3AM
Time slips by so slowly
My mind works at turtle-pace
I am a waste and helpless to boot

The moon in the sky lies to me
Smiling as ever - the man on it is sad
Agreeing with my mood
Though he is unable to show it on the surface

Mellow-dramatic is more than adequate
For this recent state I've been stuck in
I don't try to help myself
I can't help myself
And all you do is make it worse on me

The few steps I take away
Are on allowance by you
And when all are used up
I come running back
As if a servant called to task by master

I want you to know
That is not who I am
I am my own person
I am my own being
Leave me to my own devices
And we can do what we do
Hold on one moment, you are calling

Dear God, I know I'm in love
With you, the girl who I know I can't love
The mere prospect of which tears my heart
To more pieces that all of DG could count
A billion, a trillion, more than could be by in a lifetime
And yet my heart bursts time and again
Even though Delta Gammas are fun and sweet
You're the best my heart beat gets
Beat in and beat out, between the impulses my heart gives out
I can't but help to see your face
Written across my thoughts and dreams
And hear your words echoing in my ears
Keeping my being stuck to you
Assuaging my fears that my mind had lost you and who
I am so wrongly devoted to
And here I am stuck writing
Drunk poems to you or whatever image you exude
Drinking to drink, and to help me tell the beauty of you

You tease me
Ever in my head
And very much in my reach
Though unable to grasp
Drawing me in to have some fun
Using fishing lines to see if I bite
But when I move on in
Fancying a piece
You laugh and signal no
Tangling my senses from my nose to my toes
Leaving my brain in shambles
Scrambled eggs are more easily righted
Than this mess you have left

Treat me fair
And believe me, you'll live the life
More than your mind can fix

I gave you a chance
I'll give you just one more
But I can't let this go forever
So I'll try to speak now
Though I may forever hold my peace
But as long as you walk this earth without me
I won't ever find peace

I feel so bad for being so good at what I do
I made the choice to go make sure she was still mine
Pulled her back, gave her another dose to keep her under my spell
Then it was time to head home where
One came to greet me, and another ran to meet me

At first things were ice blue, now they're fire red
First she began to slide away, now tied to the string on my finger
Her and the other two, all stuck in my head
I thought I would delight when I became you
And I do, though my conscience also has some things to say

I want to be you, Something I really pursued
But guilt breeds deep down inside
Please tell me what you would do
Or is that for me to answer now
Seeing as we are the same
Do I pick and play one, or do I pray on all of them
How much can my conscience take
Playing two, then three against each other, waiting for the breakdown
Next thing I know I'll be going straight down, thinking Am I Ok
Should I just ride along and see how things go
Or stick with number one and try to cauterize the wounds

I wish it could all be that easy, you three agreed to please me
Though for good reason it doesn't work that way
So I guess I'll just do it on my own
And do my best to hide each from the other
Down this path I plan to go
And if guilt takes over, or one gets discovered
I guess it'll be too late to apologize now
So let's see where it goes

Ah, its that time of year again
My journey back home about ready to begin
A few days left and my mind has already left
To start planning which girls I aim to please
Though this time 'round, a girl 'round here's got me in her squeeze

Problematic this is to me
Do I stay the course and continue the ways of old
Or do I buy in to these new trends
And focus only on what is not what I used to do

Worse, I could try for both
Keep the old - and the new - close to heart
Leave some sappy, love-sick note
About how I'll be true and sad that we're apart
Even though after crossing two rivers en route to home
Rules that all current bets are off

I enjoy the sound of this plan, very much I do
But my conscience is not letting me play this game so easily
For however much I say it does not exist
Twice as much, give or take a little, it bites down into me

I admit I am a shallow, undeserving person
And as such, my best will be given in the time to come
To get some back home
While keeping the current under thumb

Desperation mounts
At most 5 days in
I've started my search to find you
Though you are the best at this hide-and-seek
Not completely last, though I have no direct clues
Micaela Smith
She is my only link to what could be you

I feel a deep-seeded guilt
For how I pine for you
And though I suspect at what you feel
And have seen hints of what you think
I have no grounded proof that you hold love for me

And still I trust that my instincts are right
That I have a firm grasp on yours
And what I know to be yours on mine
So here I wait
For word of you to return
Or for my mind to draw me to madness
In which my search for you begins anew
And so here I wait
For either or to come
And all I can do now
Is let my mind whirl around you

A fool and a coward are no match for a man's game
I feel like a great shame in my very bones
Knowing I have claimed to play the game better than many
When in truth, frozen solid is the way I mostly play
The goal is chosen out
The perfect line is set
And when it comes time to throw
I do not even chance to let the dice go

To clear my name of such deceptions
I must make words into my ways
And add even more to that
Day nor night will stop me
From removing the taint from my name
Even if I am the only to see it
Failure cannot be my ally this time
Or it shall be for the rest of my living days