I feel the fire, and it burns deep from the inside.
Our words fired with all the hate and anger
Of long hours made of days and weeks of pain
Pent up and held to the point of bursting.
This flood that we unleash upon each other,
One insult stinging always more painful than the last,
Has been in the making from the day our feelings became clear.
Our lives and lifestyle choices; at once so different,
Yet our hearts so star-crossedly aligned that
The Gods above must surely laugh at our plight.

The words that you spit and the tone you use
Drive venom deep in my veins as any fang could,
And that iridescent pain blooms beneath my skin.
In return I barb my own voice with similar poisons,
If nothing else hoping to hit you with spite
To try and assuage the ruin you have made of my heart - and pride -
Though I know down inside that I am at fault
Just as much if not more than you,
But at this moment I find myself unwilling
To admit such thought as anywhere near true.

And when all is said and done I would regress if I could,
But the words have been said and our course is set.
We have cast our nets fashioned of anger and spite
Out upon the waters, now we must deal with our catch.
Nothing to be done but continue upon our path
As I see no possible route to digress,
And return to our days when the only three words
That mattered in this world between us were
"I love you".

Why did you have to go?
Why does it feel like you ran away?
Ran away and left me here
Stranded in this place called life?
I think of you and of that day,
The one where you left this world,
And I think of all the things I never got to say -
The pinnacle of which was "goodbye".

We miss you by day
And as we drink by night.
So here's to you, Andrew,
For the first time tonight,
In honor - Live Ever, Die Never.
Here's to 594, Hi Hi Hi!

Did you have to go so soon?
Did you have to make such a quick escape?
Escape ladder up and left me
Feeling painfully alert and alive.
I think of you and the aftermath of those days
Where you had left this world behind,
And of all of what I never got to say -
One of which was "goodbye".

We've missed you by day
And as we drink by night.
So here's to you, Andrew,
For the second time tonight,
In your honor - Live Ever, Die Never.
Here's to 594, Hi Hi Hi!

I know you were taken too soon
On that bright Spring day,
After which I tried my best to run away,
Tried any escape to forget you were no longer alive.
I think of you and all of the great days
We shared before you left this world behind,
And I forget all the things I never got to say -
The least of which was "goodbye"... I'll see you again someday.

We miss you during our days
And as we celebrate your memory by night,
So here's to you, Andrew, my friend, my brother,
For the third time on this bright, clear night.
In your honor - Live Ever, your spirit will Die Never.
Here's to you, 594, Hi Hi Hi!

We will always miss you during our days
And even more so as we celebrate each and every night,
So here's to you, Andrew, my best friend, my brother,
For the fourth and final time on this best of nights.
In your honor - Live Ever, through us your spirit will Die Never.
Here's to you, 594, Hi Hi Hi!

Make the most of the time you've got girl,
for before you know it
Life will have passed you by.
There you will stand,
Having lost even the chance to wave goodbye
To those days you knew as your prime.

Days sweep endlessly by
And the wind sweeps the trees.
The rain drips on down
Until the sky lets up,
Until the clouds bow out
Leaving a bright night sky.

So take your chance, take it now.
Make your stand, make it proud.
Love life, live strong, never hesitate,
The best and worst will be gone
By the time you move again.

Take your chances when they come
And bow out with your sun,
Leaving with a setting that puts all in awe.
Make the most of life girl
Before you've left it wasted and gone.

I'm left and lost all alone
In this life that is left to me.
I desire and want like all
But cannot find one to call my own.
I try, though hard as I might,
I am left a half-second late,
Something short, missing, absent,
And lose out on the final prize.

I am left wanting those I cannot have.
I am left dying for she who doesn't give a ****,
And I don't know how to break myself of this trend.
I burn and break myself inside,
Turning my heart to gravel
Where it should be the ice
In her Margarita-filled life.

Out there are girls who might take that spot,
But I cannot find it in me to find in her anything I want.
I cannot find a way away from her I want.
It's that **** twitch of my mind,
Always returning to her I cannot.

So here I strangle myself with my thoughts.
I crush myself methodically from the inside-out,
Breaking myself down quicker than Father Time did intend.
Sorry says Mother Nature, so is Life.

If that is what you call it, then say what you will -
You always have,
But that doesn't make your words any less untrue.

There was no placeholder until you made yourself one,
I wanted everything that I thought you were,
And then you went and changed.
I fooled myself along trying to believe that you were still you,
But you weren't.
You showed who you were, went back to him and every other guy out there,
So at some point I had to let myself know... and I did.
You weren't the one for me, and come to think of it
- Hindsight is always 20/20, isnt it? -
The fact that you could do any of these things meant that you never were in the first place.
You were the last place I should be, the last person I should be with.

Why did it have to become a war? Why do you want to give a peace offering?
Last I ever knew you never wanted to see or hear from me again -
So leave it be that way.
You had your chance, and you were her for a time,
But you let that fall into the road a long time ago where it gathered dust and fell apart.
Get real, don't get hurt,
Remember, you were the one who left not me.

"Mmm",
She said,
"I like whipped cream",

and I said,
"Oh, I bet you do".

I am amazed at how,
On the eve of one year later,
How broken I still am.

You were nothing and
You were no one,
And you were the one, wrong.

Isn't it amazing how,
In a matter of moments,
Things can change best to worst?

It's over a year later and
I still find myself thinking
About her, and not you.

You, you were really nothing,
But she, oh, don't get me started.
She was the one.

Time and again I broke her
And then I broke for you,
And you broke me how I broke her.

