My skin was pulled off yesterday
And I am sore
All over.
I look at you
And you’re *******
In every sense of the word.
I look at myself
And I am nothing
In every sense of the word.
Stand close and
Breathe
In every breath of mine.
Let them out
Slowly
For me to breathe
Back in.

I’m faced with a lot of frightening
Situations.
Everyone I hate is screaming into my face
About what I should be doing and
Who I should be being
While everyone I love is screaming into my ears
And telling me that it’s okay
To do what I’m doing
And be who I’m being.
I’m gutless
And really frightened
About living.
But, no matter how cracked my hands are
I can always latch onto something.
My anger and love
Will carry me through
Despite every punch that you,
And sometimes even I,
Throw.
I may even crumble, crumple, and collapse
But there will always be a gear
Melting and twisting
Inside of my heart.

I had it all.
Everything was brought to me
In the form of sharp wires
And cement.
I have stalked it
And traced it
And hunted it
In every relationship.
Because it takes a special
Something
To bring a real,
Heartbreaking
Kind of smile
Out of me.

For we went out last night.
All 4 of us.
We drank 4 coffees each
And by the time we finished all our poetic banter
It was 4 in the morning
And we were the only 4 people left
In the whole **** place.
But you surprised me,
For four bruises
Found themselves along my body.
You were always hidden by 5 and 3,
You’re smooth
And slick
And easy
And I like you.

I hungrily stare at everyone I meet
Everybody is leaving and everybody is going
I listen to the ones that have left
and I go nowhere
in the hopes that I’ll just
slip off the edge
somehow
without moving an inch.

I miss you when I set the table
and I miss you when I shampoo my hair
and I miss you when I’m kicking off my shoes
even though
you’ve never seen me set the table
and you’ve never seen me shampoo my hair
and you’ve never seen me
when I’m done and *****
and kicking off my shoes.

It’s like some part of me got sick of my own *******
and hopped a train
but lied when he said
*“I’ll come back soon.”

I wandered the hallways
I drank my coffee
I drank your water
I bought a record
I buttoned my shirt
I unbuttoned my pants
I cracked my bones
I cracked a window
I turned off
I turned on
I washed the dishes
I washed my face
I washed my hands
I cut my arm
I cut class
I cut off