How I wish we didn't have to be here
How I wish this nightmare would end
How I wish I could see Andy walking
With his mother and holding her hand

How I wish all the love he inspired
That now lives in the tears we all cry
Had the strength and the power to raise him
To stand at his proud father's side  

How I wish I could say he's out playing
With some bugs he found on the street
And he'll be here soon, any minute now
Running fast on fast growing feet

How I wish I could find words to tell you
The sorrow I feel in my heart
How I wish there was some way to comfort
The lives that have been torn apart

How I wish that I had the power
To change that one tragic day
But none of us can that's for certain
No matter how hard we all pray

So all I can do is mourn with you
And help you however I can
To remember the love and the beauty
Contained in that one little man

To remind you how lucky we all were
To have had him in our lives for a while
To cherish each moment he gave us
And to hold in our hearts every smile

For now Andy lives on in our memories
And we should use those memories wise
To enjoy every moment of living
And to live like that innocent child

I always hoped my words would reach you
stretched out against space and time
I always wished my thoughts could touch you
deep in your heart and your mind
I always feared that if I'd ever see you
Time would reverse and stand still
I always feared that I'd never see you
Now I know I never will

Well life is a dream on wings that fly by
and leave you catching your breath
And hope is the fuel that you use to get there
as you fly from the east to the west
Desire's the guide that points the way further
love - the stamina that drives
Peace is the feeling you'll have when you get there
And a smile will say it's arrived

I always dreamed that you'd stand beside me
every day for the rest of our lives
I always expected and never suspected
that I could be wrong all the time
I always knew but couldn't admit that
what we had just couldn't survive
But I'm always glad every day that I'm living
that for a while we gave it a try.


J. H. Webb
Jan 13, 2014, 11:09pm

Mar 8/93*

I can love you
and it feels like thunder rolling through my veins
I can love you
and my heart starts surging like the ocean waves
I can love you
and I'm lighter than a kite on a breezy day
wind me in and I'm ready to play
I can love you
and the problems of the world seem to fade into
the background of your touch
I can love you
and it feels like my soul has found a safe harbour
to anchor its heart

February 22, 1990*

Idol eyes searching through the world of the should have beens
Wonderin' why, the things you need are all the things that can't be seen

I hear the words you speak
I feel the strain in every sound you make
I hear the words you speak
You wanna get closer
but all the time you are so frightened

Idle eyes anxious to be buried alive then born again
Realize! To be free of pain you simply have to give again

Idol eyes living the ancient sorrow of a yesteryear
You wanna fly, above the ground and soar beyond your deepest fears

You never try, you think the pull of gravity will hold you here
Well who am I, to tell you that your freedom is so awfully near

I hear the words you speak
I feel the strain in every sound you make
I hear the words you speak
You wanna get closer
but all the time you are so frightened

June ‎27, ‎2012

If just for a moment
I could get you to throw away
This need for a God;
This desire for a life other than this

If only for a moment
I could get you to see
That there are enough
"Miracles" in science and nature
And you don't need to
Attribute them to a
Supernatural Man-in-the-sky

If but for a moment
I could get you to use
Your faculties of reason
To accept the lack
Of evidence of what
You cling to.

If for a moment alone
I could get you to know
What you must know
In your "heart of hearts"
That this is the only life
This is not a dress rehearsal
For a heaven or a hell

That “this” is the heaven or hell
We each make for one another

Then, I would rejoice knowing
There was a chance our species
could continue

Knowing no one would ever again feel
the need to fly planes into buildings

Or to force their unsupportable
views upon my children
when they sit in school

Or to **** as they have  done
for millenia
because their particular
interpretation
of a particular ancient book
disagrees with someone else’s.

If for a single moment
Because that moment of enlightenment
might just be enough to free you.

J. H. Webb

Mar 10, 2019

If the world were perfect I wouldn't exist
Never would have met you or had our first kiss
If the world were perfect you wouldn't be missed
And I wouldn't be alone and crying like this

If the world were perfect then unnoticed you'd go
I wouldn't have seen you. Your love I wouldn't know
If the world were perfect then today wouldn't fit
And the pain wouldn't drag me down this bottomless pit

If the world were perfect - you know where you'd be
And I'd never let go. So you'd never be free
But the world isn't perfect 'cause we're far apart
Don't know if you're alive except in my heart

J. H. Webb

He is not yet gone
he lies sleeping
but I have planned
his death
for 2:30 pm

And I can not express my love
for him and have it understood
unless you have been through the same

Euthanasia is such a strange word for it
but at least it is light
at a time when one feels
so heavy

I accept the word for now
It draws less tears from these sore eyes
and makes the task easier
if that is possible
It is very  hard to ****
someone you love
It does not help to know
that is is for his own good
when it is not for my own good
But I have planned his death
for 2:30 pm

When he looks up at me
with those half blind eyes
I can't stop my tears
from soaking his fur
and I don't try
He deserves that much and more

A doctor will be present and
a good friend of mine will bury him
shortly after.

