you crept through the walls
in my heart and you
tore it open with your picky
little fiddling fingers
oh god how could you?
~
you snapped the little piece
of me id looked after
so carefully for all of these
years and now look where
we are, how could you?

i once had a teacher so full of boundless enthusiasm
that i thought, without hesitation
he could break through the stars just to
show us what it was like on the other side of the galaxy

i once had a teacher who was bursting with a passion
for performing arts, and i wouldn't
hesitate to speculate that he was born with a hollywood smile
on his face, and jazz hands and dance shoes

i once had a teacher who had this faultless optimism
and uber positive outlook on everything
that anyone ever did, that he spread to everyone he spoke to
and cheered them instantly, and made them smile


but oh my god we loved him
and its with a heavy heart that we wave goodbye
the world's your stage now sir
*we miss you already

it's been one hell of a year
I've worn the seasons
under my sleeves
on my thighs
and running down my cheeks
this is what surviving looks like

it's been one hell of a year
I feel this next one will
be full of
surprises around
every curve
and that's why I'm scared
this is what being alive is like

it's going to be a hell of a year
there's so much to do
so much I've done
and I don't know
what to expect
but im excited
this is what being better is

a promise of a better future
*guaranteed if you work for it

you can say whatever you want
but know that i still have to grit
my teeth to avoid slapping you
into next week so you know the
pain i feel now, without you right here.

there's a gaping hole in me now
where you tore out the piece of
you that was stitched so carefully
inside my heart, you've thrown me
in at the deep end and i'm fearful of what's to come

the wind whistles through me now
it tickles the inner chambers of my
heart and reminds me of the passion
that we had that is now completely
extinguished but the warm embers burn on softly

as if we could ever be anything now,
now that you've reclaimed what little
of you i had salvaged from the wreckage
of the empty carcass of our love. we were
never really in love;

*but oh god, we could have been

kiss me on my blackened soul as we fall
softly for each other as we are wrapped
in this embrace holding a little tighter
than would be comfortable to anyone
else

love me tenderly, kiss away the pain
of a thousand days when you weren't
there, i want to cover my eyes before
the dark returns and crushes all of
us
[i.k]

the thing is
we are all completely beside ourselves
with pain and anguish
but yet we continue through
the pain, feeling as awful as ever.

and then we allow it
to continue and we
let our heads fall down
our mouths scream in anger
and our words to drip with spite

for those that have it easier
than me or you
kiss the constellations and
you just pray you'll
make it out the other side
[i.k]

i feel the world is lifting slowly away from my shoulders and releasing me
after an eternity i've finally discovered i can breathe without her at my side
although my heart aches a little more with every waking moment
with the thought that i might never again see her or the galaxies that exploded within her

atop the mountain
i know the musky scent of pine needles will bring back forgotten memories
the frosty mornings we spent outside, side by side, the fire burning softly
our hands wrapped around metal mugs in which sweet tea tainted the air
with wild curling steam that drifted without a single breath of wind
and mingled with the smell of cigarettes and cheap ***** on her breath

we heard buzzards screech and saw them loftily wheeling in the empty skies
among our little mountain range where the wolves cried at the moon that lay among the stars
and where the sky seemed to stretch away from us infinitely with endless beauty
all i can think of now is the way her hair always smelt of the crisp apples we ate in the springtime
*atop the mountain

even the trees were lost in silence,
locked in thought,
although ever present,
ever wondering,
ever being,
and standing,
strong, tall figures
for what we,
as humans
are not

and they stood,
shoulder to shoulder,
so much stronger
than we ever could be
with their lies entwined
in branches
wrapped calmly with tokens
of gratitude in the form
of leaves that
fall
so softly
earthwards
[i.k.]

sparks flew as you stared at me, your eyes full of galaxies of shooting stars, and dreams of a love that so easily could have been, a beauty that i could barely contain in my heart as it burst in a slow motion shower of everything i am and was.
now that i'm alone, sitting in the backseat of a car where we once sat together, i miss you. realizing now that most of what you said to me was merely cruel deception,
there's this empty feeling in my bones that makes me so cold because i thought i was your everything.

but someone's nothing is someone elses' everything. and i was your nothing and i thought you were my everything
[i.k]

you know I'm starting to regret ever searching for galaxies within you because i know i messed up badly and all thats in you is stardust - and as merely a ghost of a girl, i know what an absolute fool I've been and was to fall in love with that tiny piece of stardust that you are. and now the clouds are growling at me, threatening to crumble to dust then open to the heavens
[i.k]

her world was a mess so she lost herself in a wonderland of madness
but oh the madness was a beautiful thing
and it did little but turn her completely and utterly insane
until neither she nor anyone else could tell what she truly was anymore
and that was when they realised that the darkness had swallowed her up in one gigantic bite
and now it was slowly feeding off her soul and eating off her pain
until one day
the darkness consumed her entirely and the little girl was gone
all that was left was a pile of bones upon the floor
and insane thoughts that flew around the room and tried to get out like caged birds
thoughts that infected any living sound that came near them
and that is how the world slowly turned insane
bit by bit
piece by piece*
[i.k]

your bones aching, fragile, breakable. awkward, not so gentle reminders that your body has no time for you, that your body didn't ask for you. you, the pathetic, moronic ghost that hides in the shadows of houses, who pretends to be someone completely impossible while expecting people to believe the pretenses you shove towards them, are utterly insane, yet blissfully unaware of the insanity. and it is beautiful, in a way beyond imagination, yet not a single soul understands the pain and sheer terror that once racked through you as you drowned in icy thoughts*
[i.k]