Isn't life amazing?
The forces of Physics at work -
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Well you, hah, you were
Most definitely a reaction.
Oh yes, I got mine.

Karma I will name you, yes with a K.
A ***** of unproportionate levels,
Or at least it feels that way when a recipient of you.

In reality, a ***** of even proportions.
You taught me most important lessons
And left me broken inside.

With those lessons in tow
I moved on in life,
Moved on to leave you behind.

Moving on in every way hoping
To find someone like her,
Finding myself unable because of you.

After a year of hell breaking myself
Upon your walls has left me empty,
Bereft of courage, weak in mind, heart, and soul.

I have nothing left to give.
My body is empty.
My courage is spoiled.

So as much as I long to find her again,
I still find you in my life,
Only in a different form, though caustic as ever.

Opportunities come, and opportunities go,
But I sit rooted as ever watching them pass,
In fear of making a move - Because of you.

Afraid that I will never be enough.
Afraid that I can never be enough.
Despite everything I ever gave.

This is what's become of me, are you happy?
Is it enough?
Just move on already, I've got nothing else.

Please, I'm begging you - I've have enough.
I just want to go find a version of her,
To love her and no one else,
To love her like no one else,

And I can't
Because of you.

When I look at you,
I see nothing but your eyes -
Those beautiful brown orbs -
And I hear your voice in song,
Singing as if only to me
From above on your stage.

What I feel is another story,
Of another genre entirely.
As I go beneath that creamy skin,
All the pain begins to resonate in a way
Your guitar can only imagine -
Every note from you contained within.

Are we talking the mental or the physical,
When the scars all stay the same
Whether they're tears shed
Or more drops bled by and by?
I see that false ecstasy
Overlaying that torment hidden within.

The pain of seeing boy after boy
Playing the game to gain
What you always know they want,
Hoping time and again that it's not.
Morning lies rise with the sun to wake you,
Acting as if you never knew.

When you get home,
Sitting in your room, curtains drawn
- The darkness a close friend -
Contemplating your railroad track arms,
Wondering how it got you from no to Yak to Smack;
How to catch the mainline to noon?

You arrive on time every time.
Climb aboard as you lay back,
Finding your secret ecstasy in this life of misery,
Wishing it didn't have to be this way,
Wondering why you let it get this far -
How do you find time for more?

But this time, from the dark of your room,
As you watch your stop come and go,
You take it one stop too far.
Keep to your seat and let the dice roll.
You've always known it to take the toll:
Seeing your feet submerge in the tar.

That beautiful white hue turns ice blue,
a color that has always become you.
Breathing slows and falls in line,
Same as the rest it knows best -
This drowning has been long time coming -
And it's not scary as you thought it could be.

So now you climb to the front of the bus,
Driver says, "Sorry, ***, they're no return trips",
But as the door opens, the light blinds in.
Sirens blare and voices begin,
Surging into motion returning you to withdrawl reality.
Voices from Angels of men, giving you one last chance to live again.

The winds blow and tree branches wave enraged,
The sky is one gray cloudy mass
While the rain streams down, all is wet.
Outside is bright with the drear ethereal light
Contrasting the interior shock of fluorescent,
Divided by tired panels of rain-streaked glass.

And there you sit.

All ivory-skinned facing the poaching storm,
Ensconced in the library chair you make a throne,
Collectedly attending your papers in front,
Careless of the outside weather as
The rich falls of your hair -
                              A few reckless strands daring
                              To fall as they may.

All the while, trees continue to shake,
The winds to blow and the rains to drop,
But all you have to spare is
a quick glance,
Then its back to work.

I wish I could do more
To maybe one day believe
That I could be worthy of you
And to be part of your world

My immaturity has
Stark contrast to your delicately assembled composure
And leaps and bounds if it hopes to imitate
Your endless kindness caring, your simple giving

While I'm off slaying dragons in dreams
And conquering lands from far away
You stay in the here and now
Helping those in need all around

I see everything blossom around
You and I wish I could be everything
That you might ever need in this world
That someone to take care of you

You never ask for a single thing
And you don't know what it is to complain
But deep inside I see your pain
And I wish I could take it away

So as the last thing you expect
I will bring you this diamond ring
And I will get down on one knee and say
My darling will you marry me

And the I will say
Now let me take all of your pain away
And let me be the beauty that shines
Down upon you each and everyday

I want to be your umbrella
So that you can spread your joy
To all those who need it so bad
And I can give you all of mine

And when you come home at night
I can banish all of your cares
And I can light up your heart
Simply when you look at me
Though I will be so much more

So what do you what will you say
When I bring you this diamond ring
And get down on one knee and ask away
My Heart will you marry me

I have to do you better because
Its what you deserve for all you've done
Bringing me into and up in this world
For raising me right and teaching me well
But despite my best efforts and intentions
We both know that I cannot make that happen
As I quest to release my inner me
This thing that's built up so deep sown inside
And I will drive you as crazy
As I drive my car down this dark highway
Unseeing and alone with only my headlights here
Spotting none ahead and catching no sight behind
And still on I drive
Until it comes upon me that he is free
That day you will know I have made the most of me
And even though it will sadden you
You will see that it was needed for the best

This is how the road has to be
If it was simple and easy
And I followed the path that you intended
I will never breakout and find who
And more importantly what I am meant to be
So for the time being embrace the insanity
Its for the best
It truly is
Its for the best
And know that for all of this
For each and every little thing I have done
I love you
For each and every little thing you have done
So very much
Remember it well
And when this world of hell is at its darkest
Know that the dawn is not far off
And despite the nature you see of that world
Its only one moment, one speck in time
And that I love you all the same