12:25 AM 2018-06-28

I heard rumours that you didn't love me anymore
So I went out dancing with a chintzy little *****
It didn't make me feel better in anyway at all
I just can't get used to how you never call

My friends say that I should just put the past behind
Rumours are that you found yourself another guy
Rumours can **** you if you listen to them all
I just can't get used to how you never call

I'm sorry for being a man so incomplete
Never understood why you thought you had to leave
Never could  get over the heartbreak of it all
I just can't get used to how you never call

You're in a another province. You're in another state.
You're in another time zone. The hour's getting late.
I know that I should text you why do my fingers fall?
I just can't get used to how you never call


J. H. Webb

Nov 25 1991*


I just like to hear
the willow branches singing in the wind

I just like to watch
as the morning settles down and life begins

I just like to watch
As the Great Lake breezes blow across the shore

I just like to think
that you are somewhere standing just outside a door
with your bags packed and headed home to me

I just like to hear the kettle whistle
as I place two teabags in the ***
and forget there's only me

April 30, 1990*

Every morning when I rise
Wipe the tears from tired eyes
Look myself in the mirror and I
say I'll survive

I'll survive. I'll survive.
Through the tears that cloud my eyes
I'll survive

I tell myself that it's okay
Doesn't matter that she went away
I'll be whole again someday
I'll survive

As the moon and sun shine on
When the other one is gone
So will I, I'll carry on and
I'll survive

Old broken threads leave dangling words
and promises now sound absurd
the only truthful thing I've heard is
I'll survive

At night my sorrows burn and fray
I lie awake in slow decay
clench my fists and softly say

I'll survive. I'll survive
Though the tears may cloud my eyes
I'll survive

I miss the nights
when we sat in the darkness
because the lightning storms had taken out the hydro poles.
Candle light the only light,
dancing on a ***** wall.
The mood was very subdued.
Not much to do in the darkness like that
but think and imagine.

But now I don’t even have enough imagination left
to imagine being that age again.
Just a feeling, a memory of the darkness

*J. H. Webb

2012*
I know I'm not supposed to miss you
Or keep you in my head
I'm supposed to realize that you are
Gone and as good as dead
You were gone before you left me
And our marriage was a grave
Of promises and memories
That I alone could never save

But I never could let go
As easy as you could
Seems my heart was made for loving
And yours was made of wood

I know I'm not supposed to hold you
In my memories precious arms
I should suppress the good times
And keep in mind the harm
And the pain that you bestowed upon me
When you left with my best friend
And the way your love betrayed itself
And forced an early end

But I never could let go
As easy as you could
Seems my heart was made for loving
And yours was made of wood

I know I'm not supposed to
Remember the good times
When you and I first met and how
Our every step would rhyme
How our bodies tucked together
How we shared a single mind
How all our time together
Wasn't strong enough to bind

But I never could let go
As easy as you could
Seems my heart was made for loving
And yours was made of wood


J. H. Webb

May 25, 1990*

I'm so brave
I'll lay my love on the line
For you my darling any old time
Doesn't matter how much you hurt me
'cause I'm still alive

Everybody thinks I'm crazy
Everybody thinks I'm half insane
Everybodys eyes go hazy
Whenever I mention your name

You say that we bring out
the best and the worst
from inside of one  another
like an ancient curse

Well maybe your right
then again maybe your wrong
or maybe that's the price we pay
for loving so strong

I'm so brave
I stare right in your eyes
get caught up in your person
and get mesmerized

I'm so brave
I let you walk away
knowing I can't stop you
I can only pray

There's no rest for the wicked
or the true at heart
'cause my love doesn't end
when you pull us apart

April 22, 1990*

I saw everything and yet I choose to turn away
I didn't mean to leave you though hurting in this way
Everything was as I planned but nothing was
as I wanted it to be - I'm sorry

The Speaker of the truth somehow is still a part of me
But with a pain so hard to bear it kills the honesty
I didn't think I deserved your love so I pushed you
far away from me - I'm sorry.

When I met you stars came out for all the world to see
I knew at once that you were meant to be a part of me
I didn't know though how to give or how to
let love simply be - I'm sorry.

Now your gone the stars attack the smallest tears in me
and rip away the fabric there, that covers where I bleed
They shine their light upon my pain for all the world
to see inside of me - I'm sorry.

June 8, 2008*

It is in the dark of night they will come for you
Long after the shadows have come and gone
And the autumn air has gotten cold out there
And you find yourself craving for the dawn

Long after the roar of the younger years
Has settled upon your ears
And age has taken everything
Except your deepest fears
You'll carry on like a wayward ship
Like a wayward ship but to where?
You'll meet your death "give in" or fight
Or you'll find you just don't care

In the dark of night when they come for you
Long after the shadows have come and gone
When the autum air has gotten cold out there
And you find yourself craving for the dawn

Carry on, carry on, carry on.

