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AJ Oct 2014
It's 10:51
My Philosophy of Science class
Wasn't supposed to end until 11:15.
There is 39 minutes until Accounting.
I don't like this.
Because the cafe will be too full
It would cause a bad attack.
Because I was dumb and didn't take
My anti anxiety meds.
So I have to sit down on a bench in the hallway.
Stairs are a wreck.
My knees just shake.
I took too much of my friend's adderall
Because I never went to sleep.
And I needed to do all of these assignments
And exams
And papers
And swap tragic life stories with Becca
And I only picked at a piece of watermelon for breakfast
And now I have the shakes.
And I'm either really ******* hot
Or really ******* cold.
And I don't know which one.
So I'm just wearing a really warm sweatshirt.
Isn't this great
AJ Sep 2014
1.) Out of the one thousand and ninety-nine days that you were mine, I only regret three of them. The day Brian ***** me on that pool table, the day your dad moved back to Italy and I didn't come over, and the day you put yourself into this hellish suicide coma.
2.) If truth or dare turned two little girls into temporary lesbians, than so be it. Honestly, nothing ever tasted sweeter than you on that night on the bathroom counter at Tim's.
3.) I will grow up to be incredibly cultured all because of you. I learned to look outside the social norm after our late night dates on the roof. Getting high in your lap as you read me poetry, and played me Damien Rice's The Professor & La Fille Danse on repeat was more than enough.
4.) I always thought you were tradition and I was your French Revolution. But now I'm seeing that I was the revolution, and you were the revelation.
5.) You could not sing a single god ****** note. But the only thing I want to hear is your squeaky voice serenading me with our song right now. I promise I won't be annoyed, just finish chorus with me one more  ******* time.
6.) I would have helped you get to your father. I would have helped you. I would have set your mother on fire to avoid this.
7.) I threw up when I got sams phone call about what you had done. And then I screamed at him for an hour.
8.) I won't ask how could you do this to me, because right now I want to do it to you.
9.) Thank you for punching Brian, and I'm sorry you got fired, and I'm sorry your dad left, and I'm sorry your mom hit you, and I'm sorry that I could not kidnap you and bring you to our own private island in the middle of no wear.
10.) You showed me what star you'd become when you died, and told me that if I wished on it you would do your best. I know absolutely nothing about astrology and constellations. But your star is the one thing I find faster than the moon in every night sky.
11.) The last sip of every bottle of ***** I will ever have, will always taste like the last kiss we shared.
I don't know.
I just found out that you died on Sunday.
You took the right combination
Of pills this time.
And that feels wrong,
Because your favorite day was Tuesday.
And your mother didn't even allow
An Obituary in the paper.
And sam and I will never forgive ourselves,
For destroying all you photos.
I have none left to remember you by.

But I found your star in the sky tonight.
AJ Sep 2014
I will be drunk in a few minutes.
It's only noon.
Just the perfect time to throw
Everything up
And out the window again.
The river of blood
From my thighs to the tile
Runs a mere .13% BAC.
AJ Sep 2014
Oh,
Okay,
Wow.
I guess that's just how it ends now.
AJ Sep 2014
Obviously.
It hurts.
I don't like it.
I don't like to say no.
I don't like the pain.
And I used to like the pity.
But I'm not too sure what I want anymore.
I'm not too sure.
AJ Sep 2014
I don't think you know
What it's like to hold a million broken pieces
Of the brightest star of the universe
In your arms at eight in the morning
On the streets of New York City
Outside a woman's clinic.

She needed everything
And he just gave her
Four hundred ninety-eight dollars
And Sixteen sense.
That didn't absolve him from any responsibility.
A combo of a real life experience and The Front Bottoms' song Lone Star.
AJ Sep 2014
Someone write a poem for me
Or about me.
Just stroke my ego or something.
I'm very tired and I need
Something more than coffee
And stale cigarettes
To get me through the rest of this week.
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