The Wild Man is calling and I've seen the Wild Man signs
I thought time had been stalling
But now I see the truth forced through
I had bee free falling in time
Watching days and weeks go by
Now I see that I'm going to have to do this bailing
With my own two hands one bucket at a time
But what on this Earth is worth easy
Let me tell you that nothing comes free
So let's get to this bailing
And in time we will see this pond empty
Leaving me standing ankle deep in muck and happy
Side by side with my Iron John
Because I know that he has been calling
And all of the signs and signals have been clear
But I believe the problem has been I haven't been looking
Or maybe I just haven't been ready
I flipped that first page and believe me something changed
My time is now for my Wild Man journey
Because he has been calling
He has been shouting out my name
And in the time it's taken me to grab my bucket
I have been stalling
But now time has come
And these waters remain empty
As Iron John has been seized and caged
Over years of time I gradually realize the loss of my golden ball
The one so long ago stolen
But now I stand alone in front of his cage
Feet squared firm as I hold the key
I can see the hungry look in his eyes
For all the years he has desired to be freed
Let us take these steps together he says
And join this world alive
Not lacking in energy and passion as some
But well and truly alive as can be
To be thriving and swelling and breathing so deep
To free Iron John of his iron bar skies
And for us to begin our journeys
To leave all of this world behind
Perhaps to return one day
As all will have seen the boy that left
A man returning, his head held high

Let me just say that
Thank god I'm over you
Because this just in
the list of exploits you did do
is only getting longer
minute by minute and
hour by hour
actions speak louder than words
they say take a photo it will last longer
but its so much more entertaining
when we've got video coverage
so that I can kick back and watch
as your whole life falls apart
I can just sit back and laugh
And realize that my life ain't so bad
That I really should go and thank you
For going and leaving me
Because otherwise I would be
Strapped tight to your sinking ship
And just another line in your silly poem
But since you did cut me free
I now have front row seats to the show
I don't know about Karma being a *****
But I sure know you were
Being away from you has proven to me that
God isn't it good to be free
God life is great to me

Endless and drear, the way is made clear.
I have to get out of here.

I don't have a clue what I'm doing
And I'm just wasting time.
A stop-hold on the moment
As I watch life go by.

Your scent permeates the air
To the point I can no longer bear
It as I stomp your grounds,
Harassing the innocent on your behalf.

Another few days, only a few more weeks,
That's the way I make it day-to-day.
A job's a job, and money is money,
A paycheck is better than none, right?

I can stand it no longer,
Watching my days grow shorter,
Making no progress forward,
Living within your bounds is torture.
I feel I can go no further.

I'm done and gone, I leave you behind.
I seize the moment and try to gain back lost time.
I'm living my life and saying goodbye.

I sit up at night and find my head up in the clouds.
I take a look around and find you holding court
Even if its only kings and clowns, its everything you've ever wanted,
And there is the crown of diamonds and myrrh
Sitting upon your brow lightly as a newly fallen layer of snow.
As the stars go rushing by my ears and across the sky,
The only thought to cross my mind is the beauty of you in my eye.
We can be kings or pawns a man once said,
But what can that possibly matter when he's long been dead?
Preventing me from asking him what those frosty words meant,
And when the gold mountains rise to meet the starry skies
I make a wish upon you, you shooting star blazing through my life,
Hoping to take you from this group of fading glimpses,
Reinventing you as my lunarary waxing gibbous,
Maybe to one day have you become the sun.
I greet you in the East as you dictate the heartbeat of the day,
But as I lay my head to rest, descending from the clouds,
I find you locked away in my heart.
I will breathe for you another day, another time,
Watching you shooting star across my skies,
Departing from my life as a wish unsaid, a wish untried.
I am left, my head on my pillow, awaiting my comet come round again.

Back to the band
Its time to put this to an end
We are no more
Its what I don't need
Don't worry the score
A brief flash again in my life
A brief revival of what used to be
But I force myself to see through
Thoughts of a revival of me and you
Time to return from this mental revery
Time to return to what is important
Time for what's important to me
I'll stop thinking, let my mind go wander
You do your thing, pretend you're younger
I broke you then
No need to allow you to return the favor
Best of luck to you in life
I'll take my dice and run
Roll a chance on someone better understood

So its back to the band
Its back to where I began
Back to where I belong
Now you run along
I'm sure I'll see you in time
After what was has passed us by

Hey Baby Doll, does it even matter to you
To keep plans at all, to follow your words up right?
Does anything matter at all; except where the next party calls?
Who pours the next drink, who lines the next shot?
Is that life to you, is that all you've got?
For if it is, I'm gone, I can't deal, can't hang with your ****.
I leave, and hope you head for a fall
To make you realize who truly matters at all.
For you look like a rose, but the smell you put off is a combustion of diesel and alcohol.

String me along some more if you please,
And I will make you see that life is nothing without me.
You've got nothing without me.
Go have another drink, and when you finally come crawling back,
I'll throw you a fist full of dollars, tell you to have another on me.
Go ahead baby - its free - now watch me leave.
I'm not going to stand for any more immaturity.
If it isn't me, let me be, I will take my heart and go.
Be free away from the tortures you rain down upon me.

You're not that good, you're nothing near great.
You're not worth my time, you're not worth a fight - so here I stage my flight.
Breathe a fresh breath, so clean away from you
And the filth of your life that pretends to want me.

