darling you just pulled the trigger,
my brain does the rest of the work for free.

the strongest of us will find hope in the face of uncertainty
as for the rest, well
they can lay beneath the rubble of the cities they've burnt
and left behind
even if the mind sometimes leaps and bounds
to treacherous conclusions
there is more to love than hate
there is always more, and more, and more

i find no satisfaction
playing in the flowers
i need the earth
to sink underneath me
i want to struggle for air
the soil and roots
worms and horrid things
i want to find bodies below us
i want the rot of everything
i want to go deeper
or nowhere at all

there’s not enough room for me
in your present
how can you see me in your future
you’re killing me and
it will only be realized
when it is much too late
and you’ll go back a thousand times to save me
try to do things differently
but you’ll fail
and you’ll fail
and you’ll fail
because you’re stuck somewhere
where i never existed
and i am fading from
the known world
by the
second

there was always a shadow of
something,
but i wasn’t sure of its existence
until i felt the
flutter
under my skin,
a pulse of dead things
brought to life
a cluster of
silent creatures
in the zoo of my body
haunting the tips of my fingers
where i once held you
and a
spark
of remembrance
of things from a past
that has never happened
until you came along
and broke the wall separating dimensions
the universe has exploded in
my night time eyes
and i am even farther away
from the truth
sometimes things are much too great to comprehend
this must be what god is,
if anything at all
this must be a reason
this must be a meaning

you were the reddest,
most delicious apple
and i never had a choice
but to take the first
dangerous
bite