I think one of the saddest feelings in the world,
Is when the house you spent your whole life in,
The house you took your first steps in,
The house you grew up in from age 0 to now,
No longer feels like yours.
Your room feels like a hotel room.
And you could never fall asleep in any other bed,
But this bed no longer feels like yours.
And you have to get out,
And you know when you're getting out,
And it doesn't seem fast enough,
But you don't want to leave.
You grew up and SOMEHOW
Became an adult while no one was watching,
But you weren't watching either.
And no one was recording it.
And you're not too certain when the exact moment was.
But suddenly you see the world isn't outside the walls of your town.
The world is your town,
And the rest of the world is actually the universe,
And the universe is actually just a town.
And that is terrifying.

You were told this was perfection.
But isn't it ironic
How that man did not create the universe in seven days,
And you were not born without original sin?
And after that night in the basement
You are definitely no ******.
An attempt at a shotgun wedding
Ends up with a shotgun in your daddy's hand,
A lot of tears,
A few screaming last words,
And the secession from the union.
If I'm being over dramatic you may tell me to stop.
You got an old apartment
Where the thermostat doesn't control anything.
You're crying over the stretch marks,
And he's telling you it's just a permanent reminder
That she was once inside you,
And you guys were one person.
He is giving you a false sense of hope.
He leaves three weeks after Amelia is born,
He runs away with the waitress down at the diner.
She's pregnant too.
It's a boy.
You raise her to the best of your ability,
She is mentally *******.
You do not have the money to take care of her
The way she needs to be taken care of.
You start doing heroine,
You did ******* before you were pregnant.
You end up hitting Amelia every day,
She is only seven.
Your landlord hears you
Screaming at her
When he comes to collect the rent on a saturday morning.
Amelia is taken away.
You are now in the corner.
You're not even crying,
You have drank yourself into a coma.
Congratulations.
You are not waking up.
It's ironic because your ******* name is Mary.
******* it.

If I close my eyes,
And I count to five,
Will your god come down,
And make me feel alive?
If I watch the clock
That's ticking away,
Will I find relief?
Is that safe to say?

If I feel the beats,
Of my heart in my throat,
Will I learn to sing
The most beautiful notes?
If I take one breath,
Strong as hurricanes,
Can I storm away,
Like the sideways rain?

If I take the hand
You graciously offer,
Will the nightmares end?
Please get him off her!
If I tap my foot,
Impatiently so,
How long will it take
For you to let go?

You would think that the breathing would come easier by now.
If you thought that,
You are just so wrong.
Just so ******* wrong.
I'm stuck writing a song
That was only meant to be heard by the deaf,
And the lyrics read by the blind,
Sung by the mute.
They said it will be just fine.
But if words
Could come
Easier
Then life would lose
A bit
Of the fear factor.
But there's no way to describe how it feels
When you realize you parents are actually people,
And the only reason that you're ****** up is yourself,
And it's nobody else's problem.
You can write out the emotion behind
Losing all that you've confided in,
When you lose your other half,
And it wasn't your fault
And you can't stop them all.
You can't fix what you didn't break,
You can only take the fall.
I'm always too hot or too cold,
It's not because I'm getting old.
I've just been overcompensating for the heat that's down here
In the hell I put myself in.
We're all our own Satan.