i envy the winds who still witness you*

-rupi kaur, the sun and her flowers

I am
filled
with
clouds &
confusion

we've met somewhere in a magical place
a misty dream where our souls dance together
we've got drunk by our connection
electrified by in-explainable energy
that suddenly explode to nothingness
and i wonder if you got hurt like i do
got lost in a grey forest without trees and flowers  to talk to
got your eyes bleed from crying because you miss me like i miss you.

truth is i'm not certain
do i want this or not?
or i'm just afraid
of missing then connecting
too reserved to communicate
too silent to talk
too small in this big world
do i want this?
it doesn't matter anymore
cause i'm already at the ground of my fear
its been 9 days since i got in my fearful dream
oddly, it wasn't  scary
as i thought it would be
do i like it now?
truth is, i still don't know
but i'm here
i'm already here.