No matter how I knock, I'm not let it, I'm held on your step,
And that significant limbo, the balance on that step,
Does precarious flips upon my stomach.
And now I lose my nerve, I've lost my nerve.
One last knock to see if the door handle turns,
And I turn to take my leave of you and all that brings you down,
Because its bringing me down and I'm not going down with your ship and all of your *******
If I'm not even invited to come in and sit.

The time has lost my patience - its gone from my mind.
I want it no more and I begin to abhor every moment I've wasted on you,
And there is little to no that you can or will do to bring me back - to change my mind -
Because once the heart has gone black, it doesn't go back, it won't go back.
Its over and gone, you've set it in stone,
Written above your grave as it looks down on you and all that we had known.

And now I have gone.
Such immaturity - the childish ways -  leave them in high school, middle school preferred.
You're in college now, headed for the world, and you decided to act like a school girl.
What did you hope to gain from that?
Because I won't go back, you've turned my heart black.
That's the fact, and there's no way back.

What did I mean, some strange sort of in between?
In between what, another two guys from up and down the block?
No baby, that isn't me.
I'm looking for the kind of girl who loves me for me -
Not for my money, will laugh because I'm funny, love me whether I'm fat or skinny -
Because I will be me, and I need you to be you, not some dressed up China doll.
But as I said, you're headed for a fall, and I couldn't care less at all.

Have fun in you're Hell, I'm headed for my Heaven.
Anywhere that has no you is where I want to live in, I can really dig in,
Kick my feet up and watch as the world beats you up,
Because I'm done, I'm gone, I can't wait anymore for you to grow up.
So this is goodbye, Baby, so long, Baby, to what was love, Baby, to what is now lost, Baby, goodbye.

Don't look at this as a poem
Because it doesn't hold the depth or breadth
Of passion and emotion contained within a poem.
On the contrary, this is just a series of free-form thoughts
Scribbled onto a page.

To begin, I remember that first time
That I caught sight of you,
And you know as well as I
That it would be a lie if I said I wasn't taken.
But, I've always found that beauty isn't the jewel in the crown,
That it's what's found inside that brings happiness alive.

It all began that second time around,
Your first tower day, mine to be around you,
The first time that I got a breeze of who you are,
And you were a fresh gust of life, an amazing sight,
Even if my guess set you years too young.

As time has moved across this summer,
You've never ceased to inspire wonder in every way,
Watching the depth of your personality bloom the more I knew,
Bringing with it an increased maturity and age,
Changing the view and altering the light
In which I perceived you, this magnetic girl.

Bringing me to the "and now" part, as our days have wound down,
As you're being drawn along towards the door
That leads you out of town, city, and state,
I realize that I've only seen the summary
Compared to all there really is to see of you,
And I hate the thought of what I'm missing out on.

When all is really gone and said and done,
I barely know you.
I've spent hours with you in the tower
Guiding you towards new responsibility,
But that's not fully me or you.
Being tied to this mentor-mentee formality
Has slowed my feet in regards to you.

So as you go off to bigger and better things,
Remember, that if you ever want to get to know me,
That I'd very much enjoy the opportunity to know you better,
Possibly at some point when you come home this winter.

With all that said, know this,
That becoming friends with someone as smart and caring, as compassionate,
- not to mention goofy, silly, funny (read genuine) -
as you,
Is the greatest gift given this summer.

So with this fall, I wish you luck - the best of it,
Though I have my doubts that you'll need it
Seeing as how successful and able you've been
In every walk of life you've met yet.

             With all that,

                            Best Wishes,

                                                       ...

It comes in every color, size, and shape.
It doesn't matter who it's for or who it's from.
There are no boundaries, no taxes on.
Wherever it decides to take root it will hold on.
It's no choice of yours, and definitely not of mine.
I've felt the tug before as it pulls on my mind,
And no matter how I resist or try to hide or deny,
It always surfaces, becoming twice as strong.
No race, no creeds, no, it cannot be collared.
By and far the best when given freely,
One to another, given in hugs and kisses.
Love to each other is the remedy for our troubles
As we begin to see each as sister and brother,
No matter his faith or her skin color.
And if she's got that many piercings,
Or if he's got that many tattoos,
Or if I believe in certain ideas and beliefs,
It makes us unique and that much closer.
Difference isn't a divide, but the bridge
That enables us to love one another.
As long as we give it the chance to grow,
It will foster itself in out hearts
And its words will speak from our souls.

Where have our days gone,
And what have our manners become?
If our parents could only see,
Would they even recognize their daughter or son,
Would they believe that this is what we've done,
That this is what's become of their world?

Something once so clean and beautiful,
We have beaten and burnt, reduced it to
This cynical, self-centered place we see.

Even in my short days alive I'm in shock and disbelief
At all the changes and atrocity of the commons.
Who are these people and what have they done with humanity?
Has kindness for the sake that its right up and gone,
And how have we let hate become this much of a pandemic?

This has gone on too long.
We must find the vaccine to this malaise.
Despite it being right inside,
We each must bring it out in ourselves,
But once we do I find it to be quite infectious.

We only need to give it time to breathe,
Then I can spread a little love from you to me.

You are my ******,
The ever-nagging drug addiction
That keeps tugging at my strings
No matter the rehab I have done upon my soul,
Regardless how bad I know you are for me -
But you were worse.

You could never be my Heroine,
The one who saves me from my worst,
To be the last, the only, by my side,
To hold my hand and be my strength when I fail,
Telling me, no matter what the stars say,
Everything is going to be fine -
But you could never be that.

