the moment is gone as soon as you catch it
time is a butterfly in constant motion
and it dies when you touch its wings

i remember keeping the shower window open
even when
icicles were forming on the frame
we could see for miles,
the train always passing at inconspicuous hours
you made the water so hot
and we were just so hot

(for each other)

sometimes we would **** but
with you it was making
love
and joked
about how the tiny pinpricks of light
were people watching us
laughing at our
naked, animal
impulses

our sud-soaked bodies
our steaming cold skin that screamed
into the distance whenever
we touched

can't sleep
too many possibilities await me in the
night; the time of lonely wolves
i howl with them

i never understood the sun and its purpose
and when the thoughts come i almost cannot bear
the weight

philosophy is a brave art
but i am curious and fearful of
answers
so i stay,
howling, in the dark.

my form is formless
         -ness
he said i was a strange creature
to be remembered
now and again,
         always

i wonder how i looked
         dancing
with too many chemicals inside of me
my eyes
         wide
                and wandering

i couldn't let go of his hand for days

and in the rarest moments i let myself
slide
         back in time,
i am almost convinced
         that i never did.

i fell into the world like an accidental spill
clean up on aisle 5
          oil spewing into the ocean
i am death and decay in motion,

a wildfire taking down every last breathing tree
         in my careless path

how many times have i been so acquainted with the ground
gravel filling up my throat
stuffing these useless words back into that deep dark somewhere
where everything dies and nothing grows
a fever that's been killing me for days
my brain hot with over-thoughts
a pain that's been killing me for years
a scalpel in the back is nice and steady
but the knife that you hold is red and rusty
i have many scars but none have hurt
as much as yours
death would be nicer
even death would be much nicer

i am the deepest of sorries
that fear rules me like
planets might rule our minds
that i jump into
concrete conclusions
only to slowly chisel my way out
ascending small and ashamed
with the knowledge that i am wrong
yet and yet again
but still afraid because
once in a while
i am right.