I'm starting to dream in color
swimming in Silvia red night gowns
and dancing into silhouettes of purple and crimson.
psychedelic actually,
if you take the time to think within that perspective.
it's like a toned-down rave set in slow motion by overdose.
and where are you?
are you passed out on the lawn in front of some closed down swapmeet?
did the flicker of insomnia turn you off like a light switch you hadn't paid the bill for?
who now, will answer your phone or pay homage to your quips
or late night phone calls to God?
I wish I could say that I relayed the message
but my nerves never were enough.
I wonder if the angels ever picked up on the twisted games you played on their names.
Many people never bothered to decipher it all.
But on occasion I did.
When the time was convenient,
when the moments were dull.
I delved into it.
I tried anyhow.
Forgive me for never letting you pass.
For standing arms and legs wide apart to halt the inevitable.
I wish for so many seconds
that I was there to do something,
to show something,
some inkling of understanding through sarcastic grimaces.
To you, who will read this and play dead for flair,
may you call upon me from the imaginary casket when you get this.
Fore I do see that you could never leave like that.

In a dream I shall feel
The wings of the world unfolding, and
Worlds spinning on the axis of mad journeys;
And the seas breaking turquoise, upon their rippled surface.

In the heart of the ears
I shall hear the shivering willows, dreaming their
Wood-smoke dreams, full of sap and  funneled sunlight;
Pierced by light for a thousand years

And the flowers sleeping nestled in stars;
Gathered in the deep, among the wood-thrushes,
In coagulated violet forests, all shadowed and dark:
And a whispered peace barely rustles this world.

When you found pleasure
walking on the bridge of night
you did not breathe in the eyes that cried.  
You gave your heart to the dreams of midnight
all for the want of sighs.

You lived beside the cause of never
in a garden beautiful as the reasons why.
I never mentioned the winds of all your years,
always trusting,
one day you would fly.

You searched for sleep
by haunting ways that no tear
first had been. Time passed
left you singing an endless song
of dreams of midnight on the bridge again.

Your world had no time
where rain fell in crystal showers.
So in vain you burned to become part
of the skies that whispered words of honey
into your every hour.

When you found pleasure
walking on the bridge of night
you found the hand of sorrow.
You gave your heart to the dreams of midnight
while the eyes that cried,
found your tomorrow.

I'm no perfect saintly man.
I'm nothing like a Peter Pan.
And my mistakes I oft take out,
By sending you a wicked shout.

And when I've really f'd things up
I spew my venom in your cup.
With wicked silence, evil eyes
I work to hide where true blame lies.

But no full-on self-delusion,
No raged satanic collusion,
Will hide the fact that it's my fault
That I'm not proud of me.

I fail to be the best of me,
That image which I'm built to be -
So on I jump that train of blame,
A ride designed to stop tear's reign.

I know there's hope, I know my heart's
Not wicked, just tearing apart,
Not angry, growing passion's fire
For those whose love I most desire.

HE'S A LOVE CHILD

He was a love child, an only child
It's the one thing holding him back
He was a love child, an only child
And he's moving on down the track

His mother was so young when left with a child
She couldn't settle down and just ran wild
He never knew a father or any loving care
And grew up thinking life was unfair

He's a love child a lonely child
How could he miss what he never had
He's a love child a lonely child
It's the one thing holding him back

There's a chip on his shoulder and he hates the law
He's a red hot rebel but he can't find a cause
His social graces they just don't exist
If he disappeared he wouldn't be missed

He is a love child, an only child
And he's moving on down the track
He is a love child, an only child
And there aint no turning back

There's more of him out there and it takes all kinds
A product of society, just a sign of the times
Look around I am sure you'll find him there
Or he's moving on and there's no one to care

NEVER LOOK BACK

Some advice I gave my children
Right from their early years
Never regret the life you led
But look to your  life ahead

Never go back after moving on
Because things are not the same
For whatever the reason it ended
You must take some of the blame

I have seen some people return
To the life that they once claimed
But once again it ends in disaster
With feeling crippled and maimed

So open your minds and hearts
To a life that needs to move on
With all the emotions we lacked
And you will never look back

NIGHT RAIDERS

To plant a seed and watch it grow
Is one of life's sweetest moments
You water it in and keep it wet
Until it peeps above the ground

Last thing at night you take a look
Pumkins and peas, nice and green
Why think about all the hard work
You think about things you'll eat

Wake in the morning full of hope
Pick up the hose the veg to soak
But Alas!!! what do we have here?
Only stalks are left, Oh dear!!!

What is it sneaking around at night?
Leaving no trace except in it's mouth
Dashing all my hopes to the ground
Not a sign of my veg to be found

Two of my Zen friends
who, at the time,
I thought were some kind
of Zen enemies,
seemed to condemn me
to a soap opera
of eternal cookies
and the sound of lawnmowers,
and it took me
forty-some years
to understand this koan,
and the suburban heaven
that I was condemned to,
where instead of a life
in the forest
with snakes and mosquitos,
or a life in the city
with rats and roaches,
I was given
a life in this quiet, rich suburb
with an air-conditioned summer
and a toasty warm winter,
so that surrealistic understanding
of cookie and lawnmower hell,
turned into everyday Nirvana.