It's Christmas time of the year again,
All I can think of is you.
There's all of this festive cheer in the air, and
All I can manage is a lesser feeling of blue.
Life without you really isn't anything -
Not that it was ever cracked up to be.

With all of this goodwill and love around,
I am bound with my thoughts on you,
Wishing that I could spend these days with you -
That I could hold you close these cold nights through.

None of which is meant to be,
So I will hold you in my thoughts
And send out a prayer in holiday cheer,
Wishing you a Merry Christmas,
And hoping that you and your family are well.

I can still see your smiles in my mind.
They're always there just behind when I close my eyes.
God, you're as beautiful there as you ever were.

How I miss falling into those brown eyes,
Getting lost and smiling so much that you had to ask,
What are you smiling at?
What are you smiling for?
To which I'd reply -
Nothing. Just you.

And maybe that's where I went wrong.
You weren't nothing, and it wasn't just you.
You were everything to me
And I was thinking of all that was you,
Each and every little thing that made me love you.

And it was mistakes like that
That caused me to drive you away,
Which forced you to have to walk away.

I was a fool.

I would give anything to have you back,
To have you for a second chance.
But admitting that won't change anything,
And however much I say I miss you
Will not bring you back.

It's not what you want.
I just have to learn to live with that.

I've come back down
And found I still feel the same.
Despite my attempts to get away, to escape,
I've found that nothing inside has changed.

I want it all to be gone
Because it obviously meant nothing to you.
I wish I could give it all away
Because I don't want it if you don't.
I don't want these emotions anymore
Because you got tired and gave it all away.

I left and ran
So far from what was me and you,
And when I came back,
I found that nothing inside had changed,
And I don't know why
But I don't really want it to.

This white has been beautiful.
Sometimes so much so that I would say
I have never seen anything so pristine.
The way it drifts down from the sky,
Coasting lightly down to the already snow-covered ground.
It might land upon the branch of a tree
Or possibly on a nearly covered bush.
And the way it deadens sound,
How it eliminates all the extraneous,
Adds to the aura of perfection.

But I'm ready to go home.
I have had enough.
I'm ready for all of the smog, traffic, congestion and sound,
And I'm ready for my ***** sand beaches.
Those cold, dark waters provide
Stark Contrast
To those endless slopes of the purest white.

But I am ready to go home.
I'm ready to go back where I belong.
Home.

Where do I have to go to escape you?
We are done with school so I don't have to see you,
Yet I still see you in the social media.

I've tried to read to clear my mind
But there you are, paralleled in every story.
When I listen to music to quiet my thoughts,
Each song is about how I feel for you.

What do I need to do to be done with you
The way you are clearly done and over me?

I've gone, I've gone away.
I don't like the cold,
A beach boy by nature.
I've gone away, so far from me.
Up into the mountains,
Reaching up for the snow.
And I've gone, I've gone from you,
Left my surfing behind,
To give snowboarding a try.
In hopes that maybe getting this far away,
Up to where the air is clear,
Will help me clear my head of you.

The thing is...
I don't really want it to.

You said you were tired and the spark was gone.
You said we were done.
I did my best to talk you out of it.
I did my best to tell you the best was yet to come.
But you still said no,
That you'd lost your ability to see the sun,
Said we'd had a good run and had our fun
But there's nothing more left to come.

So you went to take your time away
And I went for my time alone.
You said we shouldn't talk,
That we shouldn't see each other for a while,
So I ran and ran away from you,
And now I've run as far as I could -
Away from me, away from you,
Away from anything that reminds me of we,
Though most of all from everything I've become.

And through it all, all of this running,
All of this hiding and hopes of not thinking,
I still always think of you,
And find that more than anything,
I miss you
And I hope you've been doing well,
Because I've only ever wanted to see you happy
Even if it means not having you with me.

A pelican glides by
Making a long, lazy slice through the air.
The look of an ungainly and awkward bird
But a more graceful glide and flight
You will not find.

Catching the updraft right off the surface
And that pelican rides along
With barely a movement.
It is effortless.
Inches from the blue-grey waters.

It pulls up and lands on a rock outcrop
To watch as a lonely boat cuts
The water of the harbor
Heading out to sea.

Five knots in the entrance channel.
Soon it will gear up and find cruising speed
En route to who knows where
In this weather.

I hope they get there before
Those rains on the horizon arrive.
Because alone at sea in a boat
Is no way to ride out a storm.