You were there with your heart
And I was there with a song
And a dream that I held
Where you didn't belong

You didn't know how to cry
And I couldn't say why
But I left anyway
And I'm sorry to say
It all turned out for the worse

Yes you were there everyday
And you'd do everything I'd say
But when the magic isn't there
It's just too hard to bare

So I left for another
Less courteous lover
But she let me behind
And in the ravages of time
It all turned out for the worse

So I thought I should say
That I'm sorry today
For the pain that I caused
When I "threw you away"

And I just wanted you to know
Though it was so long ago
That I was wrong
And you were right
And it all turned out for the worse

*James H. Webb

Aug 22 2014

I thought you were a wishing well that I could wish upon
I'd simply toss my money in than ******* on the lawn
But you woke up screaming nightly and your fears went on and on
So I held my head between my hands 'til your craziness had gone

We made love until the morning came and woke me with it's light
Then I left you lying naked like an eagle in full flight
But at least I stooped to give you  one final kiss goodnight
And then I disappeared again forever from your sight

I guess I'm sorry to have used you but then you used me too
When two run out of love like us there's not much else to do
And I think of you sometimes at night when all my screaming's through
And I wonder if you're saner now or I've grown as mad as you

J. H. Webb

I took a path that led nowhere
Romantic love it wasn't there
All the dreams I dreamed to dare
Were dissipated in the cold night air

The moon was hanging from a thread
And the sky was just a bruise of red
The anger left by the words you said
was darker than the coldest dead

You swept away our memories
De-leafed them like a wintered tree
You buried deep our deed of love
With scars to prove you wore no gloves

And the hollowed echo of the past
Breaks the silence like broken glass
And the pain and ancient misery
Comes back again to visit me

Ah, life is cruel - but it doesn't last
Love is sweet - but it goes too fast
Youth is quick - but oh so cold
And wisdom's wasted on the old

J.H. Webb

I tried to save my youth for you
In the hope one day you’d come
And I tried to keep my vows so true
Though you only managed some

But the love I held and the love I gave
You never kept; you never saved
You put it down; you turned away
You closed the door and you left to stay

And the wedding bells now in the past
No longer ring, though their mem’ries last
For the truth of love is in the length
Not in the depth - nor in the strength

‘Cause a burst of flame is not the same
As the heat a kindled fire contains
Ah but love can be the breeding grounds
Where fears and doubts are tied and bound

Until one day they burst apart
And **** the dreams and flood the heart
And all the tender moments shared
Fade in time ‘til they’re not there

Just a vacancy that’s left behind
In an old man’s heart and an old man’s mind
With a pain that slowly fades to cold
As the winter comes and the night grows old

I tried to save my youth for you
But you waited too **** long
Now all the special moments
That we gathered up are gone


*J. H. Webb

January 3, 1998*

It’s a small circle now
So many friends have gone
Some of them have passed away
And some just moved along

It’s a small circle now
‘cause I never stretch my wings
The breeze I can’t remember
Nor it’s call or beckoning

It’s a small circle now
And smaller, I know, soon to be
And though I leave my mark
On fewer now, it’s easier to see

It’s a small circle now
Ah but I love them all the more
And each one that I lose now
I miss more then before

It’s a small circle now
And maybe it’s all I can draw
But those in the ring are more precious
Than all of the diamonds I saw

James H. Webb

2007*

It was silence bled an angel
from the devil of my step
towards the distant future
that I cannot forget
It was laziness unbound me
and held me in its grasp
'til fear of failure found me
and shot me from its path
I dread the bitter moment
I walk the dreaded line
Those of you don't know me
must think that I am blind.


My silence bled an angel
That walked in perfect step
In a pain I still remember
In a dream that haunts me yet

I dress it when I’m shameful
Otherwise it naked flies
Across the span of promises
That time turned into lies.

And now I sing so painfully
That all the birds take wing
And the past is but a memory
That holds me by a string.

