I'm tired
I'm tired of bleeding
I'm tired of freezing
I'm tired of working myself to the bone

I'm no poet
Kiss me until I'm warm

I scream
"hello."

That's good enough
for tonight

I often forget what I'm made of
I remind myself
As long as I can see the stars
I think I'll end up okay

Time can really pack a punch

No wonder I’m covered in bruises

My head has been blank for a while
which must explain the silence.
Life overwhelms me
and the irony is
suffocating

Waiting
for my own
eternal
Noir.

Walking anyone

to the door

makes me feel

lower than low

and remember

not just anyone

but someone.

I wake

and ache

unable to truly

grasp anything,

I’m sick of sleep, I’ve slept enough.

I’m sick of pain, I’ve hurt enough.

I’m sick of blood, I’ve bled enough.

You never gave me my book back.

I long to

awaken in the night

and be unable to

ease myself

back into an easy sleep.

I don’t want to be alone.

Lips

here

there.

Unsuspecting.

Pull

like a band-aid.

Find my veins.

I want to be strong

and fearless

again.

I long for courage.

Alas,

it was lost

in the back of the

ambulance.

I can't be anybody

I can't be anybody

I can't be anybody.

I need to sleep it off.

I don't punch hard enough

to leave any

lasting impact.

Not even a bruise.

I truly want
to be loud
to scream.
I simply cannot.
Trust me,
I've tried.
Trust me,
I've lied.

Going

Don't even look at me

I'm gone

I've have always been away.

Is it too
much to ask
to be smothered
in candles
and love

I imagine
it would feel like
Heaven
to have composure
and balance
with another.
I am crushed
by my own
Rubble.

I anticipate the day
when my happiness
like an illness
spreads
and I find no cure

Dining alone
a very late dinner
on a Thursday night.
I imagine
this is how Bukowski felt.
All alone
Surrounded by ghosts.

In this very moment
I'm feeling,
still dissatisfied,
but content with being
Incomplete.
I feel that
I'm standing on the brink
of success
and Death is holding my hand
and Fate is kissing my throat
and I'm shy.
Really shy.

I sleep all day
But don't party all night
Yet I am still
Somehow
Exhausted
When the moon rises.
I am a whole lot of
Ache.

You spoke
like a ghost
but you did not whisper.
Word after word
and punch after punch.
Like a ghost
as a ghost.
I have no one left anymore.

Never
will I ever romanticize
my youth.
Never
will I ever romanticize
my past.
I spit on Sentiment.
But it's all I have.

I inhale
storm clouds
like smoke.
Never
do I cough.
I want to see
how far I can destroy
myself
and whatever else there
Is.
I carry a hammer
with the hopes
of destruction

Who the **** cares
when you're lonely
and your hands are filled
with glass.
Who the **** cares.
If I'd spit in anyone's face
it'd be my own.

Quite frankly,

I drape myself in black and leather

and it’s all so funny

because I don’t want to be alone.

Sometimes I miss your voice
and other times your touch.
But last night,
I just missed you.

There was a time when my heart pumped

and then it was promptly ripped out.

I wandered

and then picked it up

brushed it off

and pump

it did once again.

Again, it was ripped out

but by yours truly.

I wandered

and then picked it up

brushed it off

and pump

it did once again.

Once more,

it was ripped out.

Now I wander

scar on top of scar

Not yet healed

and bleeding just the same.

I am some
Bloodied puppet
that is tossed to one
and then the other.
Everyone fixes me back up
and has no clue on how
I’ve hurt myself.

Kiss my throat
and wish me
Luck.
Kiss me like
Death
and never let me down
Again.
Be what has never been
and free me.

I used to think that rolling up my sleeves
was a challenge.
Show me what you’re made of.
But time has no meaning to me
Anymore.
My scars mingle
on the in and out
and nothing
new or old
means much
Anymore.

I remember
lying in bed
together
and thinking of poetry
instead of action.
Rarity
Rarity.
Thinking of poetry
instead of you.
Rolling over
and that was the end of it

Something hurt
as I awoke
so I took the kitchen knife
to carve it out.
Painstakingly,
I remember
the note you left
in my jacket pocket
when you gave it back to me
that afternoon.
I am a whole lot of aches
but it feels better
with this gaping hole
gushing blood.

Much of my life
as been spent
sitting in the back seat
of various cars.
I have dreamt my life away.
Today has been very
reminiscent
much like any other day.
I always lose myself
and those are my favorite moments.
I feel alone
in all that I do.

I’ve never been
so close
to an owl
Before.
I stared
and stared.
Away he flew
into the night.
Every so often
I have the same wish.

Cold weather
remind me of
every romance.
Romance is dead.
I am different
and boy,
Boy,
can I hit the bottom quick.
I’m real sad
and real lonely
and it’s all I ever wanted to be.

I am fond of

Couches

of all things.

I remember

New Years Eve,

alone,

dozing on the couch

troubled

impatient for midnight.

I also remember

one night,

together

Only I was

dozing on the couch.

In a haze, I awoke

and there you were.

At times I realize,

such a loss.

Today
I was trash.
A huge pile of ******* trash.

I fear that is all
I will ever
Be.

I'm so lonely
and no one wants
That.

I haven't been writing
too much.
Because it's the same
stupid
stuff
that's forever
in what I'd like
to call
a brain

I'm giving you the creeps.
I don't even know what I need.
I am no help to anyone.
Myself
I am no one.
No one can help me.
I don't even know what I need.
Help me
Help me

I dragged my bleeding feet along the beach

The ocean washed over me

and I brought more salt along

in my pocket

for a little extra pain.

I just can’t get enough.

I just can’t get enough.

I’m all by myself

and boy,

I sure can hurt.

And so I am free
in a way that I was not
before.
I will miss so much

Every memory
and bone of mine
will ache.

I will miss so much.

I am forever unhappy
and I never feel clean.
I'm tearing us apart
and that may be okay.
Perhaps one day
my bones will feel as good
as when you held my hand
and kissed my jaw.

******* knows.
Nobody ******* understands
exactly who I am.

I'm depressed enough
to make it big.
Count
27.
I've drank too much tea.
I'm already self-destructive.
And every body
loves me.

I hate the blood that runs through my veins.
Weekly,
I drain myself
and boil it upon the stove.
Anger is a comfort.
I hate the blood that is so close to mine
I'm an angry son
of a
*****.

Chewing on glass
I broke every bottle that I could get
my hands on.
Chewing on glass
I'm never satisfied with the blood that pours
through my teeth.
I shoot a fine stream through
the gap
and it's all fun and games.
I like how it stains my teeth
and every other part of me.
Forget late,
I never bloomed.

I better tell all my friends
that I'm
Dying.
Because that's the only
thing that seems logical to do.
I'm running out of coffee
and the fan just fell out of the ceiling.
Running
the blood is pouring from my hands
God,
I'm beautiful right now.

Sometimes
I get so filled up
that I spill over.
All my liquids
spill through my teeth
and out my mouth.
I can’t stop
laughing
and I can’t
stand up straight.
I can’t tell if I
embarrass her
or
not.

I’d forgotten what you even looked like.
You grabbed me by my
Coattails and spun me around.
You brought me in real close
And tight.
You revealed my face
And let out one single
Lovely
Breath.
My lungs filled with a whole new life
And never have I ever
Smelled such a miraculous scent.
Everything around me was affected
By your presence.
My love and lust for the
Cold
Vanished and with your guidance
I became a new creature
And then I ran.