You are my ******,
That which I will always desire
- no matter how long I have been clean of you -
But I now know its not the love affair I thought it once was,
I bear the emotional scars like needle marks,
Those I used to hide, I now wear open and honest, telling what you did,
And somehow,
You were always worse.

I would ask you out to a movie or so
But the rules of respect mean I cannot.
I see your face and I am caught out,
Dry mouth and a lack of words,
Fewer thoughts in return.

I hear your voice and I stop,
Held in spot, lingering in your waves.
All I want is to turn and gaze -
To look you up and down,
To look and return to gaze on your face.

As its always been,
Those amber eyes hold me fixed
As those fields of silk
Meet with waves of red,
That kiss of milk
Overlaid by the lash of ink
- the way I wish I could grace
the surface of your body
and learn you the way I know mine,
To feel you the way you're on my mind.

Then to ponder the inside;
To learn you, to study you,
All of the wants and wishes hidden behind -
Behind those gorgeous liquid eyes.
Iris flare, a sparkle there,
And all of the encoded meaning
Of that smile so genuine:
Sometimes so coy,
At other so wry.

Your words and voice
- to taste those lips would be my delight,
oh so sweet, the forbidden fruit -
Slithering so smooth,
Deep inside to the hidden recesses,
Feeling that whisper soft skin
Unlocking every trigger of my mind,
Kissing me back,
Hinting at the secrets that
Leave me dumb and blind,
Leaving me immune to any and all
- except you, except you.
Secrets that I could only imagine,
Though that's only where it begins
As I fall to you, again and again.

After that last fall,
I never thought to feel this way again,
Wishing to get lost like my hands,
Now tangled in you hair
Having caressed up your back,
Tracing every inch of you without a care,
And those soft waves of flame
An echo of what smoulders inside -
I can see it, behind those eyes,
As your scent permeates my nose, captivating sight,
Pulling my eye to yours,
Calling without a doubt
To find your eye in the crowd,
Afraid of what mine will give away.

You're the last girl I expected to lay me out,
But you've dropped me, laid me low.
From here on my back,
The mind pleasantly going slow
- recollection doing double-time,
retracing every detail.

You stand at the crossroads,
You thought you had it all.
Now that you've been brought low
You see the story's whole.
Left with your heart - no soul -
Wasted time while you've grown old.

Your whole world is face based.
Whatever you hoped to gain
And all that you've laid to waste,
Is due to the fact that
You thought you could get by with a pretty face.

Now since it's the path you chose,
Please, don't let me disabuse you,
As you enjoy the cause and effect.
Be it the pleasantries
Or if it's all the pain.

You made your way through life,
You did it all.
Men, money, mansions, more -
You had no wants,
You had the world on hold
While you held your court.

Riding around, one guy to another
From rags to riches, and then back to rags.
Riding your fortunes as a swell on the seas.
Walking the streets for money,
And sitting sweet on Daddy's dollar.

In time, the years wore on:
The parties went, a storied song,
The nights were long with drinks aplenty,
Debauchery and fun, so was your motto,
And when the party was over,
You, the only, not left sober.

Left to feel your pain,
Left with all you squandered
As you wear that eye-shadow - I believe the color is called regret,
Something that is so unbecoming on you,
Only eclipsed by that scowl,
Remembering days when you were stunning.

Another step, another second,
And we go on with the show.
A chance, an opportunity,
And we strike off down the road,
Never turning back, never looking back.
These are the choices,
There's no room for regret,
Only looking onward, only looking up.
It's got to be, it's the only way to the top.
To be the best, I have to never stop.

We are right on the verge,
We are on the cusp,
The dividing line between
What is you and I,
And what is us.
Our omnipotent energy,
Guided by power divine,
Stays our hand
As we are rolling
And preparing for some
Rocking of our own.
A devilish brew
Some few can handle,
And when we are done,
It's a new genre
Made up from our heart
And what is soulful.

I feel your strings still attached to me,
Those I once imagined cut and withdrawn,
The ones now drawing taught again.
What once was slack begins to cut circulation.
I had broken free and away from your lines
- Now it turns into a trick of the mind.
Tightness around the wrists, ankles bound.
Marionette strings go up as I dance your song.
The only thing missing is you, Phedre, to my Joscelin.
Oh, how at times I hate you,
But life cannot go on without you.

And so my days pass, muddled in indecision - my always vice,
To stand at the crossroads and choose, choose again.
It's at this apex that I'm pulled back:
As hard as I resist, my thoughts are uplifted,
As hard as I fight, my eyes follow the path,
And it's upon you that they come to rest.

God knows what you see, what emotion writ on my face,
But I see perfect serenity, true beauty.
I see the face of the only one with whom I ever want to be.

I begin my day,
It's the same in each and every way.
I begin my day,
It's the same as I see you in every single thing.
From the moment my lashes flutter open,
You're there in every single movement.
I feel you in the space between every heartbeat,
Feel you squeezing into every exhalation,
And it's this repetition threatening to drive me insane.
If we weren't meant to be together,
If we weren't meant to die together,
If it's not 'til death do us part,
Then why are you so inseparable from my life?

I search and I scream, I roar and I dream,
No matter where the search leads me I come up empty.
I want you or to be rid of you.
I can't live in all of this in between.
Love me or leave me,
But being in my life without me is torture unnecessary.