James H. Webb

There are songs I use to sing
that I can't remember
I want it to be fall
but it's into late November
and the momentary stall
is nose diving with the weather
there'll be no morning dew
nor afternoons of heather
and the ev'ning just fell through
with the promise of forever

So let me glide
let me slide
all that you gave to me
I want it back again

So let me glide;
take it in my stride
all that you gave to me
I want it back again

Ah don't you see
what you did to me?
I loved you in my time
fresh and clean as a baby

May 17, 2012*

When it seems that life has left you all alone and without prayer
When you feel there is no reason to carry on 'cause no one cares
Remember I'm beside you to keep your doubts in line and
I will carry your heart. I will carry it in mine

When you are old and tired and your dreams are all but gone
When all your strength has left you and your feel you can't go on
When your fear and your anger have become too intertwined
I will carry your heart. I will carry it in mine

When you are dead and gone and the roses refuse to bloom
When the clouds are thick as thieves and the days so full of gloom
When your memory is fading from this world and from this time
I will carry your heart. I will carry it in mine

J. H. Webb

May 21, 2000

I would like to start a new religion today
One that has no God to hinder it
One that gives no promise of retribution
One that gives no promise of salvation
One that gives no promise it is right
One that believes we become God
By being as warm hearted and considerate and loving as we can
By achieving a point in history
Where the words "lonely" and "depression"
Have fallen from everyday speech
And people are free to strive to help others
And want to

J. H. Webb

May 31, 2012

You never stood a chance
You know that don’t you?
I was too frightened
You were the smartest woman I had ever dated
You were more than a match for me
And me?
I was damaged goods

But then you knew that didn’t you
You knew the hell I was going through before we met
And the pain that enveloped my heart
And still somehow you found me worthy of loving
And you tried so hard and I pushed you away so harshly,
So unfairly, so cruelly

You weren’t the one I wanted to hurt

I am so sorry for that – for what I did to you
And I am sorry that I will never see you again
To let you know that

James H. Webb

May 31, 2012*
You never stood a chance
You know that don’t you?
I was too frightened
You were the smartest woman I had ever dated
You were more than a match for me
And me?
I was damaged goods

But then you knew that didn’t you
You knew the hell I was going through before we met
And the pain that enveloped my heart
And still somehow you found me worthy of loving
And you tried so hard and I pushed you away so harshly,
So unfairly, so cruelly

You weren’t the one I wanted to hurt

I am so sorry for that – for what I did to you
And I am sorry that I will never see you again
To let you know that

James H. Webb

Scarborough circa 1989

Jacqui in the night of the instant sunrise
Raises the morning on her shoulders
Swelling between tears and laughter
She melts words into meaning
and gambles on intuition and power

Jacqui in the night of the instant sunrise
looking back and looking forward
finds the dawn most appealing
and issues commands and warnings
to all those with the inner strength to heed them

Jacqui in the night of the instant sunrise
smiles, and the strength of metal
and the purest of beauty
are forged anew

Into the eyes of this miraculous woman
I enter a new beginning
where wisdom lives, and moves, behind her horizons

Jacqui in the night of the instant sunrise
becomes the centre
where all truths are issued passage
and all lies are refused

Jacqui in the night of the instant sunrise
blends courage and compassion
into hues of fine precision
and automatic weapons

Jacqui in the night of the instant sunrise
spreads warmth like a familiar blanket
and moves the day by her power
just as it moves her.
James H. Webb

Like a lover in an empty bed
Like the shadow of a love that is dead
Like a long drink of silence
After words of such violence
Like the hollow where you once laid your head

All those long ago moments
Left stolen and homeless
Never leave me an evening of peace
Though I pray for the slightest release

Like the love that we never quite shared
'cause it felt like you weren't always there
Like the wind in the willows
Your perfume on the pillows
Or my lips on the back of your hair

And although I'm not confessing
When I count all the blessings
That time took away from me
Your face is the one that I see

Like the loss of a love come to end
Like the death of my closest of friends
Like the time that you lied
And then you denied
You had feelings you couldn't defend

All those long ago moments
Left stolen and homeless
Never leave me an evening of peace
So I pray for the slightest release

J. H. Webb

It's a dream without a memory to replace it
It's a moment that will never be fulfilled
It's a quiet and a lonely desperation
When you're living in the moments that are still

Somewhere between fear and desire
Where people choose to live or  "get by"
You stand to get burned by your own fire
When you're living in the moments that are still

It's a longing for a life full of meaning
For a life where you still have free will
'cause you're afraid to liver every minute
When you're living in the moments that are still

Actions are for the young and the brave ones
Not for someone who is over the hill
It's hard to gain forward momentum
When you're living in the moments that are still

Your father and your mother died before you
You're their lives and their wishes distilled
Yet it feels you learned nothing from them
When you're living in the moments that are still

And everyone dances in their own circles
But the circles get smaller until
Your friends and your family dance without you
When you're living in the moments that are still

June 1 1978

Locked in the labour
of love and loneliness
once forgotten and twice removed
you are the hinge of my nerves
at the edge of my breakdown

Unaware of your power
of touch and smile
you back away and close behind
something forgotten, tied to my heart
tears away and bleeds.
James H. Webb

Locked in the labour
of love and loneliness
once forgotten and twice removed
you are the hinge of my nerves
at the edge of my breakdown

Unaware of your power
of touch and smile
you back away and close behind
something forgotten, tied to my heart
tears away and bleeds.


