"are you okay?"

"of course I am."
"what could be wrong?"

something is wrong
something deep
drink another
dip another
snort another
let whatever is wrong die
the answer to the question at the end of the next bottle
***** your insecurities
leave them all behind
forget her and leave emptiness in her place
embrace it
your only companion
an empty heart left to an empty man
define yourself by them
define yourself by a girl attached to your hip
and pay the ******* consequeces
smile and laugh on the outside
but continue your internal bleeding
wipe away the blood from your nose
cover up the scars on your arms
and stare again at your empty phone
text her one more time and expect no response
drive through empty streets
feel comfort in knowing that your are alone

sins of my father
killed two men, at the age of eighteen
shot them both on Old Quaker road
then walked all the way back home

sins of my father
entered his house gun in hand
sat at the table, stared at the door
waited for the end, no tears shed

sins of my father
hours had gone and past by
sheriff finally rolls down the drive
to take my father for his misdeeds

sins of my father
left that gun on the table
greeted the sheriff at the kitchen door
nodded, an shook hands with his fate

sins of my father
mother cried and sisters wept
humiliated for a families deeds
broken home leaving no hope

sins of my father
hung him in the morning on old scaffolding
his face read of no heaven or hell
mama and her children no longer cried

sins of my father
id take the sins of my father
forty five years spent sinning
he left eighteen years to repent

a voice thick and grizzled
soaked in a deep bourbon for countless years
taken out to be dried in a once burnt smokehouse
then shot twice with rock salt and hit by a '56 Chevy
a voice to be raised too

through open windows
hear screams at night
lay motionless
lone mattress
dark empty room
four walls closing in
a cold sweat
in a dry heat
growls and grunts
raise from outside
soft drum beats
the devil is owed his due
hands run through matted hair
breath long and staggered
tobacco stained teeth
******* induced nosebleeds
screams grow louder
grizzled voices rip free
broken hands pound
dead chest heaves

raises
raises
raises
one high pitched ring
it was always me screaming

walked by that same building each day
the same piano music swept from the third floor
down to me, down to the street
focused only on the melancholy melody
the sweet drop and pitch of each note
didn't stop and listen though i yearned too

I've always written about her,
every word, every thought,
all seemed to stem from her memory
i needed her to say something,
i needed her to just give up on me,
and she wouldn't.

reaching for an empty glass,
reaching out for you.
and you wanted nothing to do with it
"once upon a time i promised we'd be okay"
now we are everything but
my mind accepts that as the gift it is
your words say you haven't let me go,
you haven't given up,

but I've let you go
I'm over you
a false love, now completely gone
its hard to say i never cared
yet that's all i have left!

i threw away our old pictures, deleted you from my phone!
laughed at all you'd written me in my drunkenness!

and finally succeed in not caring about you...

i said it...
i
don't
care
to be friends, to make things civil
to confide every lie, and every pain, in you...

your name a familiar sound to my mouth
only foreign and acidic
my thoughts of you, gone
the area you occupied inside me, vacant
waiting to be filled by something else

my god, i have forgotten you
your face
your touch
your lips
all gone from my empty memory
all replaced with a numb
a sadly comforting numbness

i have forgotten you my dear

now can i move on?!
can i live my life?!
can you live yours?!
can you stop caring?!
can you give up any hope you've ever had?!

oh god, i have forgotten you...

one quick breath
diving headfirst into a pool of imagined chlorine
sinuses ache and burn
one more hit, one more time
stop the thinking and start the drinking
drown the pain in whatever way you can
fist fights and broken bones make you more of a man
***** your morals, thoughts, and inhibitions
forget what matters and focus on sprinting
throw up those blinders and pick your point
for tonight your free and finally your own person