Sad, pathetic mess, I'm a wreck.
I've got nothing left, there's nothing left.
Life's a hollow shell and I've gone flat.
Not like that mattered since the wheel fell off.
Colors are gone, even the browns and beige.
All that's left for me is black and white,
And none of that is clear to me.
What I need to see is up on the big screen,
But in this shame, I can't stop looking at my feet.
Tears roll down my nose and obscure them from view,
Dropping to stain the ground in front of me.
Life has lost meaning as I stagnate.
Life is only a dreaming,
Watching me wait and pray for something else.
Pain, regret, and emotion lost in sympathy
As my life is wasting away,
Being crushed inside of me,
Unwilling to see the darker side of me.
My heart is bleeding -
Fingers vice-like -
Each tip labeled with my vice,
Drilling and boring, until as I am,
Nothing's left.

You're out there somewhere
Spending boring nights with boring people,
Annoying nights with worse people -
Out there searching for the man whose right,
A search repeated every night.
I didn't treat you right, I know I didn't.
Then I knew I wasn't the one
- a past tense statement, if you notice -
Life has changed and we have grown:
You, more wary and more closed,
Me, more mature and less self-absorbed.
And so life goes, so the story says,
With our actions - its how we write the script,
and during our time together
It was my actions that I most regret.
Those that brought your insecurities,
The ones that grew strong when you said
"[You] couldn't leave [Me]".
And love you I did, in the end.
I did love you, in my own way,
But when I look back I find it hard to say
Compared to the way I feel about you now.
It's true that you don't realize what you had
Until its lost and gone, moved onto another one,
And if there's one thing I could let you know,
Its that I miss you.
"I miss you."
Like nothing that's ever written in song.
Yes, there's the heartbreak, and yes, the regret,
But its all my fault,
With every word I said to you
That I thought I meant.
I didn't mean it.
But now I mean it,
And how much more so do I mean it
Now that I've lost you, lost you to the world.
I never deserved you, such a sweet angel of a girl.
How did you ever get mixed up with me?
And how did I trap your heart?
Crushing it with reckless passion in clear sight -
Crushing it  in ways I knew,
And crushing it in so many more
That I didn't have a clue.
Crushing in ways that I'd never know
Until it was an experience I'd been through.
Now I know.
And for that reason, it hurts so much more.
The pain of my experience coupled with
The guilt of knowing what you went through, of what you gave
For me.
A price that should be put upon no human being.
I am not worth it.
How could I have put you through that?
It makes you that much more special to me,
And I only wish there was a way I could make it up to you.
Everyday it tears me up inside,
And everyday I feel I should tear away,
Even though all the drops have fallen and dried.
I wish I could still have you here with me.
I wish I could again be the one to make you happy:
To be all to you and more one day,
To be he who sustains your heart, mind, and soul,
To be the fuel and strength for your body -
But none of that selfish talk matters.
I just want you to be happy,
To find a man who loves you, so much more than me.
Someone to take the pain away
So that hopefully you will never hear when I say,
"I miss you."

Do you want to know the way to my heart?
Give me a piece of chocolate,
And let me hold your hand.
Look me in the eyes
And tell me that I'm your man.
Love me in the spring time,
And love me in the winter.
Love me in the in between time,
And love me forever,
And forever and for always you'll be mine.
The girl of my heart
And the girl of my mind.
The love of my life,
Oh, baby, sweet apple pie.
So give me a piece of chocolate,
And let me be your man.
Bring me into your life,
And forever I'll hold your hand.

I see your name and a wave of disdain
Surges and breaks over my countenance.
I sneer and want to spit the foul taste from my mouth,
Though stumbling across you was pure accident.
No ill-intent, no malice on your part, only the hate burning,
That blackest brimstone smoldering away in my heart.

I thought it was put out - thought the fires extinguished.
I thought the pain of you was gone, but obviously I was wrong.
And as I look through my folio of writing, a thought strikes me,
A fancy which I follow, leading back to you.

I arrive, and not to my surprise,
"You would do that", I seethe inside.
You would still read my poetry and 'like' what I write, but then -
As a bitter little quirk of a smile grazes my face -
What does surprise me, is that other than you,
I am now your only favorite in this artistry.
And worse than anything else,
                                                              th­at hurts me.

Seeing this in the face of all that has been placed between us
Leaves me bare and rent, of everything, even my hate,
Which is revealed only as a stopper on this emotional bottle.
Only sorrow, a sadness that has adhered to my core remains when the course is run.
That last little bit that you never want to sip,
Those last drips you leave on the bar with the tip.

Long after I thought I could cry no more,
The tears return unwanted and unbidden,
Showing the true rebellion within my soul,
Telling me that there is still more hurt in store.
And when all I want to do is yell and scream,
To say anything to make you hurt:
To make you hurt the way I did, do,
To make you hurt how I do for you,
For you to hurt as I crush you heart as you did mine,
For you to need me as I wanted you,

And for me to give it all up, to turn from Love and walk away.

But it can never happen that way, you could never let that happen,
You could never be vulnerable the way I gave myself in trust and faith,
And in the end, that hate is not within me, I do not carry that cruelty.
I am too forgiving a person, but I will not forget.
So I live on, burdened with my pain behind these eyes, stoppered by a thin hate -
My only defense against you in my life.