James H. Webb

He is not yet gone
he lies sleeping
but I have planned
his death
for 2:30 pm

And I can not express my love
for him and have it understood
unless you have been through the same

Euthanasia is such a strange word for it
but at least it is light
at a time when one feels
so heavy

I accept the word for now
It draws less tears from these sore eyes
and makes the task easier
if that is possible
It is very  hard to ****
someone you love
It does not help to know
that it is for his own good
when it is not for my own good
But I have planned his death
for 2:30 pm

When he looks up at me
with those half blind eyes
I can't stop my tears
from soaking his fur
and I don't try
He deserves that much and more

A doctor will be present and
a good friend of mine will bury him
shortly after.

J. H. Webb

July 7, 2009

Do you ever miss me when the days are full of rain?
Are you sad that the good times we had won't come again?
When you need someone to talk to don't you wish I was around
Just to have some one to listen who would never put you down

Chorus: Well, roses bloom and roses die
People laugh and people cry
And everything that we’ve ever had or that we'll ever know
Will one day be lost like the rain or last year’s snow*

You loved me in the springtime; when we travelled summer roads
Oh but I could never find you once the leaves began to blow
Well I'm sorry if I forced you to be a friend you couldn't be
And I'm sorry if I loved you a little more than you loved me.

Chorus

I would tell you how I've missed you but I don't think you would care
for your heart’s grown hard to open and closeness more than you can bare
Tell me don’t you ever wonder how two close and kindred hearts,
With a lifetime full of friendship, could as you claim, “just drift apart”?

Chorus

Ah now winter's hand is pressing and too soon we'll have to go
and it seems as sad an ending as any heart could ever know
So please tell me do you miss me. You who've looked inside my soul
or has my memory faded and have the years just made you cold



J. H. Webb

Mar 8, 2009*

Love spent a long time watching
And everywhere it could see
The fools in hatred were fighting
Instead of just letting things be

Love spent a long time listening
To why "we had no time to love"
We voiced our complaints quite loudly
But never raised our hearts above

Love spent a long time waiting
To see if our brains could discern
What only our hearts in compassion
Could always so quickly learn

Love spent a long time praying
We'd learn the wrong of our ways
And enjoy the taste of each sandwich
And each drop of each summer’s rain

Love spent a long time lonely
Until my eyes learned how to see
What they saw when we were just children
And at last my love it flowed free

Love called in joy that I heard it
And we laughed at how silly I'd been
Now my eyes they smile every morning
And I'm thankful for all that I've seen

Then Love moved on to another
And I wished it well on its way
And I hope it reaches you shortly
And you learn how to love day by day

I would have phoned you
But what could I have said
Dear "daughter of the underground"
Do you remember how you molested me?
And how I was taught not to think
of anything that was not pure pleasure
or pure *******  - one and the same you might say
You think I am not lonely
If I wasn’t I couldn’t write this
I wouldn’t be here alone
Poetry would be unnecessary
It’s open nights in the ball park
and the change of you I live for

J. H. Webb

(an old poem that she never got to hear)*

Marry me on Valentine's
with the snow still on the ground
when the air of the year is still so fresh
that each breath falls sparkling down

Marry me on Valentine's
and dance me through the years
Fill me with your open heart
and whisper me your fears

We can grow old together
losing our figures and hair
while we try to decide
whether to talk or just stare

Marry me on Valentine's
and stay with me all of your life
I'd be at my very best
with someone like you as my wife

Marry me on Valentine's
When the air is fresh and clear
Marry me on Valentine's
It's the best time of the year

James H. Webb

Meet me in the world of feelings
Your words have no purpose here
The intellect can never express
as much as a single tear

Meet me in the world of feeling
Let the chaos within you run free

Walk me where your fears are still harboured
Like virgins who have never been touched
and I will help you should you stumble
or your heartache become far too much

Meet me in the world of feeling
My Love, there's no where else to meet

May 2007

Warm summer evening. Long family car ride.
Heading back from Aunt Gertie's with the moon shining bright.
Slouched in the back seat staring up at the stars
Just happy to be living while Dad drives the car.
Thinking' how much I loved him how funny he could be
He could always make me laugh and feel good about me.

CHORUS:
Memories of  Copetown, Old Binkley's Side Rd.
Our little house in the country when I was eight years old*

Summer vacation I'd walk to Inksetter's Pond
Thinking of Joanne Dallman so pretty and so blonde
Dreaming of holding her soft hand in mine
Ah but it never happened 'cause I was so ****** shy
But when I look back on days like these
I think if I'd asked her she would have been pleased

CHORUS:

Playing war in the backyard with Russ and with Steve
We'd pretend to be shot and fall down on our knees
Ah but we knew the difference you didn't **** for real
No and you didn't swear and you sure didn't steal
Sometimes we’d go fishing down at Mueller's creek
Ah but we never caught much; least not much we would keep

CHORUS:

