodbye".

We've missed you by day
And as we drink by night.
So here's to you, Andrew,
For the second time tonight,
In your honor - Live Ever, Die Never.
Here's to 594, Hi Hi Hi!

I know you were taken too soon
On that bright Spring day,
After which I tried my best to run away,
Tried any escape to forget you were no longer alive.
I think of you and all of the great days
We shared before you left this world behind,
And I forget all the things I never got to say -
The least of which was "goodbye"... I'll see you again someday.

We miss you during our days
And as we celebrate your memory by night,
So here's to you, Andrew, my friend, my brother,
For the third time on this bright, clear night.
In your honor - Live Ever, your spirit will Die Never.
Here's to you, 594, Hi Hi Hi!

We will always miss you during our days
And even more so as we celebrate each and every night,
So here's to you, Andrew, my best friend, my brother,
For the fourth and final time on this best of nights.
In your honor - Live Ever, through us your spirit will Die Never.
Here's to you, 594, Hi Hi Hi!

bzzz bzzz goes the cell phone
               ****
it reads
My reply

Shush, we're not talking
about you. Movie n wine
at home later? Maybe
jacuzzi?

bzzz
               Mmm ill call u love. Im
               tired and cant be out late.
               I have work 8am to 7pm :\
wow, ain't that lame
to which I say

:-\ ok

a few minutes later on
and I text again

I love you. Im sorry for
being sulky. I just miss
you and really just want
to see you.

there it goes again
               I miss you too i love you
               so effing much

:-( only 2 days but its felt
like an eternity

               Agreed
and then poetry
gets the better of me

My love. You leave me an
empty vessel when you
are away. A ship without
sails. The sun without a
sky.

Her reply comes
               Hunny :)
followed up quick
               Im going to make this an
               early night
Ouch that hurts
Caught me off guard
Do I be sad?
Or do I be smooth?

I cant even talk you into a
quick yogurt session? Ill
drive. Just there and back.

my phone rattles back
               Im grumpy tired and
               waking up early lovebaby
shoot quick

And I can put you to bed
w a smile on your face :)

               Be a little more specific
               :)
oh god
and here comes the barage

A back rub, a massage. A
head rub, a hug. A kiss, a
squeeze. Lets just say
that this lil finger went to
market.
And as Ive said, I just
want to see my baby. So I
apologize if Im being
pushy. Ive missed you
more that ever this last
day.

               Hehe lovebaby *** youre
               adorable

Adorable enough to get
you to agree to a quick
trip to yogurt or
something? Pretty please
w a cherry on top?

               Youre.sweet and tempting
               like.a cherry :) lovebaby
               lets watch the snow fall
               one day

Well then have a lil taste
of the cherry. It promises
to have you home by
11:45 :-)

               Gah golly u make this
               hard
And here it goes
full blown
oh god
oh no

Say yes and it wont be
hard. Say yes and know
you made me the
happiest boy ever. Say
yes and know you get to see
your love. Say yes and
know that my eyes will
twinkle like your own
personal stars tonite. I
miss you :-(

               Jack. I love you
One more desperation push

I love you too baby.
What have you got to
lose? And Im sorry Im
hassling you. I really
really miss you.

and then the minutes drag on
a few and then ten
maybe a few more and

Im sorry, Ill stop. I hope
you have a good nite.
Sleep well love. I miss
you.

and then
there it is
               I love you

I love you too baby. Im
sorry for being crazy.

and time stretches on
the beats grow long
and in reply*
               Ill call u whn im home

Fie!*  Fie, I say to you!
And to all of you who say, *Die
I tell you, Fie!

When you say, You're too weak, You're too small,
You can't do it
I say to you, Fie!  Fie, from deep in my core.

You can take your words and you can take your calls,
For with myself in this right mindset,
Your silly little petty words mean absolutely nothing at all,

Despite all your attempts to bring me down
And all your words telling me to, Lay Down and Die,
despite Every Last Silly Word to me you all have ever said,
I will not listen, and I will most definitely not die!

I look at you and say, Fie!
Unlike you, I choose to live my life!
One day by day, one action at a time,
And when most of you hope to get me to lay down, to get my to say, Die,
I know I have the power within me to look you in the eye.

Fie!, I tell you, Fie!
Now go try and ruin someone else's life,
For I will not let you have mine.

I've come back down
And found I still feel the same.
Despite my attempts to get away, to escape,
I've found that nothing inside has changed.

I want it all to be gone
Because it obviously meant nothing to you.
I wish I could give it all away
Because I don't want it if you don't.
I don't want these emotions anymore
Because you got tired and gave it all away.

I left and ran
So far from what was me and you,
And when I came back,
I found that nothing inside had changed,
And I don't know why
But I don't really want it to.

If that is what you call it, then say what you will -
You always have,
But that doesn't make your words any less untrue.

There was no placeholder until you made yourself one,
I wanted everything that I thought you were,
And then you went and changed.
I fooled myself along trying to believe that you were still you,
But you weren't.
You showed who you were, went back to him and every other guy out there,
So at some point I had to let myself know... and I did.
You weren't the one for me, and come to think of it
- Hindsight is always 20/20, isnt it? -
The fact that you could do any of these things meant that you never were in the first place.
You were the last place I should be, the last person I should be with.

Why did it have to become a war? Why do you want to give a peace offering?
Last I ever knew you never wanted to see or hear from me again -
So leave it be that way.
You had your chance, and you were her for a time,
But you let that fall into the road a long time ago where it gathered dust and fell apart.
Get real, don't get hurt,
Remember, you were the one who left not me.

