Come to me please!
I’m shouting and screaming!
I need you! I need You!
Please won’t you please?
I need you more i need You more
Than ever before.
I’m broken into thirty pieces,
And then into thirty more.

No poem here

i cut myself open, so that you can see me bleed
i cut myself open, so that you can see you're all i need.
When i cut myself open, i always wonder why
When i cut myself open, i never want to cry.
I cut myself open, to see that I'm in tune
I cut myself open, soon I will be immune.
When i cut myself open, I hope you'll see
When i cut myself open, that you're all i need.

the boy who cried wolf,
thought that in order to be the biggest and baddest wolf,
he must be green.
this wolf went out of his way to be green but he just couldn't be green.
He did everything he could do to be green but ****** he just could not find his green color.
Why the hell does he want to be green anyway, nothing good comes of being green.
being green is for those who are born that way, you can't just become green, you're a wolf, wolves arn't green and you sure as hell aren't green.
this wolf found the dye one day, at college.
The wolf found the dye and colored his hair, found out he really is green.
found out that beneath his coat he was as green as anyone had ever seen.
Once green, the wolf wanted nothing more than to be normal, but the green was permanent, and forever now, the wolf will be green.

what is it about a breakup that makes us so sad,
is it the uncertainty or is it the loneliness?
a break up sends us into an uncontrolled spiral downward and out.
we give up all hope and lose ourselves beyond belief.
we never feel good about ourselves until we have the silver and the gold... and then some.
lets take this energy and this newness and this scared feeling you have and shout to the skies, bend mountains and set fire to all that has hurt you.  **** the depression that lys on your face and throw it away in the morning, get up and take control of your life.  This is your life now and every decision you make is who you are, and the better thing is, the more ****** decisions you make, the more compatible you are to the next one.  Life is a weird and endless journey that leaves us down more than out.  Lets learn to take the downs and throw them out, lets take the self-hatred and turn it into self-love, because, isn't it that easy anyway? can't we be our own guide, can't we stir our own ship, can't we control the waves that rock us back and forth with a simple thought and a simple action.  Maybe not, but we can see the skies and say give me hell, I won't back down.  Every day is a miracle, every day is a curse, every day is a battle, ever day is everything we want it to be, so lets be todays miracle.

today i am encouraged
feeling free and full of life
today i feel like writing my best poem
today feels like every other day wasn't a day
when i feel like this it makes me forget and forgive
what is so different about today?
i showered
maybe thats it
maybe its the shower we force ourselves to take
the same way we force ourselves out of bed
it is not easy for people like us to function as normal
it takes that much more effort to get out of bed
to get in the shower
to drink a coffee
to smoke a cigarette
and then finally,
normal
now i can interact
now i can be social
now I'm happy
now,
now i am okay
now lets listen to music
now lets study
now lets talk to that cute girl in class
wait, before all this lets make sure we take our pill
okay pill taken,
phew! pill taken,
last step in the daily cycle
last step in feeling okay...
hey roommate!
"*******"
day over, day ruined
all that preparation
all the pills
the coffee
the nicotine
all that to waste
all that to waste because of an *******
because of the ******* roommate
because being "emotionally fragile" doesn't allow for forgiveness
because being hurt doesn't allow you to brush things off
because every interaction is the most important interaction you will ever have
because when you are me, being alive is a full time job
listen!
im not saying i have it worse than you
I'm saying that i am like you
and we are not like them
they don't know what it is like to have a twenty foot Carter in the center of your body
and ever snarling comment and every backhanded stare adds boulders and boulders to the Carter
splitting me down the center
adding to the depth
adding to the hurt
keeping me in bed
keeping me in my room
keeping me in the book
keeping me at the library
keeping me alone!
because the next boulder could be the final one that splits me down the center and cracks me in half.

today,
ill think back on the good times
the honest laughs
the loving kiss
the first kiss
the last kiss

today,
ill think back on the good times
the sunday football games
the sunday baseball games
the time you choked me
the time you hit me
the time you poured water on me
the time you made me apologies for all those times

today,
ill think back on the good times
the times where sports were fun
when coaches were my friends dads
when coaches didn't yell
when coaches were friends
when coaches did degrade
when coaches didn't care
when coaches were fun
when sports were fun
when sports were a relief
when sports were me

today,
ill think back on the good times
when we went to the avett brothers concert
when we went to the green day concert
when we hid in your room
when we cried together
when you painted my nails
when you dug your nails into my arm
when you yelled at me for chores
when you cried to me
when I broke your heart
when I was your brother

today,
ill think back on the good times
the times you took me shopping
every time you were there when I needed you
when you came down on my crying
when you found my ****
when I broke your heart
when I became detached as your son
when you found out I cut myself
when you found out I have three counselors
when you found out I failed second grade
when you had my back
when you stopped the monster
when you protected me from the monster
when you helped me become me
when you taught me gay is normal
when you taught me theater is cool
when you taught me to express myself
whenever you let me buy blue shoes
or skinny jeans
or medium sized shirts
thank you, for everything.