Every year in the Autumn we'd have a corn roast
With a great big bonfire and the ones we loved most
I got to stay up late after everyone was gone
And I'd stare at the embers while Dad played a song
His harmonica drifting on the sweet evening breeze
He played "You Are My Sunshine" and I thought he meant me

CHORUS:

In the winter they'd close down the old ravine road
Where we'd toboggan for hours never feeling the cold
And when we got back home the old fire was lit
Mom would give us hot chocolate and we'd sit and we'd sip
Ah we knew how to play then. We knew how to have fun
But then we never worried where the money came from

CHORUS:

Ah now that was so many, so many years ago
Where all those years went I… I swear I don't know
But when I let the mood take me I'm back there again
With my parents, my sisters and old neighbourhood friends
and it's taken me a life time to see how lucky I was
to have such a childhood and to feel so much love

CHORUS:

Memories of  Copetown Old Binkley's Side Rd.
will always be inside me no matter how old
Memories of  Copetown Old Binkley's Side Rd.
Are more precious to me than all the diamonds and gold

James H. Webb

Sept. 09,2000

I got the call at work on a Thursday afternoon
They said she wouldn't last long and I'd better get there soon
so I dropped what I was doing and drove as fast as I could fly
I was hoping I might see here just one more time

Just one more time
To gaze into her eyes
To tell her that I'll miss her
To hold her and to kiss her
Just One More Time

When I got there she was sleeping so I whispered in her ear
I said "Mom, it's your son, squeeze my hand if you can hear"
When I held her hand she grimaced; cause the pain was so severe
Then the nurse gave her some morphine and the grimace disappeared
So I sat down with my sisters and waited for her time to come
When she would fly like an angel as bright as the morning sun

But morning never came. She died in the night
The darkness was her shroud; my father's hand the light
I don't know where they've gone to. But I hope that they're alright
I like to think they're in a heaven, free of pain and free of strife
Cause I took them both for granted when I knew they were alive
And what I wouldn't give to see them now just one more time*

Just one more time
To gaze into their eyes
To tell them that I miss them
To hold them and to kiss them
Just One More Time

Now instead of her apartment I visit her grave
And I think of all the times I took and all the times she gave
And I think of her last living days and how she was so brave
And when I close my teary eyes I can almost see her wave
Now if there is a god above does he know what's on my mind?
Does he know I'd like to see them both Just One More Time?

Just one more time
To gaze into their eyes
To tell them that I miss them
To hold them and to kiss them
Just One More Time

April 22/93*

She was pretty as a child
She grew quick. She grew wild
No one knew her. No one cared
No one touched her. No one dared
And her anger lead her astray, it's sad to say, most every day

And there are those who would say
It was her fault. She was to blame.
And though I know that may be true
You can't just say "it's such a shame"
And watch the world grow cold and grey, it's sad to say, most every day

Some go hungry. Some live alone.
Some get beaten in their own homes
Some have lives aren't worth a ****
They know no smiles or helping hands
And love for them is miles away, it's sad to say, most every day

And as for me I have a life
free of such troubles and such strife
I feel wanted and special too
My parents love still shines through
and I feel it's precious rays, I'm glad to say, most every day

But still I sit a selfish fool
Though I know life can be cruel
I do nothing to lend a hand
I give no comfort. I take no stand
I close my eyes and turn away, it's sad to say, most every day

And what of you? What do you do
Are you afraid as I am too
to look them straight right in the eye
to give your heart or precious time
to make the world a warmer place, in some small way, most every day

If that's the case how can you blame
A lonely child brought up in pain
When you yourself won't make a change
or even try to break the cage
that traps the soul in silent rage, it's sad to say, most every day

I saw you in my dream but you weren’t dressed
your makeup wasn’t on and your hair was a mess
I dreamed I loved you perfectly and then watched you leave
so I ended the reality before it could be

I woke up and demanded that the world go to sleep
and I haven’t woken up since well except for a peek
to see that nothing had changed
Move along

I saw you in a nightgown that flowed sheer and long
and in it your were dancing and singing my song
your beauty was transcendent and your legs were so long
and with each tilt and sway my heart sung along

Something in my body skipped a beat and was gone
but my head said that something had to be wrong
It said that nothing had changed
Move along

Now reality is darkness and dreams are the light
but it’s frightening to give up your soul to the night
I’ve lived so long with walls so high to keep me alive
That if I were to let you in I couldn’t survive.

