Girls like her are always bad news...

They will play with your heart.
They will toy with your mind.
They will drink you down like a shot of tequila.
They will make you forget any other girl who caught your fancy.
They will devour your soul.
They will shred your spirit.
They will drain you of your all.
They will make you lose your will to live.

Falling in love with a girl like her will feel like being pushed from a great height, to your inevitable death.
You will still think it was worth it, when you see that smile.

The rain starts to beat down on the windows again.
You'd begun to forget what it sounded like, it had been so long.
All the leaves are turning brown and the garden is bereft of the colours it used to sport.
You'd spent so much time planting your flowers try to make something in your life beautiful.
Everyone is bringing out their woolly jumpers again to protect themselves from the bitter coldness.
You'd never managed to tan your milky skin the natural way anyway.
Autumn is coming.
And Autumn leads to Winter.
You'd never liked Winter.
It reminded you of me.
It reminds me of you too.

Feeling is so crucial.
Our first real sense.
In the mental and the physical sense.
As I feel your arms around me, I feel safe.
As you feel me so close to you, I don't know what you feel.
Do you feel?
Are you capable?
Or is it a skill only I possess.
It feels more like a curse.
It feels like one. But it isn't.
Can you feel this? Or this?
I know you can feel it physically.
The look on your face tells me how much you can feel it.
How much you enjoy it.
But can you feel it?
In your head? In your heart? In your soul?
My mind would be at ease,
If I knew you felt something
Underneath your flawless skin.
If you had intangible feelings
As well as ones that occur
When I caress the curves of your body.
I hope I'm wrong about you.
Your feelings and intentions.
I hope you do have them, and good ones at that.
To feel is a wonderful thing.
It holds so much significance in our lives.
Obviously more in mine than yours.
And for that, I feel so used.

We are sisters in the least emotional sense of the word.
I have my life and she has hers.
Those two lives rarely collide.
When they do its full of awkward silences and small talk.

Today she took me drinking.
She bought me pints and shared her baccy.
Because her little sister is all grown up now.
Drinking and smoking, just like her.
So why not bond over it.

And for once today
I felt like she saw me
As a real person,
And not the little girl
That stole her dad away from her.

I watch him smoke cigarette after cigarette
And think about how lucky I am
To share myself with such a person
Who can stimulate such joy and passion
In such an emotionally closed off person.