I talk to him sometimes,
When no-one's home,
I tried today
I pretend to hear him,
In my footfall,
It was almost too hard
He's there,
The moon on my sheets,
But you wanted me to try
I can't help crying sometimes,
When I imagine him breathing,
Do you think about it?
I remember that feeling,
Of weight on my shoulders,
When I'm alone
I fall into the cold,
Like a makeshift embrace,
*Do you wish you could stop me?

I don't concentrate,
When the world is moving on,
Without me,
Without you,
When you aren't speaking,
All I think about,
Are the unspoken words,
I long to hear

When you're around,
The complex and unforgiving world,
Seems so simple,
So beautiful,
I can believe there is such thing,
As happiness,
Because when you smile,
I don't have to pretend

I wonder,
At the world,
Far more beautiful,
Drowned in rainfall,
Than the too-bright sunshine,
I wonder,
Where is the happiness?

Lying awake,
Night after night,
This one particularly painful,
Much worse, too restless,
Forcing me to resort,
To child-like comforts,
To ease the pain,
Of fresh, bleeding wounds,
And substitute the lack,
Of welcomed restraint, of warmth,
That comes from the person,
Who can't offer it,
At this most eminent moment,
While I suffer,
Bleeding, breaking,
In silence

You walked me through the gardens,
Past the ***-heads,
Fuming from their ears,
I see roses,
Remember the roses,
Beside you,
Keeping my hands,
Locked within themselves,
The stone monument cold,
Unforgivably firm,
"Show me"
I refuse,
But with time,
Present my scars,
Stifling tears,
Anchored by your arms,
Watching white roses,
*"I'm sorry"

Staring down halls,
Of hollowness,
Alone in my past,
Defiant of the future,
Wondering,
Who am I?

So confused,
In my state,
Of hollow despair,
Who are we,
To judge,
Or claim insight,
Into the minds,
Of others,
When we do not know,
Our own

I'm wondering why,
God betrayed religion,
So blatantly,

Why there's nothing,
The doctors can do,
Absolutely nothing,

Why they never told me,
"He hasn't got long",

Why I won't be able to say,
"I love you",
Enough times,
Before his blood runs cold,

Why the air doesn't fill me,
With life,
But with nausea,

*Couldn't it all just be okay?

I am desperate for that tender, hungry touch
and the heavy gasp of his saturated lungs,
as he burns me with the fire of his stare
and the hot sting of his palms
cools like tingling fever on my skin.

Find me in the snow,
You'll be seconds,
Too late,
The winter's calling,
Could you hear the darkness,
You never felt the darkness,
Pulling me away

Sometimes I wonder,
Who I would be,
Without the hollowness,
If I were not,
Haunted by despair,
Would you be here,
Would I be so willing,
To give it all up,
For nothing,
Would I fall,
Shatter and remain,
Broken and desperate,
As I've done for years,
Endless years that blur,
Into milleniums,
Could I feel,
So torn,
As I do whenever I inhale,
The stale air,
Breathing without purpose,
Slowly dying,
Perishing in the dark and cold,
That is the world around me,
Would I be anything,
Without my disposition

Slipping,
I am slipping,
Beyond the safety,
Of the surface,
Sinking,
Into the weightlessness,
Of transparent blue-green,
That consumes me,
And I drown,
With you,
In my subconcious

Utter defeat,
Bleeds like poison,
from these futile tears,
Carelessness,
Is all he has to offer,
Closer to the door,
With every second,
My words,
Can no longer hold him back,
I know I mean nothing,
From the moment he leaves,
I carry the weight,
Of worthlessness

You're my dream,
my immutable love.

Your grasp,
Like that of Death's own,
So unforgiving and harsh,
Around my fragile wrists,
You pierce my veins,
With your hateful tone,
Spilling my blood,
It drips, drips, drips,
Around us onto the floor,
Where you leave me,
Laughing in echos,
You're not sorry,
You go against sorrow with every move,
With every broken bone,
With every torn heart and shed tear,
You use me as your excuse,
To create this torturous pain,
That you abandon me with