I tell myself this pointless lie and then let it thrive
I say I’m waiting for reality but when it arrives
I say that nothing has changed
Move along

If I tried to hold you, I know you wouldn’t be real
If I tried to touch you well what would I feel?
You always dance around your pain like a pixie in flight
But you can never cover up the need in your eyes

Something in your body skips a beat and is gone
but your head says that something has to be wrong
and you say that nothing has changed
Move along

October 26, 2009*

My love had a yearning
But my yearning had no name
So I carried that yearning
Every day through the rain

Oh the rain never stopped me,
No, it just slowed me down
‘Til I first saw your smile
Could turn things around

My love had a yearning
Now my yearning has a name
And it’s name and yours dear
Are one and the same

I’m not saying that we’ll spent
Every day in the sun
But I won’t be complaining
When my days are done

James H. Webb

Mar 3, 2009*

Where do you go to when you feel nobody cares?
Do you think of your old friend and wish I was there?
Do you ever remember all the fun things we did,
the good times we had and the feelings we hid?
Now I know you weren't ready for my kind of love
But it isn't that different than the one you're thinking of
'cause all that really matters is that the love you feel is strong
and that strength comes from the feeling that you really belong
I'm not saying that I think you were wrong and I was right
I'm just wishing you were here on my own lonely night

Here the weather's so clear and the moon is so bright
as I watch the couples staring up at the stars in the sky
and once I would have felt those same feelings inside
and the warmth of my love would have shone through my eyes
but tonight the stars look cold and so unreachably high
And there's no one to turn to and I'm too tired to cry
Ah but if you ever read this don't think you're to blame
You did what you had to and in that there's no shame
I'm not trying to say that you were wrong and I was right
I'm just wishing you were here on my own lonely night

So where do you go to when the world leaves you alone
When your heart has many questions but not a single home
When you're sick of being told the love you're feeling is wrong
and you've kept it to yourself for too incredibly long
and though you've found many others who seem to feel like you do
there's still no special other that makes you feel special too
Now I hear you're getting married to someone I've never met
and I'm jealous, and I'm saddened, and I'm full of regrets
Still I'm not saying that I was wrong and you were right
I'm just wishing you were here on my own lonely night

James H. Webb

2014*

Well it's so far away now - in a time long gone by
The day you left without saying good-bye
Though it wasn't my intention - no it wasn't my goal
To break down and cry - I just had no control.
Well they say love is simple and they say love is blind
But I say love is endless ‘cause it knows no time.

Your love nestled inside me and carved out its home
In the fullness of my heart; in the marrow of my bones
And ever since you left me to go on your own
My heart has felt heavy yet hollow and alone
Well they say love is simple and they say love is blind
But I say love is endless like the blue in your eyes

Years are merely numbers to hang our memories on
A place to cuddle up to when an old love is gone
I still carry you within me where ever I go
As a part of my person - as a part of my soul
Well they say love is simple and they say love is blind
But I say love is touching a person through time

But I keep it to myself, yes I keep it all inside
Cause there's no one left to tell without losing my pride
Though it wasn't my intention. No it wasn't my goal
I just had no choice. I just lost all control
Well they say love is simple and they say love is blind
Yet for me it's just a part of you - I keep deep inside

J. H. Webb

Mar. 23, 1982

In this life, sometimes, it seems so hard to know just what to say
But the problems they still persist.
You know they don’t just get up and walk away
And the problem with problems is they just get worse
They start off slow and then they grow and grow until they burst

And you can drink, all that you want. And you can sit all morning there alone
But soon your emptiness, and your own soberness, well they eventually bring you back home
And you can face the empty bottle; oh but not the empty feeling
Take a look at your own life and your senses send you reeling
You can’t face up to the truth so your fear sends your reaching…
reaching out…

but for the bottle or for me
that is the question don’t you see
that is the only one matters to me

And in this song, there are no answers, as in your eyes I can see there is no hope
No just a hollow, vague attraction, to your skills up upon that tightrope
I thought I heard a different drummer beating in your blood and brains
But it was just your sense of panic as the world closed in again
And now it’s time to pull down the blinds and close up this shop
turn out the lights and board up my heart
I made a mistake I was wrong from the start
You can’t bud into something that you are not a part

There’s so few people, left in this world, that want to reach out the way that you did girl
There are so few, to reach out to, that can give you more than warmth or understanding
Now I don’t’ know if I am one but I tried my best to be
To open up to you and show how easy it can be to bleed

And you can say, that I was wrong, and that you were right Baby all along
But that ain’t the way it seems, no just a self-fulfilling prophesy
And the way you fill your dreams is such a masochistic scheme
but the pain is overflowing and it’s pouring out on me
and the sights so overbearing that it makes it hard to see if you’re reaching…
reaching out…
for the bottle or for me
That is the question don’t you see
Who comes first and who comes last
That is all that matters to me

And in this life, there are no answers, and you say “then tell me what’s the reason”
Well there’s a sun that shines upon you and a life that runs for many seasons
And there are people that your love who can share your deepest feelings
Holding out a hand that’s also reaching out for healing
I don’t know if there’s a cause but together there’s a meaning. Reaching…
Reaching out…
Not for the bottle or for me
But for your own sake don’t you see
You come first and you should last
Until all of the seasons have past

