Did you believe it,
When I smiled

The last time I saw him,
He was sick,
He was dying,
Surrounded by white,
A blank room of white,
Sharp and impersonal,
He couldn't speak,
I couldn't speak,
I never said goodbye

When it's cold,
I remember the way,
His voice caught,
On the wind,
And drifted,
Into the sky

Are you really,
Going to leave me,
Like this

Goodbye,*
It sounds like forever

I never meant,
For things to change,
I'd take it all back,
If only I could,
Just to make you smile,
Just to keep you here,
A moment longer

I don't want you to die,
I would give everything,
To keep you alive

I want to help you,
Please don't push me away,
I need you,
I want you to stay,
I'll still be here,
We don't have to change

A promise,
I will never hate you,
A lie,
I don't care at all,
A question,
How am I supposed to feel,
A truth,*
I need you

All I ever wanted,
Was for us to be,
Alive,
I don't want to be,
Alone,
I need you,
Please don't let me go

I'll regret living,
Every second,
That you're gone

How am I supposed,
To do this,
On my own

I guess I'm not suprised,
I always knew this had to end,
But I never thought,
It would be like this,
I never expected,
You would give up so fast

I was so careful,
To keep things,
The way they were,
To stop us,
From changing,
I chose my words,
Thinking they would keep us,
Stable,
But we're falling apart,
And once you're gone,
You won't come back

In this moment,
It's as though time,
Has ceased,
I am frozen,
But the world keeps moving

It's just another disappointment,
And if we're being honest,
You weren't being honest,
I'm not sure I should even care

A truth,
I was cold

Love is a tragedy,
It is not safe or sweet,
It is cruel and cold,
Love is painful,
Layered with sorrow,
Love brings bloodshed,
Leaving scars in its wake,
Love is misunderstanding,
It tears us apart,
With confusion,
Love is broken,
Hollowness masked,
By the falsehood of joy,
Love is a promise,
Broken and abandoned,
Regarded as lies,
Well-intended lies,
Love is a pretence,
On which we lay our lives,

*Love is a tragedy

Tell me how,
To numb the pain,
To fill the emptiness,
And stop the bleeding

Sometimes,
I feel dead,
My fingertips,
Are blue and cold,

Sometimes,
I feel nothing,
Not even when he's here,
Beside me,

Sometimes,
I am hollow,
And only the pain,
Can mask the emptiness,

Sometimes,
I can't breathe,
And just as I begin,
To fade away,
Something pulls me back

I held my breathe,
And watched your eyes,
As you counted the scars

Is it wrong,
For me to expect,
The truth

Save me,
But what is there to save,
There is no life here,
It has been gone for years,
You can only postpone,
The inevitable,
For so long,
But I ask,
Selfishly, I ask,
Save me,
Before I breathe my last

What hurts the most,
Is not the lies,
What hurts the most,
Is that I failed to see,
Something wasn't right

Walking,
Down grey city streets,
I don't feel the cold anymore,
I don't feel the rain,
There's brightness somewhere,
Beside me,
It's coming to an end,
Faltering along the way,
There is emptiness,
There is hunger,
But for something,
Other than the obvious

Life is like the sky,
Each day a different shade,
Of blue or grey,
There are times of joy,
Bright summers,
And gradual deteriations,
Into frost-bitten winters,
Many are blessed by joy,
The presence of the sun,
But it seems I am lost,
In an endless winter

Sleeping,
Under the silence of rain,
In attempt to escape,
A world of tomorrows

When we waste away,
What's left of our lives,
Will you turn back,
And remember,
We used to be something,
There wasn't always emptiness,
The blood never showed before,
But we could never run from this forever

I don't want to,
Be different,
I don't want to hear,
That it will be okay,
I'm not looking for,
Meaning or purpose,
Like I used to,
I've given up,
On hope and happiness,
They're just words,
We throw around,
A little acceptance,
Is all I need,
Followed by,
A resolution

I bleed,
I break,
I am,
Empty

Surrounded and alone,
With the words,
Staring back at me,
I won't let you down,
I let you down

The black of night,
Against cold blue skin,
Purple fingertips,
Brushed,
With bright crimson,
Cold and red,
Empty and blue

The sky,
Was a mournful grey,
Spattered,
With modest blues,
Behind the red sun,
When two,
Became one

A rainbow sky,
From violet,
And marigold,
To tourmaline hues,
A golden moon,
With streetlight stars

How can I turn it all off,
Witout giving up?

It's the weight,
Of gravity,
On my empty frame,
The way the world,
Blurs into black,
Even though my eyes,
Are wide open,
It's the stillness,
Of my reflection,
Though I'm still breathing,
This is why,
I'm bleeding

It's not my perception,
I still see everything,
Through the same black haze,
It's everything else,
The things I cannot change,
That pull me deeper,
Into suffocation,

I'm not giving up,
But I'm not fighting,
Anymore

What is a day,
To the dead?

Emptiness,
With pain,
Laced around the edges,
Becomes my destruction,
In the midst,
Of this confusion,
A delicate state,
On the borders,
Of dead and dying

Have you ever,
Needed someone,
Like oxygen,
He was oxygen,
To me,
But he left me,
Broken and empty,
He turned,
And let me bleed

Temptation burns,
Through my veins,
Longing to bleed,
Bleed and scar,
There is no light,
In this tunnel

It's never enough,
To simply be,
Sorry,
You're already,
Broken

I know it's wrong,
And I never tried,
Hard enough,
To stop bleeding,
But the scars,
Hide the hollowness,
And the blood,
Quenches my thirst,
For anything tangible,
As I get worse,
And the wounds get deeper,
I will make you believe,
This is better

I put my faith,
In the monster,
The broken boy,
With the heavy heart,
Why can't he see,
That a monster,
Would have let me,
Bleed

People say it's all,
In our minds,
Over-dramatised,
But this,
Is bigger than us,
And they never saw,
The bloodshed

Three weeks on,
And I'm still terrified,
Of waking up,
To darkness

When I die,
Will you hold on,
To what we had,
For I live,
In fear,
Of forgetting

Red and white,
Depictions of futility,
Make this existance,
Pointless