yearning eats at me
like maggots eat at the dead;
ever gnawing at the flesh of my body.
i tear into your heart as softly as i can; feather light bites surround your lungs.
seeds i planted in you grow from your mouth; i will rip them out with my tongue.
my heart embodied in yours; i try to feel again through you with you for you always you
you you you you you you yo u yo u y o u y ou  y  o u  y o uy o uy o u y    ou  y   o     u yo   u
let me inside you let me break you apart looking for myself let me tear open your heart to retrieve mine
let me knock down your walls finding myself let me love you every bit of you let me hear everything you want hidden
me me me me me emememe ememem emememe memememememem em me me me em me me me me me m   e   m e  e

I yearn to tear down your walls like I tear at the skin on my lips. Biting and yanking until I can taste the metallic blood. I will caress your mind like my tongue wets my mouth. I will apply various healing products until I find the one that works for you (hopefully it will be my light words and soft touches). I won't let your mind crack and break and chap. I know I shouldn't be so vicious getting through the walls you've built around you; I know it's selfish to tear up your mind the way I tear up my body. The curiosity and the instinct for experience take over and I might leave you wanting more even though it will show on your face you aren't healthy. Everyone tells me it's dehydration that causes this. For me, of water and for you, of me. Even though I drink and drink and drink to quench this thirst, the craving can not be satisfied. When I rub my lips together, they’re like sandpaper. I hope that's not what you feel when I decimate the protective layer of you. That is, only if you let me. I'm this force you didn't see coming. I appeared one day with a subtle joke and a cryptic smile. I found the flaw that planning from the inside causes. The soft edges and rough area in between, keeping visitors from delving to close into obscure secrets you don't want said out loud. But I can hear you through the concrete and pain. I will destroy what little security you have from a storm like me. I will destroy myself finding you. And once found, so easy to lose again. Forgive me when I leave; don’t forgive me when I run (although I will want you to). I want to know that I can come back, and you will still want me. I can speak easy with you and the words from my abrasive mouth will flow over and heal your cuts from the broken bricks like the water tries to heal my biting teeth and corrosive mind. It won’t help either of us. It will take us in, and we will be fooled into thinking this false invulnerability will save us both. It won’t. I will come back. I won’t disappear forever no matter how much you want me gone. I will be the acerbic thought in your mind and taste in my mouth.

Maybe it's the haze of the honeymoon stage
So much to learn and so little time
Never wanting to sleep
So the day will never end.
What a wonderful day it was.!
I forgot about him the day we started talking.
Maybe it's terrible to neglect his feelings and
Forget about the way I felt for him in this honeymoon stage of hardly repressed smiles and jittery nerves.
But even if i do still have feelings, there's nowhere for them to go. Not for him.
But for you, they are blooming;
you could be the first evergreen in a former garden of ephemeral deciduous.

rain and fog in the early morning
sunsets and sunrises
dew on flowers and grass
the moon on a clear night
winter’s chill after heating your skin by a fireplace
summer’s humidity after chilling by a vent
the seagulls calling at the beach
thunder and lightning over the ocean
the first taste of lemonade on a hot day
falling onto your bed after a long day
cuddling up to watch a move
hot chocolate
road trips
the smell of dirt overwhelming your senses
the first blossoms in spring
taking off wet clothes
quenching thirst
putting on chapstick
instrumentals
clean sheets
scars you know will never fade but made you who you are
falling for you

my love for you grows stronger the more we are farther apart

my favorite colour was yellow for three years because it was his (he seemed like happiness)

the idea of you wasn’t as beautiful as the actualization

I swear I used to be so independent (just because he fills my thoughts doesn’t invalidate that)

the number one thing I imagine is your arms

I know I don’t need him; he compliments me so well

I write about him so much because he fills me with the most emotion

I write about him so much it fills me with the most emotion

you got upset your zodiac is a sheep; your mind’s wool keeps me safe like a blanket

I want to stop writing about him, but my fingers keep typing the name

will this pass like every second that goes by

I am my own soul mate

you don’t have to leave (even after everyone tells you to)

parts of me remind me of you

can I be close to you

is it plausible I don’t want your penitence

my mind is in the clouds and the stars are in my eyes

I’m not going to buy a new house when one lightbulb stops working

I can’t fix you (I shouldn’t have to)

this is called bittersweet

where do we go from here

At first, whenever I saw you I was very hyper.
Now it seems that has transferred to you while I stay calm. (is this how you felt)
I feel like I need assurance you actually want to talk to me.
I thought I had it until you shook me to my core.
Now I’m so anxious you might lose interest at any time.
I don’t show affection the same way you do.
You have all these facile, cheesy lines (they make me smile),
but I’m not good at showing emotion in public.
I’m not as free as I text;
I’m usually so erratic and engaging.
In person, I can’t find the words for discourse.
I could honestly just look at you;
memorize every curve of your face,
the colour of your eyes,
how you smile,
the way you look at me
(you look right through me).
I show my affection through a series
of distant smiles and longing glances.
(I’ve started hearing your voice in my head when I’m alone)

the scent of you that lingers when you leave
your smile and the sound of your laughter
your quirky humor that challenges me not to smile
the way you got me to open up like early spring flowers
stupid things you did as a child
the thoughtfulness you express that others don’t
good morning texts
acting childish with me
stuffed animals
staying up late (I worry sometimes)
cheesy lines
acceptance I’ve never experienced
chess (1-1)
anything that hasn’t happened and everything that did
when you say you won’t leave
your music taste
that one time you skipped down the hallway
answering so fast
afternoon naps
your voice
puns (I only got so addicted because you started using them)
nicknames only you could get away with