J. H. Webb

March 3, 1990

I've walked a crooked mile for a friend who's life was bent
I've scraped the bottom barrel for what that friendship meant
Don't ask him if he loves you after all his love's been spent!
Don't mention pride and honour to his shivering lament!
His principles are long gone and he don't know where they went

I know there ain't no innocents. I know we can't be friends
I know that I am guilty of loving you 'til the end*

He sacrificed his principles for passions sweet entrails
He stood and watched me throw myself upon this rusty nail
He turned his back and walked away and in doing so he failed
To be the man he thought he was behind the cowards veil
I know friendship is not honour but honour must prevail

I held a candle in the wind that friendship left behind
The wick it broke the wax it froze and shattered into lines
I wrote the lines upon a page to be read aloud the times
I take a friend for granted or forget that love is blind
The page I wrote upon my heart the words I memorized

I pushed a button once or twice and drove a road in vain
I panicked on the boulevard of broken dreams and pain
I lost my baby innocence after drowning in the rain
I ushered in the loneliness that comes with guilt and blame
and I kept it all inside me until this moment came

Jan 31/93

Full bodied soul and a spirited mind
Are vague definitions for one of your kind
No mere words could ever explain
The woman you are and the love you contain
So I hang my head but how can I complain
When I held you near me then sent you away again

Total commitment has such a high cost
Your prayers can be answered or you dreams can be lost
I've given up gambling with such dangerous stakes
And so I lay lonely in this bed that I make
So I hang my head but how can I complain
When I held you near me then sent you away again

Deep apprehensions. Once burnt twice shy
I'd reach for the moon if it weren't for the sky
No one can win who's afraid to lose
Now I know that as surely as the beauty in you
So I hang my head but how can I complain
When I held you near me then sent you away again

James H. Webb

It has taken me a whole life time
To realize how you each played a part
That I have loved each and every one of you
And you still live on in my heart

I still remember all the kindness
That each one of you gave to me
And I've learned to forgive the times that
You had to answer to your own needs

And I also remember the promise
Between my heart and my head
That I would treasure every one of you
Until at least the day I was dead

Sure there were times I couldn't show it
With my anger or pain in the way
And there were times I didn't know it
But I tell you I know it today

So tonight I'm keeping that promise
I'm keeping that promise in mind
When I tell you all I remember you
and I thank you for being so kind

Yes tonight I'm keeping that promise
And I'm taking that promise to heart
When I tell you all I still love you
Even though we've long been apart

James H. Webb

(for Paul) July 21, 1988*

You’re a ghost and a specter and a madcap that laughs
A pawn and a broker who gives only half
A slayer of virtue and a killer of craft
A sinister victim of the cold and the draft
A child who is blind to the calling inside
That speaks of conviction and the courage that died
A soul set adrift on a gut wrenching ride
And I can’t help but wonder how you sleep at night

You’re a cutthroat in hiding and a stabber in the dark
At the virtue and the kindness of someone else’s heart
You’re a history and a nightmare that doesn’t fade away
Though I cut the bonds that bind us that ghostly feeling stays
You haunt me in my sorrow and defy the mental blocks
Set up to free my world from the loneliness that stalks
Your memories and manners are a bloodbath to my ears
And I can’t help but wonder how you managed through the years

You see me bleed profusely but you won’t turn on the light
You leave me in the darkness; out of mind is out of sight
The guilt that is your trademark never kept you from the lies
You scattered at my doorstep no made you realize
That rules that are unspoken doesn’t mean they don’t exist
And when temptation strikes them well a real man would resist
You hem and haw and mince about; never look me in the eye
And I can’t help but wonder how you’ll manage to survive

James H. Webb

One day you wake up in the middle of Hell
Your daughter is sick; you worry will she get well?
It drastically changes everything you do and say,
Your time to yourself, and the time that you pray

And you beg the Lord for the strength to go on
For you know your daughter needs you to be strong
But how much can you take – you’re not 18 anymore
Your heart deeply aches and your body is sore

You haven't slept well since the whole thing began
It's hard to think straight but you have to make plans
And every day brings more fears and decisions to make
until you worry that surely, pretty soon you will break

Sometimes you dream of what it used to be like
though not that long ago, now it seems a whole life
And somehow you doubt your life will ever be the same
but you'd settle for some rest and some good news again

And you give all your strength and you give all your love
like the heroine you are; like an angel from above
and knowing you, you prob'ly feel you aren't doing enough
but we all admire you and love you so much

And us on the sidelines wonder deep down inside
Could we ever come close to the love you provide
Could we fill your shoes or even stand half as tall
Or would we cave in, overwhelmed by it all

One day you woke up in the middle of Hell
Your daughter was sick; so you were as well
And I truly can’t imagine what you’re going through
I just want it to be over for her and for you


J. H. Webb