I have a brightness deficiency
Forever forgetting a world without darkness

My whole life is over saturated
******* all the good parts out until they are all that you see

I have a papery polaroid heart beating inside my chest
Its colors are faded, as they should be

I turn the lights on,
Brighter and Brighter and Brighter
All I see is dusk

I rely on stars and sunlight
Trying to open my eyes wide enough so they can see like everyone else

Maybe my flash is broken
Or I'm the one draining out all the light

You’ll never know anything
Not anything thought by a person
But it can’t make you better and it won’t allow you to worsen

Nobody will know, never anyone at all
Will never know anything
If not proven by law

You’ll never know anything
If it is not a fact
Trust doesn’t exist, nor does any pact

What you choose to believe, think or feel
None of it’s guaranteed, none of its real

I can’t say it’s fake or say it’s not true
I can’t call it a lie but neither can you

There are many things we will never know
But we’ll always think we do
Or is that even so

Dark black
Long time no sees
Or blue and soft

Sandy blonde
Very natural
And a blue-green point of view

Tan skin
Second hand sweaters
Wirsts adorned and decorated

She only makes sense to herself
But she makes everything for everyone else

She’s Lucy

The bottom of my feet have scars on them now
Im burning

Men with shovels
Lining up to pour dirt
They grin as it packs in,
More and more, suffocating all my thoughts

In the ocean, I'm running
I can barely even move, but I stay there
I swim and try to breathe
My lungs fill with water and memories flood my mind

Suddenly a room
Packed with people,
I'm pushed and shoved against hundreds of warm bodies
I crash into walls as I hear the noises of others fabric tearing
I fall down and everything goes silent

My brain begins to collapse as the rest of me melts
My feelings dissolve and outsiders go blind
My eyes are frozen as glass and nothing can break through
My mind begins to shield me from the rest of the world

Inside my head I find my terror
Inside my head I find my escape

Every night I **** myself
Every night I die
Every night I look in the mirror and ask myself why

“Tell me, why are you doing this.”
“Tell me, why are you here.”
“Tell me if others love you, why can’t you love yourself as well”

Every single night I scream
Every night I fight
Every night I am attacked, caused by my own great fright

“Hey you, why do you work so slow and procrastinate”
“Hey you, why do you set goals you’re never gonna follow”
“Hey you, are you ever and I mean ever gonna be good at anything”

Every night a dark dark room
Every night it fills with suicide
Every night my bladed heart beats with ****** pride

“Stab yourself to control your weakness”
“Stab yourself to get rid of the pain”
“Stab yourself, it’s a punishment and a favor”

Every night I am up late
Every night my skin drips red
Every night my soul bleeds out and I feel the blood in my bed

“Let them, let the bad memories flood your brain”
“Let them, let them all be better than you”
“Let them, let them never know you’re effort”

Every morning I am awaken
Every morning I think about my life not taken
Every morning my body covered in scars
Every morning my pain trapped behind bars

Every morning I put on a smile
Every morning I am not fake
Every morning I find my new day worthwhile
Every morning I give and I take

Every morning my blood is dry
Every morning my skin sewn anew
Every morning I don’t have to lie
Every morning when the world is blue

I will be back again tonight
I’ll scream and twist and shout and fight
I’ll stab and cut until I die
And I’ll **** myself, at least I’ll try

The reaper I know, he’s come before
And tonight he’ll be back right at my door
We will rejoice together and soak up our sorrow
But then he’ll leave again tomorrow

Every night I know I die
So every morning I ask myself why
If every night I lie their dead
How am I now alive instead

Every morning given a second chance
And not even until night do I give it a thought or a glance
I am my own enemy and my own greatest strife
Every day I’m given a gift from my old friend life

Life, this is a love letter to you
For all the great things you’ve done and will do
Because I know I’ll **** myself tonight
But tomorrow morning I’ll be alright

Through all my living, you’ve given me a skill
I’ve cheated death once, and again I will

I’m not curious
I’m not thirsty for answers
I don’t need to know the things I do

My secret passions are not my own
My heart doesn’t lie in the heart of knowledge
I never wanted to know everything

My plan wasn’t to take it this far
But I’ve made it to the point of no return
You can’t learn this much and stop

But I promise you I’m not desperate
I’m not looking for anything-
Anything other than a cure
A cure for my worst fear

And I, well I fear boredom