Up on this cliff, with all of the greenery and sand,
With these seashells and the scrub, the shrubs,
The full moon timidly pries through the roiling clouds above my head.
The storm is fighting, but losing hope.
I watch the winds and rain racing over the water
In the pale, breaking moonlight.
Those white, streaking ruffles spreading across the dark
Make me think of wild, gold wheat in a field of deep green.
The moist, salted-rain sea air almost has a hint of grain to it.
I wait for the harvest, and know its coming soon -
Just like the end of this storm - not much beyond the horizon.
I can feel the changes already, smell them in the air,
And with dawn coming, there's a feeling of hope and Love.
The breaking of the storm and the repair of a heart,
Readying myself for Tomorrow's new start.

The horizon's dark with cloud
As I sit here perched,
Watching those tempests roll and thunder,
Lashing their furies on the water.
Ever closer they approach,
Though who am I to reproach their course?
It's well founded and steadfast.

The rains begin to fall, and the winds to call.
My name is heard above the din.
Strangely resonant with your voice,
The one I once loved and knew,
Oh so well, the things I could tell.
And the rains descend, torn from Heaven.

The last rays of sunset obscured
As the dark drives on towards me,
And I let it come and take me, unmoving.
I let it rip and whip and tear.
It roars and rages, thunders and rampages.

And when all is said and done,
Just like you,
When this storm's fury is gone, abated,
I am left standing, the ground beneath my feet - consecrated.

We're beginning down that road, take two.
We had a start, so it's not that new.
Our game is the same, and so is the goal.
Personnel and personality, in time we will see,
In the end its inevitably
Our sound to which we are bound.

But here's to the new.
Here's to seeing what we can do,
So let's give it a shot, and we'll sure **** give it heel.
We set out to claim our fortune.
Let's see what fate has to spell.

I sit down in class,
Not to work,
But to write.

I sit down to write,
Not about the world,
Not about why.

I sit down in class,
Pen and paper in hand.
I sit down in class and
I never want it to end.

Yes, you heard me right,
I never want it to end
As I sit down to write,
Pen in my hand.

Class could go on, on and one
And on forever more
As I hang in those moments,
In a glance, and in a glance one more.

But, at the same time,
Could I
Live in those moments forever?

As glance by glance
You're in my eye,
Burnt into my mind
For when you're gone in time.

As I see,
That as we sit here in class,
You'll never notice me.
No more than you notice
How you tap your toe,
How I glance your way.

Stuck in these moments,
I slave away.
Breaking my heart
Each and everyday.

I need class to end
As soon as can be,
For in these waning moments,
I cannot come to say
Any of the words
To make you look my way.

With a semester already wasted,
Frozen in that moment,
This time becomes more precious.
I'm left with one question,
And that one is,

Can I pick the moment
To gain your attention from
The distractions of class?
Show my class,
And prove to you that
I'm the one.

Hey! what's your name?
Hey! what's your world?
Do you have the time for a guy like me?
Would you mind for a time letting me in your world?

I sat for a whole semester, locked in love with another girl,
All the while I sat and looked at you.
Pain and more from her wrought in me,
That I could have cast aside and tried for you.

But now at the second chance come round,
That vulnerability left inside from time gone by,
Is keeping my feet rooted down,
Keeping my voice from taking sound.

I voice now question,
State no compliment.
My hear is still being rent by the girl gone by,
And in my inaction, you are soon to join that crowd.

I seek to act and break her spell.
In time we will tell, how I fared.

I am in class again, and like the good student I am,
The paper comes out and I begin to write.
Let's write those notes, write that response question,
Remember that fact, jot down that caption.
But no, that's not the use I make of my paper.

Instead, I write about that girl to the right,
My neighbor's neighbor, she's the new flavor.

The drone goes on from that lady in the front.
I sit in the back and try to block out
All that will move my thoughts from her.

Not the wisest use of time, but its the one I prefer.
I have to use it wisely and see her when I can,
Because when the weekend comes, for days on end,
Out of my life she's gone, and all I've got is written in poem.

Well I woke up in a car
- Those are the lyrics to the song -
And I find myself in that same car,
Racing towards the 91.
We go up a rise and I look over;
The mountains in the distance,
See the fog in the breeze,
The zoo, the fountains, the houses it seems...
Its the city, seeing it through the trees.

Somewhere out there,
Somewhere in the haze,
Is you.
Somewhere in space,
The only place,
Is You.

Well I woke up in a car,
Or at least that's the way it seems to me.
Life through these new eyes
Shines so brightly on me,
Except when it comes to you.
I can't quite find

The words to express my thoughts.
How I adore you.
I am taken by inaction
As I lift my hands
And focus on the fingers.
I watch you slip through
As I write these words for you.

Orange* is the color of the sea
Follow along now come we'll be
Wallow in the mud and now we're strung
Rut and strut, my hips, you're flung
Cut you open and slide in my soul
Snag some lines, take a pull
Lift and strike, bear the bones
Drift alone in the mistake
Mountain up and then we break
Fountain on top, into the *orange

Rose* from above came a jet of steam
My nose projected as if from a dream
Fault of my own caused a frown
Assault my pride and I drown
909, coin the term, it's Riverside
Join the crowd, we take a glide
Rain down from the heart
Pain inside as you come *apart

You're the only one I'm feeling
It's my heart you're stealing
When you come around
My heart is homeward bound
As we go to navigate
All our demons we eradicate
And that will be our tune
We're up at dawn and at noon
Sound the horn
I'm feeling reborn
You're the one I elect
You're mine to *protect

I know you'll hold me strong tonight,
But in the morning light
As the sunlight grows,
You begin to lose your iridescent glow,
And into my past you start to flow.