How do you tell a 19 year old boy that he is in Love?
More importantly, how does he tell himself?
At this point in life, that admonition is more life self-incrimination,
Than the natural steps for a smitten heart.

For so long the lone wold has roamed the range,
And now that one has been found that feels the same,
The instinct to go run and hide away
Must be corralled and eliminated from the brain,
With proper manners, class, and tact instilled in its place.

Though he feels so strongly, and always sees her face,
And with thoughts of her never far from reach
- Hovering on the edge of consciousness for easy access -
The ripping sound is his being being torn apart, heart and mind at odds with each other.
This self-perpetuating war in those maturing from boys into men,
These internal struggles time and again testing their carriers' mental fortitude.

Eventually will he just give up?
Or does he tend to fold and give in to the strain?
Could he possibly soldier on, keeping shredded thoughts to himself?
I sure would like to get a hint if you know,
T'would save me a lot of trouble, time, pain, and sorrow.

Hawaii,
Just the name sounds magical,
Oahu.
Oh, wahoo!
But the swell was dying down,
Not as big as days prior.
Still good enough for me.

The undulating earth,
Not fire, water.
Slow rollers
With surprising speed.
Cresting, foamy peaks
Avalanching into those clear bowl-like valleys below.

Temporary hollowness
Racing to devour the escape
As the sleek slide rides
On until the chase is up.

Barrel after barrel
For time out of mind that day
Was spent in the surf.
Great day in those crystal waters
Riding the waves of the earth.

Estos es mi tentativa
para escribir para tu
Estos son mis palabras
y es asi como me siento
Escribo sin adornos y acentos
porque esto no es mi idioma
pero yo todavia hablo del corazon
con estas palabras en la pagina
Yo no siempre se que las cosas correctas decir
y a veces yo estoy demasiado atemorizado decirle como me siento
Entonces escribo mis sentimientos aqui tan puede saber
Exactamente como me siento
Como me siento de tu.

El corazon se hincha
cada vez veo la cara
y un frio arrastra en los dedos cuando paro de pensar de tu
y todo yo jamas quiero hacer
es es un mejor hombre para tu
para ser el mejor
para ser el unico hombre para tu
y yo no puede ayudar per pensar
como espero que sea el uno destinado para mi

I'm going back to the crossroads
This being the second time for a first time
And a first time truly participating in this day
Many times in those years gone and gone by
This has been a sad, forlorn day
Or it could have been the fact
That all of this confused me
I did not understand all that they felt
And why they felt and acted in their fashion
But now I have one of my own
I am beginning that learning curve
To understand what it all stands for
Two firsts in one day makes my head spin
And causes my stomach to reel
I am ready for it
I just don't now it yet

I'm going back to the crossroads
Even facing infinite objections from myself
I have to prove to the world that I can go...
No. Change that.
I have to prove it to myself.
I always enjoy a good challenge
But for reasons unbeknown to me
I have fought as valiantly as any gladiator
To avoid any sort of interaction
Such as the one I am about to embark upon
For no one else but me
And maybe for her as well
I head back that way
As I go down to the crossroads

This white has been beautiful.
Sometimes so much so that I would say
I have never seen anything so pristine.
The way it drifts down from the sky,
Coasting lightly down to the already snow-covered ground.
It might land upon the branch of a tree
Or possibly on a nearly covered bush.
And the way it deadens sound,
How it eliminates all the extraneous,
Adds to the aura of perfection.

But I'm ready to go home.
I have had enough.
I'm ready for all of the smog, traffic, congestion and sound,
And I'm ready for my ***** sand beaches.
Those cold, dark waters provide
Stark Contrast
To those endless slopes of the purest white.

But I am ready to go home.
I'm ready to go back where I belong.
Home.

How long has it been?
A month, six weeks, longer than that?
For the record, let me tell you,
It has not felt half that time,
And yet... it has been years and more.

Generically, distance makes the heart grow fonder,
Which is true enough for me, though,
In that retched state, it leaves me
Also very prone to look and wander.

If my brain were a tree,
You would be its mistletoe;
Making me think of you often and always, and,
Despite my best efforts,
I have been unable to make you budge.

I might consider you a disease on my mind
(But as of this moment in time),
I couldn't care less when you jump into my thoughts
For it always brings memories of:
Your happy face,
Your smiling voice,
Kisses in the dark.

I've got to go get it,
I've got to be the best,
And I've got to convince you that
I am all of these things
Inside of me that you've never seen.

I am this shy boy
Despite my loud and obnoxious facade.
Its all misplaced bravado,
An excess to cover up for how nervous
You really make me feel.

You've seen my loud mouth,
And you've watched my self-centered strut,
But what you've never seen is the inside of me:
The romantically inclined mind,
The thoughtful, caring heart,
And my longing to understand your soul.

So give me the chance to be
Everything I could ever be,
Most importantly, everything you'll ever need,
And it all starts with you
Taking a moment to see all of these things
Inside of me you've never seen.

The Jack Attack was back
Even the girl seemed quite fat
Or was it a man or boy
That was the old woman's toy - toil
For it just so happened she was royalty
But her castle was teaming
With gigantic Ants - aunts
Though they might have uncles, or cockroaches
Because her extended family was quite big
Cousins and kids
Ran through the house like baby goats
Ferrets and rats and marmalade stoats
Drumming and strumming... and this poem... what a joke