the pain i felt
had always been translated into
silent seconds spent
watching my own blood spill over

the pain I feel
is translated into
silent minutes spent
watching as my hand trembles anxiously
to release any toxic feelings
onto a sheet of paper that'll soon be disposed of

the pain I will feel
will translate into
silent hours spent
hearing my insides rattle
and
experiencing my whole world becoming
blurred
from the lack of dryness in my eyes.

the pain I have felt
has made me feel weak

the pain I feel
has made me feel strong

the pain I will feel
will make me
weak,
strong and
tired.

He traced his fingers along my body
With a curled smile
That was filled with lust
And
With eager eyes
That were filled with acceptance and amazement

To think
That someone finds beauty in
What I hate about myself

And

To know
That someone is attracted to not only
The body
But the mind

My voice echoes through a narrow corridor.
Vacant.
My veins slowly begin freezing up into ice.
I feel deeply saddened.
An ache that calls out and receives no reply,
no therapy.
My body shuts down.
As if being controlled by a remote
far out of my reach.
Speak out-
To me.
I ache for someone to tell me it's okay to stop being
strong.
It's okay to be helpless.
For once.
Then
will I feel,
My entire body
Coming alive.
In acceptance.
In fulfillment.
In peace.

All of my pours have opened,
Spilling out a liquid that I didn't know was my own.
My body shudders.
I thought you were vital to me.
But look.
I am still breathing.
A harsh reality that although I was stuck deep in quick sand-
I had a way out.

Everything is calm.
I lay weightless staring up at the ceiling above.
The storm has retreated
And the sun has squeezed between the clouds, revealing its identity.
The windows are open,
Allowing a cool breeze to fight
through the nets.
It smells like earth.
I inhale and close my eyes as the only noises that intrude are those from nature.
The trees stirring,
The wind yelping
In hopes of being heard,
People laughing,
Leaves crunching,
The sun boiling,
The stars hiding dimly,
Everything.
After soaking in my surroundings,
I open my eyes.
I am completely and utterly amazed.
Because for once it seems that...
Everything is calm.