And I know that you'll always love me
And I will surely always love you,
But as I'm sure you know,
To those distances the heart can't always go.
So in that light, I let you go.

I can't really talk to you again
Unless you decide to be part of the conversation,
Because if you enjoy the attention
But don't want to contribute anything,
I can't live in that sort of plan.

So, as I said,
I'm headed for the door.
You can head to wherever your legs explore,
And it will be that girl I knew in the past
That I will forever adore.

I've always written poetry
To drain the emotions,
To learn what secrets my soul is hiding.
I've written to see how I am truly feeling,
And to find those ghosts
Buried deep inside of me.

And I always feel the need to sing
Because its the purest form of speaking.
Its the combination of phrasing,
Its the pacing,
Its just how lyrically
You can build the intensity,
Which gives an interpretation to my words
That goes deeper than meaning.

I've always written poetry
Because to simply write a sentence
Grates on my economy of space,
As I state too little with words too much.
The impact,
The punch
The angst,
The anger,
My happy and sad,
All get lost in the punctuation of the paragraph

And I've always felt the need to sing
Because my lungs burn otherwise,
As I am restrained as I contain
All of the intensity that rides behind my song.
If I speak it out
It takes too long
For you to hear
What needs to be sung.

I've got to write the poetry
Because it expresses the best of me
... and the worst...
And every emotion in between.

I'm compelled to sing
Because it allows me to say,
In such a way,
All that I've ever wanted to say
So that you can't help but understand their meaning
-
Despite your feigned ignorance,
And the way that you ignore me,
And every ******* word I've said.
-
When I sing these words I've written for you,
You'll be listening so intently
You'd think your ears might bleed
As you are deafened by my lips' whispering.
Goodbye

I know you don't read my poetry,
So I don't think you'll ever see
What I write here about you,
And what you mean to me.

I know you don't want to be with me,
And I know that I don't deserve you
After everything I put you through,
And all that we've been through.

We'd fight, we'd argue,
Then I'd break up with you
- Or we'd resolve our issues -
And I'd still love you.

What went down then
Will never happen again.
I got lost in life
And went astray.

But now that I've gotten away,
Away from that, away from frat,
Away from Death and gotten my life back,
I see you're all I want, nothing but that.

But I know from what you say,
And despite how I've grown and how I've changed,
To be everything to you and more
Is a precious chance I'll never have again.

I've never seen anyone, nor felt anyone, who made me feel the way you do.

And I swear, on sight of you, words fail, and writing dries up, 'til I'm left with nothing to tell you.

Only how I feel.

So, in lieu of that, I will combine the two,
That which I wish I could say about you, and all I wish I could write to describe you,
Into which I will sing about you,
Because I hope that maybe one day you will hear this song I sing,
Written about you, and only you,

And then maybe one day you will realize
Just how much you meant to me.

All of the words I can say don't mean anything to you,
And all of the words I can write are illegible to you.
All that I see is how I am lost to you.
Maybe what I write and say combined into song
Can make you see just what you mean to me.

My darling little bug baby,
Why can't you just see
That you are beyond everything
And the stars above to me?

Thoughts of you don't leave me free.
All of my words are falling uselessly.
All of my lines are brushing off of you meaninglessly.
All I can hope is that my song can impart upon you
Everything that
I can ever hope that
You learn,
And you see,
And that I wish you knew about me, because
Without that,
And without those,
I don't think you'd ever see
That you're everything to me
In the world,
And my life,
And my time on this earth.
The globe
In my sky,
Above my mind,
In my eyes,
It's all I can see,
I can hear,
I can taste.
It's you in my face,
In my thoughts,
It's around you that I'm wrought.
I'm distraught.
It's by you who
I've been taught.
No other thoughts
Cross my mind
As I pine
Over you.

I'm singing my heart out tonight,
And I'm writing out the poetry of my life.
Nothing else to me seems so pure,
And not a minute of anything other is worth my time,
Because with my voice and my words,
I believe that my message to you is said most clear.

So with those words I hear,
My voice begins to take to the sky,
And I leave you behind.
I have no need, no want to wave goodbye
To you my girl, who used to be my girl,
Because as you asked me all of those months ago not to,
It'd be a waste of my time.
And now, I begin to fight all of those lies,
And I've finally ripped free of all of those ties -
Ripped out all of your spines - free
From my body,
Free from my soul,
And most importantly, free
From my mind,
As I'm so high off of the ground,
Reveling in the perfect sound
Of being so free of the tourniquet that was you.
And I'm out of my mind
- So many thousands of feet off of the ground -
Away from your life,
And away from the sound.
There's so many feet  between me and
You, that tried to plant me firm in the ground.
I just thank God for everyday
The He's kept you away from me.

I scream, I write and yell as you sing along,
But no matter what I say, you never ever catch on,
So I have to sing my heart out as I bleed on
For you to realize how your actions treat me wrong.

My dear love, why can't you see what you do to me?
And why do you cut deeper with every word you say?
Despite all that I've told you what you've done to me,
And with how crazy you've said I've become recently.

Heart, burn.
And, Heart, break me.
But from now on,
Ihave to sing to thee
In order that you truly hear me,
And all of the poetry

That I've written for you.

Words, words, words,
That's all they be,
And words, words, words,
That's all they see,
But those words, words, words,
Combined with the voice within me
Means so much more than you can see.

I speak and call to you
And everything comes from me,
But hard as I try to reach you,
I can't help as I'm falling free,
Spinning, diving, out of control.
The world divides around me
And I am left drowning.

Please God, oh please,
Don't desert on me.